In the Abstinence-Only Sex Education Class

[MineralMan]

Teacher: OK, students. Do you have any questions about what we have discussed?

Student: Yes, I've heard of orgasms. What are those?

Teacher: An orgasm is one of the most powerfully pleasurable sensations a married human being can experience. It can occur in different circumstances having to do with the subject of this class. However, no matter how exquisitely pleasurable it might be, you are not allowed to experience an orgasm until you are married. Abstinence means that orgasms are reserved for married couples. You may not have an orgasm until you are married, despite its intense pleasurable nature.

Student: But what is an orgasm, and how do they happen?

Teacher: I will not discuss that in this class. You will find out when you are married, and not before. Under no circumstances will you have an orgasm until you are married, since you will abstain from sex until then. You will just have to wait and find out for yourself when you marry. Next question, please.

[DetlefK]

1. Luckily, teenagers don't know what masturbation is either.

To quote Jeff from the comedy-series Coupling:
"I wish I were gay, then all this masturbation would be practice for the real stuff."

[MineralMan]

8. We don't discuss that disgusting topic in our class!

No self-respecting, chaste, abstinent teen would engage in such an activity. Just keep your hands to yourselves....uh...I mean just keep your hands away from your private parts...uh...I mean, well, just don't do that!

[niyad]

2. PLEASE tell me this is from the Onion

[MineralMan]

6. Nope. I wrote it myself, exclusively for DU.

[niyad]

10. the scary thing is, that is probably exactly the sort of thing being said.

[MineralMan]

11. And that's why it's funny.

The students in those classes must be rolling their eyes and suppressing giggles the whole time.

[niyad]

3. my favourite comment on sex ed, from that idiot beverly lehaye (concerned women for america,

an organization run by men) who said, on a talk show one afternoon, 'if we don't teach our teenagers about sex, they won't do it". needless to say, her remark was greeted with howls of laughter and derision. the host (and I believe it was donahue) looked at her and said, "you don't actually believe that, do you?" she did.

[Warpy]

4. PRUDES always think like that

which is why we need to keep them away from education and other harmful things.

Now kids are going to have to learn all about sex from other kids who don't know what they're talking about and we'll have another generation of 15 year old mothers who thought Summer's Eve would prevent babies.

[niyad]

5. this is truly disheartening.

[jehop61]

7. Ha, ha

This is pretty much verbatim what the nuns told us 50 odd years ago. P.S. It was already too late!

[MineralMan]

9. I have no doubt that you are right.

They may even have believed it. However, public school teachers most certainly know better.