Women: I have a sex question.

[leftyladyfrommo]

If you could just take a pill that makes you more interested in sex, would you take it? Would you want to take it?

I just saw a study about some drug that makes women more interested in sex. My first thought was that men must have developed it.

I'm getting pretty disgusted with all the women as sex objects stuff. I would really like to be able to just carry on my daily life, getting my stuff done, without sex always being a factor in there somewhere.

My main goal in life certainly isn't to be a hot chick.

[Brickbat]

1. It depends.

I'm not sure what "interested in sex" means in this context. There are side-effects from drugs such as antidepressants that lower libido and make it difficult to achieve orgasm, and maybe something like this could be helpful.

But otherwise, yeah, I agree with you. I can only imagine the marketing.

[leftyladyfrommo]

2. I think it is kind of a viagra for women.

But your point is well taken. I hadn't thought about that.

[Brickbat]

6. Yeah, if it's a Viagra-like thing that increases blood flow to the genital area and does whatever

else Viagra does, it could be helpful for women who, because of medication, injury or even psychological issues, just aren't feeling like they think they should.

BUT. I totally hear you as far as the message. WHY AREN'T YOU FEELING SEXY, WIMMINS? Gosh, could it be because of the constant message that nothing we do -- how we dress, what we eat, whether we work or not, even whether we're sexually available enough or too much -- is right?

[brush]

72. I have it on good authority that . . .

. . . most women are just as interested in sex as men, in subtler ways, yes. Otherwise, humans would have went the way of the dinosaurs eons ago.

[TeeYiYi]

3. You don't enjoy sex? ...nt

TYY

[leftyladyfrommo]

8. Honestly? I'm sick of this everything being about sex.

Women should be able to go to work and just work. Not have to be constantly aware of all the sexual overtones to everything. Or go to the store. Or anywhere.

The older I get the more my tolerance for unwanted sexual behavior diminishes.

[leftyladyfrommo]

10. I really would like to be able to have a conversation with a man

that is just a conversation about interesting stuff. Without sex entering into the conversation. I would like to be able to have good men friends that are just friends.

It's no wonder so may women really like to have gay guy friends. It's just a lot more fun.

[randome]

13. But that's what DemocraticUndergound is for!

[hr]
[font color="blue"][center]Stop looking for heroes. BE one.[/center][/font]
[hr]

[HappyMe]

14. I have a couple of straight male friends.

We have decent conversations and there are no sexual overtones.

[pipi_k]

29. Less complicated, too...

I think Mr Pipi thinks I'm kidding when I tell him that if anything ever happened to him and I couldn't handle being here alone, I would find a gay male housemate.

[FreeState]

85. Gay guys talk about sex just as much as straight men n/t

[leftyladyfrommo]

88. POh, I know. But it's different talking about it when

it's not aimed at you. It's not personal and it's not directed at you. And that makes a big difference.

[sabrina 1]

128. I have lots of male friends and never feel any sexual overtones in our conversations.

If I get a feeling of unwanted sexual overtones, it's easy, I just walk away. Maybe you are mixing with the wrong people, for you? Some women LIKE sexual overtones in every encounter with men, and if that's what they want, that is their choice. That's what women's equality is all about, choices.

But it definitely is possible to have male friends with any sexual overtones and even more possible to walk away from situations you are not interested in.

[hfojvt]

19. in what way are you constantly aware of sexual overtones?

Why don't you feel free to ignore whatever you want to ignore?

[bettyellen]

31. because with many people, you are forced to acknowledge them and turn them down.....

and then there are bad feelings.
A lot of guys get the idea that if you are really nice to them, it's an invitation to more. And they start with the guilt "but you like meeee" or why do you like that jerk and not me?" as if sex is some favor we should dole out because they put effort into a friendship. Or we should feel guity about not being able to turn on and off feelings to suit his preference.
Most of my friends are men, and it happens often enough, but most guys get past it. But at work, ugh. Sucks having that happen at work.

[hfojvt]

36. I am trying to empathize

and failing.

Imagine if I wrote that

A lot of women get the idea that if you are really nice to them, it's an invitation to more.

I am trying to see a way this could be a problem, a handicap, a disadvantage, but I cannot see it.

I mean, it would be a huge step UP for me if I met even ONE woman every five years who could even consider the slightest possibility of sex with me without it triggering her gag reflex. Even one out of a thousand would be a huge step up.

What I find is the other side. Women seem to feel they need to start out right away being nasty to me, so I won't get the idea that I can follow them home like a lost puppy.

Which is true, of course. Many, many women could probably take me home just by snapping their fingers. It's not like I am hard to get. Although I did, in my younger days, and now consider it to have been lunacy, ignore a couple of girls who were interested in me - even interested enough to let me know it.

But at the same time, neither am I pushy or forward. Like I always say "I am easy to get rid of, hundreds of girls have done it." It's highly unlikely that I will be THAT into you, until we get deep into our relationship. Which for me takes a long time. I once saw two co-workers meet, move in together and break up in a three month span, and I was thinking, dang, at this point I am barely learning this girl's name.

I mean, I could work up the nerve to ask a woman out, or send her a valentine or something (and probably say something inappropriately mushy) but she says no, as expected, and I move on. It's not like the 10,000th rejection is gonna destroy my world any more than the first 9,999 did.

As for work, I feel it is very important to be very careful at work. Much as it sucks, I can live without a woman. It's much, much harder to live without a job.

[BainsBane]

94. Some men are overly persistent

even after repeatedly being told no.

[bettyellen]

97. has it occured to you how dismissive you are of other people's concerns? i have yet to

hear you respond to anyone's posts about issues except to say that your problems are bigger, or more important.
You pretend as if you want to talk about something, but leverage it into bitching and moaning about your own life. Guess what? We were talking about our problems, not your (totally different, OT) problems!! That is rude, get a clue!

This dismissive (and totally self involved) attitude is always going to repel people. You'd hate it too if someone took everything you said to them as an invitation to whine and navel gaze. It sure doen't make for interesting conversation here either.

[Starry Messenger]

116. +++

[bettyellen]

118. I'm trying to be kind about it. But to hear the incessant complaints and not one real word of

interest (let alone empathy) shown towards anyone else? Not ever?
I hope that's not his MO in real life, but it would explain a whole lot.

[Threedifferentones]

160. The other poster's point boils down to "the grass is always greener."

Ya, he is male. But judging from the amount of adds and products sold to women to help them be or appear thin and/or wrinkle-free there are a lot of women who are practically desperate to have the same "problem" as the OP.

I can't speak to any one person's behavior, and I have no doubt that a lot of men have treated the OP like an object devoid of thought and personality. A lot of people will act in devious and selfish ways to get what they want. But that does not mean having a lot of people want sex from you is a problem. It isn't like those selfish jerks would suddenly be her friend and listen thoughtfully to what she has to say. They would instead basically ignore her and go hit on the pretty women, and so the problem is clearly selfish and inconsiderate people, not being pretty or being female.

[bettyellen]

173. actually, lots of guys keep trying, needling away. I'm really good at ignoring them, but I know it

makes a lot of women super uncomfortable to the point where they schedule their shit to avoid certain people or situations.
I can relate to some extent, because I felt that way at work the few times I was harassed. You don't have a lot of good options when it's your boss. A lot of women freak out when they hear how extensively I have travelled alone- they cannot imagine ever feeling secure enough to do that. Truth be told, a few times I was so badly and constantly harassed I wish I hadn't gone at all.

[hfojvt]

129. I said I tried, didn't I?

It's hard not to be dismissive when somebody's concern is "all these people want to have sex with me".

That just does not sound like a problem to me.

Again, consider yourself perhaps being on the other side of that. You'd really think you were better off if nobody wanted to have sex with you?

I think I would hate it too if someone took something I said to them as an invitation to tell me what a self involved a$$hole I was.

Maybe that IS the problem though. Instead of sharing my own stories with people, I should instead respond to them by telling them how clueless and repulsive they are.

That is probably the way to get more offers for sex.

[bettyellen]

171. I never said repulsive, but your hostility IS pretty darned off putting. As is your complete

inability to recognize or respect for one slim second that other people have problems too and they don't need you to shit on them for discussing them. Getting hit on by people at work can be a problem, (We get fired for not fucking our bosses) being harassed and constantly treated like nothing more than a rack and a mop of hair *and being told you're lucky for it* is fucked up. These are actual real problems women face. You should be smart enough to figure out that when hundreds of women talk about it, and say it bothers them- it IS a problem. Why drag your sorry ass into the equation instead of just listening and accepting?

Life is not a contest over who's problems are bigger, you know. When people have discussions and you *change the subject to poor you* it says to them that you imagine your shit is more important than theirs 24/7 they are damned well going to run and hide from you. And not because THEY are $hallow, but because you are devaluing their concerns, and show no real interest in their happiness.

It would appear your big interest is not getting to actually know anyone, but somehow magically get offers for sex, LOL. No wonder you think it takes $$. It does, if you are going to be that kind of a jerk 24/7 you would have to get yourself a gold digger or a prostitute. Your average woman is not going to put up with having her concerns dismissed or listening to this incessant whining. I doubt that YOU wouldn't put up with it, and you claim to be pretty desperate.

[Sheldon Cooper]

182. Awesome!!

The perfect response.

[Laelth]

216. Big boys don't cry.

Yes, we know. Feel free to ignore us and dismiss us when we do.

-Laelth

[bettyellen]

219. The poster ignores and dismisses others out of hand.

Yet expects a rapt audience for his whining. Funny how he expects that, is all.
If someone expects others to listen respectfully, they should try it themselves sometime.

[Chan790]

102. A counterpoint...

perhaps we really just don't want to be friends...I'm way more picky about who I befriend than I am about who I sleep with. What precisely makes women think they're entitled to friendship?

A lot of women think if they're nice to you but subsequently make it clear they're not sexually-interested in you that you must stick around; they're entitled to your friendship. Then they start with the "why can't we be friends?" (I have enough friends) or "why are you choosing her over me?" (Who said her and I are friends? We're casual short-term bedmates.) as if friendship is some favor we should dole out because they put some effort into conversation after I hit on them. Or we should feel guilty about not being interested without a sexual motivation, to suit her preference. Some of my friends are female...but they know we're friends because I want to be their friend and they want to be my friend. Some of them I've slept with and some of them I'd never sleep with and some of them there is non-mutual interest (them for me or me for them)...but sexual-attraction has nothing to do with friendship: The two roads do not intersect, merge or divide. (I decided within 5 minutes of meeting what potential-relationships were available. Sociologists indicate this is probably true of most-everybody and is immutable.) Some women I'm interested in sexually, fewer I'm interested in for friendship and some are both.

[bettyellen]

107. Do you really have people trying to force friendship on you? That's sort of bizarre! I don't find

that happens too frequently. When you don't show interest or reciprocate, the relationship whithers pretty easily.
At any rate, I have found that some people don't interact with others unless there's something in it for them (in this case, the potential for sex) and it's not always apparent. People do move at different speeds, and many can also handle dissapointment from a crush without pressing the issue or dumping their "friend". But many do try to make you feel guilty or get upset about their hopes being dashed. I just can't imagine reacting that way myself, but it happens.

[raccoon]

114. Amen to that--"some people don't interact with others unless there's something in it for them"nt

[HiPointDem]

131. most. maybe all.

[bettyellen]

172. I think people find me odd because I just like listening to people. Love when they share stories and

stuff, and often want nothing more. I'm kind of freaky that way.

[HiPointDem]

208. then you get something out of it. that's my point.

[bettyellen]

220. True- but they do too, usually.

[HiPointDem]

236. yes. which proves the point. most (all?) people don't associate with people unless

they get something out of it.

what they get out of varies, but basically you avoid encounters that you don't get anything out of.

[redqueen]

191. I'm perplexed by the idea that anyone could be attracted to someone they don't like.

I just don't get that. At all.

I don't care how hot they are. I've even cut off relationships with ridiculously good looking guys over personality issues. It's just not possible for me to be interested in people I don't like, so I simply cannot relate to it. At all.

[bettyellen]

195. Oh I can. Usually not assholes, but occasionally people I could care less about or mesh with can

occasionally seem really sexy to me. It's not about looks, but some weird spark. But there can be absolutely nothing more to it.

[redqueen]

196. Oh well yeah, I can find them attractive... I just could never actually want to have sex with them.

That's where I get all about it.

[bettyellen]

197. I'm talking about wanting to have sex with them, but kinda knowing it's only about some weird spark

or feeling in a moment. *Marlena Deitrich voice* "I khaant help it..."

[smirkymonkey]

174. I have a little problem with that too.

I happen to be a very friendly, kind woman. However I am not flirty or overtly sexual, yet some men seem to see it as a come on.

I feel like I can't win. If I am nice, I am a tease. If I am standoffish, I am a bitch. Sometimes, I just don't want to interact with people at all. You know, sometime, people are just nice and that is it. It does not mean anything more than that. I am pretty sick of people projecting their own shit on to me.

[leftyladyfrommo]

189. I'm too nice.

I kept attracting impotent guys that just wanted to see if they could get it to work this time. They used me because I didn't laugh at them.

That was just plain weird. And not fun at all.

[n00b]

198. Same here, and I'm not even that friendly

Don't forget the men you would LIKE to talk to, but they're so nervous around you they clam up and flee. Especially if they're married.

You're right, you can't win. Everything is about sex, sex, sex until you turn 50. And even then it doesn't end if you're remotely still attractive. But at least younger men act a little more comfortable around you.

Now my daughter is going through it, and she says it would be so much easier just being a lesbian or having gay male friends. And she's only 21.

Frankly, I wish there were a pill that made men less horny.

[hrmjustin]

200. Welcome to DU my friend!

[n00b]

202. Thanks!

Was I supposed to introduce myself somewhere? (I've actually gotten chewed out for not doing that on other forums).

[hrmjustin]

203. No Not at all! I am part of the welcome wagon. After 10 posts you will be able to start you own

Threads. Enjoy DU my friend!

[leftyladyfrommo]

231. And then you turn 60 and become invisible.

That's not completely true. I still have some older men that would be interested. But now I'm not.

I'm happy with my life. It's peaceful where I live. Being asexual has some real benefits.

I've often thought I would have been a lot better off if I was lesbian. But they have all kinds of problems in their intimate relationships, too.

[Thor_MN]

218. Flip side

I am currently having issues with a female coworker. She is young enough to be my daughter, her son is closer in age to her than she to me. If we were closer in age, I could see the possibility of being interested in her more than just friends, but the age gap is too large. I'm closer in age to her father than her, and she is the youngest of her siblings.

We have been very good friends in and out of work, but our manager told me at my last review that we talk too much at work and go off on non-work related tangents. She was temporarily located in an office next to the managers office. So I stopped going to her desk, unless it was work related (we are normally in a cube jungle). Somehow, this turned, in her mind, that I was upset with her. She is a single parent and started dating someone out-of-state last fall. Since then, I can do nothing right, regardless of what I say about work projects, I'm wrong. We do approach solutions from different mindsets and our collaboration has produced some dramatic results for the company. We have worked well together in the past, but now I'm wrong, regardless of rational thought and proven results where my solution fixed the problem and hers did nothing. It seems that if I take a position, she is going to find something contrary.

She now has it stuck in her head that I am terribly upset that she is dating and there is some drama filled reason that I don't talk to her. I'm to the point that I don't even want to talk to her as I'm tired of having defend my every decision in programming. I don't even feel like saying anything when leaving for the day, because I don't want to argue if I'm leaving the building or not. Fortunately, she is moving on to the system that is replacing the legacy system that we have worked on for the last 5 years. However, we do borrow some of her time back to work on some limited aspects of the legacy system. The team that existed is breaking up as people move on to different projects, but she and our manager seem to think that "the team" must be preserved at all costs. Unfortunately, her desk is now in the same quad cube as mine.

So not every situation is about a woman being relentlessly pursued (sorry to exaggerate) and some are about the mere notion that they must be being pursued. There are men that would go after a snake, and there are men that would do a rock pile if they thought there was a snake in it, but not all men are chasing all women.

[bettyellen]

225. Doesn't she know that management complained? Your manager or someone should have explained this

and if that wasn't enough- then she is being an asshole. In my mind, she was one half of the problem and should have been informed, and your manager could have helped with that- and still could. Was she abruptly treated as a pariah without being told why? That's unprofessional too.
At any rate, no one was pursuing anyone- so I am not sure the connection. It jus seems like a run of the mill bad communication thing. It is difficult to be too friendly with anyone- to spend a lot of time chatting at work for people of all sexes. I had a problem with a friend who was just too darned loud and loose with her comments. I told her she had to chill and not do that because it was attracting attention. Problem easily solved.
Of course not "every situation" is about a woman being relentlessly pursued, no one said that. But the pursuit of women is still quite a bit more common at work than the reverse. Thinking back over the years, I can't remember how many bosses flat out tried to have sex with me. Or how many coworkers made inappropriate comments on my body or looks. Sadly, the inappropriate behavior seems so normal you get used to it. I sure wasn't imagining it when I got fired for turning one a date. He warned me I should have said yes.
So, yeah it's a little tough to hear people here say you should feel "lucky" when what you are saying is, "I don't".

[leftyladyfrommo]

232. That situation would make me very uncomfortable.

Relationships at work so often turn out to be a bad idea.

I also never dated anyone who lived too close to me.

I need a lot of personal space.

[PasadenaTrudy]

150. Amen...

One thing I love about getting older is being "invisable."

[leftyladyfrommo]

163. There is definitely a good side to that.

When I get stoned no one even notices.

[Le Taz Hot]

4. Yes. Yes I would and this is why.

Some women, after menopause, lose interest in sex because the old hormones just ain't there like they used to be. I never used to have to think about arousal, it just happened all by itself. A lot. Now I have to sort of gear myself up for sex. Why do I do it? Because I LOVE the intimacy with my husband. I just love that very special time between us and it makes him happy as well and what's wrong with that? So, yes, if there was a pill to put me back to the state I used to be in (lusty little wench) I absolutely would take it. For BOTH of us.

As for the rest of it, I've NO idea why you would equate intimacy and women as sex objects. Those are two ENTIRELY different subjects.

[TeeYiYi]

18. Look into testosterone shots...

...to kickstart your libido.

TYY

[Rosa Luxemburg]

204. will I grow a beard?

just kidding

[uppityperson]

43. Indeed. Thank you for sharing this as it seems more common than people talk about.

Getting him past the "what is wrong with you" to realizing that even if you don't have the drive, still it is a way to be close, intimate and makes him so easily happy, is a really good step.

I don't see it as increasing the viewing women as sex objects. Thinking of them dudes whistling at my 60 yr old saggy butt "oh babay!!" makes me laugh. Viewing women as sex objects is another issue though, imo. Have to think about it more, seems more f*ing desire demeaning of women on men's part is responsible for that where as this pill would be for women's desire.

[Skittles]

59. 56 and no saggy butt here

STRENGTH TRAINING IS YOUR FRIEND, UPPITYGAL; yes INDEED

[HiPointDem]

132. hate to tell you, but that's what i thought until i hit 58. the quality of the fat changes &

strength training is no defense against it.

think of warm jelly inside skin. the muscles don't hold it up, it's too runny. it's only the firm compact youthful fat that muscles hold up.

[uppityperson]

133. I can pick up barbells with my butt. It was just a phrase indicating humor about my body.

And no, I won't post a picture.

[kdmorris]

57. Wish I could rec your post

That is exactly spot on!

[retread]

69. Yes, but unless you married a man much younger than you, he is having some of the exact same issues.

I suspect if you take 10, 15, or 20 years off your sex drive, he will need pills also.

How a couple works through these issues to both partner's satisfaction, is part of what growing old together is all about.

[Le Taz Hot]

90. I did.

[TheOther95Percent]

80. Well said.

I would love that lusty little wench back too. I miss her. Menopause sure did a number on my libido and I too have to gear myself up for sex. If it would help, I would take something.

[raccoon]

115. Good post. nt

[Marrah_G]

175. ^this

[immoderate]

5. To be fair, there should be a pill that makes men more interested in sex!

--imm

[sibelian]

82. Well there kind of is.

You can buy testeosterone. It works.

[LWolf]

7. No.

There's nothing wrong with my libido.

[HappyMe]

9. I don't know.

I suppose if I became completely disinterested in sex I might. I can usually get through doing the laundry and grocery shopping without sex being a factor at all.

As far as it being developed by a man - maybe it wasn't. Most women I know enjoy sex.

[Aerows]

11. God no

I'd never get anything done (well, except the obvious).

[SamKnause]

12. Sex

I will turn 60 years old next month.

This female has always been interested in sex and continues to be interested in sex.

No pill required.

[uppityperson]

45. It depends on the woman. Sometimes changing hormonal levels decrease interest in sex to minimal

levels. There is a wide range.

[Nika]

56. I agree, I am in my late fifties and have not lost interest in sex. A pill is not required.

[Whisp]

15. instead of a pill, I think women would like men who are attractive to them.

and I mean that in a mostly non appearance way.

No pill can get you more interested than a man that treats you right and is not a selfish asshole in bed.

[Aerows]

37. Or a woman that is likewise attractive

and caring

[alarimer]

124. I'd settle for someone interested in me, regardless of looks.

Men have always been indifferent to me, in general. Oh, they like me as a friend (to whom they can complain that no one wants to date them, what am I, chopped liver?), but I end up being the friend they hang out with. Nothing wrong with that, really. It's worse now that I'm older, and maybe I'm not the life of the party or a supermodel, but I still have a lot to give and I still like sex a lot, no pill needed, except for one that renders me irresistible.

But generally I do believe in things that help us enjoy life.

[HiPointDem]

134. i wish we could trade. i'm not much interested in sex & would like to have a male friend who

wasn't either. but the ones who are interested in me are mostly interested in that possibility, even at my age. i find it annoying. i'd rather go hiking or build stuff.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

214. Winner!

I guess that is a variation on the old saying, "There are no frigid women, only clumsy men."

[leftyladyfrommo]

233. That is such a disgusting phrase.

I just hate that word "frigid" when it is used regarding women who just aren't into having sex.

Lots of really wonderful people are out there who just aren't into sex - for lots and lots of reasons. They aren't ice queens. Makes me so furious.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

238. Frigid doesn't mean "uninterested in sex"

It means incapable of orgasm.

[redqueen]

16. Nope.

I do not consider any lack of interest in sex on my part to be pathological.

If I want to be aroused, I have no problem getting there (without porn, even! *gasp* ) If I'm not aroused and my partner wants me to be, he is capable of achieving that easily.


However, if there are women who do feel that their lack of interest in sex is some kind of medical issue, then I'm glad they have an option for dealing with it. I think it should be a cream and not a pill, though, for obvious reasons (think roofies).


As for people whose main goal/interest in life is sex-related, I can't help but be reminded of...




oh, and ... yeah, we're just about there

[davsand]

17. If it is safe and it is the woman's own choice I'm ok with it.

At 53 I really don't feel a huge pressure to be or do much of anything that I don't choose to do all on my own. If anyone--male or female--feels they want to boost their libido then it is up to them--and only them. It isn't up to a partner, a doctor, or society to decide.

FWIW, there are some very real benefits, both physical and emotional, to sexual activity for both men and women. As long as it is your choice and made freely, I say go for it.





Laura

[Spitfire of ATJ]

20. It depends. There are lots of women who feel they are missing out on something,...

....but have too many societal hangups to actually DO anything about it.

Thus, we have women feeling they have to get drunk as an excuse to shed their puritanical veneer.

A placebo could work for some of them.

[redqueen]

22. Doesn't sound to me like the women you're describing have a problem with becoming aroused.

Are you saying you know women who get drunk because that's the only way they can get horny?

Are you a woman?

[Spitfire of ATJ]

25. I'm a guy who has had lots of female friends my whole life...

And many do have a problem getting aroused because they are afraid of what people will think of them.

We live in a society that celebrates virility in men but calls women derogatory terms for the same behavior.

[redqueen]

27. No.

What they do about that arousal may be something that's impacted by social rules about "feminine" behavior, but the actual physical response? No. Those responses are part of the autonomic nervous system.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

35. It's getting to that point that's the problem...

I've met women who have been brought up in heavily religious households and have been told "pleasures of the flesh" are sins and any enjoyment is coming from SATAN.

....seriously....

[redqueen]

39. Yes, many people of both sexes are conditioned to think all kinds of things,

but that conditioning does not affect the autonomic nervous system.

AFAIK the only thing that does is TM.

So, still, just no. This is about the lack of arousal and whether women who have been requested to provide feedback on the same would be interested in a pill for it. Not what women think and feel about their own arousal or how their upbringing influenced those thoughts and feelings.

If there's a woman who's been raised in a super repressed family whose upbringing causes her to want to use drugs to get horny then I'd like to hear from her on the issue. Thanks.

[Aerows]

47. Not every woman feels the same

I run, eat healthy etc. and the libido department is not a problem, unless you consider a deep desire to woo gorgeous women and have consensual sex with them all night a problem.

Some feminists are lesbians, and we are very open minded about having sex with women.

[redqueen]

48. I'm struggling to understand what that has to do with what I said...

I was discussing the issue that being raised in a repressive environment might cause women not to be able to become aroused.

[Aerows]

49. Uh, well

considering how condescending you came off to women that wanted sex, I guess that isn't all that surprising.

[redqueen]

50. Could you quote the condescending part?

Still not getting it.

[Aerows]

52. The funny thing

is that I agree with you on a lot of issues. But when it comes to sex, you throw around your opinion like an atomic bomb that every feminist has to agree with. I'm a lesbian, and I don't agree with you on some opinions you've tossed around.

Women don't have to agree with you to like sex, on issues regarding how they have sex (and enjoy it) and they don't have to be strict feminists (or moralists for that matter) to like sex.

Personally, I believe in the "it's my business, not yours" rule, and that's about it.

[redqueen]

55. So... no?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

[Aerows]

60. LOL

Honey, everyone on the forum could probably tell what I am talking about.

It's always the blindest that cannot see.

I'm not trying to be cruel, though. Shoot me a PM and I'll fill you in on just what I'm talking about. You know, the sanctimonious attitude towards everything sexual, and the condescension towards it.

If there is anyone around that has followed your posts that doesn't know what I'm talking about, well, I don't talk behind others backs, I'll wait for you to fill them in, personally.

[redqueen]

61. "Honey"... "It's always the blindest that cannot see."

Yeah, not trying to be cruel... just ... yeah.

I'll pass on the PM discussion about whatever it is you're inferring from my posts.

Quoting works fine. If someone says something condescending (like you did, just there), I can quote you (as I just did, in the reply title above).

As for what you perceive as a "sanctimonious attitude towards everything sexual, and the condescension towards it."... that's your inference, and the fact that that is your perception does not make it factual.

I'm sure there are those who have followed my posts who agree with me regarding your perception of my "attitude" about "everything sexual".

[Aerows]

62. You and I

will never agree about what feminism actually means. Let's leave it at that if you don't want to discuss it.

[redqueen]

64. This thread is about medical treatment for low libido in women.

You replied to me making unrelated comments about lesbian stuff, and I asked for an explanation. You then said I was being condescending. I asked you where and you didn't answer and instead just launched into an attack on my "attitude".

I'm quite happy to be done with ... whatever this is. (Lesbianism, feminism, your thoughts about my posting style, whatever...)

[Aerows]

65. An attitude can never be condescending

Um, Redqueen, condescending IS an attitude.

[redqueen]

68. "An attitude can never be condescending" ???

What the hell does that mean?

Yeah, I actually do understand what the word "condescending" means.

Seriously, I'm done.

[Skittles]

76. CORRECT

[Spitfire of ATJ]

103. "Some feminists are lesbians, and we are very open minded about having sex with women."

Which throws some women for a loop since they were raised to be (puke) "good girls".

Then there are the ones that seem to have picked this as their roll model:

[Aerows]

106. I didn't see the "picked as their role model"

but yeah, nothing is pretty much what many want us to see our selves as no matter how we take our stance. Damned if you do, damned if you don't and fuck you if you disagree with either of them.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

119. Bingo. It's when you give up fear that you are free...

In this case, fear of what others think.

[Aerows]

120. Precisely

Neither is easy as said as done, but once you have you realize who you are. That's priceless.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

121. The old "comfortable in your own skin" thing is rare.

[KitSileya]

147. I guess a pill of this sort could have a double function,

viz., the actual chemical reaction that would help women with low libido to increase it, and also a placebo effect that would let women who have been psychologically impacted by their upbringing and culture in their view of sex to feel ok with expressing their libido. However, in the latter case, it would be more beneficial to change the culture to one where female sexuality and lust isn't bad, so that all women can feel good about expressing whatever sexual desire they have with consenting partners. But that would mean that patriarchy would have to be dismantled, and that is no tall order, so some might find it easier to stuff women full of drugs instead. And then men would have another way of pressuring women to have sex - "You don't feel like having sex with me? Here, take this pill and then let's get it on!"

[Schema Thing]

38. "autonimic nervous system"

is susceptible to all sorts of thoughts both conscious and subconscious and mind altering subtances.

[redqueen]

40. LOL

problem with spelling?

[Schema Thing]

46. LOL

it happens.

[abelenkpe]

28. Last sentence.....

So true.

[BainsBane]

96. I suspect that is a result of past abuse

or sexual assault rather than prudishness. I wish people would stop using puritanical to refer to sexual hang ups. It's not historically accurate.

[Aerows]

110. I think so too

It's a shame that sexuality becomes a thing of shame and sorrow instead of happiness and delight.

[Nikia]

23. I suppose that being married, I would if I lost all interest

And it had nothing to do with relationship problems other than that. Right now I am a little less interested than my husband would like, maybe a couple times per week, because I am tired working a lot and two kids including a night nursing infant. I wouldn't want to take it now though because it is the tired issue that is the problem.
If I were single, I probably wouldn't want to take it. Not having a reliable outlet would probably cause me to make some bad decisions and possibly act unprofessionally at work.

[Sheldon Cooper]

63. With two kids, including a nursing infant, and working on top of that,

I'm surprised you can manage even two times/week. When I was a working mom with two small kids, sex was the absolute last thing on my mind at the end of an 18-hour day. It felt like one more chore to cross off my To Do list, and that didn't make for much intimacy to be honest. Didn't please my partner at the time, and all the pouting that he did over it made me feel like I had three kids instead of two. There was all kinds of resentment going on in my house during that time.

Would I have taken a pill to increase interest? I don't know, I would have still be dead tired so how much fun would that be?

[redqueen]

66. I so empathize with this.

If my ex had done half of the housework, half of the childcare, and that resulted in each of us having enough energy? I might have.

But then, I think if that had been the case, my constant state of being dog-tired (and resentment due to the division of labor in our home) might not have negatively affected my libido to begin with, thus making such a drug unnecessary.

[peacebird]

26. It might be kind of fun for the hubby & me, I admit my sex drive is not what it used to be.....

Would depend on potential side effects etc... But, really, I don't see why such a pill would be a bad thing (caveat being when it is the womans choice to take it or not)

[pipi_k]

30. If there were a pill...

I wouldn't take it.

Mainly because I have zero interest. Honestly, sex is way more trouble than it's worth. IMO, anyway.

Kudos to the women my age who still have libidos, though. I'm not even jealous of them.

[winter is coming]

32. Loss of libido is a pretty common side effect of SSRIs.

I don't see anything wrong with a drug that could restore lost sex drive, if desired.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

33. i might. it might be fun.

[Botany]

34. I love hot chicks!

And you know that hot chix can be tasty and fun to enjoy too.

[Aerows]

41. I'm pretty carnal

I like these hot chicks, too.

[HappyMe]

44. I like those hot chicks.

Damn, now I'm hungry.

[longship]

58. DUzy nt

[Aerows]

70. Agreed - DUzy n/t

[Schema Thing]

42. As a male, I've often wished for a pill that would turn off libido

Just to see how life and productivity would be w/o the constant distraction. It would have to work entirely at the level of the mind as opposed to the groin for it to be of any use, however.

[BlueCaliDem]

51. No. I wouldn't take it.

I don't like taking chemical crap for anything - even headaches. So I would definitely not be interested in a pill like that.

[Nika]

53. I would not be interested in a pill like this

And I agree; there is little doubt that if a man was not the person instigating the development of this drug, it will be men trying to force women to take it to better be able to better satisfy their needs.

[leftyladyfrommo]

83. See, that ws my first reaction, too.

But that doesn't seem to an issue for the other people responding.

Sexier women thanks to drugs makes it better for the men. I just don't see where it would be better for the women.

Unless you are in a good sexual relationship and getting a little kickstart would be a welcome thing.

[LadyHawkAZ]

54. If there was something physically wrong, sure

For recreation? No, don't need it.

I don't see the connection between this and the sex object stuff.

[BainsBane]

98. exactly, it's a medical issue

for women who have that problem.

[LadyHawkAZ]

130. On balance, I think it's a good thing.

I'm sure there will be a few cases of people trying them out for whatever the female equivalent of the "erection lasting more than four hours" is, but that happens with all drugs. I see a lot more good than harm in this research.

[bunnies]

67. Hell yeah!

But then again... I'll try almost anything once.

[darkangel218]

71. Sex is over rated. I could never understand why some people, male and female,

Would put so much emphasys on it. Or something some people "can't live without"

It wouldn't bother me a bit if I never had sex again.

[redqueen]

91. There are lots of asexual people, even.

They're almost universally erased.

[darkangel218]

92. What do you mean by universally erased? not taken into consideration?

[redqueen]

151. Almost entirely ignored.

Treated as if they simply do not exist... or do not matter.

Or that there's something wrong with them, for feeling that way.

[darkangel218]

155. I know, im encountering this on.daily basis.

As if we were supposed to follow some sort of model and.live like drones. Well, fuck that.

[KitSileya]

149. They certainly aren't a part of popular culture, that's for sure.

There are quite a number of people who simply aren't sexual, and they are not acknowledged in our culture. I'm not asexual, so I don't want to appropriate their experience, but I imagine it's like childfree women, with the assumption in our culture that everyone must want to have sex, must want to find a significant other, must want to have children.

I must acknowledge that in later years, popular media have put Sheldon Cooper of the Big Bang Theory and Sherlock Holmes from Sherlock, on the small screen at least (tho' I understand that Sheldon has a girlfriend now?) and they seem to be asexual. I'm not surprised that both these shows are 'nerd' shows, tho'.

[redqueen]

152. Yes, even just people with low sex drives... just ignored, or worse, pathologized.

And yes, good points about Sheldon and Sherlock. Sheldon does have a girlfriend, but he still has almost no interest in physical contact.

[KitSileya]

154. My guess is that if a pill like the one suggested in the OP is manufactured,

much of its impact won't be with post-menopausal women specifically, or even women who have had their libidos lowered for specific causes. I am cynical enough to think that it will be used to pressure women into having sex regardless. No longer will women be able to excuse themselves with not being in the mood (i.e., the soft let-down we've been taught to use with men.) There's a pill that will solve that problem - so let's have sex! Essentially, it will increase non-consensual sex. (Consent given by pressure is not consent.)

The other day I read an interesting article about how women's attitude to sex has changed in the past century. Before, women were the ones that lusted, that couldn't control their desire, and therefore they had to be strictly policed by men who were rational about sex. These days it's commonly believed that women don't have nearly the same interest in sex as men, and therefore they have to be pressured into having sex (or, as is evident by rape statistics, forced to have sex.) Which I guess is why Sheldon and Sherlock are so revolutionary, as men who do not want to have sex. However, I wish there were portrayals of women in the media where the woman's lack of desire isn't a punishment for her partner, or because she herself is sexually unattractive (in other words, no one wants her, so she's given up trying to get sex because she's too fat/ugly/old.)

[redqueen]

157. They better never make a pill.

Men have been drugging women with roofies long enough that I should think they wouldn't dare.

As for the pressure, yeah, that's a good point that I hadn't thought of... but although I kinda hate to say it, if a woman is pressured to that extent by her partner, she probably ought to find another partner. Coercive sex is not consensual sex.

I know the article you're talking about, and it's fascinating, isn't it?

[leftyladyfrommo]

190. See, that's what I thought, too.

Just one more way to pressure women into having more sex.

Great for the guys but lousy for the women who would rather just be left alone.

[Zorra]

73. No; I love sex and view it as a gift, and as a way of attaining and giving pleasure.

Religion and society have never been a factor in my consideration and experience of sex, so any senseless, inhibition inducing sexual deterrents are not part of my perception of sex. I am polyamorous, and presently in uncommitted relationships with three different lovers.

I am also a physical freak. My body is incredibly sensitive, and my capacity for frequently and easily achieving mind blowing multiple orgasms when engaging in sex with a considerate partner is possibly unparalleled.

My daily life is awesome, with sex being a factor as early and often as is pleasant and desirable in there somewhere, when circumstances permit.

For me, a pill to increase my interest in sex might induce uncontrollable nymphomania.

Seriously.


This quote from protagonist Amanda, in Tom Robbin's novel "Another Roadside Attraction", sums up my attitude toward sex pretty well:

"As long as it's done with honesty and grace, John Paul doesn't mind if I go to bed with other men. Or with other girls, as is sometimes my fancy. What has marriage got to do with it? Marriage is not a synonym for monogamy any more than monogamy is a synonym for ideal love. To live lightly on the earth, lovers and families must be more flexible and relaxed. The ritual of sex releases its magic inside or outside the marital bond. I approach that ritual with as much humility as possible and perform it whenever it seems appropriate...”

[Botany]

75. For me, a pill to increase my interest in sex might induce uncontrollable nymphomania.

Can I get your phone #? Just asking

[Zorra]

78. Sorry to disappoint you, darlin', but

unless you are planning on HRT and gender reassignment surgery very soon, that probably wouldn't work out well for either of us.

[Botany]

89. botany = dumb

HRT = ??

[Zorra]

100. Hormone Replacement Therapy.

It's part of a transsexuals' transition process. Male to female transsexuals take hormones that help normalize their system to their real gender, fostering further feminization of the brain and helping to feminize the body to an extent. Most often the hormone cocktail is comprised of estradiol, finasteride, and spironolactone. Sometimes progestins are part of the cocktail also.

Sometimes male to female transsexuals are lesbian, just like some ciswomen are lesbian.

I am assuming that this is not your situation here.

LOL!

And no, you're not dumb, not many people outside the LGBT and gender oriented medical/counseling communities would know this.

Hormone Replacement Therapy, HRT, is also a common treatment for women during menopause.

[Aerows]

84. Me too

It's a shame that it gets downgraded to something that's a chore.

[Kath1]

215. Right on. sister Zorra!

Good for you! I'm 55 and in relationships with no strings attached with three younger, very sexy, very liberal and very intelligent men. I give pleasure and I get it back. And I was a very straight laced good little Catholic girl until I divorced my very religious and very right-wing ex back in 2003. I have sex early and often. Love it. It is so liberating to me. Making up for lost time? Maybe. Who cares? I just love it! Sweet freedom.

"For me, a pill to increase my interest in sex might induce uncontrollable nymphomania." Yes! Same here! I love your passage from the Tom Robbin's novel.

Life should be enjoyed. Glad you, like me, are doing so!

[Warpy]

74. I can think of a lot of women in otherwise stable relationships

who might jump at it. Low sex drive can be a real problem for both sexes and women find it just as vexing as men do.

I can't see much of a market among single women in their 20s who spend much of their time fending off creepers demanding sex. It's not the kind of thing that's going to work instantly if you dump it in a woman's drink at a bar, either, so there's no market among horny men.

As for the sex object stuff, it all goes away practically overnight when you turn 50. It's amazing, it's like you're issued an invisibility cloak and they just don't see you any more.

[Skittles]

77. what is this invisibility cloak?

I am 56 and guys in their 30's still as me out!!!

[HappyMe]

81. I'm not invisible either.

After I was divorced, I got asked out all the time (guys 35-50). I was delighted.

I have been married to a wonderful man since October. Life does not stop after 50 by a long shot.

[leftyladyfrommo]

87. You Go, Girl. n/t

[Warpy]

108. It's what drops over 99.99% of us

at the age of 50 when we don't take hormones to prevent it.

There are always one or two of us it misses, like Goldie Hawn. Most of us get it and most of us have the good sense to cling to it.

It's very restful.

[HiPointDem]

135. goldie hawn? nah, she just has good plastic surgery. lots of it. and starting to be less

effective.

[Warpy]

166. Well, she's my age, it had to catch up with her sooner or later

and in her case, it's been much later.

She really needs to lay off the silicone in the lips, though, it's starting to look a bit weird.

And I've noticed she's starting to be photographed through gauze.

She still manages to look fresh and dewy now and then, which puts her into the tiny minority without a cloak.

[fitman]

167. I get more attention at age 51 than in my 20's

..work out 6-7 days per week-usually twice per day (weights morning, cardio evening), eat right.. 6-1 189 lbs, 31 inch waist and no flab and still have 95% of my hair.

I' m happily married but in the last 5-6 years have had a ton of women age 45+ come onto me..flirt etc. Some have asked me out..I get more looks, eye phucking, blatant come on's now than I ever did when I was younger and single.

Not sure what is happening..Not many guys in my age group are fit like me maybe?? Maybe women are just more aggressive-in my age group? I'm not super hot either facially...I'm slightly more attractive facially than average maybe a 6.0-6.5/10 realisticly.

Couple younger women at my gym (mid to late 20's) sorta flirt with me but I don't do anything-again I'm married and take my vows seriously.-and don't want to be looked upon as that creepy old guy as some guys my age are known to be in the gym

If I got 1/10 of attention in my early 20's as I do now I would have thought I'd been in heaven.

[Skittles]

206. I too am very fit

I do cardio & weights and kettlebelling........I do believe that has a lot to do with not becoming invisible

[bettyellen]

229. FYI: sorta flirting, generally means being a nice (instead of rude) person... many of us are rude

because we get fed up with people making that leap. They are probably being nice because the age difference makes them feel safer to be nice than guys their own age- who tend to make that leap and be especially annoying at the gym.
You sound way too smart to be making such assumptions!

[smirkymonkey]

177. Yep, I am in my late 40's, but the only men that seem to

be interested in me are men in their 30's. I would like to find someone closer to my age, but they just don't come after me.

I happen to have very good genetics and I still do not have a wrinkle on my face so most people think I am in my mid-thirties. However I would like to find someone a bit older. Our interests would just be more compatible.

[fitman]

217. My wife is 52 and no wrinkles

combination of genetics and she never laid out in the sun even when she was younger. Don't get me wrong, she did not ignore the sun and was not pale but never laid out in it to get a tan.

It has paid off now.

[Aerows]

181. I'm 40

and it's worse now than it ever was at 20. Thank god I like women.

[leftyladyfrommo]

86. Unfortunately, that's pretty true.

But I really kind of like it that way. My life is a lot more peaceful now. And I am enjoying my life more than I ever have. And a lot of that is because there are no men in my life.

[Hippo_Tron]

211. As a 20-something, there are women over 50 that I find physically attractive

And the sole reason I wouldn't sleep with them (aside from the fact that most of them are married) is that society has a hang-up about age difference and it's been ingrained into me that it's weird, to the point that I'm uncomfortable with it. Maybe some day I'll get over it, although I might be married myself by then.

[Warpy]

212. In France, they'd call you normal.

Here in the US, you're a freak.

[leftyladyfrommo]

234. I would be very uncomfortable dating someone a lot younger.

And I think it's because it is just so ingrained.

There are some very successful older women, younger men relationships.

[cynatnite]

79. I fucking love sex. Don't need a pill...

I have no doubt that there are plenty of women besides me who love it as well. It's just as possible that a woman was in on development as would there be a man.

[Kath1]

138. Count me in!

I'll be 55 tomorrow and I don't need a pill.

[cynatnite]

142. Happy Birthday!

Enjoy the day!

[Kath1]

213. Thank you so much, cynatnite!

I intend to enjoy it and there will definitely be sex with no pills! Thanks again!

[unapatriciated]

226. Just turned 61 and still enjoy sex.

I didn't do hrt in my 50's so don't think I will rushing out to buy this little pill. In fact my sex drive increased after menopause without the use of hrt's.

I suspect that the development of this has more to do more with the pharmaceutical companies cashing in on the babyboomers, than whether a man or woman developed it.

I don't have a problem if someone feels they need it, to each their own.

[BainsBane]

93. Why do you assume women aren't interested in sex

as much as men and would need a pill? That isn't my experience.

[Raine]

99. The OP said it was from some study. nt

[Raine]

95. NO way. nt

[notadmblnd]

101. Probably not

I suspect that a lot of women don't want to have sex because their partners suck at it. Personally, I haven't had a partner for a couple of years and when I think about having sex now, it just seems like it's a lot of work to go through for a potential bummer of a time.

[leftyladyfrommo]

188. Yes. Good sex can be hard to find.

I remember good sex. It was about 40 years ago. But I still remember. Oh, that's so funny.

After that - bummer city.

[BlueStreak]

104. Men: if there were a pill that made you interested in things other than sex, would you take it?

[HiPointDem]

136. i'd like to hear the answers to that one.

[BlueStreak]

139. (crickets)

As I suspected.

[hfojvt]

165. try it as an OP

but remember some asbestos armor.

Many people are not paying attention to post #104 in a thread. Many fewer people are even reading post 14 compared to the OP.

I would say two things.

1. As a man I am already interested in many things besides sex. Things like politics, movies, books, genealogy, history, sociology, economics, astronomy, etc. But, since I am not having regular sex, it would be kinda tough to spend some hours, say hiking, with a semi-attractive woman and not think about sex at some point on the trail.

2. I have become less interested in sex as I have aged. Less interested in my 30s than I was in my twenties, less interested in my 40s than I was in my 30s, and less interested in my 50s than I was in my 40s.

Still probably could not take that hike though without it all coming back to me.

[BlueStreak]

169. My point was ...

some women may have a little different priority set, and it seems like the question ought to be a two-way street. I offered it as food for thought and didn't really expect any honest answers.

[smirkymonkey]

180. Thank god! A man with interesting interests!

I find so few men who are interested in anything but their jobs. It is nice to know that there are men in the world who have such an extensive list of interests!

[hfojvt]

199. maybe they just have more interesting jobs

I don't really get in to cleaning toilets and washing windows.

Probably high status jobs don't leave all that much time for other interests. Or if you have them, you will stay at the bottom of the career ladder like myself.

But I know some guys, I think, who are interested in football, and college basketball, and cars, and sometimes motorcycles.

[LittleBlue]

153. You mean, lessen my sex drive?

No, because I like sex and think it's a good thing. And I have hobbies other than sex. *shrugs*

[socialist_n_TN]

230. I AM interested in other things rather than sex.......

You people think planning and working for a socialist revolution is EASY???? Fortunately (or unfortunately as the case might be), I'm also still interested in sex. To me it's a spectacularly, life affirming ritual. And it's fun.

[BlueStreak]

235. Last time I organized a socialist convention, a sex orgy broke out.

But nobody complained.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

105. If I lost interest in sex, I'd most definitely take a pill in order to reestablish the interest.

Being a 'hot chick' at my age, 65, would not be my goal either. Being a woman who is still very much alive would be.

When Viagra came out many women complained that the pharmaceutical industry ignored their needs, while making it possible for their men to 'play' as though they were 35.

This has little to do with women as sex objects and everything to do with having a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle. imo

[Aerows]

109. Good for you

having sex seems to be a problem for some women, and they never get the joy out of it. It just stays degrading for them. I pity women that can't embrace being women, and love being women.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

111. Perhaps those are exactly the women who need a pill like this most?

Sex should be, can be and frequently is a celebration of all that is good in life. I feel badly for those who just can't seem to appreciate it.

[Aerows]

112. Some don't

or at least can't figure out how to do so. If it's consensual and doesn't involved underage children, I don't know what their problem is with adults having a good time. It's like they think sex was suddenly created in the 21st century. Hell, orgies have been around for a long time, and they want to pretend like sex with one man and one woman is a horrible thing? Sex with two men or two women is bad?

You aren't that damn creative if you think that is the best you can come up with.

[redqueen]

140. "having a healthy and fulfilling lifestyle" - this language erases asexual people

It is possible to have a perfectly happy and fulfilling life without sex.

I wish more people understood that, and stopped treating those who try to communicate these ideas as if they were 'attacking' sex or sexuality.

Having an active sex life or even any sexual appetite at all are not the only ways to be healthy or to have a fulfilling life.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

144. Okay. The one percent of the population that is asexual are all happy and fulfilled.

However, the premise that men are looking to create this pill, one assumes for their own benefit, is more than a bit absurd. That was part of the premise posited in the original OP.

[redqueen]

145. I agree.

There is a need for this, obviously - women on SSRI's whose libidos have declined as a result of those medications being just one example.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

146. Exactly.

Menopause can have a negative impact on libido as can emotional trauma. I'd also be willing to bet that a percentage of those who report being asexual could be something else entirely.

I hate to see something like this getting a bad rap for no good reason.

Hope you're enjoying your holiday weekend.

[redqueen]

148. These creams have been on the market for years now. I doubt one woman venting will dent their sales.

Thanks! Hope you're enjoying yours too.

[leftyladyfrommo]

192. I don't think it's so absured.

Women have been manipulated by men for ever.

I think we just don't realize how manipulated we were until we are older and look back. Then it becomes very obvious and very disheatening.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

194. I don't believe a pill that would enhance or reactivate a woman's libido

has anything to do with male manipulation. Sex is one of the three primary drives... it is necessary for the continuation of the species. For most people, it is also one of life's greatest pleasures. Men manipulate women on a macro scale...while women manipulate men on a micro scale... but make no mistake about it, both genders engage in manipulation.

[stevenleser]

223. That seems obvious right? Having a sex drive doesnt mean you will have sex with anyone who asks

This is not a roofie that alters your perception or knocks you out.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

224. What seems obvious to you and me appears to escape some others.

The issues have all become conflated into one gigantic mess of gender disagreement.

It would appear that the real objection the writer of the OP has is her inability to maintain friendly, non-sexual relationships with men.
I've heard this complaint thousands of times...I still fail to understand just why this is a problem.

[stevenleser]

227. You sure are right about that. It's really bizarre

The reactions of some to this pill seem to be an insight into their own unresolved issues. Living in NYC I think gives you the opportunity to interact with tons of people and see how they handle various social situations. There are few women here who do not have friendly non-sexual relationships with men and vice versa.

I also find interesting how there was little to no discussion of whether there should be a viagra pill. It was just accepted as something that some men might want. But there is discussion, somewhat heated here, of whether this pill for women should exist. Some seem to be saying women shouldn't be allowed to choose whether they have this or not.

It seems there is some fear here that a man will slip this into a drink or something. In fact I am sure that some knuckleheads will get it into their heads that this would work and it will happen. And the woman may end up having sex with a guy at the other end of the bar (not the guy who put the pill in the drink) to whom she was attracted all along. Or she may decide not to have sex with anyone.

[Sekhmets Daughter]

228. ***Some seem to be saying women shouldn't be allowed to choose whether they have this or not.***

And then they complain about paternalism.

I would be willing to bet any pill that is successful will be more than a one-off the way Viagra is. More along a regular dosage regimen. There are creams that are purported to work short term for the ladies. So I doubt the fears are justified. Besides, women should have learned long ago how to protect their drinks.

You were rather adventurous throwing yourself into the breech...

[Locut0s]

210. But sex is a primary biological drive, as basic as hunger and thirst...

I'm sure there are those who have fulfilling and happy lives as asexual people and power to them. But I also think it's true that the vast majority of people have a sex drive on bar with their drive for food and water. It doesn't mean it has to overpower everything and anything. I certainly don't think about food 24/7, but to say that food doesn't make up legitimate and very large part of our society would be disingenuous. The same for sex, and for both genders. I agree with you that the discussion has been almost entirely one sided for generations and this is wrong and has harmed women greatly. But I think to let the pendulum swing entirely the other direction and say that it's only, or predominately men who have a strong sex drive / need isn't any more correct.

[idwiyo]

113. What the hell does it have to do with "hot chick" BS?

[arely staircase]

117. this reminds me of the "spurious" spanish fly ads in 1970s porno mags we

used to find in our friend's parent's hidey places. I always loved how anyone who fell for it didn't bother to look up the word spurious.

[madville]

122. Very few women I have dated were not interested in sex

3 out of 20 I can think of just had no interest in sex. They tried but you could tell they were just going through the motions. Something like this could help them have more interest maybe. It really hinders a relationship in my experience.

[treestar]

123. Never

At my age and weight it's best to not be interested.

[Ilsa]

125. It depends on the side effects.

Women aren't likely to be interested in taking pills or applying medication that could cause changes in appearance (hirsutism, weight gain, skin blotching, etc) or extreme inconvenience like hot flashes or anything else that can feel even temporarily debilitating.
Most of our lives is lived outside the bedroom.

[Kath1]

126. "My main goal in life certainly isn't to be a hot chick."

Thank you for stating that. There are far more important things in our lives.

[ohheckyeah]

127. If I got any more interested

my husband wouldn't have energy for anything else.

[dorkzilla]

137. I have been a sex fiend since I was in my teens-nothing has changed! Except..

...when I was in a truly miserable marriage I swore I'd be happy if I never had sex again. The minute I left my ex, I was back to my old self

I've always been very liberated...and in complete control of my sexuality. I'm very subtle about it (I've always been disgusted by my girlfriends who were overtly aggressive, perhaps because I knew they were using it as a bargaining chip for something), but I've enjoyed many wonderful men, no strings attached. Mostly because that's how I wanted it...funny, the less you care about having a relationship with them, the more they want one.

I'm in a 6 year committed relationship with a wonderful man, and we make love at least once a day (I'm 47, he's 52). Life is good.

[redqueen]

141. No, sexually aggressive women are not using it as a bargaining chip... WTF?

I've always been very sexually aggressive but there was no 'bargaining' going on. I love sex, and if I want it I have no problem letting the man know.

Also women who are not sexually aggressive are quite capable of playing coy and hard to get in order to get things from men.

So it's nothing to do with being sexually aggressive or not, actually, the 'bargaining' to get something.



As for being depressed in an unhappy marriage, right there with you. Some people are apparently able to be sexually attracted to someone they 'hate' or consider not even worthy of being friends with. I do. not. fucking. get. that.

[dorkzilla]

159. I only meant MY girlfriends were using it that way

Last edited Sun May 26, 2013, 04:10 PM - Edit history (1)

Not all women. That would be a silly thing to say. My friends would tell me about their intended duplicity.

edited to fix typo.

[redqueen]

161. Ohhhh yeah... gotcha.

I knew one aggressive woman like that. TONS of the coy, 'hard to get' types though, so my perspective is different. Maybe from growing up in the south.

[dorkzilla]

170. LOL! Could be! I'm from NY so we tend to be more aggressive anyway ;)

I just couldn't stand the game they were playing. I wasn't playing hard to get either, i was just more subtle but I made my intentions quite clear!

And I so so so agree with you about your puzzlement on how someone could sleep with someone they hate. I'd rather have had knitting needles shoved in my eyeballs than even kiss my ex and he was always looking for "it". Ew.

[redqueen]

193. Ha, I can't do subtle.

My flirting method was to just walk up, say hello, and immediately ask if they're single.

[lunatica]

143. I long ago learned to just accept whatever people want to do without judging

I personally have no husband or boyfriends so I'm not interested. But things could change. I'm fine the way I am now though.

[Honeycombe8]

156. Sex is part of a relationship. So if I had a problem, w/no intrst in sex...

I might consider it....IF the reason is biological. If the reason is psychological (based on, say, distrust or bad things going on in the relationship), I wouldn't. I also wouldn't, if I'm not in a relationship, since I have no "problem."

Sex is part of life. PART of it. For many older women, that part goes away with the years, and they are totally fine w/that. Husband dies or leaves, no new man, menopause, whatever.

I think of it as losing an interest in food. You still eat but no longer enjoy it as much. Is that a problem? It depends.

[alphafemale]

158. The "Magic Pill?" is a man good at sex.

Discovered that sorta late in life.

No more two pump chumps for this gal.

That's fer damn sure.

[CountAllVotes]

207. +1

n/t

[pink-o]

162. I have an idea...

Why doesn't someone invent a pill that gives men immediate insight into female sexuality? A pill that makes them slow the heck down, and not gobble through it like you're trying to get past dinner and watch the game? Unlike Viagra this pill would be for YOUNG men, cuz Ladies: how many of us would lie awake in our 20s and wonder what the fuss was while he snored away? It took me years to figure out it wasn't my fault that I wanted more when he was finished. We had nothing to compare it to, no knowledge because older women NEVER spoke to us about it!

When I was young, I never felt sexy. At 6'1" most guys wouldn't ask me out and I got polite rejections from those I approached. But I also never got sexually harassed, and I've always felt confident traveling alone and walking anywhere in a city. I developed a persona of Big Friendly Girl who if I got lucky would end up with the wing man or a one-night stand. I finally gave up looking for a relationship, because it just brought me heartache, but I learned to live by my own rules, love my freedom and meet men as an equal. My friends never got to know the workings of a male mind the same way I did, and my guy friends are precious to me. I wouldn't give them up for a better sex life as a young hot thing!

Well, now I am an old woman of 58, and I feel freer than I ever did when I was younger. My Friend with Benefits is 45, he doesn't live with me, we see each other a few times a week and the sex is freakin GR8. I think one poster mentioned physical exercise as a way to enhance arousal, and I agree. I only wish I'd not felt so limited when I was younger.

[leftyladyfrommo]

164. I wish I had known a lot of things when I was younger.

Life would be so much easier if you could know what you know at 65 but still be young.

[ismnotwasm]

168. First I'd see a doctor

Get a complete medical checkup (presuming insurance, alas) including hormones. A women low in testosterone, (yes, women, we have some, and low levels can affect libido, as can other conditions)

Then ask I'd how important this is to me, as I'm trying not to take medication at all as long as I can. (This is rhetorical, I have a sex drive that I'm comfortable with) I would also have an honest conversation with my partner, about what I do and don't like. I would never 'fake it' to please him--it would hurt both him and I.

If my medical checked out, my partner or (partners, whatever the case may be) has been communicated and communicated well with, and I decided that sex is important to ME, and a pill could help then yes.

If after all that, I decided that I had reached a point in my life where it just wasn't anything I wanted to pursue, then no. In fact hell no.

Nothing is ever cut in stone anyway. One can always change ones mind.

[Marrah_G]

176. I assumed this would be a prescription drug

Hormonal changes in women can cause havoc with intimacy desires. I think if there was a medical way to combat that it would be great!

[tavernier]

178. I'm 67 and have a healthy sex drive

without the use of pills or porn. I just think of Alan Rickman and all systems are go.

[smirkymonkey]

183. Oh yes, Alan Rickman would do it.

So would Gabriel Byrne, Liam Neeson and Ciaran Hinds. (sorry, I guess I kind of have a thing for the Anglo-Irish types.)

[tavernier]

184. I suspect we'd have great conversations

over a bottle of wine.

[Jennicut]

179. I don't need a pill to make me less interested.

I am more interested then my husband so there you go. A lot more interested. And we are not 40 yet. I find it funny that the focus on sex in marriages by the media/ psychological and medical communities is usually about the husband desiring more sex, not the wife.

[WinkyDink]

185. I'm 63. Let me think about it. :-)

[aquart]

186. Depends on how it works with whatever caused the loss of desire.

As many illnesses and medications do.

Oh, you were thinking of this as a party toy. What it is is a chance at a semi-normal married life for many many couples.

[aquart]

187. You might want to up your B vitamins. Especially B-12.

[Lady Freedom Returns]

201. It depends on if you want more interest in it.

I for one, don't need such a pill.

But I will not say some women MAY feel like they need it. I think some women feel that they are not as interested as they should be. And something like this may help them feel that they can feel more sexual.

There are women out there, even today, that have been emotionally pinned up when it comes to sex. For them, something like this helps to give them a way to become comfortable with their sexuality can be good.

However, if a woman feels just fine about her interest in sex. They why bother?

[Rosa Luxemburg]

205. My job makes me feel like a dead weed

Yes I am a teacher. Where do you get this stuff?

[Locut0s]

209. As a great 31 year old male virgin not by choice I wish i had a pill to turn off my sex drive..

I know women don't want to be viewed as sex objects nor should they. Women should be accorded as much respect and equality as any man. But it ain't easy being a man either. We certainly can control ourselves and anyone why says otherwise is just justifying sexual abuse, but we can't really control our thoughts, and immediate mental reactions of sexual attraction. The old saying that a guy thinks about sex every X # of seconds is a bit of an exaggeration to be sure but it's not a huge one. I'm a 31 virgin male not by choice, I have life long depression and social anxiety that has made it very difficult for me socially. I have few male friends let alone female. Nothing's taking away my sexual drive though, which makes my situation all the worse. I'd actually welcome a pill to reduce my libido. Actually some of the SSRI medication I've taken has had this effect.

I don't want everything to be about sex either but my body doesn't seem to listen to my brain on this issue and quite frankly if I was able to have semi regular sex I don't think I would want such a pill, as I would cherish my sexuality in that case. I can see quite a few women here do too, which is no surprise.

[Sissyk]

221. I LOVE sex!

Cant imagine not having great sex with my husband. If the day comes where I don't, I'd definitely consider a drug.

Also, I consider myself an okay looking woman. I mean, I'm curvy, nice boobs, good teeth, pleasant face. Or so I thought. I must be butt ugly though compared to all the women at DU that get "hit on" every time they go out and about. Or , the guy friends just can't keep themselves from acting all horny and shit. Oh well!

I'll stay where I am.

[In_The_Wind]

237. If I lost interest in sex without a good reason, yes.

I enjoy sex so if I lost interest in having sex a part of my life would be missing.
I'm not ready for that.

[Jasana]

239. To answer your question bluntly...

I would have to understand what the side effects of this pill would be.

I am a woman with Multiple Sclerosis (plus another undiagnosed nerve disorder) and have problems with both sensation and libido. If this pill did not interfere with the current drugs I am taking and if it could increase my sensation without too many harsh side effects, I would take it.

I have lost the ability to orgasm and it is depressing the hell out of me. I used to be able to orgasm three to four times a day. Once (I can't believe I am telling you this) I had a contest with myself to see how many times I could orgasm in a 12 hour period. My record was 24 times. I'd love to have that lady back.