Louis CK nails the banking system: funny because it is true
“I’m broke, is anyone else broke? {cheers} You ever get so broke that the bank starts charging you money…for not having enough money? {laughs} I’m fuckin’ broke, man.
The bank called me up, they said ‘Hi, we’re calling you because you don’t have enough money.’ I said, I know! They said ‘You have insufficient funds,’ and I said, well, I agree with that. I find my funds to be grossly insufficient! Thanks for calling… {shrugs, audience laughs}
Why are you mad at me? I don’t understand what…How is this something I’m doing to you? She was like, ‘Sir, you only have $20, that’s not enough. You can’t only have $20!’ I was like, look, I’m not being broke just to fuck with you, I really don’t have any money! I’m not trying to be a dick, I just…my life is shitty! {laughs}
So they charged me $15, that’s how much it costs to only have $20. {laughs} But here is the fucked-up part, now I only have $5! What am I paying the $15 for if I don’t get to have the $20…that I paid to have! I paid the fuckin’ money, where is my $20? That’s like going to the movies, you pay for your ticket and they say ‘Get the fuck outta here, go home!’ …But I paid for the movie? ‘No, you paid for a ticket, motherfucker, you didn’t pay for a movie!’
You ever have negative money? That’s depressing, isn’t it? You look in your bank account and it says ‘negative $10,’ that’s how much I have now. Negative $10. That means I don’t even have no money now. I wish I did! I wish I didn’t have anything, I wish I just had nothing, but I have less than that! I don’t have none. I have not $10. {laughs} If it’s free, I can’t fucking afford it!
Someone could come up to me, ‘Hey, this is free!’ Fuck, that costs nothing! I can’t afford that, that’s more than I have! I gotta raise $10 to be broke! That’s not good. That’s bad! {laughs}
Apparently some of you are in the same fuckin’ position. {cheers, laughs} How’s your economy doin’? Shit! I’m glad you appreciate that story, not everyone appreciates that story. I told that story about a week ago in Orange County, California with all these rich motherfuckers lookin’ at me […] they’re all lookin’ at me like, ‘Well, yeah. You were financially irresponsible and had to pay the price. I don’t frankly see why you’re angry about it. The bank had the right to approve a fee, clearly.’
That’s how different it is to be rich than it is to be poor! ‘Cause when you’re rich, the bank pays you for being rich! If you have a lot of money, they give you money! Because you have a lot of money! You have so much money that we should give you some! Because you have a lot, you should have more! Here, take more money! Take this guy’s $15, fuck him, you should have it! {laughs} He doesn’t have enough, but you have a lot. {shrugs}
Fine, take it all you motherfuckers, I don’t give a shit! You ever get so broke it just becomes funny to you after a while? You’re like, ‘Jesus Christ! I have no fuckin’ money! Jesus!’ {laughs}
People call you, ‘Hi, we’re gonna turn off the….” Fuck it! Turn it off, man! Turn it off, I don’t give a shit!
‘When can you make a payment?’ I ain’t payin’ anything, what am I gonna fuckin’ pay you with? I fuckin’ sold the phone, I don’t need it now. Damn it, man. Shit’s brutal.”
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when you spend your entire lunch hour writing checks at grocery stores for cash so that you can make a deposit at the bank to cover all the previous checks you've kited...and you do that all five days of the week. 
