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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsMy Husband Just Died:I too Was My Own Death Panel
As with Bennyboy, we brought my husband home for home hospice care. We removed his drip, and he was sustained on meds that kept him comfortable and free from pain. He had laid out an advance directive and we observed his wishes that no heroic efforts were to be made. He died in the heart of our home surrounded by the children and grandchildren who adored him in peace and free of the illness that had ravaged his body.
As his wife, I am grateful and honored to have helped his release into the great silence.
Cooley Hurd
(26,877 posts)May he cross gently.
Happyhippychick
(8,379 posts)CurtEastPoint
(18,549 posts)cordelia
(2,174 posts)DUgosh
(3,052 posts)Sorry for your great loss.
madokie
(51,076 posts)No one says that living life and doing the right thing in these situations is going to be easy.
May you all live in peace knowing you did the right thing
hrmjustin
(71,265 posts)May he rest in peace!
GeorgeGist
(25,294 posts)Best wishes.
Uben
(7,719 posts)I'm so glad he passed in peace. I hope I can go the same way. My wife passed last year and her medical directive was honored. I have one as well, and the burden of decisions has been made to make it easier on loved ones.
CrispyQ
(36,226 posts)What a beautiful parting gift you gave him. This is how I want to go, too, in my own home, with the people who love me all around.
Peace to you & your family.
Freddie
(9,231 posts)Take comfort on knowing you did the very best thing, and it was what he wanted.
Just been through this very thing with my mother. We bury her Friday.
niyad
(112,434 posts)niyad
(112,434 posts)DainBramaged
(39,191 posts)passing with his family and love surrounding him is wonderful.
Terra Alta
(5,158 posts)My he rest in peace.
Kolesar
(31,182 posts)You did what was right. Peace to you and your family
William769
(55,124 posts)libodem
(19,288 posts)And beautiful. As a nurse I have learned there is such a thing as a 'good' death. Western medicine is slowly catching up. For so long any death was not considered to be okay. We know differently. Huh.
BrotherIvan
(9,126 posts)I wish we were not made to fear so much as it is entirely unavoidable and how you interpret it is the only difference. It sounds like this wonderful family got to give him the best death they could and that is a priceless gift.
Absolutely.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)sabrina 1
(62,325 posts)RIP and peace to you and your family.
msanthrope
(37,549 posts)October
(3,363 posts)My grandmother passed similarly, and it was a blessing that I carry with me to this day.
Sending angels your way.
blueamy66
(6,795 posts)I cannot even begin to understand your pain.
I wish you peace.
Amy
DonRedwood
(4,359 posts)I hope he's looking down and smiling at you even as I type.
My best.
patrice
(47,992 posts)Tikki
(14,538 posts)hugs to you, your family and friends.
Tikki
Warpy
(110,908 posts)it's always a shock when it does finally happen.
I'm so sorry.
BrotherIvan
(9,126 posts)From all the love he was surrounded by, it sounds like his was a life well-lived and well-loved. May he have peace from illness and pain. And may you find all the care and support you need during this time. I am so glad you got him home, it is the best place. My heart goes out to you.
SoulSearcher
(132 posts)Sad for your loss, but you saw it through.
Peace to you both.
aikoaiko
(34,127 posts)We should all be so fortunate to have someone like you with us at the end.
My condolences.
IdaBriggs
(10,559 posts)Please accept my condolences.
ninehippies
(30 posts)Love, prayers and peace to you all.
janlyn
(735 posts)right now. He has an advanced directive,and like you I will follow his wishes. I was with my mom at her passing. And it is a beautiful and yet painful experience.you are suddenly reduced to a child again. My thoughts are with you and your family
nolabear
(41,915 posts)My condolences, and my admiration.
cate94
(2,797 posts)Peace to you and yours.
Bossy Monkey
(15,863 posts)Granny M
(1,395 posts)You gave him the gift of a peaceful passing. I hope you are comforted by good memories of him.
brer cat
(24,401 posts)You will feel much peace with his passing because you honored his wishes. You were not a "death panel" but an angel of mercy easing his journey. He was a lucky man to have you and his children with him.
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)you were married a very long time. It's hard especially when you do everything together. I know you will miss him forever. They same time heels all. I hope it does.
tblue
(16,350 posts)It's lovely that he made his wishes clear ahead if time, and that you followed them through. I hate that people have to pass away. But you made it as gentle and loving as possible for your husband. That's a mitzvah. I can't imagine a more selfless gift. Sending hugs to you and yours.
countryjake
(8,554 posts)MrMickeysMom
(20,453 posts)I suppose we have to acknowledge as being our own death panel, by committing our wishes on paper, thus, relieving our loved ones of having to make or live with any consequences from those decisions.
kag
(4,076 posts)to allow the man you love to die with dignity. I hope that if I ever have to make that kind of gut-wrenching decision, that I, too, will be brave.
Sending you peaceful thoughts and wishes, dynasaw.
mountain grammy
(26,569 posts)OneGrassRoot
(22,917 posts)Such beauty in this post.
AndyA
(16,993 posts)I know this is a very difficult time for you. Sending good thoughts your way, and hoping that your husband rests in peace.
dem in texas
(2,672 posts)So sorry for your loss. I have been down this road. too. This is the way it should be, with the family making the decisions about a very sick person's care and when it is time to let them go.
peace13
(11,076 posts)You made his most important wishes come true. As his energy continues on it soars, having loved and learned with a wonderful companion. He knows the mystery and we are here to witness his story.
Take care of yourself. Be gentle and give yourself time. I send you warm light and earthly hugs, Kim
Demonaut
(8,909 posts)we did the same for my father earlier this year
liberal_at_heart
(12,081 posts)malaise
(267,812 posts)LiberalLoner
(9,761 posts)Bluzmann57
(12,336 posts)With a wife like you, it is certain that his last days were as comfortable as possible. Peace be with you and may your husband Rest in Peace.
arthritisR_US
(7,269 posts)sounds like a wonderful man and I have such respect and admiration for you and your family in honouring his wishes, without such a peaceful passing in love could not have been realized. Peace to you luv
Le Taz Hot
(22,271 posts)The fact that he had advanced directives does make it a little easier in that you knew what he wanted and was able to do that for him.
My deepest sympathies to your and your family.
gademocrat7
(10,623 posts)Bucky
(53,795 posts)It's tough to face how death is a natural part of life. But passing with grace, acceptance, and love is a great way to ease the burden.
life long demo
(1,113 posts)Peace and love to you and your family. Our arms are around you, holding you tight.
Honest_Abe
(155 posts)My deepest condolences.
Sheepshank
(12,504 posts)you were a quite hero for your husband. My gentlest hugs to you and your family.
sarge43
(28,939 posts)There were heroic efforts -- yours. Blessed be.
Strength, comfort and peace in the days ahead.
virgdem
(2,119 posts)May he rest in peace. Please take good care of yourself in the coming days and weeks!
FarCenter
(19,429 posts)timdog44
(1,388 posts)And I congratulate you on having hospice at home and the family around for an honorable and dignified end of your husbands life. Know that you did the right thing. And he is at peace.
madrchsod
(58,162 posts)livetohike
(22,084 posts)your husband May all of the good times you shared be in your heart forever and help bring you comfort and peace.
uppityperson
(115,674 posts)HillWilliam
(3,310 posts)My heart is breaking with yours. I lost my husband three months ago today. There are no words, really, but know my thoughts and intentions for healing are with you.
midnight
(26,624 posts)Bettie
(15,998 posts)I'm glad you were all able to be with him in his last hours.
Lone_Star_Dem
(28,158 posts)The decision you made was one which can only be admired for its humanity and kindness.
May you all find peace in knowing you did everything possible to respect and ease your husband/family member's passing.
Canuckistanian
(42,290 posts)Savannahmann
(3,891 posts)RainDog
(28,784 posts)condolences for your loss.
I'm glad you had one another.
nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)Bluestar
(1,400 posts)that is a comforting way to say farewell.
demosincebirth
(12,518 posts)Betsy Ross
(3,147 posts)Rozlee
(2,529 posts)And he was lucky to have you all.
No Vested Interest
(5,156 posts)May you take comfort in knwing that you did all you could in his last days and minutes.
May these these next days, weeks and months be calm and peaceful for you, as you feel his presence still in your life and your home.
calimary
(80,694 posts)I'm guessing that most of us here would want that same care, compassion, and release.
I certainly would, for myself.
mazzarro
(3,450 posts)May his soul rest in peace
indepat
(20,899 posts)must be inspirational to your family as it is to us.
AgingAmerican
(12,958 posts)I cannot imagine the loss. Sounds like he went in a very loving atmosphere. Let's hope we are all so lucky.
NewJeffCT
(56,827 posts)You have my sympathy.
ismnotwasm
(41,921 posts)noiretextatique
(27,275 posts)FLyellowdog
(4,276 posts)DCKit
(18,541 posts)That comfort, the family and the grands... if he didn't die with a smile and a heart-full of love, then there really is nothing after - and I don't believe that.
Y'all did good.
Unknown Beatle
(2,672 posts)democrank
(11,052 posts)Peace to you and your family.
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)elleng
(130,145 posts)and I'm sorry that none of us were nearby. He apparently knew his condition was terminal, but he hadn't informed us. He and I had been in contact about contacting one of his medical advisers 1-2 days prior to his death, I was helping him to do that, and then I heard nothing from him. As a consequence I went to his apartment, and found him.
It did not appear to have been a traumatic passing, but I am sorry we didn't know and weren't with him.
I am glad that dynasaw and bennyboy were able to help.
LeftInTX
(24,554 posts)Thank you for sharing your story.
It is an important testimony.
Phentex
(16,330 posts)He was very lucky to have you.
lilithsrevenge12
(136 posts)but few are lucky enough to pass with such grace surrounded by love. I'm sorry for your loss, but as you already know, I don't think there is a better way to go. <3
DesertFlower
(11,649 posts)anniversary of my husband's death. he died peacefully in his sleep in hospice.
GentryDixon
(2,944 posts)It is a blessing you were able to bring him home to be with his family is his last days.
I and my sisters made the same decisions on our parents at the end of their lives. As hard as it was, I felt better for it. I knew they were no longer suffering.
ReRe
(10,597 posts)... that is what they wanted... to pass in their own homes in dignified privacy with their loved ones gathered around. I know exactly what you are going through. I was my Mother's caretaker and we went through this a few years ago. My heart is with you and your family. Peace.
joesdaughter
(243 posts)roguevalley
(40,656 posts)Time is your only friend, that and the kindnesses you extended to your good man. I wish I could hug you. Consider yourself greatly loved today, you, your husband and your family.
Cleita
(75,480 posts)Now you need to look after yourself. Take the time to grieve. It looks like you have a loving family for support.
defacto7
(13,485 posts)To pass with grace and dignity is something we all should hope for.
<<< >>>
renate
(13,776 posts)Your post is so full of love. I'm glad you are finding some comfort, knowing that you helped to see him off peacefully. And I am so sorry for your loss.
840high
(17,196 posts)Heathen57
(573 posts)You allowed him to die with dignity something many folks are deprived of. You did honor his life and his wishes.
Soon, it will be time to relive the joyous times in his life and all that he accomplished. That's when you can really celebrate him.
Bennyboy
(10,440 posts)And hope you are well and don't get too stressed by the whole thing. big love to you...
dmr
(28,321 posts)Peace to you, and your family.
David Zephyr
(22,785 posts)I have had to make that decision, too.
I admire you and I honor your great love and am so sorry for your tremendous loss.
skeewee08
(1,983 posts)May your Husband RIP
randr
(12,408 posts)Your grand children will surely be empowered by your bravery.
cal04
(41,505 posts)My thoughts are with you and your family
Raine
(30,540 posts)Yo_Mama
(8,303 posts)For those who can do it, I do think this is the best way.
I hope the memories of his life warm you always.
Samantha
(9,314 posts)May he rest in peace, and in time, perhaps the pain of losing him will lessen and you will think only of the good times you had together. So sorry to read this post.
Sam
Catherine Vincent
(34,485 posts)May he rest in peace.
hopemountain
(3,919 posts)we did the same for my husband 11 years ago and the memory of all of us around him in love is a treasure.
LoisB
(7,074 posts)SalmonChantedEvening
(31,947 posts)Full of loving memories.
My condolences to you, and all those who knew and loved him.
rhett o rick
(55,981 posts)You only carried out his wishes. It was his decision as it should be. Your actions were of total love.
I was in the same position with my mother. It was her decision. I only made sure it came about as she wanted.
slingsam
(370 posts)You speak loads.........in your silence. I am truly sorry....for your loss.
Lifelong Protester
(8,421 posts)UpInArms
(51,252 posts)I do not know that I would ever have your strength.
eridani
(51,907 posts)Any married person over 50 knows that one of you is going to go first. Which doesn't make having half of you ripped away any easier to deal with. Hoping you have a strong support group to help you through this.
babylonsister
(170,963 posts)to add my deepest condolences to you and yours.
ColesCountyDem
(6,943 posts)I'm so sorry for your loss!