The DUzy Awards for the week of February 10th, 2012

[The DUzy Awards]

[center][big][big][big]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/big][/big][/big][/center]

Your weekly edition of the funniest threads and wittiest replies on the still-with-that-new-forum-smell DU3!

This weeks improvement: Telling Duers that you can click on the Journal of The DUzy Awards to see past editions. Take a look-see: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=journals&uid=278973

BOOKMARK IT!


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by eppur_se_muova
[big] Do the dead outnumber the living? (BBC) [/big]
By Wesley Stephenson
BBC News

The population of the planet reached seven billion in October, according to the United Nations. But what's the figure for all those who have lived before us?

It is often said that there are more people alive today than have ever lived - and this "fact" has raised its head again since the UN announcement about the planet's population reaching a new high.

The idea helps fuel fears that the population is expanding too fast.

It is true that if you delve back into the mists of time, the population of Earth was tiny in comparison to today and logically it might seem plausible that the living outnumber the dead.

It is agreed by most demographers that the UN figure for the number alive today is reasonably accurate. The problem is, how do you calculate how many have ever lived, and where do you start?
***
more: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16870579




An interesting read. The conclusion -- and the reason for it -- will surprise many.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Hassin Bin Sober [/font]
[big] 2. Let me do some cipherin'... let's see, the earth is 6000 years old, 2 goes in to, carry the 1. [/big]
Hell I don't know.

Good Reads, Feb 4, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101611968


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] SwampG8r [/font]
[big] since it is not addressed in the rules[/big]
if there are more than one outside party running
and advocacy for 3rd party runs is bannable
are we allowed to advocate for the fourth party run?

H&M-D, Feb 4, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124040169


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] K Gardner [/font]
[big] Obama's Broken Promises[/big]
I hate to say this, but it’s true. I’m extremely disappointed in Obama. There were so many things we were promised that have not been delivered.

For example, as nurse and frequent monetary contributor, I was promised a seat on one of the Death Panels. When this did not materialize, I was promised a seat on one of the boards that decided who would be rounded up and sent to Interment Camps. I had already promised some of my Republican friends I’d rule strongly in favor of them being sent to some of the nice ones, with private toilets. This did not materialize either, and now I look like a big fat liar. Thanks, Barack.

Also, where are all those guns and Bibles we were supposed to be taking away from people? Most of the people I know have more guns, not less. Not one single freaking gun has been taken away from anybody! You were going to destroy the second amendment, you promised! How are we supposed to conduct a proper “roundup” with all these millions of people with guns?

I assumed, by now, my grandchildren would be learning all about Saul Alinsky and Marxism/Leninism in public schools (headed by Bill Ayers, by the way), and being taught all about the benefits of communism. My grandchildren don’t even know who Saul Alinsky is and they think Lenin was a Beatle ! WTH?!

And health care was supposed to be FREE .. for everybody. "Medicare for all", we called it. As a nurse, I was really excited about this, because I wouldn’t have to work half as hard as I do now. We all knew there would be lines out the door, and no one would be able to get treatment, since every citizen would be eligible for it. I could take my sweet time getting to them, because everybody knows that people in those dangerous socialist countries like France and Sweden die all the time from lack of health care. It was expected!

As it is, these people without insurance still come to my ER and expect to be treated immediately, even when they’re having a heart attack. You even expanded coverage for poor kids. Can you imagine?! At least Newt wants to put them to work as janitors; but you, you’re putting food on their table and that wife of yours is encouraging them to eat well and prosper!

All those old and poor people were supposed to be first to go. Instead, you cut prescription drug costs for Medicare recipients by 50% and began eliminating the plan’s gap in coverage. You preserved access to care for Medicare beneficiaries and expanded eligibility for Medicaid. What were you thinking?

And where’s my money? You said we’d share the wealth. Take all the money away from those greedy millionaires and spread it around. But I have just about the same amount of money I did when this whole thing started. More broken promises !

Then, you were supposed to flood the country with illegal aliens, like Che Guevara. Instead, you request $600 million in emergency funding, deported more illegals and deployed more drones on the border.

Instead of promoting and appeasing terrorists, like you were ordered to do, you went and killed Bin Laden, and those pirates and saved a bunch of Americans. You caught more terrorists in one month than Bush/Cheney did in six years. You were NOT supposed to destroy the leadership of Al Qaeda, get the last U.S. troops out of Iraq, and assist in toppling two Middle Eastern dictators!

I think this ‘leader of the free world’ stuff has detracted you from your original Mission.

(oh, and that secret ‘fist-bump’ was supposed to be SECRET!)

Also, and this really upsets me, we had been working for decades to sneak you into American politics. From the day you were born a Muslim in Kenya, we’d worked tirelessly faking all those documents and paying people off to say they knew you. And look what you went and did. You waited so long to release that fake birth certificate that Donald Trump found you out ! The Donald, no less !

You’ve been careless, Mr. President.

Well, four years later, here we are, in a stupid democracy or republic or whatever. Our military is stronger than ever, the economy is improving, and Americans are going back to work. George Bush left you a PERFECT STORM to turn this republic into a commie/socialist empire, but you’ve blown it. Really, really blown it. All you had to do was let all those car companies go bankrupt, quit stimulating the stupid economy and trying to create jobs! Hell, those Republicans who keep voting down your jobs bill are doing more to wreck this country than you are! And now, we have Clint Eastwood on TV reminding people of all that crap you did for Detroit.

Clint ! It’s as bad as having John Wayne touting your achievements.

Well, I could go on, but I think you get my point. You’ve wimped out. Our one chance at getting a real Manchurian Candidate into office and you’ve blown it. Oh, sure, we’ll start hearing all those tired scary slogans again and seeing all those photoshopped pictures of you with your hand over the wrong side of your chest, not wearing a flag pin. But who are we going to fool this time? People will say you were just biding your time, waiting for the safety of your second term to start turning America into the communist state we’ve all been waiting for.

But I won’t be fooled again. You’ve betrayed us. And worst of all, I think you’ve started believing your own fake identity.

You’ve turned into a real American.

And me? Well, I’m being sent back on another mission: to try to find the next Manchurian Candidate. It’s going to be freakin cold in Siberia. Thanks for nothing.


Your former supporter,

Kay Gardner

Politics 2012, Feb 7, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/12519417


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Bacchus4.0
[big] Arizona court keeps candidate off ballot over English skills[/big]
http://news.yahoo.com/arizona-court-rules-candidate-weak-english-barred-021556232.html

(Reuters) - Arizona's Supreme Court ruled on Tuesday that a city council candidate with limited English skills could be kept off the ballot in a predominately Spanish-speaking town on the Mexico border, and her lawyers said they lacked resources to appeal.

A Yuma County Superior Court judge touched off a furor last week when he disqualified Alejandrina Cabrera, 35, from running for city council in the town of San Luis over what he called a "large gap" between her English proficiency and that required to serve as a public official.

In a brief two-page ruling, the Arizona Supreme Court did not give a reason why it sided with the lower court judge, but said a written decision would follow "in due course."

"We're all burned out and disappointed. I'm really surprised. I figured they'd throw this thing out," John Minore, an attorney for Cabrera, told Reuters in an interview.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Ian David [/font]
[big] 1. If only we'd had this rule when Bush was running. n/t [/big]

LBN, Feb 8, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101447153


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by dixiegrrrrl
[big] Presenting....sub-prime AUTO loans.[/big]
Yep, just when we really need another bubble.

I made selected cuts from the story, which is long. Whole story at link.


“Today, somebody with a 500 credit score, can get approved and in a Malibu,” which starts at $22,110.

Capital One revamped a program for select dealers late last year that gives them perks such as faster approvals and exceptions for customers with borderline credit scores, said Kevin Borgmann, president of the McLean, Virginia-based lender’s auto-finance unit.

The company’s speed is “a big competitive advantage for us,” Borgmann said in a phone interview. Capitol One decides “the majority of applications for any dealer that does business with us within 30 seconds. Dealers find a lot of value in that because they can go out and sell the next car.”

Amid a slow housing market, auto demand is rebounding, spurring lenders from Bank of America Corp. to Capital One Financial Corp. to approve buyers faster and at better rates to compete for a piece of an expanding market.

“Banks have had to look elsewhere for growth opportunities, and auto has been one of the nice spaces over the last couple years,” Curt Beaudouin, a bank analyst for Moody’s Investors Service in New York, said in a phone interview. “The credit experience in terms of losses has been very good in recent times. It’s never gotten out of hand. Right now, it’s basically good for everybody in the industry.”

U.S. light-vehicle sales rose 10 percent to 12.8 million last year. That momentum continued as automakers sold cars and trucks in January at the fastest pace since the U.S. government’s “cash for clunkers” program in August 2009, according to Autodata Corp."

http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-02-07/auto-loans-in-30-seconds-drive-accelerating-vehicle-sales-cars.html

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Jackpine Radical [/font]
[big] 1. So at least the poor will have nice cars to live in. [/big]
America-a free enterprise solution for every prob lem.

Economy, Feb 8 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/11165590


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Boojatta
[big] When famous old people die, why is it news?[/big]
Almost none of the information in an obituary is news.

The event itself isn't particularly surprising. Fame doesn't provide immunity from death.

Why not make an effort to interview famous old people who are thought to have little time remaining? They might have interesting things to say.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] Lucinda
[big] 10. I agree with your point about interviewing them while they are still with us [/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Boojatta [/font]
[big] 11. Well, there's not much point in interviewing them when they're dead. [/big]

[font color=#FF0000]They’re not dead, they’re just pining for the fjords![/font]

GD, Feb 7, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002281461


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] kpete [/font]
[big] We already know what kind of man he is. We're simply haggling over the price.[/big]


http://www.americablog.com/2012/02/romney-selling-himself-off-in-dc-today.html

GD, Feb 9, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002288478


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by kpete
[big] Elizabeth Holtzman: One day, there will be prosecutions for the misdeeds of the Bush administration.[/big]
Elizabeth Holtzman
Former U.S. Congresswoman
Impunity for the Bush Administration Won't Last

.....................

Refusing to review possible criminal misconduct by the Bush administration also cripples American power. It makes it harder for the U.S. to condemn impunity abroad. How effectively can we argue for the rule of law in Syria or Iraq or anywhere else if we don't apply it fully here at home?

And it leaves Americans open to foreign prosecution. If we refuse to act, other countries will investigate and prosecute U.S. officials who may have violated criminal or international law. If their citizens were mistreated in Guantanamo, or torture took place on their soil, they can claim jurisdiction. Right now, Spain is launching an inquiry into top Bush administration lawyers who greenlighted torture.

In the long run, no matter how much the U.S. tries to duck accountability, there will no impunity. Chilean dictator Augusto Pinochet was finally prosecuted for torture and murder, despite 27 years of evading it.

In the U.S., there is no statute of limitations for certain cases of torture, including when death results. One day, there will be prosecutions for the misdeeds of the Bush administration. Then the whole story of torturing and mistreating detainees will be spread out on the table of history for all to see. The question is, how long will we have to live with impunity and how much more damage to American democracy and power will we suffer until that day comes?

the rest:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/elizabeth-holtzman/impunity-for-the-bush-administration_b_1258568.html

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] rhett o rick
[big]2. If there is a God, Dick Cheney will live long enough to be prosecuted. nm [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] tomp [/font]
[big] 13. if there is a god, why is there a dick cheney? nt [/big]

Good Reads, Feb 8, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101612856


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by brooklynite
[big] Missouri (@17% in): Santorum: 52%, Romney: 27%, Paul: 12%, Uncommitted: 5%[/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] liberal N proud [/font]
[big] 1. They still need three seats in the clown car. [/big]
Paul is in the trunk.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] TheCowsCameHome [/font]
[big] 2. Is anyone driving? [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] liberal N proud [/font]
[big] 3. Newts wife [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] TheCowsCameHome [/font]
[big] 5. Of course! The crash helmet is a dead giveaway. [/big]

Politics 2012, Feb 7, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/12519522


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Behind the Aegis
[big] Sometimes I miss the moderators.[/big]
I sent an alert that wasn't correct. In the old days, I re-alerted with the corrections. I can't do that now. **Sigh** Don't get me wrong, I stand by the nature of the alert, just pointed a finger at the wrong person...sort of. That's my "merlot" for the evening.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Leopolds Ghost [/font]
[big] 7. Until The Mods Return [/big]
The Mod beneath the forums,
The Mod of carven stone,
The Mod of DU quorums
Shall come into her own!

Her crown shall be upholden,
Her harp shall be restrung,
Her halls shall echo golden
To songs of yore re-sung.

From slumber 'neath the mountains,
Grovelbot rides from the sun:
Donations flow like fountains
And the coffers golden run.

DUers shall dance in gladness,
The flamers shine and burn,
All sorrow fail and sadness
At the DU-mod's return!



[font color=#FF0000]Very nice![/font]

H&M-D, Feb 10, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124043729


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] w8liftinglady [/font]
[big] Correct me if I'm wrong- every time a man ejaculates,he kills 230 million babies.[/big]
http://www2.oakland.edu/biology/lindemann/spermfacts.htm

I am waiting for Representative King to bring up this very important fact...just as important as one measley egg per month.

[font color=#FF0000]This thread is GREAT! A DUzy for everybody from post 1 to post 77! [/font]

GD, Feb 10, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002294627


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Ichingcarpenter
[big] You come from this....Oldest Animal Ever Discovered[/big]

Does it look like your relative? Its a sponge.



JOHANNESBURG, South Africa — Scientists have discovered fossils in Namibia that they say are the world's first animals.

The sponge-like fossils dubbed Otavia antiqua were found at Etosha National Park in northern Namibia and at other sites in the southern African country, a team of international researchers said in an article published in the South African Journal of Science.

Otavia antiqua is said to be a tiny creature that lived in the world's earliest oceans, surviving in low-oxygen conditions.

While animal life was previously thought to have emerged 600 million to 650 million years ago, these fossils were discovered in rocks dated to between 760 million and 550 million years ago, researchers said.

snip




The discovery is "extremely significant, as these organisms represent the earliest record of metazoan life," placing the origins of animals at 100 million years to 150 million years earlier than previously accepted, wrote Robert Gess from South Africa's Wits University, in a separate article published in the journal.

"The rocks of southern Africa have yet again yielded up key evidence regarding the history of life," Gess wrote.


http://www.globalpost.com/dispatch/news/regions/africa/120206/namibia-fossils-first-animals-otavia-antiqua-etosha-national-park

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] The Velveteen Ocelot [/font]
[big] 1. Did it live in a pineapple under the sea? [/big]

Science, Feb 9, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/12282132


Thanks to: CaliforniaPeggy, a2liberal, Tx4obama, dixiegrrrrl, Viva_La_Revolution, Ikonoklast, dixiegrrrrl, rocktivity, ellisonz, Little Star, and krispos42!

That’s right, I’m thanking myself. Got a problem with that?


Submitted with the cat on my lap!
-Krispos42

[krispos42]

1. *yawn*

Okay, time for bed!

[Matariki]

9. You need more hearts Krispos!

Thanks, as always, for doing such a great job at this! So entertaining! <3

[krispos42]

11. Damn, I've got six! A new record!!!

[CottonBear]

2. Thanks for the DUzys!

My cats, unlike me, are sound asleep.

[Ruby the Liberal]

3. Thanks Krispos!

[Ruby the Liberal]

4. K Gardner - Righteous rant.

[dixiegrrrrl]

5. All that hand clapping woke me up.

Doesn't anybody sleep anymore????

[IMG][/IMG]

[Syrinx]

6. BG color needs some work

[roguevalley]

7. this hilarious thing takes so much work. thank you, honey, for being the best

[rocktivity]

8. RE: Killing 230 Million Babies

Oklahoma State Senator Constance Johnson Writes Satirical Amendment Banning Non-Procreative Ejaculation

[div style="text-align:center"]

To undercut the message of a controversial "personhood bill" brought forth in the state, which would give zygotes the same rights as adults, Johnson added a provision...

Johnson's amendment (which she later withdrew) read:

"However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman's vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child..."

rocktivity

[krispos42]

10. That's from "The Onion", right?

Please tell me it's from "The Onion"...

[rocktivity]

14. Constance Johnson talked with Sam Seder on Countdown last night

You're welcome.


rocktivity

[krispos42]

17. Oh, whew...

Context, krispos, context.

They are so far out there that a Republican offering this kind of amendment is perfectly within the realm of the possible!

[eppur_se_muova]

12. "If only we'd had this rule when Bush was running" LOL !!

I'm so glad that one got DUzy'd, I missed it !

[Ohio Joe]

13. K&R - nt

[scarletwoman]

15. K&R. I was staying up late last night to try to catch the DUzys when they finally got posted.

And being overtired and cranky I posted something really stupid that I really felt bad about when I woke up this morning. It's all your fault.

And, I mean - 3:00 am?!? You posted these at 3:00 am?!? I'm too damn old to stay up that late!

[krispos42]

18. Well, after I got my kid to bed, I wandered downstairs...

...and completely forgot it was Friday night until it was Saturday morning.

[scarletwoman]

19. So, you're saying that you don't spend all Friday slaving over your keyboard

sweating to getting the DUzys ready on time?

I'm shocked! Shocked, I tell you!

[krispos42]

20. No, I've discovered the wonderful world of macros.

It takes about 5 minutes to process each nomination. Lots of copy-and-pasting, but the macros let me just click an icon to put in the colored text boxes and boldface and such.


Such is the power of Word '97...

[scarletwoman]

21. Whoaaaa, dude! Enough with all that fancy tech lingo!

Word '97, indeed!

[krispos42]

22. Well, when I started the DUzies, Clippy gave me a bit of attitude.

But I eventually took care of that.

[prairierose]

24. So, is the gun you used on clippy a macro....

coz, I really need one of those. Imagine the annoying help files you could get rid of with that. Because really there are too many "cute" helpers out there. You know , the kind that make you want to stick your finger down your throat or better yet, blow them away. Your solution is great if we can replicate it.

[krispos42]

26. Clippy was a bit beyond a macro

I had to use a magnetic pulse pistol to turn all his "1"s and "0"s into "ڝ", but it was worth it.

[prairierose]

27. Oh, yes, it would be worth it....

[annabanana]

16. giggle and kick! . . . n/t

[Highway61]

23. Damn

I am so glad these are back. We seriouly have some good talent on this site.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

25. kiggle and gick!!!

[liberal N proud]

28. My favorite is Obama's Broken Promises

But it must have been a slow month if I made the Duzys

[pinboy3niner]

29. I think I broke my macroiliac

And kudos to krispos!