Secret Cheney letter outlines strategy for Syria and a new Cold War.

[MattSh]

From the Office of the Military-Industrial-Security Council

Dear Colleague-in-Arms,

You've probably noticed lately that Americans are tiring of the War on Terror. And you've also noticed that after Syria and Iran, where else is there to profit in the Middle East in the War on Terror? I'll tell you. Absolutely nowhere. So we've got to keep focused five or ten years into the future to figure out where our next revenue stream will come from once the War on Terror runs its course. More on that later. Our immediate concerns now is with Syria.

We've got our boots on the ground with the rebel forces in Syria, working on another atrocity that we can pin on Assad and his forces. Did I just say another? You bet. As you know, that chemical attack was the work of "our" rebels, who would not even exist if it wasn't for USA involvement and funding. But our control of the story and the media, along with thousands of sock-puppet accounts on political sites both on the left and the right assured that the rebel's involvement would be overwhelmed by our control of the message.

Sock-puppets. I love that term. It makes what we do sound rather innocent, doesn't it?

Mark my word, this Syria setback for us is only temporary. My moles in State and Defense assure me that Obama had nothing to do with this current setback. It was that bumbling fool Kerry and that Putin who screwed us up. But don't worry. We're already at work making sure Kerry stays on message the next time, and we're taking steps to neutralize Mr. Putin's involvement. No, not in that manner. Too bad I never had an opportunity to go hunting with Vlad. I think we both would have had a blast!

Now don't get me wrong. Vlad is serving a very useful purpose. To us. Once a country's WMD's are secured and we know they can't be used against our troops, putting our troops on the ground is so much easier and politically feasible, with a whole lot less possibility for blow-back. Our quisling political "leaders" want to cover their asses, so this gives them that cover. And it ensures that those troops will stay longer and will bomb more frequently and indiscriminately, ensuring profits for us and our shareholders for the next couple of years. So thanks for your help Vlad!

So back to that future revenue stream. Where's it going to come from?

Americans are becoming tired of "Boots on the Ground" wars. So that's what we've got to focus on. And you all know what's the best model of a war with a ton of military spending and very few people getting killed. And that model is the Cold War. And if we play it right, Cold War II could be more profitable than both the original Cold War and the War on Terror. Combined. Now I know a few of you wanted to make China the target of Cold War II. But face it. A ton of our military components and replacement parts are sourced there, plus it's where all those electronic doodads that keep Americans so distracted come from. And a distracted American is a loyal American. So the Council nixed that idea.

No, the target of Cold War II will once again be Russia. They were such a good enemy before, and people still believe all that propaganda we fed them, even now, 30 and 40 and 50 years later. They still haven't figured out we made a lot of that shit up. So the first part is already in place. Plus, they've got oil. Plenty of it. They have a very visible public figure running that place, and a central target to demonize makes military spending so much easier to swallow. I mean, who the hell runs China anyway? And while our online sock-puppets are focused on more short-term issues, especially Syria, there's a lot of Russia hate already being whipped up on websites on both the left and the right. By their own members. (Suckers.) We've got the demonization of the Russian people and their religious beliefs and their leadership coming on strong. And when the left and right start demonizing the same country and the same people, you'll understand that Russia is the correct enemy.

Now, the left demonizing a whole group of people might surprise some, but not me. A lot of them like to fool themselves into believing that they stand for peace and love and tolerance and all that nonsense, but I've always called bullshit on that. You give them the right target and the right propaganda, and their militaristic side comes blasting through like a Tomahawk missile. Our monitors say its better than we would have hoped for at this point. Believe me, we'll soon have a strategy in place to keep this momentum going. What good is all this hate if we're not positioned to use it to our advantage?

There will be much, much more on this in an upcoming dispatch. In the meantime...

To a glorious and militaristic future...

Dick Cheney
Honorary Chairman
The Military-Industrial-Security Council


DC/mjs

[L0oniX]

1. I only wish that letter was coming from a prison. n/t

[G_j]

2. "peace and love and tolerance and all that nonsense"

never mind that, how about those war crimes?

[The Magistrate]

3. This Bit, Sir, Is Flat Fucking Bullshit

'We've got our boots on the ground with the rebel forces in Syria, working on another atrocity that we can pin on Assad and his forces. Did I just say another? You bet. As you know, that chemical attack was the work of "our" rebels, who would not even exist if it wasn't for USA involvement and funding."

[MattSh]

4. I guess I need to work on my satire a bit more.

A CONFESSION:

The above letter was not written by Dick Cheney, anybody associated with Dick Cheney, or anybody associated with the Republican party or right leaning think tanks. No, this letter was written by me. Why?

I've been seeing a whole lot of posters here thinking that their explanation is the only possible explanation. Or what the group thinks is the only possible explanation. Or what the media says is the only possible explanation. Stop fooling yourself. Everything I wrote above is a feasible alternative explanation of events in the past, present, and future. Consider that the world is a more complicated place then you've been led to believe. How do we know what's true when information that will help us determine the truth is kept from us or distorted beyond recognition? Consider the strangest possible explanation and consider that that outcome is possible on occasions.