I'm just frothing with anger - let me get this off my chest
My wife and I have a friend, once her best friend, who is a fucking idiot. But idiot or not both of us still love her to death and can't stand to see the sort of treatment she is getting from her family.
The lady in question is younger than we are, somewhere in her late 50's or early 60's. She is married with three grown children. She is also a long-time alcoholic and heavy user of illicit drugs. The alcohol has been with her since childhood, the drug use can mostly be attributed to a bad eye infection she fell victim to years ago; it was the pain killers she was proscribed that got her on the path to taking any and all similar medications she has been able to get her hands on. There hasn't been a day in the last 20 years during which she was not inebriated.
Her husband is worthless. Her old child, the son, is scary crazy; a violent bastard (not a slur, a fact) who even as a child frightened full grown men. She also has two worthless daughters, possibly the laziest young women I have ever known. The youngest of the two, who still lives at home, is about 20 and weighs three times as much as I do and won't get up to make her own food - mama's got to do it for her.
Colleen, that is the ladies' name, has cancer. Mostly its in her throat but it has spread to everywhere. Were it not for her younger sister, a person I would not trust as far as I could throw my pickup truck, she would be dead today. Despite her husband's insistence that there is nothing wrong with her the sister hauled her to a local hospital three weeks ago. She did that after going by the house and finding her emaciated, laying in a bed often soiled, dehydrated, and unable to speak or eat. At this moment she is back in that same hospital receiving chemo and radiation treatments. She's been in there for three days now, my wife has been with her most of that time.
And where is the husband? He's at home fiddle-fucking around with his gadgets. Where are the two daughters (both of whom live within 5 miles of the hospital she is in)? Who the fuck knows. And where is the son? Haven't seen that fuckwad anywhere around either.
Despite her failings this is not a mean woman, not in any way imaginable. She was a caring and devoted mother. She would never lie to you, never cheat you, never steal a damned thing from you. She is just a very decent person with a lot of problems and not one god damned bit of support from her own family.
I'm so pissed off about this that I'm dam near foaming at the mouth. What in all of creation is wrong with people.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Response to 1-Old-Man (Original post)
Response to JanMichael (Reply #8)
to the point where they can't take care of themselves, odds are good they aren't really taking care of anyone else. That "lazy" 20 year old? Well, while she was being neglected because of mom's addictions (which did indeed affect her ability to discern the reality that was affecting her children's physical, mental and emotional health), she grew a burning anger that is now coming out as "you owe me for destroying my life / childhood so make me a sandwich while I try to cope with the hell that I am living in thanks to your poor choices." Don't even get me started on the son she didn't protect, who "frightened full grown men" - barring something diagnosable, that isn't normal behavior for children who aren't trying to survive hell.
Your wife's friend does not sound like a good parent or spouse. She has (per your descriptions) destroyed the lives of her children instead of helping them to live good, healthy lives with possibilities of bettering themselves / valuing making positive contributions to society. You see the nice her. They've seen the real her. She has passed her problems on to her family (instead of taking steps to make life better for them and herself).
I am sorry she is ill, but the chickens have come home to roost. They will probably cry when she is gone, but honestly, they will probably be crying for the "might have beens" that weren't.
This is a very sad story.
I know you want everyone to get along now that she is sick, but honestly if you are being honest in your assessment, I have never heard of a "long-time alcoholic and heavy user of illicit drugs" being a "caring and devoted mother."