This just in - Ebeneezer Scrooge rejects Republicans
Citing a Republican philosophy that could make even the rich cry, noted wealthy businessman Ebeneezer Scrooge stated Friday that he can no longer "Abide with the Republican Party."
Scrooge, who is well known as a penny pinching miser said that even he can't just callously let people starve. This is an issue where he must part company with what was his party for life. "I can't understand. It is bad for business too," Scrooge stated. "Impoverished citizens can't buy anything. That health care thing is great for my insurance companies also. What is the matter with these fools?"
Scrooge was unsure where he might line up in the future. "I soubt the Republicans will ever get their sanity back, though. So I doubt I can ever go back there."
Ebeneezer Scrooge, former Republican
(note this is not real)