I'm always amazed at the number of people willing to totally excuse emotional harassment/humiliation

[Tommy_Carcetti]

Whether it be in the case of Miami Dolphins players Jonathan Martin and Richie Incognito, or what happened at Abu Gahrib, or some college fraternities or sororities, or whatever the situation may be.

I'm looking over some of the football message boards that I follow and I'm seeing way too many people claim that Martin simply needed to "man up", or that he was "soft", or he should be held to a different standard because he is a professional football player in a locker room environment, or what have you.

They claim the only thing Martin should have done would have been to punch Incognito in the face, and that would supposedly magically resolve the situation.

They then claim that the situation is being blown out of proportion because "society is too PC these days" or that people are afraid of "getting their feelings hurt."

I'm sorry, we're not talking about Martin being made to wear a goofy suit in some light-hearted rookie prank. This idiot Incognito called Martin a "half-n___r", told him he was going to shit on his face, and said he was going to beat up him and his mother.

How in any way is that excusable? Is being "too PC" really the problem here?

There are people out there who are willing to give carte blanche to sadistic behavior in whatever setting, short of severe physical harm, and that the victims of such behavior should just be willing to go along with it. Or otherwise they'll get their character question. And that these type of things are all fun and games, so shut up about it and take it.

What breeds this type of attitude? Is there some sort of mental defect that makes these people think this is an acceptable attitude to take?

[Capt. Obvious]

1. Hasn't Richie Incognito suffered enough?

He's weathering the storm.

[alp227]

2. Maybe they are just too coward to say explicitly, they condone what Incognito did.

And had Martin punched back, the football board drones would be screaming: "THUG! N-WORD! BLACK ON WHITE CRIME! THIS IS OBAMA'S AMERICA! HATE CRIMES AGAINST THE WHITE MALE!" They just LOVE moving the goalposts with their smug narrow minded crap.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

14. I'm sure many of them do. nt

[MADem]

3. Incognito is not a "Big Guy." His gonads are probably the size of two raisins.

That guy is 'roided to the max. And it looks like he's been 'roided for years and years.

It doesn't excuse his behavior, it does explain it. From what his college teammates say, he was even an asshole back then....so his brain must be swimming in steroid soup. And I suppose anyone who sacrifices a normal sex life for on-field glory has to have a very strange attitude.

They should announce a pee test and follow him around; that way they'll find the person who injects the "clean" pee into his bladder so he can pass the tests. Of course, since he's been "exiled" by the Dolphins, that all might be a moot point.

Stick a fork in him, he's done; pass the butter, I smell toast!

http://nypost.com/2013/11/04/richie-incognito-exiled-as-dolphins-hazing-mess-unravels/

[1000words]

4. C'mon ... sports chats and message boards are full of trolls and idiot teens.

Have you ever read the garbage comments on ESPN boards? I wouldn't invest too much in trying to figure these fools out.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

6. Many news and politics boards aren't any better.

Have you ever seen comments on a news story from Yahoo? Good Lord...

[1000words]

11. LOL ... I wouldn't dare.

Something about the anonymity of the internet that emboldens folks to communicate things they wouldn't dare say to someone's face.

[Sheldon Cooper]

5. Maybe people parrot back what was said to them.

Or maybe they are afraid to speak out against the bully, lest his attention be turned toward them. Who really knows?

[NuclearDem]

7. Gender stereotypes. Men have to be strong, women have to be subservient.

Step out of bounds with either gender, you're sadly ripe for harassment. And since it's so pervasive, people side with the bully.

[okaawhatever]

8. I dated a NFL linebacker and asked him how bad the trash talking was on the scrimmage line

and he said he wouldn't even consider repeating it in mixed company. He said think of the worst things I could come up with and said it was ten times worse than that. I'm not condoning the behavior, just saying that it's likely they've all said/heard much worse. It's all about trying to get in the other guy's head, trying to get him to break his concentration by being so offensive. Especially if that individual has a weak spot. Again, I don't agree with it, but i am not surprised by it.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

9. And maybe on the scrimmage line, it's one thing. But in the clubhouse, with your own teammates?

I work in a very adversarial line of work, and you take that adversarial mindset with you in the appropriate settings.

But I'd never take it back to the office with me. In the nearly 10 years of me doing what I've done, I think I've yelled at my assistant once. And I immediately felt horrible about it, and went next door to get her a coffee from Dunkin Donuts to make it up to her.

[okaawhatever]

10. I can't speak to that. I know the coaches have come out and said they asked Incognito to help

"toughen up" his teammate. I don't know if the guy was constantly reacting to others trash talking or what their motivation was. I think doing something among teammates and in the locker is definitely different than on the playing field, but I don't know the culture. If the purpose was to trash talk him like he was on the field to strengthen his reactions when he is on the field, that certainly is different than some teammate randomly saying those things. I guess that's what i'm thinking.

[Initech]

12. As someone who's experienced a lot of emotional harrassment...

I have to say that I don't take this sort of thing lightly. It's the exact reason why I try to stay out of social media as much as I possibly can. I get truly disgusted when I see people harassed and threatened with death or worse in these outlets. It seems people truly don't know their limits anymore.

[freshwest]

17. +1

[bullwinkle428]

23. I've been in that position as well, and it's an absolutely horrible feeling

when you know that you have no options for relief when those further up the "food chain" are not just ignoring it, but condoning and possibly even encouraging it.

[Javaman]

13. It's the iron curtain of "machismo" around football that brings out the stupid in people. nt

[nadinbrzezinski]

15. It is part of the culture

I have hope that now that we are talking about it, it will make it far less acceptable.

Hell, we have that problem here, with bully behavior that is accepted.

[freshwest]

16. A lot of enabling by media, such as Rush about Abu Graib. 'Frat prank' he called it. Inshannity

claiming he was willing to be waterboarded because there is nothing to it.

A television show called 24 focused on brutality, torture and illegal acts under the guise of national security.

TV shows for over a generation showing people being degraded for the simplest things, but really the victims were all economically disadvantaged. 'Fear Factor' and that crap with Simon Cowell pretending to be intelligent but really just insulting desperate kids who wanted to make it in show bix, the one with the guy named Joe who didn't realize what the game was, and those really insulting ones where women were trying to get a millionaire to marry them, and others come to mind.

Not to mention a decade before that of the genre like the Jerry Springer show with guests being served drinks in the green room to get them out of control, and one where a guy killed another after being set up for a date, not realizing or capable of dealing with how it affected his life off screen.

In each those cases when I caught those shows, which were after school fare for kids who'd come home with the evil eye babysitting them, there was a common thread.

Each used and abused people with economic problems; the people were mainly there to get the wages that people are paid by the guild, or other economic incentives. Some of the people had family lives that were out of balance or problems that could have dealt with as middle class people did at the time, with paid counselors. They couldn't pay and were needing help but instead they were mocked by the crowd. There were many of these for years.

It was all about disrespect and distrust for neighbors, making fun of people's weaknesses, and laughing at them as a group sport. Usually an obligatory disclaimer was added after the chaos ensued.

As far as extreme levels of violence and viciousness, I watched that build on television, too, as if it was normal behavior. I finally turned the television off to escape the pollution. So much entertainment is based on escalating the feelings and behaviors of the actors and the viewers who go the journey with them and learn the same behavior is acceptable.

People want entertainment
to take their minds off the aggravation of work and financial problems; but nothing educational is offered to help to work it out, instead they are put in the company of those who teach them that being a violent selfish person is default behavior when things are perfect.

Anyway, my two cents. Gotta go.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

21. It's really sad.

People forget there are real persons involved.

[LittleBlue]

18. It's a game based on aggression

You're surprised that people told him to man up?

For what it's worth, I don't condone it in any way. However, this is a game where players are told to play through unimaginable pain, and only supreme aggression and strength will make your opponent submit. It's only natural that when extreme violence is the solution on the field, it would be viewed as the solution off the field.

Emotional harassment happens every single day in football. The only reason we heard about this incident is 1) monetary extortion and 2) racism. When I played, emotional abuse was one way to get a psychological advantage on the opponent. And that was just high school, it's a totally different level in college and the NFL.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

20. How on earth is telling someone "I want to shit in your fucking mouth" expected to motivate them?

I understand its a physical game based on aggression. But the transcript of that voicemail doesn't lead anyone to believe Incognito was using the opportunity to toughen Martin up.

As a Baltimore Ravens fan, I saw Ray Lewis (a man admittedly not without his own very publicized personal problems, although he reformed himself remarkably well after that incident) act as a clubhouse leader and motivator with his fiery speeches. Not one of Ray's speeches involved threats of defecation or racial slurs.

Incognito is trash, and I hope he never plays another game of football in his life.

[bemildred]

19. Yes, totally, all of my life.

That has consequences, when you do that, bad ones.

[kydo]

22. this movie explains it all

The Bro Code: