Study: Americans Safe from Gun Violence Except in Schools, Malls, Airports, Movie Theatres, Workplac

[unhappycamper]

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2013/11/study-americans-safe-from-gun-violence-except-in-schools-malls-airports-movie-theatres-workplaces-st.html



Study: Americans Safe from Gun Violence Except in Schools, Malls, Airports, Movie Theatres, Workplaces, Streets, Own Homes
Posted by Andy Borowitz
November 6, 2013

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A new study released today indicates that Americans are safe from the threat of gun violence except in schools, malls, airports, movie theatres, workplaces, streets, and their own homes.

Also: highways, turnpikes, libraries, places of worship, parks, universities, restaurants, post offices, and cars.

Plus: driveways, garages, gyms, stores, military bases—and a host of other buildings, structures, and sites.

National Rifle Association C.E.O. Wayne LaPierre applauded the study, saying that it reinforced his organization’s long-held position that the United States does not need additional gun laws. “This study makes it abundantly clear that Americans are in no danger of gun violence except in these isolated four hundred and thirteen places,” he said.

[Scuba]

1. Yeah, but gun violence isn't a problem, because, um, drowning.

I read that right here on DU.

[malaise]

2. Borowitz nails it

Rec

[valerief]

3. Dandy Andy does it again! nt

[Threedifferentones]

4. Roughly 2/3s of gun deaths are suicides. Of the remaing 1/3...

the vast majority are focused homicides, not mass murders. Shooting sprees are dramatic and terrifying, and generally the source of life long trauma for survivors and relatives of victims. But statistically speaking they are basically a red herring, accounting for a fraction of a percent of the nation's gun victims. That's why quips like this don't relate much to actual gun policy.

[otohara]

5. It's Satire - Yet...

mass shooting have occurred in some of the areas listed - schools seem to be the favorite choice for the mass shooter - guess because it's easy to shoot the kids.

Glad my mom didn't have a gun - her many attempts at suicide failed because she didn't have a gun.