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Sun Nov 10, 2013, 11:10 AM

The Anatomy of Friendship

When you are young, making friends feels effortless.

But when was the last time you made a new friend? A real, true friend who withstood the test of time and life complications? Someone who you really, truly love -- not just someone to bitch and moan with at the office Keurig, but who will be there for you in a snap, who you can call at anytime, and who can call you at 3 a.m.? That person who, no matter what, will always be there for you?


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/aly-walansky/the-anatomy-of-friendship_b_4226749.html?utm_hp_ref=mostpopular#slide=more303718

I thought this rang true for me. I've noticed this over the years and have even noticed the "pulling away" with myself. I feel that though I no longer have many friends anymore the few I have will be there through everything.

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Arrow 11 replies Author Time Post
Reply The Anatomy of Friendship (Original post)
xmas74 Nov 2013 OP
A-Schwarzenegger Nov 2013 #1
xmas74 Nov 2013 #2
Xipe Totec Nov 2013 #3
xmas74 Nov 2013 #5
nirvana555 Nov 2013 #4
xmas74 Nov 2013 #7
Old Codger Nov 2013 #6
xmas74 Nov 2013 #8
Tree-Hugger Nov 2013 #9
xmas74 Nov 2013 #10
xmas74 Nov 2013 #11

Response to xmas74 (Original post)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 11:13 AM

1. Good 25,000th post.

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Response to A-Schwarzenegger (Reply #1)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 11:16 AM

2. I didn't even notice.

I guess it was time-I've been here long enough!

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Response to xmas74 (Original post)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 11:23 AM

3. I haven't made any life long friends yet... nt

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Response to Xipe Totec (Reply #3)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 11:43 AM

5. I hope the two I feel are true friends

will be around for many years to come.

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Response to xmas74 (Original post)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 11:28 AM

4. I think there's a lot of interesting dynamics regarding this topic..

I know that many of those friends I've had in my childhood and youth have moved in different directions (I'm from the south and many of them are right -wing, conservative Christians). Due to face book, I see how different I am. I've lived in Ca. For most of my adult life and my true friends here are progressives, and into the same things I'm into spiritually (I don't necessarily care for the term "new age" but that's the best way to describe my beliefs). Its hard to continue friendships when there's nothing there but history.

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Response to nirvana555 (Reply #4)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 11:52 AM

7. I've noticed that, as I am closer to 40,

I am not as willing to put up with crap from others. I used to have a very large circle of friends but have since realized that most were not friends at all.

I've always been a fighter and I fought to maintain friendships, the way that I fought to maintain relationships. But just like a relationship, once I've given it my all I leave and I do burn bridges. I became tired of being the only one who ever called, who sent birthday and holiday cards, who made plans only to have the other party cancel them at the last minute. The only time I ever received a phone call was when they were fighting with husband/boyfriend and needed to complain, wanted a place to stay or needed to borrow money. If I had a problem at work or with my child and just needed to blow off steam it "wasn't the time to talk" or the topic would turn towards them.

What I have learned over the past couple of years is that my two closest friends are the people I least expected. Both are the opposite sex; one is a guy who chose to come out to me before anyone else (and at the time I didn't realize how close our friendship bond really was-but he did) and the other is an exboyfriend who still seems to be around after nearly 20 years. Both have had times where we come and go but we always seem to find our way back to each other.

It's so strange how I always thought my closest friends were other women.

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Response to xmas74 (Original post)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 11:50 AM

6. To make a friend

 

You have to be a friend.........

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Response to Old Codger (Reply #6)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 11:54 AM

8. And to maintain a friendship

both sides have to work at it. It's just like a romantic relationship in that aspect-one person can't do all the work.

Sometimes you have to learn to cut your losses, especially when you realize that the relationship isn't exactly healthy and a real friendship.

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Response to xmas74 (Original post)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 12:19 PM

9. I have good friends

I'm 35. In recent years, I have purged a lot of friends...some of them had been in my life for 20+ years. More than one friendship ended due to me miscarrying a few years ago as those people decided my grief was "too awkward " (actual quote) for them to deal with or that I didn't "get over it" soon enough for them to stick by me. So, I put an end to those friendships.

I no longer have any tolerance for people who want me to help solve their latest drama, but cannot be bothered to help me with something simple. I am far less likely to save friendships for sentimental reasons than I was back in my 20s.

I do have a friend who would be there for me at the drop of a hat at 3am, who has supported me through my hardest moments, and who has seen me at my absolute worst and ugliest. And she is a Tea Party Republican fundamentalist Christian.

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Response to Tree-Hugger (Reply #9)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 12:46 PM

10. I'm 38

I've done similar-purged a number of friendships that, in my twenties, I would have fought to maintain.

I was upset at first, almost in a state of mourning but not anymore. I actually feel relieved, like a weight has been lifted. I have only a few friends left and since "the purge" I've actually felt freer to open up to them on a more personal level than ever.

It took me having my teenager tell me that she didn't like my friends to get me to really look at what was going on. I've always told her that she needed to stand up for herself and that if a friend treats you poorly they are not a real friend. Well, she threw that back in my face-and she was right.

(Oh, and one of my closest friends-an ex boyfriend who calls himself a conservative Republican, though he's not.)

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Response to xmas74 (Original post)

Sun Nov 10, 2013, 10:02 PM

11. kick for further discussion

I really think this is an interesting topic

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