General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsN.J. Waitress Stiffed on $93 Bill for Perceived Lesbianism
As a waitress for a good chunk of my 20s I learned to bite my tongue when old men called me honey or sweetie, or when folks offered the hackneyed advice to grow out my hair, but if what happened to Dayna Morales, a former Marine and waitress, had happened to me, I likely would have gone berserk and lost my job that day.
Dayna, a server at Gallop Asian Bistro in Bridgewater, N.J., waited on a family with their two kids, who rang up a pretty hefty $93 bill, but rather than tip their server they left Dayna a nasty little note that read, Im sorry but I cannot tip because I dont agree with your lifestyle and how you live your life, according to the receipt Dayna posted on Have a Gay Days Facebook page.
The mom in the family took issue with Daynas appearance from the start, Dayna wrote on Have a Gay Day, according to The Gaily Grind.
NEVER in a million years did I think this would happen, Dayna wrote. Not only was it a family with two kids, but as I introduce myself and tell them my name is Dayna - the mom proceeds to look at me and say "oh I thought you were gonna say your name is Dan. You sure surprised us!"
http://www.shewired.com/outrageous/2013/11/14/nj-waitress-stiffed-93-bill-perceived-lesbianism
gopiscrap
(23,674 posts)William769
(55,124 posts)Like to see a nickel come out of that one!
xfundy
(5,105 posts)gollygee
(22,336 posts)BULLSHIT.
And what the hell does approving of someone have to do with whether or not you pay them for the service they provided you?
gopiscrap
(23,674 posts)Dorian Gray
(13,469 posts)She disapproved enough not to tip... but NOT enough to actually be served by her? What a cheap asshole using disgusting bigotry to justify her cheapness.
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)William769
(55,124 posts)I'm sure there are many more.
gollygee
(22,336 posts)Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)I just can't believe someone would do that.
William769
(55,124 posts)Good for you!
Decaffeinated
(556 posts)... looks like it was made up as well.
That girl made an easy $10K.
Sissyk
(12,665 posts)Believe me, I kinda wish it had been. I live in Franklin. She didn't lose her job or even miss any work without pay because they believed her. Red Lobsterwouldn't have done that if it wasn't real.
Decaffeinated
(556 posts)bettyellen
(47,209 posts)VanillaRhapsody
(21,115 posts)Luminous Animal
(27,310 posts)Tip or otherwise.
But really, if gay bashers are willing to beat the crap out of people and/or KILL them, then certainly breaking tipping etiquette isn't so far fetched.
William769
(55,124 posts)Luminous Animal
(27,310 posts)gollygee
(22,336 posts)Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)As if that means I dislike LGBTQ members.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)idwiyo
(5,113 posts)Please accept my apology that you have to deal with such hateful posts here on DU.
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)That hasn't even crossed your mind. That all of the extravagancy was made within the context of a political and social regime that loathes flamboyantly gay individuals. My post was a joke, obviously, although I'd still love to see it, made to point out the idiocy of the Russian anti-gay laws.
abelenkpe
(9,933 posts)That is disturbing.
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)The religious folks who insisted that you come to church and repent your sins were some of the best tippers. Even the right wing assholes who said Obama was the devil tipped pretty well.
Maybe it was just my community. The shit tippers didn't seem to express anything other than their shittiness.
unapatriciated
(5,390 posts)your funny. I could paper a five bedroom home with all the religious literature I received as a tip during the 15 years I waited tables.
The church crowd was never noted for being big tippers in any of the many resturants that I worked at. The only other day besides Sunday that most servers hated was Mother's Day.
Cali_Democrat
(30,439 posts)Pab Sungenis
(9,612 posts)You missed his post about Obama's giant rainbow colored dildo.
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)Not that that counts for much.
idwiyo
(5,113 posts)Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)is a tale of their character, not mine
idwiyo
(5,113 posts)There is no doubt what the point of that hidden post was: bigotry, pure and simple.
Disgusting,
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)Would be posting in support of bigotry and homophobia? How reasonable is that to you?
idwiyo
(5,113 posts)Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)People viewed my post in the exact opposite manner I intended. Whether or not that is a failure to communicate on my part is another issue. But what is at play here is my gay "street cred," apparently by a bunch of people who have no idea who I am.
idwiyo
(5,113 posts)bigots are capable of in everyday life.
I experienced racism first hand, and I have absolutely no doubt that instances of homophobia are even more prevalent than instances of racism.
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)People misinterpreted it and fell into reactionary BS. I never thought I'd have to spoon feed people rays of sunshine on this site. I guess I was wrong.
idwiyo
(5,113 posts)Stop blaming everyone else, and take responsibility for the way you communicate.
Incitatus
(5,317 posts)But breaking tip etiquette, yeah that's a whole lot worse.
JHB
(37,128 posts)The judge mental moralizing pricks that I know wouldn't blink at feeling the need to communicate their disapproval in such a manner.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)People don't need an excuse to be assholes, but they're more than happy to come up with a near-infinite variety of inane ones to justify it, anyway.
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)I actually have more experience than most people in this area.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)60% of the people are just there to do their customer thing. Not leaving an impression either way but mostly mildly benign.
30% of the people are fucking AWESOME. Salt of the Earth, the kind of folks you become friends with and hang out after work with.
But.... that last 10%... Those fuckers will turn even the most kind, patient human into a stone-cold misanthrope, after long enough.
spiderpig
(10,419 posts)I spent 40 years in customer service, and that 10% took up 90% of my time.
Jerks.
Sissyk
(12,665 posts)Homophobes are always worred about tip etiquette!
Behind the Aegis
(53,831 posts)What I don't get is why some people have such a hard time believing things like this given some of the crazy and OTT shit said by actual politicians?! What, are they the only homophobes (insert -ism) in the world?
Sissyk
(12,665 posts)Yeah, I guess so to some. And, politicians actually watch what they say (mostly) much more than normal, everyday people.
Behind the Aegis
(53,831 posts)If this crazy shit is said by politicians, who usually are watching what they say, it shouldn't be such a leap to think that people who aren't under media scrutiny are going to say things that are much worse. Sure, there are always going to be "fakers" out there, but there are also many stories out there that aren't even close to making the media. Hell, I have had people make comments to me while I was eating in the restaurant, I wasn't even serving them!
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)themselves might be disbelieving. Me, I don't put anything past people, generally speaking.
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)telling gay people how shitty they are. They'd get their ass kicked and they'd never be served/helped.
idwiyo
(5,113 posts)Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)Homophobic assholes who still know when it's advantageous to keep their idiotic little mouths shut. These aren't crusaders. They're opportunists. There's nothing particularly opportunistic about stiffing a waitress by calling her a lesbian. They gain nothing from it other than maybe a cheaper meal.
idwiyo
(5,113 posts)that even here in UK racism is alive and well.
Until the day I tried to arrange a viewing for the property we were interested in renting. I was told it was not available for viewing just yet and they will call me back in a couple of weeks. That was a normal occurrence for me and the reason I always insisted he was the one to make arrangements.
I called him right after I finished talking to the realtor and asked him to humour me and call them. Do I need to spell to you that he had the viewing set-up for next fucking day? This is UK for fuck sake, not US.
So yeah, buddy. Get off your privileged horse, put on a little bit of mascara or anything that will make you look like what bigots think gays look like , and spend some time waiting tables. I am sure you'll have a pleasant experience.
Change has come
(2,372 posts)Near Kansas City. They wrote f*g on the receipt several times. It was even in the news and stuff.
bigbrother05
(5,995 posts)The more the RW Taliban see the stories of others doing this, the more they feel empowered to do it themselves. Shows just how firmly they live their convections and will likely grow more blatant over time.
Orsino
(37,428 posts)Why would tipping be exempt?
Iggo
(47,487 posts)hatrack
(59,439 posts)Believe me, if there's a shitty, condescending, self-righteous, rude or just plain cheap approach to dining out that's floating out there in Plato's Ideal-o-Sphere, it's been realized and deployed here on Earth.
You'd be amazed what assholes people can be.
bullwinkle428
(20,626 posts)happened to a male server a few weeks back at another restaurant?
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)name not needed
(11,660 posts)The people here fucking suck.
Egnever
(21,506 posts)I bought in the first time but they seem to be coming on a weekly basis now and oddly with a different target every time. This is starting to smell like a scam.
840high
(17,196 posts)the other waitress who finally admitted she wrote the note herself.
LuvNewcastle
(16,820 posts)for many years and I've seen how effeminate guys and masculine women get treated by bigots. I've seen servers have to leave the dining room in tears for being slurred. Most Americans are very good people, but there are some evil ones out there, and a lot of them are religious. I'm gay, but people who don't know me are usually think I'm straight. Besides, even if they can tell they don't fuck with me because I work out and I can go from very cordial to mean as hell very quickly.
Ask somebody who you can tell is gay some time if they've ever been treated wrong by someone because of their sexuality. You'll most likely will hear some stories that will make your blood boil, and a lot of the stories are about members of their own family. It can be a very cruel world for people who dare to be different.
HockeyMom
(14,337 posts)transplant from NY to the South, I routinely smack down men (especially those half my age), who call me that. I would rather be called GRANDMA than "sweetie or honey" from these Southern men. I am not, and have never been, your sweetie or honey.
quinnox
(20,600 posts)tip, but writing a nasty note on the receipt is going into scum bucket territory.
bigwillq
(72,790 posts)NONE
quinnox
(20,600 posts)in my comment, I'm merely saying in a free country people don't have to leave tips, and it could be for any reason under the sun.
bullwinkle428
(20,626 posts)specific service issue which they've discussed with the management on duty) are self-identifying as assholes.
quinnox
(20,600 posts)I used to not tip very often, but I was young and have reformed my ways when I got older.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)it was tied to beyond atrocious or deliberately obnoxious service.
Even marginal, crap service generally gets the baseline 15% from me. If they do a decent job, 20%.
bullwinkle428
(20,626 posts)utterly horrible service, and I ended up leaving somewhere between 5 and 10%. Both of these instances occurred 20+ years back, when I was in my 20s, and I've always looked young for my age, so maybe they thought they could get away with lousy service.
These days, it's almost always a minimum of 20%, and can approach 30% when it's really above and beyond the usual "very good" - one of those took place maybe two weeks ago.
I worked a variety of shitty service jobs when I was in my late teens/early 20s, so I totally understand all the horseshit everyone in the service industry has to deal with!
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)Folks waiting tables have a crap deal, generally. Not tipping is way uncalled for.
Obviously, doing it under the "rationale" of bigotry is even worse, of course.
closeupready
(29,503 posts)I have friends who wait tables for a living, and they tell me you can really sense who's going to stiff you after a while.
The homophobia here adds depth to what is clearly a customer who is an awful person to work for. Not a chance in hell I'd wait on their table - if forced, it'd be perfunctory and at my convenience.
William769
(55,124 posts)lpbk2713
(42,696 posts)They are probably so tight they squeak but they had to struggle
to come up with some silly ass reason to save the price of a tip.
eppur_se_muova
(36,227 posts)Frank Cannon
(7,570 posts)Matariki
(18,775 posts)or add 18% tips automatically to the bill. Then this kind of shit wouldn't happen.
edhopper
(33,202 posts)seem to pay their staff a living wage.
Another area where American isn't exactly "exceptional".
Matariki
(18,775 posts)And the service is just fine, even when people aren't put in that humiliating position of having to grovel for their wages.
Initech
(99,913 posts)He should've waited a week to include this one!
William769
(55,124 posts)Did you by chance see post #13 in this thread?
My favorite part of that:
"Telling a waiter you're not tipping him because he's gay isn't going to make him put his penis in a woman. It's going to make him put his penis in your pasta primavera!"
Quantess
(27,630 posts)BlueJazz
(25,348 posts)...that pulled some shit like that. I'd stand up and rip their asses in front of every patron in the restaurant.
...and have fun doing it.
Don't think I would do that ?...you be wrong.
madamesilverspurs
(15,783 posts)and as two ladies left after dinner they handed me two dollars and asked me to pass that along to the waitress. Since their server happened to be standing right there I suggested they could go ahead and give it to her directly. Looking decidedly uncomfortable, the woman with the cash pressed it into my hand and said, "Well, no. You know how it is...", to which I responded with "No, I don't" and gave the money back to her. After they huffed out of the restaurant I gave the waitress $2 out my own pocket to replace the tip I'd cost her. She needed the money, as her husband had left her to raise two kids on her own. The two women objected to her waitressing while Black.
That was in 1976, Williamsburg VA.
William769
(55,124 posts)mercuryblues
(14,491 posts)to think up an appropriate response in time in these situations. So please feel free to steal this......
I licked your kids plates and now they have caught the gay! Have a gay life!
It pisses me off that the person was good enough to wait on their asses, but not good enough to pay them for that service.
Behind the Aegis
(53,831 posts)Many may not see the homophobia, even here, in the real world, but as a gay person, trust me it is out there and it is not shy! Some don't realize for a few of us, shit like this is not completely out of the ordinary. We are attacked for simply being gay, nothing more. Homophobia is NOT just calling us "fags" and "dykes."
William769
(55,124 posts)Gormy Cuss
(30,884 posts)If they really had a problem with her perceived "lifestyle" they should have left before being served.
IMHO they're just cheapskates who looked for an excuse to stiff her on the tip.
Scuba
(53,475 posts)... you can tell your server who they can eat out.
Vashta Nerada
(3,922 posts)If you ring up a $93 bill, and your waitress was cordial to you, you better fucking tip her, no matter what her perceived lifestyle is.
William769
(55,124 posts)Spirochete
(5,264 posts)but not from allowing the person to serve them in the first place? Homophobia or stinginess?
Chan790
(20,176 posts)I'm paying my servers a full wage, appending the cost therein into the prices and discouraging tipping.
Warren DeMontague
(80,708 posts)"What can I do? It's my faith."
KamaAina
(78,249 posts)Did she say "Hi! My name's Dana, and I'll be your lesbian server this evening"?!
One of my dear friends has a buzzcut and is 100% hetero.
Egnever
(21,506 posts)the first time i was outraged the second i was incensed, this time I am starting to ask myself when did people start leaving messages on their bill all the time?
Maybe I am wrong and some dirt bag actually did this but this is starting to smell like people trying to follow up on the good will the others received with a little of their own.
William769
(55,124 posts)Still think it doesn't happen?
Egnever
(21,506 posts)but when we have a new one every week to be pissed about it starts to smell a little fishy.
Like I said maybe I am wrong and this is legit but my bullshit meter is starting to go off.
TeeYiYi
(8,028 posts)...who pull shit so they can post it on their facebook page or youtube. If that's what this is about, I don't think that family is going to like the outcome.
If you're suggesting that the "lesbian" did this for a social media retaliation payday, I hope you're wrong. I seriously can't imagine it but if that turns out to be the case, she'll be busted and live to regret it. I just don't believe that's the case. I guess we'll see...
TYY
Egnever
(21,506 posts)"lesbian" isn't part of the equation it is the sudden weekly posting of these things after the girl got 10k http://www.ryot.org/racist-receipt-left-for-red-lobster-waitress-may-have-been-faked/451113
TeeYiYi
(8,028 posts)I hope you're wrong but your theory makes sense. What a world we live in.
Seriously, if this turns out to be bullshit, I wouldn't want to be in that particular lesbian's birkenstocks. People on the internet have nothing better to do than to get to the bottom of a social media injustice gone viral. The truth will definitely, ultimately come out.... one way or the other.
TYY
840high
(17,196 posts)840high
(17,196 posts)TeeYiYi
(8,028 posts)That can't be any more legal that walking out the door without paying for the jeans you're trying on or driving away in the car you just test drove. "Sorry, I'm keeping the car but I'm not paying because I don't like the way you roll."
How is this bullshit possibly legal? I hope the social media figures out who dined and dashed on the tip. That asshole family deserves every bit of the karmic retribution coming their way.
TYY
Captain Stern
(2,195 posts)Some people are just really cheap. They want to get something for nothing, and they want to feel good about themselves for doing it. If the folks in this latest episode were really all that offended, and wanted to stand on principle, they would have asked for a different server from the start. They didn't. They just want to feel good about not tipping.
Same thing goes for the assholes that leave bible tracts for tips, instead of an actual tip. They want to be able to tell themselves, and others, that the "tip" they left was far more valuable than money....of course, they could have left their bible card AND money, but they didn't.
Like Jesus said: "The assholes you will always have with you.."
JustAnotherGen
(31,681 posts)And asked to be seated in her section. Used to live five minutes from it - but now live about 15. And we are going to give her a big fat tip.
0rganism
(23,855 posts)Is there some kind of evangelical movement to not tip wait staff who appear un-biblical? Are there preachers telling their congregations not to tip gays? Pretty sick shit if so, probably not actionable though.
rurallib
(62,344 posts)of the waitress' labor.
In many cases the tips are basically all the wait staff gets - to not pay them is, to me, theft.
Gravitycollapse
(8,155 posts)Not legally at least. Gratuity is not required to pay a check.
pansypoo53219
(20,906 posts)diabeticman
(3,121 posts)erpowers
(9,350 posts)I know some people think making tipping mandatory would lower the level of service of waiters, but things like this give support to the idea that tipping should be mandatory. If tipping was mandatory things like this would not happen. Just add the tipping percentage to the final bill with the name of the waiter on the bill. At the end of the day, or on pay day give the waiter his/her tips.
idwiyo
(5,113 posts)TheMightyFavog
(13,770 posts)Dayna is one of our absolute best servers working here at Gallop. We as a team were deeply hurt by the events that transpired. I myself as the General Manager took it personal as my team treats each other like a family. I made sure that Dayna was compensated for the tip, as for emotionally I wish there was much more I could do. One thing I can say is that people of that woman's kind business is not welcome here at Gallop, and I can assure you that if they decide to dine here again that they will be turned away.
Sincerely,
Byron Lapola
General Manager
Gallop Asian Bistro
If I ever find myself out in that part of new Jersey someday, I'll have to give this place a try!
Behind the Aegis
(53,831 posts)kentauros
(29,414 posts)And way to go, too! Good on the manager for standing up like that
I'd say that their statement is substantial validation that this event did truly happen, here in this country of over 300 million people!
I am emphasizing that for all the folks here trying to say this is a fake story, made-up for attention-seeking and so forth. I don't know statistics, but would think that stories like this should be getting reported far more often than merely once a week. 50 such stories a year out of 300 million is an exceptionally small percentage of the population. Factor in how most people have phones with cameras and are on some form of social media, and you should be seeing far more then a measly 50 stories a year.
Also, I don't see this family as the least bit cheap or stingy. They ran up a bill of just under $90 before taxes. That means the four of them had dinners of at least 20-bucks each (or a big bar- tab for the adults) or the same adults had even more expensive dinners than their kids. Cheapskates would not eat at such establishments. They'd find a sucker friend or family member to take them out to dinner and then they'd order the most expensive item on the menu, taking home more than half of it.
This was "simply" a bigoted family. Makes you wonder if they do this everywhere, treating their outings as "teaching events" for their kids...
eridani
(51,907 posts)Long fine hairs in food aren't exactly a big tip winner.
SoCalDem
(103,856 posts)My best friend has been in the restaurant/hospitality business her whole life & she's always said that they go out of their way to create neutrality:
no long fingernails
no bright nail polish
no perfume
no piercings (visible)
no visible tattoos
no nailbiters
no hair touching the shoulders
no "heavy" make-up/bright eye shadow/lipstick
chino or black slacks (loose fitting).. company logo polo-style shirts (loose-fitting)..sensible shoes
The whole idea for cooks/food-handlers/servers, is cleanliness, friendliness, and efficiency.
She said she always had a few (especially younger) women who decided that being sexy & flirtatious was the way to get better tips, but in a family dining establishment that's the LAST thing a manager/owner wants from his waitresses/waiters.. She would tell them "This isn't Hooters...please tone it down ".
People who stiff waiters/waitresses are just rude, mean people who would probably not tip for any reason. They write mean things to justify to themselves, that they are in the right.. They are always wrong..
WinkyDink
(51,311 posts)MAKE YOUR OWN FAKE RECEIPT RIGHT HERE, FOLKS:
http://www.smileygenerator.us/fake_receipt/
OR HERE:
http://www.salesreceiptstore.com/fake_receipt_templates.html
See what I mean?
http://www.savvysugar.com/Fake-Receipt-Generator-Brilliant-Baffling-5677005
Someone actually 'fessed up to one:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/ryanhatesthis/someone-wrote-nojustice-notip-on-a-receipt-at-restaurant-in
tammywammy
(26,582 posts)WinkyDink
(51,311 posts)tammywammy
(26,582 posts)kentauros
(29,414 posts)doesn't mean then that all such receipts are suspect. We are a nation of over 300 million people. Isn't there room in all of that for most of these stories to be true? Or can you prove otherwise?
obxhead
(8,434 posts)I have yet to meet another server/bartender that has worked in the field for more than just 1 year that could not describe a customer that has done this to them.
Luckily it's a rare table that will completely screw a server, but it happens to nearly every single one of them at least once a year.
Fake? Maybe, I don't really care. It happens and it happens frequently.
My personal favorite no tip table:
The "have you found Jesus?" pamphlet with the fake $10 bill bookmark sticking out. Those are a real hoot.
Puzzledtraveller
(5,937 posts)AngryAmish
(25,704 posts)jmowreader
(50,451 posts)Pretzel_Warrior
(8,361 posts)Based on the amount of the bill.
Response to William769 (Original post)
William769 This message was self-deleted by its author.
Nye Bevan
(25,406 posts)but in my entire life I don't think I have ever been aware of the sexual orientation of my server in a restaurant. Somehow the subject has never really come up.