Awesomeness from The Onion!

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Last edited Thu Nov 21, 2013, 12:26 AM - Edit history (1)

Buddhist Extremist Cell Vows To Unleash Tranquility On West

WASHINGTON—In a 45-minute video posted on Tibetan websites Thursday, Tsuglag Rinpoche, leader of the Buddhist extremist group Kammaṭṭhāna, threatened to soon inflict a wave of peace and tranquility on the West.

Speaking in front of a nondescript altar surrounded by candles, burning sticks of incense, and a small golden statue of the Buddha, Rinpoche did not specify when or where an assault of profound inner stillness would occur, but stated in no uncertain terms that the fundamentalist Buddhist cell plans to target all Western suffering.

“In the name of the Great Teacher, we will stop at nothing to unleash a firestorm of empathy, compassion, and true selflessness upon the West,” said Rinpoche, adding that all enemies of a freely flowing, unfettered state of mind will be “besieged with pure, everlasting happiness.” “No city will be spared from spiritual harmony. We will bring about the end to all Western pain and anxiety, to all destructive cravings, to all greed, delusion, and misplaced desire. Indeed, we will bring the entire United States to its knees in deep meditation.”

Read more...

http://goo.gl/NVWHAN

[shenmue]

1. Just you try it!...

[TxDemChem]

2. That would be nice.

Gotta love The Onion

[DJ13]

3. Drones will be launched any minute

[MH1]

4. We'll never know what hit us!

[Electric Monk]

5. Hilarious, but your URL has a bunch of crap in it only for tracking who clicked from where

This works just fine, too http://www.theonion.com/articles/buddhist-extremist-cell-vows-to-unleash-tranquilit,34623/

[yodermon]

6. "an assault of profound inner stillness"

love it

[silverweb]

7. Uh-oh...

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]Combine that with the Unitarian Jihad, and we're in for some serious ... peace and harmony!

[lastlib]

8. Oh, sh1t--the repuglikkkans will be apoplectic when they hear that.....

how are they ever going to cope with "Profound inner stillness"? They won't know what to do when their heads stop rattling.

[silverweb]

9. I can't wait.

[catrose]

13. Oh, no!

You weren't supposed to tell people yet. Weren't you at the last cell meeting?

Signed,
Sister Flaming Sharpened Screwdriver of Infinite Compassion
Our Battle Cry: Be Reasonable!

[silverweb]

14. Oops!

[font color="navy" face="Verdana"]So sorry! I didn't mean to jump the gun (so to speak).

Maybe we should advance the timetable before word gets out? See you at the next cell meeting!

Signed,
Sister Stealthy Spear of Cosmic Chortles

[ReRe]

10. My only reaction is....

[DeSwiss]

11. No one's told these monks about the Tea Party yet, have they?

I didn't think so.

- They're gonna need more than a firestorm of empathy for this bunch......

K&R

[center]It's All About The Gun Size

[/center]

[Scuba]

15. Ew. Pity the fool who had to do the measuring!

[zeemike]

12. That is a threat to our freedom, exceptualism and our very way of life.

I am really scared now...we have to drone their number one, two, and three man and smoke them out of their temples, and prevent them from using their weapons of mass tranquility.

[lumberjack_jeff]

16. Maybe we should volunteer as beta-testers. n/t