Polygamy is usually the horror story rhetorical end

[Recursion]

This struck me today.

People who want to "Defend" or "Strengthen" "traditional" marriage always come up with the same horror story about same-sex marriage:

"If we let gay couples marry, we'll end up allowing polygamy."

As a simple policy question I don't think one follows from the other (polygamists don't have an organized lobby like gay Americans have, nor significant social/political support like gay Americans do), but even if that were true... if you're "defending" "traditional" marriage I still don't see the problem -- what is more "traditional" than polygamy?

[renie408]

1. I'll go you one further...who gives a shit?

I don't understand why polygamy is illegal. It seems to me that if people want a communal family with one husband and multiple wives, as long as they are not hurting anybody else...who cares?

I am going to guess that most women don't want multiple husbands, but same thing.

[Joel thakkar]

3. +1

people judge other people too often...why do you give a damn about what other people's do in their private life....

[el_bryanto]

10. One argument is that where polygamy exists it exists in patriarchal societies where the women

are abused, and are not free. So, the women in those societies are in fact being hurt. The wives and children are more the property of the men in the relationship.

That's not to say a polygamous relationship can't be nurturing and loving, but historically there's lots of examples that go the other way.

Bryant

[renie408]

13. It's Friday.

Just checking to see if you are going to argue with me about that.

[el_bryanto]

17. I'm sorry you must not be used to people disagreeing with you

I'll keep that in mind for the future.

But I do agree - it is Friday.

Bryant

[renie408]

21. Yep, you nailed it. I am completely unused to people disagreeing with me.

In the nine years I have been visiting this place off and on, I have been universally agreed with at all times. Right up until YOU. YOU are the first person in my fifty years that has every persistently disagreed with me. I am not sure I can deal with it.

Tell me, has anyone ever mentioned you might just be a tad serious or maybe literal?

Look, I have a hard time remembering the names of people on here. I recognized yours from the other day when you were oh so gently trying to dissuade me from my other opinion. It just clicked for me that we had a long (it was kind of long, right?) back and forth about that and then I saw you once again gently explaining that my thought process was not the most perfectly politically correct one.

I was actually trying to kid around with you. Apparently, I failed drastically. I see your point about polygamy. Still not sure I give a shit if four or five people want to consider themselves married to each other. Obviously, I give a shit if young women/girls are being forced into what amounts to sex slavery cloaked in the guise of religion. But not all polygamous relationships would have to be that, would they?

[ieoeja]

23. At the time you posted that, it was 2:06 am on Saturday in Japan.

Ha! You lose.

[seveneyes]

11. They can do it now

What isn't needed is a government document sanctifying multiple partners in marriage. People can bang all the drums they want, but the official kit is still a snare and a bass drum.

[renie408]

14. And marriage is for a man and a woman??

Cause that's what that 'official kit' thing might be referring to.

And if it is...INCOMING!!!

[seveneyes]

20. Two people of any gender

Not sure why you would assume otherwise.

[renie408]

22. I think it was the 'snare and bass' reference.

It sounded like it could be a 'man and woman' reference to me.

But that's all good.

[HereSince1628]

4. Don't you suppose this could be projection of being rejected/abandoned

or some other problem emerging from anxieties about 'sharing'?

[morningfog]

5. If there were an organized group working to make polygamy and polyamorous marriages legal,

I would support them.

If there were groups looking to repeal adult incest laws, I would support them. I believe consenting adults should be permitted to marry whomever they want.

[renie408]

7. Aaannnddd...that's where you lose me...

I am ok with adult incest laws.

[morningfog]

8. Lol. It's all good. Everyone has a line, I suppose.

I just don't see that it is my business or society's what consenting adults do. I am certainly not advocating for it, but wouldn't oppose it if a group were to lobby for it. I don't expect such an effort to be made though.

[Nye Bevan]

12. There are excellent evolutionary reasons for strongly discouraging incest.

I think that legalizing incest would send the wrong signals.

[JoePhilly]

6. I tell them to gather others like themseves who want Polygamy to be legal

and start protesting.

They then tell me they don't want it to be legal.

I say, "Well, an organized group of people might be able to convince me, but I've yet to see one. So I'm not too worried about it."

At this point, they are not sure what to do. Most get really confused and give up.

Some press on.

And if they push forward, I start to ask them if maybe they really are pro-polgamy but are afraid to say it. I tell them that if so, and they want to talk about it, I won't judge them and that they don't need to hide behind the gays. "Its ok if you wife swap too."

I've only had men use the polygamy line of argument and so I'll usually ask them why they or any man for that matter, would want more than one wife ... after all "Its hard enough being married to ONE woman, how crazy would a guy need to be to want two or three wives. That's probably why its illegal in the first place!"

Its fun watching them try and wiggle all this back around to an abstract comparison of gay marriage and "traditional marriage."

[Skidmore]

9. The number of children born into polygamy increases exponentially, I would think.

Just look at the Mormon groups that practice it. Just think about what that means in terms of costs to society. Just venturing this as the horror to Republican sensibilities--lots of women and kids to be supported on......gasp!....welfare.

Actually polygamy hasn't been traditional for quite some time. We do have a lot of serial monogamy happening here and that is not a whole lot different, IMHO.

[LittleBlue]

15. I don't really care about polygamy

Let consenting adults do as they please. If someone wants to consent to being a third, fourth or fifth sister-wife or brother-husband, I don't care.

The arrangement is already legal anyway without the paper certificate.

[riderinthestorm]

16. Basically marriage is about contracts and legal rights. Its hard enough with serial monogamy

to sort out who gets what legally when its just between two parties at a time.

When you factor in multiple partners it would entangle the courts for many, many more years to sort through the contracts and legal obligations especially when it comes to children. If all of the adults are the legal parents of the children for example, how do you "split" the child custody equally between a man and 4 wives?

Polygamy made sense when the wife/wives and children were the man's property. Now we'd have messy child custody battles when infertile wife #1 wants custody sharing with wives #2, 3 and 4's children along with the husband.

If polygamy advocates could work out a way that was fair to everyone then fine but since virtually all polygamy is really about enforcing patriarchy, there's no way women would fair equally under the law in this system.

[LanternWaste]

18. To me, traditional marriage implies...

To me, traditional marriage implies dowries, arranged marriages based on political expediencies, brides as part of the spoils of war, absolute lack of female legal protections from the husband's actions, average age of female at time of marriage at 15 years old, and a legal contract to produce legitimate heirs.

So I am (as I imagine many others are too) rather relieved that "traditional marriages" are more history and less contemporary.

[Capt. Obvious]

19. Rape porn