Response to abstinence education in school

[xmas74]

Last edited Mon Dec 16, 2013, 12:38 AM - Edit history (1)

My child just handed me a permission slip requesting consent to learn about human sexuality in the eighth grade. The focus, according to the note, is abstinence. I signed the slip but also added something to the note.

"Though abstinence is a fine goal for young teens I realize that this doesn't always happen. I have no problems with my child learning about reproduction but I wish that a more comprehensive sex education course would be offered in our local school district.
I am NOT encouraging my child to become active at such an early age but I would prefer that she and others her age know their options and how to exercise them instead of finding themselves pregnant-or worse. Any information offered in this course will be supplemented with additional information at home on how to prevent pregnancy and disease in ways besides abstinence. My child will be given the knowledge to control her reproductive future and I wish others were given the same."

Too preachy?

[LeftyMom]

1. Personally, I would want significant clarification.

Does abstinence focused mean "you probably shouldn't be having sex yet but when you inevitably do soonish here's how to protect yourself" or "bodies are evil and here's some nasty woman hating crap I picked up at church and by the way condoms don't work"?

Because it's if it's the latter that would be worse than useless and personally I'd opt my kid out. I'd give the former some serious side eye, because I think it's often used to soft sell the latter. Do you have the option of reviewing the sex ed curriculum before it's delivered?

[xmas74]

2. Not this program, unfortunately

and kid left it to the last minute for a permission slip. It has to be in by tomorrow or else there will be no class for them. Instead, they will be sent to the library with all the fundamentalist kids who aren't allowed to talk about sex or evolution.

I am taking that day off and plan on sitting in on the lesson, pulling my child aside to correct whatever has been taught. I am a bit worried, since a couple of years ago the paper sent out with info about the "period" film included links to Focus on the Family. I sent that note back with consent signed but with a notation stating that my child will receive additional information at home, with assistance from info provided by PP.

[winter is coming]

8. If your kid's already well-informed about sex, perhaps they *should* go to the library with the

fundamentalist kids. That way, the fundy kids will learn something.

[xmas74]

12. But you really don't want to alienate her from her classmates.

There's no reason for it. Besides, I'm sure that assignment in the library will include "no talking".

[RC]

3. Not bad.

Except maybe ask for some real world information in a sex education class.
What I know about abstinence only, is that there is too much fantasy/belief and not enough facts/reality. It denies our evolutionary history and how strong a teenage sex drive can be and what to do about it. To say nothing about natural curiosity in something our society try's to deny is common and normal.

[xmas74]

4. It was totally off the cuff.

Maybe I should have thought before I wrote it.

Nothing of the sort will happen in this neck of the woods. It'll always be abstinence and they will always wonder why we have teen pregnancy in this town. AT least I can be vocal about what I would prefer to have taught to my child.

[RC]

6. Someone needs to speak up to get the ball rolling.

Otherwise all may be silent and nothing will be done.

Maybe you could get a chance to ask some questions during the or after the class? Let other know they are not alone in questioning the wisdom of abstinence only education.

[xmas74]

13. Probably after class.

I'm not a fan and never have been a fan of abstinence education. I want the instructor to know this without trying to undermine her in front of her classroom.

[Ms. Toad]

5. I agree with Lefty Mom.

We allowed our daughter to participate (but she ended up in the hospital so she didn't actually see it). But in preparation for the lesson I asked for the materials they planned to use. They were dangerously inaccurate in many ways - which I took the time to correct using as neutral sources as I could find, with a copy to the school (who had brought in a private company to do the lesson). I was appalled.

Sitting in is a good idea.

[xmas74]

14. I plan on it

just to find out exactly what will be taught that day.

[surrealAmerican]

7. Is your note likely to be read by anybody?

... or is the teacher just going to leaf through the slips that were returned and find the "no" slips so those children will be sent to the library?

[xmas74]

15. It's on the same sheet of paper as the permission slip

so I know that the note is in her possession. And the permission slip has is required to go into the child's file, according to district policy.

Whether she reads it or not I can't say but I know she'll have it in hand.

[barbtries]

9. nope.

"abstinence only" is worse than too preachy - it's unrealistic.

[xmas74]

16. That's what I believe.

I'd much rather have a talk with my child about birth control pills or condoms than have to deal with her coming home and telling me she is pregnant or has a disease. Abstinence only education offers that chance of her having that type of talk with me, instead of learning how to own her sexuality.

[Shandris]

10. No, not too preachy at all.

However, I doubt the teacher gets much say in what is actually taught. It sounds much more like something that needs to be spoken by a presenting speaker at the School Board meeting (or equivalent in your area of course!). Maybe they could do more with it, and the speech could get other people who were attending to get on board with it also.

[xmas74]

18. I live in a very, very conservative area.

I'm surprised that they are addressing the subject with anything but "Wait until you're married." At least the paper did mention that they will learn about how babies are actually "made", a bit about STD/STI and how they are transmitted and there will be a short clip showing a live birth. That's more than I ever expected from the district.

[DLnyc]

11. Great note.

A couple of minor edits:

"option and home to . . . "
probably meant to be:
"options and how to . . ." ('s' on 'option' and 'home' changed to 'how')

Not too preachy at all, IMHO. Sounds like they are the ones being preachy.

[xmas74]

17. I'm lucky I was able to get out as much I as did.

It was sprung on me at the last minute and I was totally off the cuff, writing the note directly on the permission slip. All permission slips are added directly to the student's file so I knew that, at the very least, the teacher would have the note in hand.

My child tends to give me notes that need signed the night before they are due, instead of when she first receives them. If I had received it immediately I could have formulated a better response. As it is, the response was written with two glasses of wine down, which I felt I deserved after a 70 hour work week.

It doesn't much matter what I say since I'd be surprised if I receive any response at all from the teacher or the school.

[xmas74]

19. Just reread both the handwritten and the typed note here-

the mistake was in the typed note. That's about the time I felt a warm tingly sensation, probably from the wine.

[WowSeriously]

20. You should have told them to not waste anybody's time with abstinence education.

[xmas74]

21. You say that but this isn't your child's school.

I had to get my point across without becoming insulting. My child needs to stay on the good side of faculty-her future could depend on it.

[LWolf]

22. I don't think it's too preachy.

I do think the message is going to the wrong people.

The people teaching the material at school are not those who make the decisions about what to teach. Your message should go to the school board, and then to the state level.

[Iggo]

23. Way nicer than I would have been.

Well done.

[Heidi]

24. That's not preachy! You're a stakeholder in that school district

and your opinion should be valued.