I will not be going to the Christmas celebration on my dad's side of the family this year.

[BarackTheVote]

Both of my grandparents on my dad's side of the family passed away this year, within a month of one another. I posted something about the Duck Dynasty guy on my Facebook wall (repost below), and all hell broke loose. The worst offenders were my cousins on my dad's side, who not only attacked what I was saying but went on to attack a friend of mine whom they've never met, who I know is going through a lot of shit right now. I hate censoring people, but I cannot condone that sort of harassment, so I deleted all of the responses just to be fair. I'm so sick in my heart right now.

Here's the original post:

Congratulations, Phil Robertson, you have ruined Christmas. Your ignorant comments have brought out the worst in people just days before a Holiday dedicated to love and fellowship, family and friends, you have set off an ugly powderkeg that distorts relationships and sets us against each other.

Christ was challenging, Christ was offensive, not because He attacked people but because He loved so, so much. He embraced the "cursed," the lepers, the woman afflicted with bleeding, the lame, the blind... the people whose lives were terrible, who were avoided and derided because the common thought was that they or their ancestors had done something wrong and God was punishing them. He treated the despised Samaritans with respect, even elevating them and forever acquainting them with the phrase "Good" because good isn't qualified by being a part of some race or religion, but it is measured in how you treat your fellow man!

He was offensive because in a time when so many wanted a general to lead them in a bloodbath against the Romans, He said to turn the other cheek and embrace peace. He was offensive because He said that He would give us his very Flesh and Blood to eat and drink because he loved us so much that he was willing to give every part of himself for us, He loved us so much that He wanted to be a part of us and us a part of Him!

This is the Christ we celebrate at Christmas, the coming of someone who taught us the true meaning of love!

I'm not asking you to shut up and not proclaim the Gospel, but you're not only hiding the Gospel under a bushel basket, you're hiding it behind a Roman tortoise formation bristling with spears of hatred and disunity. You are not approachable, you are not defending the Gospel, you are turning people away! So many good gay people have been turned back from Christ because of this hateful rhetoric! So many have been turned away from the loving arms of Christ by you self-proclaimed defenders of Christianity! All anyone wants, deep down, past the callous of the harm and hurt afflicted on them--all they want is to fall into the arms of Christ and be loved as only He can love!

This is the Man we are going to celebrate in a mere four days, the Man who taught us love is unconditional even to the point of sacrificing everything for the beloved. God, Who laid down his life, Who the Angels worship in perpetual adoration, who must have wept with a more profound agony that any human being is capable of as their Lord suffered humiliation, pain, torture, death, out of NOTHING BUT LOVE. What a humble, beautiful Man!

The only people Christ ever condemned were those who turned their backs on their fellow man, who self-righteously used their religion as an excuse to make others feel unworthy! He called them a den of vipers! So congratulations, Phil Robertson, you have sown division, you have set us against ourselves, you have perverted the Gospel, . I call you out, you viper!

And to all my so-called Christian relatives, I challenge you, if there is someone in your life that you have turned away from because you think they are in some way "unclean" who you have turned your back on because they don't fit your definition of righteousness... go up to them, embrace them, and without qualification, without asking for anything in return, without judgement--embrace them and tell tham as Christ would: "I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU!"

It's kind of funny... the very thing I was trying to bring to light, that this controversy is tearing us apart at Christmas, is exactly what happened in my comments... I don't know, maybe I self-fulfilled this prophesy, but I'm sick of it and I had to say something. Listen, I know a lot of you here have been hurt by Christians and the Church before and maybe don't feel a lot of sympathy for my plight right now, and probably vehimently disagree with some of what I say above, but I'm just so sad right now, and I'd appreciate it if things stay positive here as they didn't on my Facebook well.

I just really needed to vent. Thanks...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear BarackTheVote...

I just want to say how much I respect you for writing and posting this.



Boo/hiss to the naysayers!

for you and your goodness...

[RBInMaine]

2. GOOD FOR YOU for your very principled stand. If I knew you, I'd invite you to come spend Christmas

Day at our house in Maine. I hope you can spend the day with other family or friends. Keep up the principled courage.

[Kaleva]

3. I generally keep my opinions restricted to DU

Most of the family, mainly on my ex wife's side, are conservatives and while many of them know I'm a Democrat, I don't get into potentially divisive discussions with them even on the few occasions when they try to draw me into one.

They are not going to change my mind on any issue and I wouldn't be able to change their's so there is no point in raising a ruckus.

[No Vested Interest]

4. I'm with you, Kaleva.

I know my own mind; it's always been my decisions, not others.
However, family, even those I disagree with politically, are precious and I choose to keep them.

[Kaleva]

10. It isn't going to be anyone here who can provide support during those times I'm sick...

or just too plain rundown to do anything for awhile. It's family I can count on just as when they call and ask for assistance from me, they can count on it.

[Raine]

27. Me too. My cousin is literally a teabagger but she was there for me when my father was so ill and

died. I'll never forget what that meant to me, we never discuss politics. I figure she wonders why I think the way I do just as I wonder with her, but we just agree to disagree and leave it alone. We are family and love each other and that's more important.

[sendero]

30. I think...

... you have it exactly right. My family is about half and half. I have one sibling that likes to try to get an argument going, I just ignore it. I could beat him rhetorically with half my brain removed but I choose not to go there.

There are some things more important than even politics. I'm NOT talking about the OP, s/he has a unique situation and it is up to him/her to decide how to handle it. But it is hard enough to keep families working together without bringing this shit into it.

[BrotherIvan]

5. I wish they could have listened

Because you are talking about the Jesus that's in the bible, not the radio or the pulpit. I was just thinking today about how we have gone full circle again and how Jesus stood up against the zealots who were using religion as a cudgel, a bid for power and oppression. I don't know where any of these Khristians got their Jesus, but he's almost an anti-Christ in many ways.

I see your heartfelt belief in the good of Christianity and I can admire that. I'm glad you didn't give in to their twisted thinking and compromise such sincere beliefs. I wish you a wonderful holiday and hope you can be among others who truly respect and love you.

Peace on Earth. Peace to you.

[brer cat]

6. +1.

Can't say it any better than this.

K&R

[okaawhatever]

7. Your post was excellent. I'm sorry others had a problem with it. While there are some agnostics or

atheists here, I think there are as many or more Christians here. The problem most folks have with Christianity is caused by the people who aren't doing what the Bible says anyway. There are many, many Christian Democrats. There are organized groups of Catholic Democrats for choice, Mormon Democrats and every other religion. The Republicans do not have a monopoly on Christian voters or Christianity. Look at the Moral Monday protests in North Carolina. Roman Catholics, Methodists, Presbyterians, Lutherans and a couple other religions got together to protest the actions of the Republican legislature. They used scripture to show how what the Republicans were doing wasn't Christian. Those protests drew thousands of supporters by the end of the summer.
You know what the Bible says about how to treat other people. You know what the Bible says about feeding the hungry, helping the poor and infirm, and how to treat others. Don't let small minded people get the best of you with their hate and anger. Find comfort in knowing that people who think as you do are happy and at peace, and people like your relatives have to live every day with all the hate and negative emotions. It won't be easy but don't let the majority of a small group let you think that you aren't in the majority of Christians. You might spend a few minutes reading the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi before you go, get your blood pressure down as far as possible.

[narnian60]

22. +1 million

[demigoddess]

8. If they can't just respect or at least tolerate

your opinion, there is not much you can do but not put yourself in the same room with them. Why take that punishment? You are just as entitled to have an opinion as they are.

[Curmudgeoness]

9. Just a guess, but they probably didn't get past the first line.

At that point, they were ready to attack. I am sorry that you were treated so poorly by family, especially when you wrote a wonderful and valid post. And I am not surprised by the attack on your friend either. I have been viciously attacked on FB by people I have never met just for posting an agreement to something a friend has posted. My solution was to quit posting on FB. I don't need the drama, and I know that I will not get through to the haters.

[Cha]

13. Excellent guess, Curmudgeoness.. Their hero,

PR, "ruining Christmas"!11 The very thought!!

[RobertEarl]

11. Love thine enemy

Go to the family gathering knowing Jesus is with you.
Don't let them win. You don't have to fight that day, just say you are there for love.

Or not.

Whatever, Barack, you are cool!

[liberalmuse]

12. It sounds like you know the Bible.

And they don't. I can't see anything in your FB post that should cause a negative reaction from true followers of Jesus Christ.

I'm an atheist, but I've read the Bible a few times and have zero respect for people who pick and choose scriptures in order to hurt someone else. I've seen too many people bash other vulnerable people (those who have been indoctrinated into Christianity since birth but who do not "conform" to what today's charlatan preachers are putting out there) over the head with it, using it as a weapon so they can feel smugly satisfied that they are doing the Lord's work. Too many who claim to follow Jesus' teachings are doing a shit job of it.

[DhhD]

18. Some Christians have abandoned the Great Commission given by Christ right before he was last seen.

Keep in mind that Canadian R E Cruz, senator from Texas, is proud to tell the world that he has been anointed by preachers to, bring in the money of the world to the church/forget about bringing in the poor to worship Christ, they have no money to give. After all, Cruz and Money are King.

[Cha]

14. Your FB post was brilliant, BarackTheVote.. and needed to be said.

too bad for those who can't comprehend the reality and choose to go off rather than have a rational conversation about it.

[Shemp Howard]

15. Do what you think is best, but...

As you said in your original post, Jesus said to turn the other cheek and embrace peace. If you yourself can possibly do that, do it. Try to turn the other cheek to those relatives of yours that are ignorant. I'm sure they meant you no harm. They are just, well, ignorant.

I've seen family disputes like this cause a lot of pain to innocents. Folks are often forced to choose sides, and so end up losing half the people they love.

Of course, only you can decide what's best for you. You cannot put yourself into a situation of relentless mental anguish.

But perhaps turning the other cheek and taking a few ananwered slaps will end the dispute, and bring some sort of peace to your family.

Just don't let yourself be drawn into any sort of political argument. Gently deflect any attempt.

Best wishes to you. I hope things work out.

[riderinthestorm]

16. Not sure where you live but you and yours are welcome at my house for Christmas

I am so, so very sorry. You are one of those Christians who shine with wisdom.

Peace. And truly, if you are within range of the far western suburbs of Chicago we'd be honored to have you.

[vlyons]

17. You need to go to your Dad's family christmas

and practice the peace that you write about. Yes, your cousins are ignoramouses, and their comments are probably meant to be hurtful. All the more reason for you to show up at their party and demonstrate turning the other cheek. Their insults and stupid blather, even tho' they SEEM aimed at you, they are not really about you. The comments are about them. The ignorance, fears, and insecurities bubbling up in THEIR minds come right out of their minds. But their thoughts and words belong to them, not you.

In their ignorance, they belittle what they don't understand to bring it down to their low level. Are you able be above that? Are you a more compassionate person than that? A person, who can show love and compassion to even your offensive cousins?

You should go to their stupid party and walk in the door with a big smile on your face, give 'em a big hug, and say "Merry Christmas!." Don't get all defensive and bent out of shape if the start spewing ignorant BS. They may be itching for a fight, and you can demonstrate brotherly love by not rising to the bait. Just let the ignorant rants roll off like water on a duck's back. If you must say anything, just say, "thank you for sharing that." and let that hang in the air with neither your agreement or disagreement. They are sharing their ignorant, afflicted emotions, which are theirs, not yours. If they press you for your opinion, just say that you're in the spirit of Christmas and want everyone in the world, even people you disagree with, to have peace and happiness and love in their hearts. Joy to the World! Be witty and light hearted. Say something like, "wouldn't be a good party without a little family spat or two. All the best families have them!"

I guarantee you, they will get off their stupid hate soap boxes real fast. Get everyone to sing Christmas carols. After 30 minutes, you can make pleasant excuses to leave. You will be so glad about doing this. Some of your relatives mean a lot to you, and you will be happy to see them. Don't let the jerks make you unhappy.

Good luck and best wishes

P.S. BTW I'm a Buddhist. I consider Jesus to have been a Boddhisattva. That's someone, who is enlightened and completely devoted to helping all sentient beings cut through their ignorance and realize their own inherent Buddha nature.

[RBInMaine]

19. That may be asking too much at this point though. The OPer may need to see other family this year.

It is easier said than done. The OPer wants to celebrate Christmas, not feel uneasy and uncomfortable and risk arguments. Let the OPer make his/her own choice.

[cer7711]

20. Your Theology Is Sound

I would recognize your behavior and understanding of Jesus's message to be authentically Christian.

Well done! When you stand up for Christ's revolutionary message of unconditional love in this world, expect to be punished for it, over and over again. Don't despair! It's what Christ himself warned lie in wait for his followers.

:::hugs:::

[humbled_opinion]

21. Someone should explain to poor Phil Robertson

that to book of rules from the magic Flying Spaghetti Monster may have some flaws in it, remember it is the interpretation of events 't that are written by man, I mean I don't believe the magic Flying Spaghetti Monster has opposable thumbs so could it really hold a pencil?

[JEFF9K]

23. People like Duck Daddy are very selective when it comes to condemning sinners. ...

Breaking the Commandment about lying means almost nothing to them. None of them say anything about the constant lies of Fox News and talk radio.

[SunSeeker]

24. I just unfriended an in-law who posted a vile pro-Robertson graphic on facebook.

Among the grotesque statements in the graphic, which she clearly picked up from a right wing site since she is dumb as a box of rocks and could not have made it herself, is that nothing Robertson said hurt anyone, while Obama's "lies" have hurt people and it should be Obama that's fired, not Robertson. The right always figures out a way to make anything about Obama. But what was the last straw with me about this woman is that she claims to be a devout Christian. How she cannot see the hurt caused by Robertson's words to African Americans and gay men and women is beyond me.

Unfortunately, I have to see this cretin at Christmas, along with her equally right wing husband and the rest of my husband's right wing family. How he came out of that family a progressive still baffles me. I love my husband dearly, but ruining Christmas each year spending it with his family is getting to be too much. I have no family to speak of other than them, so I don't even have the option of suggesting we spend every other Christmas with my family. One year, I won a vacation to Hawaii at Christmas. It was the best Christmas I ever had--just me and my husband. But I know he missed being with his family.

I wish I could figure out a way to stop spending Christmas with them without hurting my husband.

You do not appear to have that issue, so you should not feel bad about avoiding people who do not share your values. Life is too short. You deserve better. And you should not not feel bad about "censoring" right wing hate. It is YOUR facebook wall. It is not a public forum. Anything that appears there reflects on you, as it implies you agree with it since you friended this person. If you disagree with a comment, you should definitely delete it (and don't feel compelled to delete the remaining, non-offensive comments!).

[No Vested Interest]

26. When a grand-nephew's wife posted an unacceptable diatribe pro-death penalty

(I don't even remember who was the person involved) I placed her on permanent "hide" rather than unfriend her.

I felt unfriending would cause problems with those closer to her and to me and after not being in touch with that part of my family, I didn't want to cut off all contact.

She had replied to me that that was her opinion; I cited some religious sources and said I was not going to mention it again.
I can still go in to her page and see pics of the children, etc. when I wish. For all I know, she does not even know that I have hidden her comments.
She is a young married woman, not highly educated and with several children. She was apparently brought up in the RW atmosphere, judging from comments her own family members send her.
Every family has some with views that are contrary to our own. I can live with it. It's not important enough to me to have my say to cause trouble where no existed before.

[SunSeeker]

31. Putting someone on permanent hide seems dishonest to me.

Putting someone on permanent hide without telling them leaves them thinking you still read their posts. I want them to know they need to call or email me if they want to contact me.

But I understand the need to keep peace in the family. That is why I let them ruin my Christmas each year. That is enough for me. I don't need to be exposed to their crap the rest of the year.

[heaven05]

25. a follower of Christ is a person ascribing to 'good'.

a follower of duckyboy is a POS further from Christ than we are from the edge of the known universe. Stand by your faith and on your strength. You're a man/woman of peace and from what I know about the christian faith, you are one that is on the right path. Have a blessed Christmas.

[BarackTheVote]

28. Thank you everybody

I really appreciate the support, and it has definitely lifted my spirits as much as can be, considering the situation. I still regret deleting all those posts, and I feel like I made the situation considerably worse with some people, and the venom continued on for about an hour after I said I was deleting everything... but I wanted to express a message of love... yes, one intended to kick people in the ass a little, but love, nonetheless, and the flamewar was just inappropriate and vile and a complete illustration and climax to all the horrible everything that I've been seeing since this story broke. My favorite comment, I must confess was when someone told me, in response to my deleting the replies, that I should delete the OP that started it all. Such hypocrisy. They really have internalized the Fox mentality of shout loud, drown out, bully, and belittle until the other side shuts up. I won't be shutting up, I assure you.

But to everyone who has suggested that I go to the family Christmas anyway... I really appreciate your words of encouragement, you are very kind-hearted and no doubt stronger than I am, at least after the year I've had. I've had more family pass away this year than in my entire life to this point, and I really can't top that off with an awkward, uncomfortable Christmas. My dad's side of the family is small and very, very Right Wing. My cousins and I used to be close, but that's been a decade or so and for the last few years, I just have barely spoken a word at any family gatherings with them, except to my grandparents, who are gone now. And they don't really attempt to engage me, either. So... I just can't.

Thank you all, once again.

[TBF]

29. I put up a post from the Southern Poverty Law Center

that explained his words about slavery and why they were so incredibly offensive, and a song by the Dixie Chicks to show support.

If others put up their own memes on the other side I ignored them. I figure we can each put what we want on our own walls. Had they said anything negative on my wall I would hide and/or unfriend.

I really don't put too much that's political up there, but I didn't like his bigotry one bit so I did respond this time.