If you have found peace, what worked for you?

[KurtNYC]

I meet a lot of people who are searching for inner peace. Some are in the business of helping others find peace although they themselves are still searching -- a massage therapist for example. Always talking about it. Sharing one GIF after another about peace and inner light on FaceBook but it often seems like none of those 12 words or less Truths have worked for them.

If you have stopped searching, what did you find?

[madokie]

1. Acceptness of who I am

warts and all, good and bad, funny and sad. Appreciative of family.
Loving getting old

[KurtNYC]

4. +1. There's a big one: "Loving getting old"

Beyond accepting it, embracing it.

[madokie]

6. Its my present project

doing it with gusto too.
Eyes WIDE open

[Puzzledtraveller]

2. forgiveness

[MoonRiver]

9. A Course in Miracles

Forgiveness, similar to detachment, is the key to peace.

"Nothing real can be threatened. Nothing unreal exists. Herein lies the Peace of God."

[whatchamacallit]

41. Heart of the matter

[G_j]

3. peace is accepting the search

and the search is probably endless. Enjoy it!

[Solomon]

5. Learning Transcendental Meditation did it for me.

Twenty minutes every morning; twenty minutes every evening. Wish I had learned it sooner but better late than never.

[fadedrose]

42. Where'd you learn it?

[Coyote_Bandit]

7. Contentment

with where I am and what I have, acceptance of who I am and the mistakes I have made, the will to control my physical and material desires and the understanding that my significance is not in any way dependent upon other people or upon my circumstances.

[Brickbat]

8. I went through a bout of depression more than 10 years ago.

Understanding -- and I mean really understanding -- that our lives our finite and can end at any time made me more compassionate toward this world and myself. It's a little hard to explain, but it did change me.

[darkangel218]

10. For me what worked was spirituality.

( not to be confused with religion ).

[KurtNYC]

19. Part of what got me to this question was the annual tempest over "happy holidays"

If someone wishing others happiness can be turned into some kind of attack there is something wrong, and perhaps much of it comes from not doing one's own thinking. Also, a flawed idea like that really misses the point of this season.

[darkangel218]

21. I think there are people who feel just as strong about their anti religious just as much as some

..religious fundies.

Its sad that a Merry Xmas or Happy Hanukkah, etc, can cause such hate. Those greetings carry well wishes and positivity, why can't the ones on the receiving end realize that?

[KatyMan]

22. so what is "spirituality" by your definition?

I see the term a lot but never see it explained or defined.

[darkangel218]

26. Spirituality has many meanings for many people.

It would be imposible for me to try to explain what I know of the so many different paths.

[KatyMan]

36. pretty vague there...

what would your definition for you be? wouldn't that be the only one that mattered?

[darkangel218]

37. Sorry, but its personal.

I don't share my path on a discussion board.

[KatyMan]

38. then why answer in the first place with some

mystical Mister Miyagi sort of answer? Many paths, grasshopper... sounds pretty woo. I asked a general question because sprirituality is a word that gets tossed around a lot and it seems to have no real meaning, sort of like "support the troops"...

[darkangel218]

40. Oh gawd, just go away.

[Union Scribe]

74. What is your problem?

Quit badgering her.

[KatyMan]

79. Badgering?

A poster mentioned spirituality. I asked, what does that mean? She (not the poster I asked the question) replied:

Spirituality has many meanings for many people.
It would be impossible for me to try to explain what I know of the so many different paths.

So I asked, well then, what does it mean to you?

to which she replied,

I don't share that sort of thing online.

I don't think I was at all out of line to wonder why she bothered answering in the first place if her answer was that she wouldn't/couldn't answer.

I wasn't looking for a "there are many paths" answer, I wanted to know what people meant by using the word spirituality. It's a vague, relatively meaningless word unless someone can put some concrete (or at least semi-concrete) definition to it that doesn't resort to implying that for some reason I'm not capable of understanding. Put your cards on the table, is all I'm saying, what does that word mean to you? If you can't articulate it, then you yourself must not really understand it.

[fadedrose]

44. Yes, so true

there are many many paths. Knowing of them does not help in knowing which is the correct one, but it does help me realize that no one knows the "real" god, or even if there is One, no matter how many sermons or books written have been written on the subject, the many different bibles and different rules of behavior or what's required of us or even if anything is required.

Do no harm seems like the best path to take, with maybe some sympathy or understanding toward those who haven't yet accepted "do no harm."

It's hard to always do what's good because my idea of good may not be and could maybe cause harm..

It's all very confusing, but total acceptance of not knowing everything helps.

[KurtNYC]

32. My own flawed definition: a focus on concepts which are not material

including mortality, generosity, and empathy. Also one's personal relationship with the universe and Life.

The contrast to religiosity, which of course includes spirituality, is that religion can involve elaborate buildings, a hierarchy of humans, and money. If religion is based on accepting very specific shared beliefs then spirituality is a much more quiet, individual and internal process.

The difference is a somewhat tough thing to define (and please don't ask me where the Quakers fit into this range since they don't believe in hierarchy or elaborate buildings).

[KatyMan]

35. hm. I would consider mortality, generosity and empathy

to be quite material, real things. They exist on this world and properly considered can benefit this world. (I'm not arguing with you, just interesting how two people can come to the same conclusions from totally different directions!)

[darkangel218]

39. There is a higher plain and a lower plain( in my view )

One still lives on this lower material plain, while still trancending spiritually. Thus mortal/material concepts matter as well.

Unless you go completely "Gnostic" and don't care about anything, which is very unlikely.

[Squinch]

11. Being absolutely honest with myself about

things that happened, and my role in them. Ruthlessly stripping away the assumptions of my upbringing, examining each assumption consciously, and consciously deciding which to keep and which to discard.

Rejecting the idea that I need to follow anyone else's opinions, or use my life to please or impress anyone other than myself. Making a major career change in my late thirties when I realized that what I was doing was not what I chose, but rather what I went along with. Honoring that first career anyway, for all that it gave me.

Being self-sufficient, taking care of myself, both emotionally and financially, both now and in the future.

Pursuing new interests with focus, and respecting their importance.

Understanding that all the hard times that I went through were the things that most effectively taught me how to be happy today.

ETA: Many people say forgiveness. I don't actually understand the concept. My anger and understanding of things that others have done to me and things I have done to myself have been instruments I used to find peace. I have been careful to remove those people from my life who have wronged me majorly, which to me says I am not practicing forgiveness. Others say that leaving the pain behind and not dwelling on it is an act of forgiveness. I see it as a necessary and positive act of selfishness. I guess it's just semantic.

[KurtNYC]

24. Really like your points about forgiveness

Someone surprisingly young pointed out to me that my Ex would apologize for things that they had done on purpose and that they would probably do again. So they weren't accidents or blind spots. My Ex wasn't really asking for forgiveness so much as just asking me to accept that they were going to continue to behave like a selfish jerk. If you accept those kinds of things then you can stay with the person but that is not the same as forgiving them.

I found it much easier to let go of things my Ex "apologized" for after I got my Ex out of my day to day life.

I don't think it is selfish to be self preservational. The first thing they teach lifeguards is that the person you go in the water to save may try to drown you (in a panic) so you have to save yourself or you can't be of value to others.

[Squinch]

28. Yes, exactly. It's a matter of believing people when they

tell you what they are.

And one thing I forgot: don't depend on what people say, only depend on what people do. That weeds out the people like your ex (and one of my exes) very quickly.

[hobbit709]

12. Don't sweat the small shit.

Big shit defined as anything that puts your life in immediate danger.

[babydollhead]

13. Peace is in this moment

the land of worry
the bridge of dread
the deep pool of regret
everywhere but here hurts

here, in this moment, if we give up the fight against what IS.

this is fleeting. happy and peace are always available, its just accepting the invitation.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

14. I found peace once I learned to

stop picking fights.

[dipsydoodle]

15. Easy one that.

Cease to give a shit about anything and avoid women. Sure worked for me.

[yardwork]

23. I guess you're trying to be funny but this just sounds sad.

"Avoid women?" As in half the planet? Maybe you could explain because this sounds.....well, suppose you had said that you found peace by avoiding any other group. Drop in a word for any other group into your post and hear how it sounds.

[dipsydoodle]

25. A few of them were giving me grief 10 - 12 years ago.

Wasn't meant to be all embracing. I easily recognise now who to be friends with and who not so.

I certainly don't avoid women when I'm out dancing - maybe just hide from a few.

[Orrex]

16. Crushing my enemies, seeing them driven before me, hearing the lamentation of their women.

Works every time.

[Liberal_in_LA]

73. .

[meaculpa2011]

17. Faith, and the realization that...

I cannot live anyone's life but my own.

Plus, not caring about what anyone thinks of me. I do what I think is best and pray.

[840high]

86. Amen.

[panader0]

18. A dozen beers and a pipefull of homegrown.

[peace13]

20. Dynamical meditation....

and Reiki. This has helped me get through an ongoing stressful caregiver situation. Peace and love to you, Kim

[Laughing Mirror]

27. Through awareness

Once I became aware that I was the cause of my inner turmoil, I learned how to stop the incessant mental noise that caused it. That brings you peace.

[Sissyk]

29. I've found my inner peace.

It took a while, and I couldn't possible put all the reasons for that peace here; but, one thing made a world of difference.

Do not think the worst of everyone you meet or see. They are human beings just like me so I go into it with peace; instead of reasons to dislike or distrust the person.

Even online. Behind the written word, is a human being.

[Douglas Carpenter]

30. moved to a quiet peaceful low stress level place with a fairly quite peaceful low stress level job

[mnhtnbb]

33. Congrats on your island life!

[leftyladyfrommo]

31. Getting old. I don't get excited about stuff any more.

And giving up the idea that I have to have opinions about things. That really drags you down.

Oh, yea. And working with animals most of the time instead of people.

[bhikkhu]

34. I could say many things, but I do think that one wears out with age

I know a great deal more than I did when I was younger, and I have developed a self-discipline and good habits I wish I had then, but it might come down to a lessening if the "inner tides and storms". Age and experience put a floor beneath one's feet, and self-discipline is easier when one's passions have faded.

Not that that's a negative thing - I can appreciate most things more without fear of "losing myself"; some of the things I struggled with and agonized over before are little trouble at all now. I can enjoy the world without fear, and I make far fewer mistakes.

[Xyzse]

43. Not talking about it?

I mean, I am generally at peace with most things, but I don't see the point of proclaiming it, or going off on truths.
If asked, I'll just say, try to enjoy yourself and try not to take anything personally. Everyone experiences the world in their own unique way. Environment does not always predicate happiness, and take things as they go.

You'd have a ton more fun if you try to experience new things and try not to take everything too seriously.

Other than that, there is no point in really proclaiming or instructing any one else about it. When they are ready, more likely than not, it will happen on its own. No point in trying too hard.

[sir pball]

45. Realizing you aren't so important to any issue, any one at all, that you can't take a break from it.

Everybody has a cause, pet or more, for or against - abortion, sexuality, gender, guns, climate change, politics in general, sports, whatever...but quite a few people seem to not realize that as an individual you don't really need to fixate on it 24/7/365, always looking at the world with the lenses of your ideals strapped on. Sometimes it's a liberating feeling to watch a cat video or sit in a park or put on Top Gear and just put it out of your mind for a bit. The fight will go on without you just fine for a while; I think a lot of people who don't have peace and are fixated on their causes with every waking breath just might have some personal adequacy issues.

[Grey]

46. Buddha and the 8 fold path.

[Waiting For Everyman]

47. #1 Develop a healthy disgust for neurotic baggage.

Including: drama, excess emotionalism, over-reacting, chronic negativity, guilt-tripping, misplaced competitiveness, critiquing, judging, gossiping, rumor-mongering, manipulation, gaslighting, etc. Don't accept it, and don't do it. It's just the same as dumping garbage on someone. Encourage people rather than bringing them down, make lives a little bit lighter rather than heavier, and find people who do the same for you in return. Beyond that...

Like yourself a lot for solid reasons that genuinely count with you (not just telling yourself affirmations although there's nothing wrong with that), and if you don't, work on yourself until you do.

Find several subjects that you're curious about, and pursue them. One of which should be...

Do all the thinking and answer all the questions you need to, to decide what you think about the meaning of life and what's after it, no matter how long that may take, and keep at it until you're very comfortable living with the answer.

Realize that peace of mind (a calm stable center, regardless of intensity in the moment) can't be stolen or taken away, it can only be given up -- never do that, the reason for doing it never turns out to be worth it.

It's different specifics for different people, but it's pretty much common sense. Even though I used the form of "you", that is all the stuff that I did and yes, it worked very well. I'm actually asked sometimes how to get the peace of mind that I have, and the above is in a nutshell what I say.

[Vashta Nerada]

48. If there is a good way, someone please let me know.

[Egalitarian Thug]

49. Aristotle. What is, is, and my opinion of it is irrelevant.

Each and every living thing is going to die, it's the last part of life and there is no knowing about later, so why am I spending so much of the little time I know I do have trying to answer an unknowable question, the true answer to which we will all learn.

I've concluded that living is the only purpose to life, so live in and enjoy every bit of the moment, there is no future and the past can't be helped.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

50. Humility.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

51. A 12 Step Program

which seems to cause others to lose their peace!

[martigras]

52. Finding peace

Retiring and volunteering. I try to do a random act of kindness at least once a day.

[SomethingFishy]

53. Music. It's the only thing that gives me true peace...

Honestly I don't see how anyone can find "peace" without shutting out the world around them. I know personally, the more I look outside the angrier I get. Inequality, injustice, racism, bigotry, corruption, the world is a damn mess, and the more you look the worse it gets. The only thing that brings me peace is a pair of headphones and some good music.

[KurtNYC]

67. I find a life without music hard to imagine.

Transcends everything.

[Dash87]

54. Beer

[ieoeja]

55. Success

Reached a point in my career that I decided I should try hanging with my yuppie co-workers more. I tried it for a couple weeks.

Couldn't do it. They were happy to have me join in their reindeer games. But I wasn't a reindeer.

And, just like that, I realized that all those times I thought others were rejecting me, I was actually rejecting them. I had never tried to "fit in" previously because I wasn't interested in whatever the fuck it was they were doing, not because they wouldn't let me.

I've tried sharing that advice with "nobody likes me" friends a few times. It's worked with a couple people. Not most. Hard for people to see past their inner turmoil, I suppose.

[Humanist_Activist]

56. Peace with what? I never did understand this idea.

Is there something I'm supposed to be in conflict with in myself, or something I'm supposed to stop searching for?

I'm curious, about bloody everything, I could spend hours on Wikipedia, or in the library, or go to a park and collect bugs, or go to a rock formation and search for fossils. I find happiness in that, and in playing with kids, reading, writing, hell even arguing on the Internet.

What need do I have to search for peace when no conflict exists within?

[SoCalDem]

57. I learned to truly live one day at a time..

While, it's nice to have goals, at some point in your life, you realize that the time that's passed is a LOT more than what's probably left to you. Spending time stressing about goal not met and dwindling time to accomplish them, can be stressing and unproductive.

The best you have ever looked, is always just a place in your brain that you keep, and only think about when you see an old face staring back at you from the mirror.

There is not enough plastic surgery/botox in the world to re-create what Mother Nature gave you all those years ago...and when you "had it", you no doubt worried all the time about not being as handsome/beautiful as
"other people".

Before you know it, your "baby" will be 35 (mine became 35 last week), and you still remember them in their onesie... when they learned to ride a trike.. their first day of school...their fist date..all their milestones.

Memories are being created every day, but the time left to us to actually remember them is not unlimited.

Be kind to yourself as you age and accept that "slowing down" is a gift ..not a curse.

Accept that wrinkles do not make you less desirable as a friend/companion, and most people are too busy thinking about their own frailties to be all that concerned about yours

Being debt-free as you age is the best gift you can give yourself. Worry about money ages you well beyond the birthdays that defines it.

De-clutter/divest/downsize and save save save save. Not to "leave what you have to your family", but to simplify your own life and to be able to enjoy your time.

And finally, give yourself permission to "divorce" the toxic people in your lives.. even if you are related to them.

[The2ndWheel]

58. Embrace the absurdity

[Lil Missy]

59. AA and sobriety

[Faux pas]

60. In addition to

forgiving everyone who got it wrong, I've forgiven myself.

[Shankapotomus]

61. The capability for inner Peace is and has always been in each of us

The real trick is keeping discontentment from tracking us down and ruining it. That usually involves stripping down your life to its most basic necessities and comforts. I see Happiness as an equation. The more complex and loaded up with variables the equation is, the harder it is to solve. People are usually the variables that complicate the equation but our dreams and goals for ourselves can be too. The less variables added to your Happiness equation, the easier it is to solve. If your idea of happiness is to drink green tea under a tree alone, you have a very easy Happiness equation to solve. If your idea of happiness is to get a degree, then a good job, then a large house, pay off the college loan, pay off the house, then find a partner with an extended family who's happiness you also have to consider and balance with that of your own and add children, then you have a very complex Happiness equation to solve.

[CTyankee]

62. Finding joy in art on a daily basis and relaxing my irrelevent "standards."

I love working on my art Challenges here and sharing what I have found and loved. And I have given up "the small stuff." If I make a silly mistake I just laugh it off. I ask myself "Is this the end of the world?" and since the reply is invariably "no" I figure I can just let go of lots and lots of small stuff and be happier.

[Warren DeMontague]

63. "Trash thread by keyword"

Namaste.

[liberal_at_heart]

66. lol. Yeah, the ignore list has brought me a lot of peace that is for sure.

[liberal_at_heart]

64. being in the moment, learning to accept things as they are, and letting go.

This year has been kind of a hallmark moment for me as far as peace. I'm meditating more. I take things as they come. I allow myself to feel my emotions but not dwell on them. I have suffered with depression and anxiety all my life. Negative thoughts used to fill my head every second of the day. Now I recognize when a negative thought comes in my head. I allow myself to feel my emotions for just a moment and then let it go. This has allowed me to finally quit over eating because of my emotions, and I find myself being generally more content with much less anxiety and depression.

[KurtNYC]

68. So nice to hear that. I'm happy for you.

I had a couple of similar breakthroughs, one of which was bringing 2 dogs into my life. They live in the moment. They feel intensely and let go in the next moment. They wake up happy every day. They are like 'personal trainers' for one's spirit and I pay them back in love (and kibble).

[liberal_at_heart]

69. We just recently lost a dog. He passed away. I had never owned a dog before. He showed love

to absolutely every one he ever met. And he gave me affection I had never received from a pet before. Leaning his head on me and giving me hugs or licking my face, greeting me at the door when I came home. I will always be grateful for having him in my life, and I can definitely see myself having another dog someday.

[bluestate10]

65. Recognizing my limits and that I can not control all events worked for me. nt

[marked50]

70. A simple life

Used to be that the complexity of your life, and hence stress, was in how many reciprocating engines you owned-like a car and a lawn mower and a motor boat, etc. I have given those up and then found that it really isn't those things. Now it's how many battery driven devices you have----Aaarrrggghhh!

[CFLDem]

71. Low expectations

You can't be disappointed if everything meets your standards.

[libodem]

72. That seems like a key part of the plan

Managing expectation and desire. It is better to be pleasantly surprised than to be bitterly disappointed.

I tend to prepare for the worst.


I like the Handbook to Higher Consciousness. I found it at 17 and have loved it ever since. There is a part in the book that helps weed out who we really are as opposed to our values, beliefs, and what we do.

[uppityperson]

75. Trashing GD. eom

[tularetom]

76. I beat up the people who were stressing me

Actually, once I accepted the fact that I was not going to achieve some of the goals I had aspired to, serenity came without much conscious effort.

It wasn't hard either. I think we all put unreasonable demands on ourselves.

[liberal_at_heart]

77. Life is never as we plan it. I wanted to be a field biologist. I spent years holding on to that

dream and beating myself up about not fulfilling that dream. Now, I've accepted that I may or may not ever be a field biologist. I'm hoping to take either a biology or chemistry class at a local community college this next year and just enjoy learning. I love science. I love biology and chemistry, and I love learning about it. So, why sit around being sad and upset for what wasn't and enjoy what could be? Maybe I'll get a degree and a career in science. Maybe I'll just take a couple of classes and not worry about getting a degree. I don't know. But I'm not going to sit around feeling sorry for myself about what didn't happen in the past anymore.

[Blue_In_AK]

78. I'm probably about the most innerly peaceful person you'll ever find.

I learned a long time ago that I really don't have much control over some things, so I just let it go. I like to think of the universe and how really petty and insignificant our little problems here really are. It's all an illusion anyway.

[RagAss]

81. When it was realized that there was no me to find peace !

Ashtavakra Gita ..... read it.

[liberaltrucker]

82. Knowing that I'm mortal

I was born and I'm going to die. Whatever happens between
those events doesn't mean shit in the cosmic scheme. After
two failed marriages, I decided to live out the rest of my life
on my own terms, answering to no one but myself. So far it's
worked out pretty well.

[kwassa]

83. A mystical experience. Or rather, several and continuous experiences.

Life experiences that created a situation that gave me a mystical sense of union with the divine.

Sources: a 12-step program, which is the outline of a spiritual path in and of itself. A meditation practice. A new-age church. Much reading and talking. Forgiveness, which others have stated here.

and the ability to be present. Right here, right now.

I am interested in all spiritual paths, including and not rejecting organized religion. I seek those who had truly sought in these areas. Very few do, which is fine.

[BKH70041]

84. I played Black Sabbath at 78 speed.

[Zorra]

85. I'm the happiest person in the world, but there is really no point in

trying to explain to anyone how I got here; because I'm not sure about it myself. So I could not teach it to anyone else, because I have a lifetime of vastly different experiences than everyone else, and consequently, different ways of perceiving the universe than they do. I believe that I can say with some accuracy that spending a lot of time trying to learn how to love was pretty important, but I can't say for sure that this is true, because I don't know anything. And what I don't know, you wouldn't believe anyway.


"If I could, baby I'd give you my world. But how can I, when you won't take it from me?" Lindsey Buckingham

I believe that this may be somewhat accurate:

"Each one must learn for themselves the highest wisdom. It cannot be taught in words." ~ Smohalla

[customerserviceguy]

87. Staying out of gender war threads on DU. n/t

[liberal_at_heart]

88. +1

[flying rabbit]

89. This is the best thread I have ever read on DU

Thank you.