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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums'I Can't Be Gay In North East Louisiana.' A ULM Student's Powerful Message To Phil Robertson
I CANT BE GAY IN NORTHEAST LOUISIANA. A ULM STUDENTS POWERFUL MESSAGE TO PHIL ROBERTSON
Bob Mann recently wrote a post from the perspective of a young lesbian girl that really painted an accurate picture of LGBTQ life in Ouachita Parish. But I couldnt share it on my Facebook.
It was too gay.
Its fine for you to stand up for the queers, my grandparents will say, but God help you if youre one of them.
I am, it appears to be, the last gay man still in the closet to his family. Thats why this post is anonymous. Thats why my sexual orientation is blank on Facebook. Thats why I use gender-neutral pronouns when talking about my significant other.
I cant be gay in Northeast Louisiana. I came out to my parents, and theyve shoved me back into the closet.
The family isnt ready to hear that, they said.
The family isnt ready. Well, I suppose in all fairness it did take some getting used to myself.
I live in West Monroe, and Im a Mass Communications student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe (ULM). I moved here because its more progressive than my hometown, also in Northeast Louisiana. I mean, it has two gay bars. Look out San Francisco.
But West Monroe is also home to the most famous anti-gay person in the world: Phil Robertson. Ive never met Phil. But I was raised by a Phil Robertson.
My Phil Robertson told me that I was an asshole for being so selfish to come out of the closet to my mother.
My Phil Robertson told me that my boyfriend will never be welcomed to his house, as if he were diseased.
My Phil Robertson threatened my life because I had the audacity to be who I am.
Im 21 now. I first realized I was gay when I was 13. Ive known that I liked boys since I was eight. And I will never forget the day that I decided I wasnt going to be gay.
I was in Sunday school, and Id been daydreaming about moving off to San Francisco, because my dad had told me it was full of faggots. It sounded like the place for me.
Then it came to be my turn to read the Bible. And I read the verse aloud.
Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.
That didnt quite click with me, so I asked what it meant. And my Sunday school teacher said, It means that being gay is a sin. I felt sick. It was fine if my dad hated gays, but now God does, too?
My future caved in around dreams of sunny California and San Francisco, until all I could see were the fires in the pit of hell.
I was 13 years old.
So, I became straight because I didnt want to go to hell, and any time I strayed from the path of heterosexuality, I prayed to God to heal me of my sickness. And, then, after a while, I still liked boys. So, I prayed harder. I prayed more. I cried. Until eventually, I stopped believing in God altogether.
If there was a God, surely he heard my prayers. So, he either is wanting me to be a sinner or he doesnt exist. Either way, its not a god I wish to believe in.
I was 16 when I lost my faith. I was also 16 when I met my first boyfriend. It was like being James Bond in Podunk, Louisiana. Wed sneak off to the soybean fields just so we could be together. It was all a magical experience of holding hands under blankets and secret signals for I love you. Ah, to be 16 again.
I had my first kiss, my first time and my first heartbreak. I was being the most abnormal person in school, but I was finally living what I thought was a normal life. I was being me. Even though me involved leading a double life.
Long story-short: I regained my faith. In fact, Ive been considering becoming a minister. I am very much still a gay man. And I believe God has called me to minister to other gay people to let them know that God loves them just the way they are. Im to undo the hurt caused by the Churchthe same hurt caused to me.
Gay people, more often than not, throw the baby out with the bath water when it comes to religion. But we have a good reason. Weve been scarred. Religion has damaged us. And I try to share with them the light I have seen in the Episcopal Church. But every time I get close to a breakthrough, something happens that brings out the worst in people.
One year it was Chick-fil-a. This year its Phil Robertson.
Thanks to Phil, I now know where everyone in my family stands on the issue of whether or not Im a human being.
I even saw a friend of mine post something about how gay people cant be Christians. Wow. Not only will they keep us from having equal rights, but theyll keep us from equal salvation. We cant just be second-class citizens. We have second-class souls.
I drive through town, much like the girl in Bobs story, and I see everyone talking about how right Phil is. How they have Christian values by excluding about 15 percent of the population from their religion.
Phil claims to love everyone, and I have to believe that he has the best of intentions for saying what he said. But he must realize the damage that those words do to people like me.
He encouraged hopefully unintentionally a two-week-long fag bashing in Monroe and around the world. He made me feel unsafe in my own home. I cant count how many times I heard faggot over the Christmas visit home.
All of this is in a state that still has laws against, and still arrests people for, having homosexual relations.
I remember hearing about Matthew Sheppard. I remember learning about Harvey Milk. Ive never been under any impression that northeast Louisiana is safe for gays.
And people say Phil is being persecuted for his beliefs.
You dont know persecution until youre a 12-year-old boy sitting in a church pew when your preacher encourages everyone to vote to make gay marriage illegal because they think you dont deserve the same joy of raising a family due to your depravity.
You dont know persecution until youre told that God doesnt love you because of how He made you; when Christian fundamentalists are tied up to the back of pick-ups and dragged down a back road because they believe the Bible. When you know that, then you can talk about persecution.
I try really hard to not get angry over this. But its hard for me not to see red when I think about my grandparents, whom I love, who will never be able to be a part of my life because of their own ignorance. I doubt my parents come to my wedding one day. All because my love is different than their love.
But my love isnt different. It isnt unholy. It isnt wrong because a man with a beard said so in a GQ article.
My love is real. And its not going away.
http://bobmannblog.com/2013/12/28/i-cant-be-gay-in-northeast-louisiana-a-ulm-students-powerful-message-to-phil-robertson/
Laelth
(32,017 posts)-Laelth
CurtEastPoint
(18,549 posts)Bernardo de La Paz
(48,787 posts)nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)The sheer amount of racial hatred spewed on FR circa 2009-present proves it, anything else is just gravy.
CurtEastPoint
(18,549 posts)I went there and yes, I agree. That place is toxic.
msongs
(67,193 posts)nolabear
(41,915 posts)chervilant
(8,267 posts)Thanks for posting this eloquent and poignant piece.
marble falls
(56,358 posts)AtheistCrusader
(33,982 posts)I consider viewing this site a form of 'on-going education'.
marble falls
(56,358 posts)is serious ongoing education for us all.
AtheistCrusader
(33,982 posts)Otherwise the conversation just blows up, and nothing is gained.
I'm learning, I swear!
marble falls
(56,358 posts)from religion and not because of you. We got to all of us find common ground because there really is a 'them' and they don't give a poop about any of us. Have you been reading what goes on in Trumad's threads? They hijack threads and get us at each other's throats and off the topic. We end up doing their dirty work to ourselves.
AtheistCrusader
(33,982 posts)I'll have to go specifically look.
AtheistCrusader
(33,982 posts)That is unfortunate. And with the 5-hide post lock policy, it's going to get worse around here too, for anyone who adamantly sticks by guns, or takes anything resembling a principled position.
marble falls
(56,358 posts)and I have read some folks saying it was time to cleanse DU politically. I've taken stands that others have really been nasty about, as I know you have, too. We'd both be targets.
MsPithy
(809 posts)including the fantasmagorical pope, says dumbass things about "teh gays," REAL PEOPLE GET HURT!
Why is that OK?
Bernardo de La Paz
(48,787 posts)That was a justification given in the Vietnam war.
Violent bigots think they are helping "protect" non-gays from gay "predators".
But do you notice how they pick on the weak and spindly gays and never beat up 250 pound gay bikers?
niyad
(112,434 posts)Vashta Nerada
(3,922 posts)I can't wait for the day when people can finally set aside their religious hatred of others and learn to accept people for who they are.
Joe Bacon
(5,163 posts)Must kick and recommend this!
dhill926
(16,234 posts)fantastic article .
CrispyQ
(36,225 posts)Not religious, but this part really got to me:
Outstanding. I hope someone sends it to A&E.
Zorra
(27,670 posts)TroglodyteScholar
(5,477 posts)Homophobia, racism, and misogyny were the norm
Ferretherder
(1,445 posts)...what you said is very much the norm around these parts, to this day. The average male is DEFINITELY the 'good-ole-boy' type - god, guns and bigotry, of some form or other; the average female is either a feminine version of said type, or, at least, an obedient defender of THEIR 'good-ole-boy'. There is, almost literally, a church on every street corner, here. And many of them have, on there repositionable-letter signs, sayings such as, 'We stand with Phil Robertson and the Bible', or a myriad of other statements of similar intent. I truly feel sorry for that ULM student - someone I have probably passed in a local supermarket on several occasions - and I know I will never know the prejudice and alienation he feels just because of where he lives...and WHO he is (hell, I get enough flak for just being 'liberal' in this place - and I was BORN and RAISED HERE). I applaud his response to that intolerance. And I long for the day that this sort of shit is something you read about in the history books, and shake your head and say to someone near, 'can you believe this stuff used to be acceptable behavior?'
I just don't think it will happen in my lifetime (I'm 58 - today).
...sigh.
TroglodyteScholar
(5,477 posts)We need folks like you maintaining pockets of sanity wherever it's rarest...
Ferretherder
(1,445 posts)I had moved down to 'Nawlins in the late eighties, but according to just what part of the late eighties we're talking about, I may have bumped into YOU around town.
...don't remember a local band called 'Boyzengirls', do ya'?
TroglodyteScholar
(5,477 posts)Moved away just in time for middle school
Ferretherder
(1,445 posts)...showing my age...
toby jo
(1,269 posts)east, folks can't be gay today in LA.
Wrapped in their bibles on a nonexistent learning curve.
This kid's gonna be alright - this piece took balls to write. Good on him.
SoapBox
(18,791 posts)avebury
(10,946 posts)Jack Rabbit
(45,984 posts)Rex
(65,616 posts)Worthless people, from the ground up.
Martin Eden
(12,802 posts)stonecutter357
(12,682 posts)Paladin
(28,202 posts)MisterP
(23,730 posts)likewise the NRA tells people who've been shot that they're only arguing from their own experiences, whereas the NRA had a nightmare once! Malala and Gabby Giffords oughtta come back when they have some REAL evidence--like the night terrors of a white male RWer!
http://mediamatters.org/blog/2013/11/15/nra-news-glamour-honoring-malala-giffords-makes/196918
calimary
(80,693 posts)Harder to imagine how it feels when that shit is aimed at you. What a remarkable essay. Damn. Why do we torture each other so? Why the closed-mindedness and unkindness - and UN-Christian behavior at its utmost? If you're a TRUE follower of Christ, you have to embrace the idea that Jesus died for EVERYBODY'S sake. To save EVERYBODY. He didn't have one celestial water fountain at the foot of the Cross for the straights and another way off in the distance for the gays.
There's one statement here with which I disagree, though:
"Phil claims to love everyone, and I have to believe that he has the best of intentions for saying what he said. But he must realize the damage that those words do to people like me."
I seriously doubt this Duck Dick has any clue of the damage that those words do to people like the author of this blog. Seriously doubt it. Which fully convinces me of his utter thick-headed callous myopic unfeeling dumb-shit ignorance. If you cared about your words doing damage and you have that kind of platform, you might hesitate to mouth off like that.
AuntPatsy
(9,904 posts)Warpy
(110,904 posts)Oh, I'm not gay, just smart enough to know I never chose to be straight. It just happened, like being gay did to him.
The south is the most conformist place on the planet, especially if you're young, most especially if you're female. Oh, if you live down there and fit in, I'm sure it's heaven on earth. I did and I didn't and it was pure hell and I'll never go back, no matter how wistful I get for the mountains.
I hope this kid gets his diploma and skedaddles for his dream in San Francisco. Or he can go as far as the cities in NC, where there were gay dancing bars in the 60s and probably still are. Or he can find his dream in NOLA.
There is life away from northeastern Louisiana and I hope he finds it. I hope he lives long enough to find it. And yes, that's how bad things are in a lot of the south. And midwest.
awoke_in_2003
(34,582 posts)but returning to religion will not help. It will, most likely, make it worse.
nomorenomore08
(13,324 posts)If spirituality in some form makes his life easier, who am I to judge?
FatBuddy
(376 posts)the United States is a cultural backwater filled with hatred, racism, and sexism.
its inhabitants think it is "racist" because they can't call african americans the N word.
we're living in a mini dark ages.
What a ridiculously bigoted statement.
prove it otherwise.
NM_Birder
(1,591 posts)FatBuddy
(376 posts)truth hurts, nicht wahr?
NM_Birder
(1,591 posts)But I appreciate the effort, you tried, that's all that matters.
oberliner
(58,724 posts)They have none of America's largest cities and yet Vermont is anything but "a cultural backwater filled with hatred, racism, and sexism" - in fact, quite the opposite.
FatBuddy
(376 posts)too bad you can't
SunSeeker
(51,367 posts)...When you know that, then you can talk about persecution."
Such a great point. Such a great post.
Maraya1969
(22,441 posts)Phil Robertson with a PHd behind his name and Rev. in front of it.
I have fought with him so many times over his "SIN" of oppression and condemnation and torture and unloving ways toward people who are gay (it started with his bisexual sister Maraya).
I can't believe how they are so deluded in thinking that they have the corner of what Jesus taught! They couldn't be farther away from the truth if they were running in the other direction.
gtar100
(4,192 posts)And his self acceptance. If only more LGBT youth could hear this before they hear all the hateful things religious people say. I also admire his willingness to embrace Christianity because of the good stuff. It's a finer example of the meaning of the teachings than any of the shortsighted, narrow minded, condemnations heard daily coming from idiots who haven't spent a moment of their lives truly contemplating the teachings of Jesus yet strut around proclaiming to know the mind of God.
Cha
(295,903 posts)from the young Gay man in Louisiana.
Great blog by Bob Mann.. he has this on here too..
Why Bobby Jindal will never be president..
"He's a bigot."
http://bobmannblog.com/2013/12/27/why-bobby-jindal-will-never-be-president-part-2/
alp227
(31,961 posts)"Tolerance of religious ideas" - phooey. What happened to CRITICAL THINKING in America? If this guy wins the RepubliCON primary...ARGH
In-n-Out
(35 posts)That, that even needs to be said pisses me off to no end when I read or hear about the so-called "war on christmas"
Thank you for sharing
blkmusclmachine
(16,149 posts)There's that so-called "Christian love" for you. Christ in name only. And perpetrated right from the bully pulpit of the Church. Cuz God says so.
King_Klonopin
(1,305 posts)The very core of his being is judged as flawed and damaged,
while the core of Phil's being is perfect -- just as God intended.
Yup, God loves you, but He loves Phil MORE!
Classism, in general, is the biggest social problem in our country.
We function as a "better-than vs less-than" society in every
aspect -- religious, political, economic, racial, etc.
If two things seem different, we have an inclination to determine
which one is BETTER than the other. Satan uses only one tool to
destroy our happiness, and that tool is a wedge.
Pretty powerfull.
Fearless
(18,421 posts)Because we're already equal and all that fun stuff.
Bull shit.