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kpete

(71,900 posts)
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 11:37 AM Dec 2013

'I Can't Be Gay In North East Louisiana.' A ULM Student's Powerful Message To Phil Robertson

‘I CAN’T BE GAY IN NORTHEAST LOUISIANA.’ A ULM STUDENT’S POWERFUL MESSAGE TO PHIL ROBERTSON

By Anonymous

Bob Mann recently wrote a post from the perspective of a young lesbian girl that really painted an accurate picture of LGBTQ life in Ouachita Parish. But I couldn’t share it on my Facebook.

It was too gay.

“It’s fine for you to stand up for the queers,” my grandparents will say, “but God help you if you’re one of them.”

I am, it appears to be, the last gay man still in the closet to his family. That’s why this post is anonymous. That’s why my sexual orientation is blank on Facebook. That’s why I use gender-neutral pronouns when talking about my significant other.

I can’t be gay in Northeast Louisiana. I came out to my parents, and they’ve shoved me back into the closet.

“The family isn’t ready to hear that,” they said.

The family isn’t ready. Well, I suppose in all fairness it did take some getting used to myself.

I live in West Monroe, and I’m a Mass Communications student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe (ULM). I moved here because it’s more progressive than my hometown, also in Northeast Louisiana. I mean, it has two gay bars. Look out San Francisco.

But West Monroe is also home to the most famous anti-gay person in the world: Phil Robertson. I’ve never met Phil. But I was raised by a Phil Robertson.

My Phil Robertson told me that I was an asshole for being so selfish to come out of the closet to my mother.

My Phil Robertson told me that my boyfriend will never be welcomed to his house, as if he were diseased.

My Phil Robertson threatened my life because I had the audacity to be who I am.


I’m 21 now. I first realized I was gay when I was 13. I’ve known that I liked boys since I was eight. And I will never forget the day that I decided I wasn’t going to be gay.

I was in Sunday school, and I’d been daydreaming about moving off to San Francisco, because my dad had told me “it was full of faggots.” It sounded like the place for me.

Then it came to be my turn to read the Bible. And I read the verse aloud.

“Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.”

That didn’t quite click with me, so I asked what it meant. And my Sunday school teacher said, “It means that being gay is a sin.” I felt sick. It was fine if my dad hated gays, but now God does, too?

My future caved in around dreams of sunny California and San Francisco, until all I could see were the fires in the pit of hell.

I was 13 years old.

So, I became straight because I didn’t want to go to hell, and any time I strayed from the path of heterosexuality, I prayed to God to heal me of my sickness. And, then, after a while, I still liked boys. So, I prayed harder. I prayed more. I cried. Until eventually, I stopped believing in God altogether.

If there was a God, surely he heard my prayers. So, he either is wanting me to be a sinner or he doesn’t exist. Either way, it’s not a god I wish to believe in.

I was 16 when I lost my faith. I was also 16 when I met my first boyfriend. It was like being James Bond in Podunk, Louisiana. We’d sneak off to the soybean fields just so we could be together. It was all a magical experience of holding hands under blankets and secret signals for “I love you.” Ah, to be 16 again.

I had my first kiss, my first time and my first heartbreak. I was being the most abnormal person in school, but I was finally living what I thought was a normal life. I was being me. Even though “me” involved leading a double life.

Long story-short: I regained my faith. In fact, I’ve been considering becoming a minister. I am very much still a gay man. And I believe God has called me to minister to other gay people to let them know that God loves them just the way they are. I’m to undo the hurt caused by the Church—the same hurt caused to me.

Gay people, more often than not, throw the baby out with the bath water when it comes to religion. But we have a good reason. We’ve been scarred. Religion has damaged us. And I try to share with them the light I have seen in the Episcopal Church. But every time I get close to a breakthrough, something happens that brings out the worst in people.

One year it was Chick-fil-a. This year it’s Phil Robertson.

Thanks to Phil, I now know where everyone in my family stands on the issue of whether or not I’m a human being.

I even saw a “friend” of mine post something about how gay people can’t be Christians. Wow. Not only will they keep us from having equal rights, but they’ll keep us from equal salvation. We can’t just be second-class citizens. We have second-class souls.

I drive through town, much like the girl in Bob’s story, and I see everyone talking about how right Phil is. How they have Christian values by excluding about 15 percent of the population from their religion.

Phil claims to love everyone, and I have to believe that he has the best of intentions for saying what he said. But he must realize the damage that those words do to people like me.

He encouraged – hopefully unintentionally – a two-week-long “fag bashing” in Monroe and around the world. He made me feel unsafe in my own home. I can’t count how many times I heard “faggot” over the Christmas visit home.

All of this is in a state that still has laws against, and still arrests people for, having homosexual relations.

I remember hearing about Matthew Sheppard. I remember learning about Harvey Milk. I’ve never been under any impression that northeast Louisiana is safe for gays.

And people say Phil is being persecuted for his beliefs.

You don’t know persecution until you’re a 12-year-old boy sitting in a church pew when your preacher encourages everyone to vote to make gay marriage illegal because they think you don’t deserve the same joy of raising a family due to your depravity.

You don’t know persecution until you’re told that God doesn’t love you because of how He made you; when Christian fundamentalists are tied up to the back of pick-ups and dragged down a back road because they believe the Bible. When you know that, then you can talk about persecution.

I try really hard to not get angry over this. But it’s hard for me not to see red when I think about my grandparents, whom I love, who will never be able to be a part of my life because of their own ignorance. I doubt my parents come to my wedding one day. All because my love is different than their love.

But my love isn’t different. It isn’t unholy. It isn’t wrong because a man with a beard said so in a GQ article.

My love is real. And it’s not going away.


http://bobmannblog.com/2013/12/28/i-cant-be-gay-in-northeast-louisiana-a-ulm-students-powerful-message-to-phil-robertson/
68 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight: NoneDon't highlight anything 5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
'I Can't Be Gay In North East Louisiana.' A ULM Student's Powerful Message To Phil Robertson (Original Post) kpete Dec 2013 OP
k&r for exposure. n/t Laelth Dec 2013 #1
amazing dsc Dec 2013 #2
kick dembotoz Dec 2013 #3
This was posted on Free Republic also and the comments are exactly what we'd expect. CurtEastPoint Dec 2013 #4
As an educated person, Mr. Robertson knows he is a bigot. He has no excuse. nt Bernardo de La Paz Dec 2013 #18
Can we stop pretending (if we ever did) that that place is functionally distinct from Stormfront? nomorenomore08 Dec 2013 #48
Oh, I didn't see it out on purpose. I googled the quote and it was a result so.... CurtEastPoint Dec 2013 #56
A&E is happy as hell for the free PR and ratings at the expense of the glbt community. nt msongs Dec 2013 #5
K&R for heartbreaking truth. nolabear Dec 2013 #6
Hear, hear! chervilant Dec 2013 #7
Like I wrote earlier: I am a little less dumb every time I'm reading good stuff like this on DU. marble falls Dec 2013 #8
+1. AtheistCrusader Dec 2013 #11
You and I have had our disagreements but I believe whole heartedly in that opinion. This site .... marble falls Dec 2013 #15
Hopefully I am also becoming nicer about how I disagree with someone. AtheistCrusader Dec 2013 #17
Something we all are doing, me, too. I think you and I are in sync on most stuff. I just stay away.. marble falls Dec 2013 #23
I don't recognize that name. AtheistCrusader Dec 2013 #28
check these out marble falls Dec 2013 #29
Yikes, now I recognize that poster. AtheistCrusader Dec 2013 #31
My concerns exactly. All it takes is po'ing the wrong clique.... marble falls Dec 2013 #36
K&R gollygee Dec 2013 #9
Every time a dumbass conservative/republican/religious zealot MsPithy Dec 2013 #10
They burned the village to save the village Bernardo de La Paz Dec 2013 #20
k and r niyad Dec 2013 #12
What a heartbreaking article. Vashta Nerada Dec 2013 #13
Kick! Joe Bacon Dec 2013 #14
K & R…... dhill926 Dec 2013 #16
Very moving. CrispyQ Dec 2013 #19
Reality. Well said. nt Zorra Dec 2013 #21
knr joeybee12 Dec 2013 #22
I lived in Monroe for a few years in the late 80s TroglodyteScholar Dec 2013 #24
I STILL live here (West Monroe), and yes,... Ferretherder Dec 2013 #58
Well do something to have yourself a happy birthday... TroglodyteScholar Dec 2013 #64
Thank you, friend. Ferretherder Jan 2014 #66
Afraid I was too young at the time to know anything of the local talents... TroglodyteScholar Jan 2014 #67
(sigh)... Ferretherder Jan 2014 #68
Because somebody couldn't be gay several thousand years ago in the middle toby jo Dec 2013 #25
Super K & R SoapBox Dec 2013 #26
K&R nt avebury Dec 2013 #27
K/R Jack Rabbit Dec 2013 #30
The Phil Robertson's of the world are chickenshit cowards. Rex Dec 2013 #32
Big K&R n/t Martin Eden Dec 2013 #33
K&R. stonecutter357 Dec 2013 #34
K&R. (nt) Paladin Dec 2013 #35
well, that's just what's real: doesn't he know that Robertson's fears trump reality! MisterP Dec 2013 #37
Man, what an essay! It's just really hard to imagine the insensitivity. calimary Dec 2013 #38
Words cannot express, I can only hope these words never fade from sight.....;( AuntPatsy Dec 2013 #39
I can relate to a lot of this letter Warpy Dec 2013 #40
It must be hard... awoke_in_2003 Dec 2013 #41
I might be tempted to agree, but I can't decide that for him. nomorenomore08 Dec 2013 #49
with the exception of its largest cities FatBuddy Dec 2013 #42
BS oberliner Dec 2013 #45
BS FatBuddy Dec 2013 #57
I think you just proved how ignorant a statement can be. NM_Birder Dec 2013 #59
you must not get out much FatBuddy Dec 2013 #60
google translators don't give ignorance a pass, NM_Birder Dec 2013 #65
Vermont is one of the most progressive states in the US oberliner Dec 2013 #61
you could fit quite a few vermonts in a place like texas FatBuddy Dec 2013 #63
 "When Christian fundamentalists are tied up to the back of pick-ups and dragged... SunSeeker Dec 2013 #43
I am trying so hard to be nice to my brother but he is another knuckle dragging Maraya1969 Dec 2013 #44
That is the most poignant response I've heard so far. I greatly admire his courage. gtar100 Dec 2013 #46
That is a powerful message Cha Dec 2013 #47
Hey Bobby! NOT ALL IDEAS ARE WORTHY. alp227 Dec 2013 #53
"when Christian fundamentalists are tied up to the back of pick-ups" In-n-Out Dec 2013 #50
"I’ve never been under any impression that northeast Louisiana is safe for gays." blkmusclmachine Dec 2013 #51
having a "Second-Class Soul" is a very incisive phrase. King_Klonopin Dec 2013 #52
Wow! Egnever Dec 2013 #54
And at the same time, the Phil Robertson's of the world will claim we don't need rights Fearless Dec 2013 #55
K&R Solly Mack Dec 2013 #62

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
48. Can we stop pretending (if we ever did) that that place is functionally distinct from Stormfront?
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 03:30 AM
Dec 2013

The sheer amount of racial hatred spewed on FR circa 2009-present proves it, anything else is just gravy.

CurtEastPoint

(18,549 posts)
56. Oh, I didn't see it out on purpose. I googled the quote and it was a result so....
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 08:54 AM
Dec 2013

I went there and yes, I agree. That place is toxic.

marble falls

(56,358 posts)
15. You and I have had our disagreements but I believe whole heartedly in that opinion. This site ....
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 01:28 PM
Dec 2013

is serious ongoing education for us all.

AtheistCrusader

(33,982 posts)
17. Hopefully I am also becoming nicer about how I disagree with someone.
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 01:39 PM
Dec 2013

Otherwise the conversation just blows up, and nothing is gained.

I'm learning, I swear!

marble falls

(56,358 posts)
23. Something we all are doing, me, too. I think you and I are in sync on most stuff. I just stay away..
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 01:53 PM
Dec 2013

from religion and not because of you. We got to all of us find common ground because there really is a 'them' and they don't give a poop about any of us. Have you been reading what goes on in Trumad's threads? They hijack threads and get us at each other's throats and off the topic. We end up doing their dirty work to ourselves.

AtheistCrusader

(33,982 posts)
31. Yikes, now I recognize that poster.
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 02:30 PM
Dec 2013

That is unfortunate. And with the 5-hide post lock policy, it's going to get worse around here too, for anyone who adamantly sticks by guns, or takes anything resembling a principled position.

marble falls

(56,358 posts)
36. My concerns exactly. All it takes is po'ing the wrong clique....
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 03:49 PM
Dec 2013

and I have read some folks saying it was time to cleanse DU politically. I've taken stands that others have really been nasty about, as I know you have, too. We'd both be targets.

MsPithy

(809 posts)
10. Every time a dumbass conservative/republican/religious zealot
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 01:22 PM
Dec 2013

including the fantasmagorical pope, says dumbass things about "teh gays," REAL PEOPLE GET HURT!

Why is that OK?

Bernardo de La Paz

(48,787 posts)
20. They burned the village to save the village
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 01:45 PM
Dec 2013

That was a justification given in the Vietnam war.

Violent bigots think they are helping "protect" non-gays from gay "predators".

But do you notice how they pick on the weak and spindly gays and never beat up 250 pound gay bikers?

 

Vashta Nerada

(3,922 posts)
13. What a heartbreaking article.
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 01:25 PM
Dec 2013

I can't wait for the day when people can finally set aside their religious hatred of others and learn to accept people for who they are.

CrispyQ

(36,225 posts)
19. Very moving.
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 01:42 PM
Dec 2013

Not religious, but this part really got to me:

I even saw a “friend” of mine post something about how gay people can’t be Christians. Wow. Not only will they keep us from having equal rights, but they’ll keep us from equal salvation. We can’t just be second-class citizens. We have second-class souls.


Outstanding. I hope someone sends it to A&E.

Ferretherder

(1,445 posts)
58. I STILL live here (West Monroe), and yes,...
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 09:42 AM
Dec 2013

...what you said is very much the norm around these parts, to this day. The average male is DEFINITELY the 'good-ole-boy' type - god, guns and bigotry, of some form or other; the average female is either a feminine version of said type, or, at least, an obedient defender of THEIR 'good-ole-boy'. There is, almost literally, a church on every street corner, here. And many of them have, on there repositionable-letter signs, sayings such as, 'We stand with Phil Robertson and the Bible', or a myriad of other statements of similar intent. I truly feel sorry for that ULM student - someone I have probably passed in a local supermarket on several occasions - and I know I will never know the prejudice and alienation he feels just because of where he lives...and WHO he is (hell, I get enough flak for just being 'liberal' in this place - and I was BORN and RAISED HERE). I applaud his response to that intolerance. And I long for the day that this sort of shit is something you read about in the history books, and shake your head and say to someone near, 'can you believe this stuff used to be acceptable behavior?'

I just don't think it will happen in my lifetime (I'm 58 - today).

...sigh.

TroglodyteScholar

(5,477 posts)
64. Well do something to have yourself a happy birthday...
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 10:25 AM
Dec 2013

We need folks like you maintaining pockets of sanity wherever it's rarest...

Ferretherder

(1,445 posts)
66. Thank you, friend.
Wed Jan 1, 2014, 09:58 AM
Jan 2014

I had moved down to 'Nawlins in the late eighties, but according to just what part of the late eighties we're talking about, I may have bumped into YOU around town.

...don't remember a local band called 'Boyzengirls', do ya'?

TroglodyteScholar

(5,477 posts)
67. Afraid I was too young at the time to know anything of the local talents...
Wed Jan 1, 2014, 03:09 PM
Jan 2014

Moved away just in time for middle school

 

toby jo

(1,269 posts)
25. Because somebody couldn't be gay several thousand years ago in the middle
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 02:03 PM
Dec 2013

east, folks can't be gay today in LA.

Wrapped in their bibles on a nonexistent learning curve.

This kid's gonna be alright - this piece took balls to write. Good on him.

 

Rex

(65,616 posts)
32. The Phil Robertson's of the world are chickenshit cowards.
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 02:32 PM
Dec 2013

Worthless people, from the ground up.

MisterP

(23,730 posts)
37. well, that's just what's real: doesn't he know that Robertson's fears trump reality!
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 04:05 PM
Dec 2013

likewise the NRA tells people who've been shot that they're only arguing from their own experiences, whereas the NRA had a nightmare once! Malala and Gabby Giffords oughtta come back when they have some REAL evidence--like the night terrors of a white male RWer!

http://mediamatters.org/blog/2013/11/15/nra-news-glamour-honoring-malala-giffords-makes/196918

calimary

(80,693 posts)
38. Man, what an essay! It's just really hard to imagine the insensitivity.
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 04:06 PM
Dec 2013

Harder to imagine how it feels when that shit is aimed at you. What a remarkable essay. Damn. Why do we torture each other so? Why the closed-mindedness and unkindness - and UN-Christian behavior at its utmost? If you're a TRUE follower of Christ, you have to embrace the idea that Jesus died for EVERYBODY'S sake. To save EVERYBODY. He didn't have one celestial water fountain at the foot of the Cross for the straights and another way off in the distance for the gays.

There's one statement here with which I disagree, though:
"Phil claims to love everyone, and I have to believe that he has the best of intentions for saying what he said. But he must realize the damage that those words do to people like me."
I seriously doubt this Duck Dick has any clue of the damage that those words do to people like the author of this blog. Seriously doubt it. Which fully convinces me of his utter thick-headed callous myopic unfeeling dumb-shit ignorance. If you cared about your words doing damage and you have that kind of platform, you might hesitate to mouth off like that.

Warpy

(110,904 posts)
40. I can relate to a lot of this letter
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 04:34 PM
Dec 2013

Oh, I'm not gay, just smart enough to know I never chose to be straight. It just happened, like being gay did to him.

The south is the most conformist place on the planet, especially if you're young, most especially if you're female. Oh, if you live down there and fit in, I'm sure it's heaven on earth. I did and I didn't and it was pure hell and I'll never go back, no matter how wistful I get for the mountains.

I hope this kid gets his diploma and skedaddles for his dream in San Francisco. Or he can go as far as the cities in NC, where there were gay dancing bars in the 60s and probably still are. Or he can find his dream in NOLA.

There is life away from northeastern Louisiana and I hope he finds it. I hope he lives long enough to find it. And yes, that's how bad things are in a lot of the south. And midwest.

nomorenomore08

(13,324 posts)
49. I might be tempted to agree, but I can't decide that for him.
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 03:34 AM
Dec 2013

If spirituality in some form makes his life easier, who am I to judge?

 

FatBuddy

(376 posts)
42. with the exception of its largest cities
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 06:49 PM
Dec 2013

the United States is a cultural backwater filled with hatred, racism, and sexism.

its inhabitants think it is "racist" because they can't call african americans the N word.

we're living in a mini dark ages.

 

NM_Birder

(1,591 posts)
65. google translators don't give ignorance a pass,
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 02:50 PM
Dec 2013

But I appreciate the effort, you tried, that's all that matters.
 

oberliner

(58,724 posts)
61. Vermont is one of the most progressive states in the US
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 10:05 AM
Dec 2013

They have none of America's largest cities and yet Vermont is anything but "a cultural backwater filled with hatred, racism, and sexism" - in fact, quite the opposite.

SunSeeker

(51,367 posts)
43.  "When Christian fundamentalists are tied up to the back of pick-ups and dragged...
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 07:26 PM
Dec 2013

...When you know that, then you can talk about persecution."

Such a great point. Such a great post.

Maraya1969

(22,441 posts)
44. I am trying so hard to be nice to my brother but he is another knuckle dragging
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 08:49 PM
Dec 2013

Phil Robertson with a PHd behind his name and Rev. in front of it.

I have fought with him so many times over his "SIN" of oppression and condemnation and torture and unloving ways toward people who are gay (it started with his bisexual sister Maraya).

I can't believe how they are so deluded in thinking that they have the corner of what Jesus taught! They couldn't be farther away from the truth if they were running in the other direction.

gtar100

(4,192 posts)
46. That is the most poignant response I've heard so far. I greatly admire his courage.
Mon Dec 30, 2013, 10:45 PM
Dec 2013

And his self acceptance. If only more LGBT youth could hear this before they hear all the hateful things religious people say. I also admire his willingness to embrace Christianity because of the good stuff. It's a finer example of the meaning of the teachings than any of the shortsighted, narrow minded, condemnations heard daily coming from idiots who haven't spent a moment of their lives truly contemplating the teachings of Jesus yet strut around proclaiming to know the mind of God.

Cha

(295,903 posts)
47. That is a powerful message
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 01:13 AM
Dec 2013

from the young Gay man in Louisiana.

Great blog by Bob Mann.. he has this on here too..

Why Bobby Jindal will never be president..



"He's a bigot."

http://bobmannblog.com/2013/12/27/why-bobby-jindal-will-never-be-president-part-2/

alp227

(31,961 posts)
53. Hey Bobby! NOT ALL IDEAS ARE WORTHY.
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 05:08 AM
Dec 2013

"Tolerance of religious ideas" - phooey. What happened to CRITICAL THINKING in America? If this guy wins the RepubliCON primary...ARGH

 

In-n-Out

(35 posts)
50. "when Christian fundamentalists are tied up to the back of pick-ups"
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 03:52 AM
Dec 2013

That, that even needs to be said pisses me off to no end when I read or hear about the so-called "war on christmas"

Thank you for sharing

 

blkmusclmachine

(16,149 posts)
51. "I’ve never been under any impression that northeast Louisiana is safe for gays."
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 04:27 AM
Dec 2013

There's that so-called "Christian love" for you. Christ in name only. And perpetrated right from the bully pulpit of the Church. Cuz God says so.

King_Klonopin

(1,305 posts)
52. having a "Second-Class Soul" is a very incisive phrase.
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 04:31 AM
Dec 2013

The very core of his being is judged as flawed and damaged,
while the core of Phil's being is perfect -- just as God intended.

Yup, God loves you, but He loves Phil MORE!

Classism, in general, is the biggest social problem in our country.
We function as a "better-than vs less-than" society in every
aspect -- religious, political, economic, racial, etc.

If two things seem different, we have an inclination to determine
which one is BETTER than the other. Satan uses only one tool to
destroy our happiness, and that tool is a wedge.

Fearless

(18,421 posts)
55. And at the same time, the Phil Robertson's of the world will claim we don't need rights
Tue Dec 31, 2013, 05:44 AM
Dec 2013

Because we're already equal and all that fun stuff.

Bull shit.

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