Man Posts Photo of Himself Parenting. Internet Outrage Ensues.

[Matariki]

http://goodmenproject.com/families/i-have-a-dream-that-people-will-view-a-picture-life-this-and-not-think-its-a-big-deal-gmp/

I have a dream that insecure dads will spend less time hating on good dads and more time on getting their own shit together. I’d say 95% of the dads who follow me are actively involved in their kids’ lives and view parenting as a 50/50 endeavor with their wives/girlfriends. They send me “Thank You” emails, they’ll say it’s refreshing to see a guy (me) who embraces fatherhood as much as they do, and they’ll refer other good dads to my blog because they know I’ll celebrate them. Words cannot express how much I appreciate those men because they will play a huge role in making fatherhood “cool” again (granted, I always thought fatherhood was cool, but that’s another story).

On the flip side, there’s a small pocket of men out there that can’t stand me. Here’s a sampling of some of the private messages and comments I received from them after I posted this picture:
- “He probably rented those kids. They don’t even look like him.”

As I’ve said in previous blog posts, I’m not immune to hate mail—and some messages are racist in nature and some aren’t. It comes with the territory of doing what I do and I completely understand that. However, do you know what’s funny? Oftentimes when a dude posts a public hateful comment on my FB page or Twitter feed, it’s followed up by his wife or girlfriend emailing me privately to apologize for his behavior. These women will tell me that their men are angry that I’m making them “look bad” because they aren’t holding up their end of the bargain when it comes to parenting. Here’s the thing: I don’t make anyone look bad. These guys are doing a fine job on their own according to the women in their lives.

Memo to the small pocket of male haters I have: Why don’t you put big boy shorts on and get in on the revolution of good fathers? It’s not a good look to tear down dads for doing the work your wives wished you were man enough to do on your own. If you don’t believe me, just ask your spouses. They’ll tell you.

But don’t worry. I’ll still be here whenever you’re ready to step your game up and join #TeamGrownAssMan.

much more at the link

[Stargazer09]

1. I like him!

I'm not a dad, but I like what he has to say.

Too bad he has to deal with such hateful readers, though.

[roguevalley]

19. so cute taking care of his babies. I don't get it.

[William769]

2. Kudo's to him for being a great dad.

[ScreamingMeemie]

3. Keep on being a great PARENT! Focusing on the parent part, not so much the dad

part.

[loudsue]

15. WTF???

What is wrong with being the dad part? How come a dad isn't supposed to be a dad? I promise you, the kids know who dad is... why don't you?

[HappyMe]

26. What's wrong with being a 'dad'?

Would you say 'focusing on the parent part, not so much the MOM part'?

[Anansi1171]

4. Kick and Rec

Thanks for testifying to our experience as involved black fathers - they cant stand it!

[defacto7]

5. K & R

[sheshe2]

6. Racist comments, oh yeah!

- “OK buddy, cute picture. Now why don’t you hand the children back to their mom so you can go back to selling drugs or your bootleg rap CDs?”

What a ignorant stereotyping comment. The ugly just gets uglier.

From your link~

That ends my rant.
For many of you, this is the first blog post you’ve ever read from me. Just so you know, I’m usually the lighthearted guy online and I’m rarely this angry – but today I had to regulate a bit.

In time you’ll determine if you love me or hate me. If you love me, that’s good news because I’m going to continue doing the stuff you love. If you hate me, that’s bad news because I’m going to continue doing the stuff you hate. If you fall into the “hate” category, just send my blog to all of your enemies (that’ll show ‘em). For the rest of you, I’m so humbled and happy to be a guy you follow and enjoy as we embark on this crazy road of parenthood together.

On a side note, I wrote this entire post while my baby girl was sleeping on me in the Ergo.

It’s not a big deal. That’s just what a Daddy Doin’ Work is supposed to do.

Boom.

Thank you Matariki! What a excellent story.

[Matariki]

8. He must be a pretty mellow guy if that's his idea of a rant.

I love this paragraph especially:

I have a dream that people will view a picture like this and not think it’s such a big deal. Don’t get me wrong here – it’s a very cute picture, and it’s cool when people say so. However, I start to get a little uncomfortable when people want to start planning parade routes for me because of it. Somewhere there’s a dad doing the exact same thing for his daughters. Somewhere there’s a dad who put his foot down with his boss and refused to attend an “urgent staff meeting” so he could leave work early to attend his daughter’s dance recital. Somewhere there’s a single dad successfully getting his three sons ready for school. Somewhere there’s a stay at home dad crushing all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry for his family. Somewhere there’s a dad who would rather play catch in the backyard with his son instead of killing pixelated terrorists on his XBox.

[sheshe2]

10. A good dad, Matariki.

That was a sweet paragraph. To the dads everyday that do this, kudos. Not because they have to but because they want too, that is the difference.

Thank you~

[legcramp]

7. Internet Outrage?

Internet opinion polls, internet comment sections, internet blog post, internet special interest sites.

All fun and games but ultimately as worthless as tits on a boar.

*said while posting on the internet*

[loudsue]

16. True. But it's really sad that there are so many sick people in this country. Maybe ObamaCare will

allow people to get the psychological help they need, and quit being such assholes. The world needs people to get well.

[Cha]

9. Great dad! thank you, Matariki!

[cinnabonbon]

11. I don't know him

but based on this rant of his, I gotta say I like him. And his kids are adorable.

[Lucky Luciano]

12. Hardest parts of parenting:

1) getting up early on the weekends fucking sucks.
2) extreme amounts of patience required.
3) adventurous world travel is done and that is my number one passion. (still trying to figure out how to negotiate a two week solo vacation where I can do a 250km footrace in Madagascar in August www.racingtheplanet.com - will just have to be a dream for now. Wife would kill me for even broaching the subject! She will never allow my son to be in a third world country without easy access to first class hospitals, hence it would have to be solo).


Much of parenting is comprised of awful mundane unpleasant tasks. It is the special moments that lie inbetween the less pleasant parts that make it all worth it...like when my 18 month old son finally relaxes and sits on my lap around 8:30 pm to just cuddle up. Absolutely melts my heart.

[Matariki]

22. fwiw, I know people who've taken their young kids on some pretty adventurous world travel

Last edited Tue Jan 7, 2014, 04:13 AM - Edit history (1)

Including schlepping a 5 year on a week long hike through Amazon jungles. It's challenging, but doable. Especially challenging if your partner isn't supportive of the idea though.

(edited because of the dumbest spelling mistake ever)

[Lucky Luciano]

24. Hah! I wish!

To be fair, 5 years old is a lot different from 18 months though. Either way, no chance my wife would consider anything like that. Maybe when he is closer to 10 and has a stronger immune system by then. Main issue is easy access to hospitals. We went to Mexico together when he was 7 months. I suggested Belize the next time and got the evil eye!

[hunter]

34. Speaking with some experience, the worst part would probably be the airplane ride...

... especially when they are in diapers. Or if they are scared-of/fascinated-with airplane toilets. Or they are sick.

You can bring ten times the diapers you think you need and still run out.

My parents took us anywhere and everywhere as infants and young children. (Okay, maybe that wasn't a good thing, but we all survived.)

I knew a woman in college who was born in a scientific field camp in Africa. My wife and I know Doctors Without Borders sorts who have taken their young children to very remote places. We traveled quite a bit with our kids too.

When our children were infants and toddlers my wife and I were lucky. We could arrange our work schedules so we never needed daycare.

I remember the wonderful parts of parenting, I remember being very, very tired. And the most awful parts I've wrapped in thick layers of can-laugh-about-it-now.

Dads who avoid the hands-on sort of parenting are missing out on a lot. My kids are young adults now and I don't have any regrets about "opportunities" I may have missed because I was busy being a parent.

(Oh, and for everyone: Read to your kids as soon as they can sit in your lap. And litter your house with books!!!)

Thanks for dropping by DU, Lucky Luciano! I know you are busy.

[rppper]

13. As a single father of two great kids....

Now adults.....this man has my complete respect! Keep on keeping on friend! They don't have a clue what a tough man really is!

[Matariki]

40. your post made me smile!

"They don't have a clue what a tough man really is!" right on!

[shireen]

14. i don't understand what all the fuss is about

he's just a dad doing dad stuff. why are people getting so worked up about it?

[loudsue]

18. Unfortunately, they're worked up because it is so rare that it is made public. Dads love

is as special and as different as mom's love. They are both jewels in a world of hurt.

[Matariki]

20. That was pretty much the main point of his article

Don't know if you read to the end of the article, but here are some quotes that address that very thing:

I have a dream that people will view a picture like this and not think it’s such a big deal. Don’t get me wrong here – it’s a very cute picture, and it’s cool when people say so. However, I start to get a little uncomfortable when people want to start planning parade routes for me because of it.

and:

I have a dream that people will view a man’s love for fatherhood for what it is instead of thinking there’s something “fishy” going on. A lot of people really dig the fact that I dig daddying (yes, I made it a verb) as much as I do. However, since I started my blog 17 months ago, I’ve come across some people who will look at me and think, “There’s no way this guy can be as passionate about fatherhood as he is. I bet he’s using his kids in an attempt to become rich and famous.” It’s sad.

Think of the Mommy blogs you like to follow (some of which have a larger following than I have). If they share their love for motherhood, you probably wouldn’t think twice about it because that’s what moms are “supposed to do,” right? But if a human being with a penis shares the same passion for being a parent, it somehow becomes strange and fishy? And that makes sense…how, exactly?

[redqueen]

37. Thanks for posting this.

We have really been backsliding, and allowing gender role nonsense to continue for far too long. This should not be an issue anymore.

[Blue_Tires]

35. Evidently he married and repeatedly copulated with a non-black female

and he doesn't live up to the most common black male stereotypes in popular media, so the internet can't sit idly and allow THAT to happen...

[Dustlawyer]

17. I love being "Dad." I now also love being "Poppy" to my 3 grand kids!

I never have understood moms and dads that wanted nothing to do with their kids, but it happens all too often. If you give them love, honesty and attention, odds are they will turn out ok and make you very proud in the process. Kids take time, your time, to do right, but you may just discover that the time you spent was some of the best time of your life!

[Matariki]

23. Really the only thing I regret about not having kids is missing out on the grand kids!

[Dustlawyer]

25. They are soo cool! You can always adopt some as a grand parent. I am

sure there are many single moms who don't have their parents around. Young kids get told "this is Grand Pa or Uncle..." They just go with it. You can help be a role model they look up to and have a great time!

[pipi_k]

30. Being an adopted grandparent

is cool!

We've lived here for 18 years and have seen two of the neighbor kids grow up. Their mom lost her father long ago, so they only have one grandpa.

Well, the boy, who just turned 21 last week, gradually sort of adopted Mr Pipi as a surrogate grandpa over the years. The kid loves (re)building old engines and jeeps and stuff, and will often come up to take Mr Pipi for a ride in the woods in his latest rebuilding project.

They do stuff for each other, and it makes me happy to see the relationship.

[Dustlawyer]

33. Now that's what I'm talking about!

[Grey]

21. A great Dad… nt

[liberal N proud]

27. I used to know how to do pony-tails

And I was the one who took my daughters to dance lessons and baton twirling competition. I sat there with all the mothers and no one ever said a word about me being the one taking them.

Now I am really close to my girls and they know they can tell me most anything.

[etherealtruth]

28. A wonderaful man and father

[BlueCaliDem]

29. This is what being a dad is all about! Good and helpful blog post.

It's heartening to read that 95% of dads who follow him, agree and support him. I have hope for the future of our successors in this country.

[LibertyLover]

31. When we adopted our daughter

my husband stayed home with her as my job paid much better than his. He took care of her from the time we brought her home at aged 16 months to right this very moment when she is 11. Of course the agreement was that when she went to school full time he would go back to work, which he decided not to do and the ensuing financial problems that brought up caused me to have to declare bankruptcy and loose the house through foreclosure, but he is a stay-at-home dad. He even sometimes cleans and cooks.

[Matariki]

39. I know a few stay at home dads. Decision made for the same reasons.

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I hope things have gotten better for you and your family.

[athena]

32. That picture is so sweet!

I wish I'd had a dad like that.

[Matariki]

38. Me too!

I don't remember my dad *ever* combing my hair. That was "women's work" when I was growing up.

[MissMillie]

36. There's so much hullabaloo about kids needing a "dad"

But society rarely rewards fathers taking an active role in parenting.

Employers frown upon parents (both men & women) who take time off to care for a sick child, or to attend a school event.

I get the sense that when I hear this "children need a father" stuff, what people really mean is that children need the income that a man brings into the home.