A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher.

[dipsydoodle]

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"

The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

[Ranchemp.]

1. LOL!!!

Heard this story/joke several times and it gets funnier each time it's told.

[Solly Mack]

2. Teehee.

[Boudica the Lyoness]

3. Really funny. We get the noxious weed inspectors here

They drive around every year looking for noxious weeds we are supposed to control. These inspectors piss off ranchers/farmers off with their snooping about.

One of them approached me one day on her drive about. I told her to be very careful when she went along the creek because there were rattlesnake dens all along there. I watched and she never went anywhere near the creek and never saw the patch of dalmatian toad flax growing there.

(We did spray it out BTW).

[whopis01]

5. Took me a while to figure out noxious weed inspector.

For a bit I thought it was be a derogatory term for a DEA agent.

Guess that is a different type of weed...

[SwissTony]

4. In a similar vein...from a few years ago...

An IRA man is in prison in England and receives a letter from his Dad that he (Dad) is going to dig up the back garden to plant vegetables.

The prisoner is worried because he knows his Dad has back troubles. He writes back "Dad, whatever you do, don't dig up the backyard!!!"

Next day, a troop of policemen arrive and dig up the backyard. Dad is perplexed as to why this happens and sends his son a letter.

The son replies "Dad, now you can plant your vegetables".

[Bernardo de La Paz]

6. Also in a similar vein, a USN aircraft carrier

Transcript of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. This radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.

Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."

Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."

Americans: "This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."

Canadians: "No, I say again, you divert YOUR course."

Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS ABRAHAM LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP."

Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."

-------

Note: just a funny story: http://www.snopes.com/military/lighthouse.asp

[eppur_se_muova]

7. Thanks to all the jokers, I needed a laugh about now. nt

[Brigid]

8. These are all great!

[countryjake]

9. ...