I went to Missouri State (was Southwest Missouri State at the time) and received two degrees there.
My family also goes back to the founding of the town on my father's side.
I've got to say I'm surprised it's not number 1. There are five, count'em five, Bible colleges there. There is also the worldwide headquarters of The Assembly of God. The place is infested with fundamentalists.
I once made a young girl cry when she accosted me as I was coming out of the local Brown Derby (the guy that owns that only in Springfield chain is the father is the guy who started Bass Pro Shops) and proceeded to try and save my soul. I wasn't kind and I wasn't amused. I doubt she ever staked out a liquor store again. I've mellowed since then, but really.
While I was getting my first degree there was this gorgeous brunette who was, like me, a townie. She was a Spanish major as I was and had made it clear in the first class we'd shared that there was no way, no how she was going to cheat on her boyfriend with me.
Then he and she broke up. I pounced. When I asked her out her reply was very strange. She asked, "But what about my witness?"
I had no idea what she was saying.
I asked, "What? Are you in the witness protection program?"
She laughed and then disaster struck. She said yes and then explained what "witness" is. She was required by her faith to witness to Christ by trying to convert everyone she associated with to her faith. But she knew that I was way, way, way too far gone to be saved. Therefore the problem with damaging her "witness"...
After that explanation I was ready to take "no" for an answer. But she'd already said "yes". I was screwed.
What followed was about three hours of the most awkward attempt at some sort of social interaction that I've ever experienced. I took her to a local institution, Leong's, which serves something they call Chinese food. It is unlike any Chinese food you've ever tasted. Mr. Leong invented a version of Cashew Chicken which is called Springfield Chicken. It is the blandest thing I've ever tasted. I figured that that might be okay for Barbara and recommended it since she seemed very intimidated by the menu. It turned out that she'd never been to a Chinese restaurant. I quipped, "Well you still haven't!" when she told me that. She didn't laugh.
Barbara found this food almost nauseatingly exotic and barely touched what is essentially fried chicken chunks with a very basic oyster sauce on it. There's nothing exotic about it. Somewhere in between the uncomfortable silences I made the mistake of asking her whether she thought I'd go to hell.
She replied, "Of course you are!" without any sort of hesitation. Didn't really know exactly how to react to that one.
I had her home by nine and then went to a party and saw the sun come up while in bed with a girl I picked up.
My years among them taught me a basic lesson. There's crazy and there's fundie crazy. And fundie crazy is waaaaaay crazier.
If this country ever has another outbreak of madness like the Salem Witch trials Springfield is where it would happen.
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