Rick Perry Lures Washington State Residents to Texas with Thriving Death Penalty

[Playinghardball]

AUSTIN (The Borowitz Report)—Responding to the news that Washington Governor Jay Inslee had suspended the death penalty in his state, Texas Governor Rick Perry seized on the opportunity to urge Washington residents to “vote with your feet and move to Texas, where the death penalty is thriving.”

At a hastily called press conference this afternoon, the Texas Governor made an emotional appeal to Washingtonians who might be disappointed by the sudden suspension of executions in their state: “Come to Texas. The death penalty is alive and well here.”

Blasting Governor Inslee, he reassured Washington residents that if they move to Texas, “as God is my witness, no one will ever take your death penalty away from you.”


“That’s just not what we’re made of in Texas,” he said. “We believe in the sanctity of death.”

http://www.newyorker.com/online/blogs/borowitzreport/2014/02/rick-perry-lures-washington-state-residents-to-texas-with-thriving-death-penalty.html#entry-more

[pscot]

1. I hear they're putting together

a convoy.

[proudretiredvet]

2. Texas not only has a death penalty.

They have an express lane to the death penalty.

[liberal_at_heart]

3. Dear Gov. Perry,

I was born in Texas. I moved to WA to get away from TX politics, sexism, racism, and bigotry. Thanks, but no thanks.

[Solly Mack]

4. Heh

[GP6971]

5. I got to tell you

he is really "focused" on the well being of the state of Texas. sarcasam intended.

A hastily called news conference on the subject??????? Give me a freaking break.

[Jefferson23]

6. See, they prove over and over again, the GOP hates people...freakin' sick. n/t

[Downwinder]

7. Not quite true. Texas takes away your right to die.

Assisted suicide is illegal in Texas.

You can never trust Perry.

[northoftheborder]

8. Did he really say "We believe in the sanctity of death"?

[Playinghardball]

9. No...it's a Borowitz Report!

[Major Nikon]

10. Gov Goodhair already is a walking-talking parody of teabagger dipshittery

The man almost flunked out of animal husbandry from an agricultural university.