Thoughts about former DUers on Valentine's Day, also DUers whose lives are upside down.
Why Valentine's Day? I am not sure why exactly, but perhaps it is the sensitive nature of not receiving valentines. I was emailing someone from here yesterday, and I realized that there is really a hurt involved with those who are going through difficult times. I never paid attention much to it before, but I think not getting a valentine here adds to stress for those dealing with problems that seem devastating and unending. No, it's not silly. It can be like, let's say, teen years and coping.
I also remember Valentine Days when I was teaching. In the primary grades we required that everyone gets a valentine in the bags they decorated or no one gets one.
I don't comment much, but I read the threads of people here who are hurting or grieving. It's hard to know what to say. I am almost 8 months along in my grief from hubby's loss, but others here (like mojorabbit for one) have losses more recent.
Let's just say any holiday brings out a sentimental side.
I was reading annabanana's sweet and moving post, I read a post by someone else who will be homeless soon. It's started some emotions, and brought some tears.
I remember also a post last year in which we were remembering those who were no longer with us. It was started by California Peggy and had very many responses.
I got out the book that was sent to me in 2004 by our very special member oneighty. He passed away in 2006 I believe. I found a post I made then about his little Silver Car
The book is called the Voyages of the Vicky Mary, and it is about his boat.
The very last entry in the book is one I have read over many times. He has just sold his boat.
Transcribing:
In the dark we tie my Vicky Mary up to the dock of the new owners. Don and I walk the mile home in the cold and the dark.
With every step I take I am leaving a friend behind and walking reluctantly into an uncertain future.
"Good-bye my Vicky Mary, I have loved you and you have served me well."
Edward A Gard. May Day 2004. This year I am seventy years old. It has indeed been a voyage.
It took me a long time to realize that grieving is not a weakness. I felt I must never let anyone know when I felt sad. I have gotten over a lot of that, but I have a way to go. My daughter and son have to remind me sometimes "Hey Mom, it's okay to cry."
So the Valentines brought out a lot of emotion. I wish I could give one to everyone here.
= new reply since forum marked as read
oneighty was lovely, he was one of the first to welcome me to DU. It is indeed hard times for so many but very comforting to have this online community of friends. 
beautiful post. emotional 
So much truth you have written here...
You have given everyone here a heart..........it lives in your post.
if I remember correctly. Shoulder surgery..may be wrong but remember reading about that. I seldom comment, but I notice. Hope all is well.
But that's different from disasters happening.
I am recovering nicely from the most recent operation, and one day all of this will be behind me...
Thank you, sweetie, for noticing...
when we do those fundraiser squares, you'll always see one from me for oneighty
especially at a small island called Enoshima. As Enoshima is about a 2 1/2-hour train ride from where I am, I decided one summer to visit Enoshima and get some pictures to send to him. He was happy to get the pictures, and sent me one of his books in appreciation.
He was definitely one of the good ones 
yes she did
And so are you ....
you would have 2nd thoughts. Of course I feel the same about both of you.
And no matter what she says, I agree with YOU!
It wouldn't be DU if someone wasn't arguing about something! 
I am so sorry for your loss.
Grieving is most definitely not a weakness. Our culture...many cultures...are uncomfortable with grief, which is unfortunate because it isolates the person who is grieving. You find yourself forcing strength just so you can spare those around you from becoming uncomfortable. I'm a big believer in letting people grieve as they see fit and giving them support and love.
February is a difficult time of year for me. It was February of 2010 when I found out I was pregnant. I only had that joy for 4 weeks as my baby died that March. I named her River (I was 8 weeks pregnant, but had a strong inclination that she was a girl). People are not comfortable about the idea of pregnancy loss. The things that were said to me...."get over it"...."it wasn't a real baby"...."just get pregnant again"....were heartbreaking. I was also treated like shit by some healthcare people. I've become very outspoken in my little corner of the world in regards to pregnancy loss. So, February is a bittersweet reminder of what could have been. In 2007, my very special kitty, Abigael, died on February 18th. Incidentally, I found out that I was pregnant with River on Feb 18th of 2010. Aniversaries can suck.
As for Valentine's Day, I am often reminded of the pain in high school. We had "friendship day" where you could buy a lollipop bouquet for a friend and have it sent to their homeroom on February 14th. For 4 years, I was the only person in my homeroom class who did not receive lollipop bouquets on February 14th. I graduated over 15 years ago, but I still feel that sting. The feeling of being unloved and unwanted can stick with you for years.
I write here a bit about my family's struggles with poverty. There will be no romantic type Valentine's Day here. My marriage is super strained due to money stresses. Tomorrow is the day we get a formal letter from my landlord stating they will take us to tenant/landlord court for not paying February's rent yet. I won't get any cards or flowers or anything from my husband. I know I'm supposed to be a good feminist and say that Valentine's Day is a sham and I don't need that shit from any man.....but, it's not true for me. I'll hear from friends about dinner plans, flowers, little love gestures, and whatnot tomorrow and I'll be happy for them and definitely more than a little bit jealous. I have two children and I will give them little gifts - chocolate and crayons - and we'll bake some sort of goodies during the day. 
DU is a great place. I have gotten some wonderful help from generous DU'ers. I have gotten advice, commiseration, support, prayers, happy vibes, etc. It's very nice. As for the Valentine's hearts - they mean something to me. I've got a couple and it really does bring a smile to my face. It's a little bright spot for me. I love seeing all of the signature lines with hearts. I wish I had the money to buy hearts for others. I will one of these years, dammit! I think the heart thing is sweet and I enjoy this time of year on DU. Like you, I wish I could give to everyone here.
Your post is very thoughtful. Again, I am sorry to read of the loss of your husband. Lots of love and light to you. 
I wish I could help in some way. Your post made me cry a little. All I can do is give you a heart and wish it could be something more to help you and your family ...
These little hearts make me happy. Thank you.
I've lost multiple pregnancies. It's very hard, especially when you get mean-spirited healthcare workers who minimize your emotional and physical pain.
I hope you gets lots of Valentines from your children this year.
I'm sorry for your losses.
I just give a You deserve one most assuredly.
all I can do is send a hug
A family member contacted me about his death, then I posted about it back in 2011.
This is his DU avatar: 
The post: http://upload.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=439&topic_id=1204907&mesg_id=1204907
I'll always cherish it
& Rec !!!
who are grieving or suffering in other ways.
I haven't talked about it here, but in this thread I feel comfortable to say that I lost my beautiful sister in September of last year .... she was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia, uncurable, in Feb of last year. But I guess I didn't believe it and was certain there would be a miracle. There wasn't and the only comfort we had was that she did not suffer ...
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved husband ... sometimes I think when the shock is so great, it is hard to cry ...
I wish I could give everyone some hearts. To all the people who gave them to me, I am overwhelmed and don't feel deserving of them.
But your OP resonated with me and I have tried to repay these wonderful people who gave me hearts by looking for those who have not yet received any.
What a lovely thread .... you are a one of DU's best ....
It's a real comfort that she didn't suffer... but it must have been extra hard on you to have had that hope for a miracle and then to lose her anyway.
I imagine anyone who has dealt with cancer goes through periods where it does seem like a miracle, expecially with the most deadly kind, seems to be happening. It does provide a short period of joy so I think it is worth that despite the eventual reality.
Thanks for you comment, so many people going through difficult times it seems reading this thread.
...madfloridian. Yours is a very thoughtful, caring, honest post. I was so sorry to hear about your husband. Holidays always bring out unexpected emotions when going through any grieving process. I think it's good to express feelings when you can. You have many friends here, including me.
I read DU more than I post these days. I look for posts on issues I care about and avoid those that are meant to be divisive. I always count ln you to keep me up to date on education issues. 
As to Valentine's Day...
Like you, I spent years doing Val parties with my students and went home to do more with my family. These days I usually skip it (divorce) unless it's for my grandkids.
For me the key has been to find ways to make a new positive tradition for all the holidays. When I can't it's okay to miss old traditions.
Hang in there, madfloridian..
Your post brought tears to my eyes. Holidays can be difficult.
I guess there are good kinds of cries. You may be right. So many here are hurting, and I am doing better...grateful for that.
All the best to you and to everyone here who has struggled or suffered loss, especially of a dear loved one, over the last year. And a special Valentine hug for my dear late mother 'glarius'. I announced her passing to DU here about 6 months ago and the fond affection and warmth of response I received from the DU community was greatly heartening to me. I am proud to say that DU members rec'd my thread right to the top of the greatest threads page in no time at all. It was by far the most rec'd thread I ever posted, and by far the one I'm the most proud of.
Thinking of you mom, sending a huge Valentine hug your way, and miss you every day.
Thank you for having such a big heart. The world really REALLY needs more people like you. 
... your poignant OP is your valentine. I love you. Will you be mine? 
Happy Valentine's Day
I had forgotten you were grieving, so a for you in your grief. Yes, grief is not a weakness at all and I'm very glad your kids are supportive.
fellow Floridian here, Steve
Just hate it. I, too, have been the odd person out when others got flowers or candy, etc. Many times in elementary school, I had empty Valentine's boxes, or very few cards. Back then, you gave cards to those you wanted, it wasn't an "everybody or nobody" thing.
Every relationship I've ever had, I've missed out on Valentine's Day. Even when I was married, it was only rarely that I got anything. He also "forgot" my birthday, our anniversary, Christmas. And yet, I'd better not forget him.
The only time I'd get anything, even a verbal greeting, was when he was either embarrassed into by someone, or -- most likely -- he'd gotten something for one of his girlfriends and they either had broken up, or it was something she didn't want.
But, I go on. What else is there to do? I've had the big nervous breakdowns, and they aren't all they're cracked up to be. 
No more of that shit.
I'm sorry to hear about your husband, madfloridian, and also to the others with recent losses. Please allow yourself to grieve. It's important. I'm grieving for my parent's good health. They have both gotten bad diagnoses in the last two years, and though my mother appears to be fine, my father has a fatal bone marrow disease. Life sucks sometimes.
and very much the opposite of weak. Thank you.
And to you and EVERY SINGLE PERSON posting here or not posting but hurting anyway.
Grief is natural, it is healing....but it also sucks--seriously, heart-shreddingly sucks. And it can go on for soooooo looooooong sometimes.
A loving message can ease the pain, even if only for a bit.
I'm so sorry to hear you lost your hubby. I too am grieving the loss of my youngest son who recently died when his heart stopped beating while he slept. The grief we go through after losing one so close, is what I can only describe as being pure agony. He is the second son I've lost in a twenty year span, and feel at times I'm on the precipice of insanity. Losing two of my three sons is a fate that's hard to understand and bear. If not for my wonderful friends and family, I would be such a lost soul right now.
Thank you for reaching out to us, especially in the midst of your own grief.
“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.”~ Henry Ellis
Some weeks are still very hard this far out. You will make it.
This was a lovely tribute to the love lorn and the grieving. Seems like the more you love somebody the worse it hurts. Lost my dear younger brother last year in May.He was only 56.
no wise words. Just very very sad to hear. I had no idea.
We had an errand to run today and some lovely seniors seemed to wash away the pain. After getting through the last two holiday's I didn't think today would hit me as it did. All part of the process I guess and I know it will get better. Thank you for your warmth
yes, those waves that hit ….they get farther apart, but when they do hit…..Yeccch.
I think we all need to remind each other to keep on swimming, keep on swimming, (to quote a filosophical fish).
you proved yourself wrong
I rebutted myself. 
Oh, no thanks, I've already got my share of butt. Don't need anymore, thanks.
My best friend in the whole world. Ever.
I remember the outpouring of support I received here when I felt completely lost, even from many DU'ers who don't necessarily agree with me very often. I've been part of this community since 2006, so many of you have touched my life in ways you will never know.
Thank you for this truly touching post, and I'm so sorry about your loss as well. Your reminder was much needed and appreciated.
and all others that have suffered through this lately.
Take care of yourself and don't worry about showing those emotions.
I recently started to post again a little more often. I was glad to see that you remained as active as ever. AND, I try to ALWAYS read your posts. You're a fountain of knowledge and as someone living in Florida I've come to rely on your posts to keep me well informed.
Thank you for this post and the kindness of your "heart" by sharing these thoughts. You're a true gem and I can't think of a time when I've ever had any disagreement with the issues you bring forward.
Bless you and thank you.
I took most of a year off when they changed to DU3. Just needed the time off.
Now you made me cry, but like your son and daughter say, "It is okay to cry" sometimes.
All holidays have the ability to bring out certain emotions in us, some more than others. For me not getting a valentine is not so huge, but getting one is a moment of joy. I'm a bit of a newbie on DU by the standard of so many of you, so I never knew some of the ones you have in your memories. I lurk more than I post, but I love my DU community.
Happy Heart Day to you all!
My heart goes out to all who are grieving during this holiday.
I too have had family losses...three in the last year, and the only thing I can say is that grief is representative of the power of the love you have lost. The harder the loss, the greater the love you experienced. It makes you realize how special that person was to you and how blessed your life was to have been able to share it with them. Their love changed you in wonderful ways. Don't be embarrassed by the grief...it represents something very special. You are honoring their life.
I was lying in bed last night thinking of the losses in my family and how it must be making the surviving widows feel on Valentine's day...and I started crying. My dog planted himself on my face because he cannot stand to see me cry, and then he rolled over on my belly, feet in the air, and tried to get me to play with him. He wanted to distract me from my sad. He weighs over 70 lbs, so he got my attention. I hope everyone has a distraction in their life that makes them smile, even in the midst of sorrow. Because grief is accompanied by love and laughter too. Remembering the good times.
Thanks 
I am so sorry for your loss and the hardships that so many DUers go through.
Although I don't know any DUers personally, I am amazed about the support and empathy for all of those going through hard times.
Often, my husband catches me shedding tears. MFM gone, Ashling's cat, Annabanana, Skinner's sweet little dog (who reminded me of my Leo who passed last year)... too many to count.
I don't post a lot. My 10 year DU anniversary is coming up in a week. I read DU several times a day. It is my source of news and also comfort.