General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forums“Living in poverty is like being punched in the face over and over and over on a daily basis.“
"in what world is it considered moral for a person to work three jobs and still be unable to support their family?"
http://poorasfolk.wordpress.com/2014/02/19/jenns-words-living-in-poverty-is-like-being-punched-in-the-face-over-and-over-and-over-on-a-daily-basis/
The emotions certainly take their toll. Hopelessness is unbearable. I was once someone that my friends would always look to for a positive thought and encouraging words. I always managed to see the good in every situation. I try my best to hold onto that, but its been slipping away quickly. Fear is constant. Youre always afraid of whats next. Im afraid of opening my bills to find new late fees. Im afraid of losing utilities. Im afraid of being evicted because we cant afford our rent. You want to think positive, but the idea of whats next is always looming. Things that might seem minor to one person can spell disaster for a family in poverty. Last week, my husband told me my tail light was out. This is typically not a big deal for many people. To us, its terrifying. We dont have the money for a new tail light. But, its illegal here to have one out. Our cops here are very good at pulling you over for broken lights, outdated stickers, etc. Obviously, its the law to keep your car in check. We know this. Ive always been great at keeping my car well-maintained. My inspections were always done on time, lights would be replaced immediately, oil is always changed, I never drove on gas fumes at the needle hovered on E. Its all different now. Small things are big things. Monumental things. The idea of needing a tail light, an inspection, or a new tire due to the 100′s of pot holes created by tons of snow this Winter is enough to send me into a panic. Weather is terrorizing these days. Two of my husbands jobs can be called off due to snow or ice because the trucks cant get to them, so they tell staff to stay home. Weve had storm after storm after storm this season. My husband has missed so much work, not by choice, due to snow and ice. We added it up and discovered that he missed enough to pay for nearly two months of rent. Same for me no doggies to walk in this weather because people are staying home.
Poverty is isolating. Friends eventually fade away because they think youre ignoring them when you constantly turn down their invites to dinner or events. They take it personal no matter how many times you insist its not. Your childrens social lives suffer for the same reason you cant afford to send them to many birthday parties or playdates. Trips to zoos, museums, and other fun places with admission fees are extremely limited. People eventually tire of you being unavailable to come out for fun and they stop calling and texting. And maybe I should say those people arent friends in the first place, but it doesnt take the pain away. It doesnt make me hurt less for my children. Conversely, you have friends who know youre in poverty and they try to brainstorm, try to help you through it. You say thank you a million times, but its not enough. After a while, trying to save you is boring and when they realize they didnt fix you, they get annoyed. Ive been called everything by people who were supposed to be my friends. Because I cant snap my fingers and make things work perfectly and because that fact depresses the fuck out of me, Ive been called useless, manipulative, worthless, unmotivated. No one wants to hear that you have tried all the options that they suggested and they didnt work out. No one wants to hear that you know exactly why a suggestion wont work. They dont understand why you cant just move or just declare bankruptcy or just swing around a pole (note: no one ever suggests that my husband sell his body for cash but quite a few people have presented it as an option for me). This isnt to say they are not well-meaning and they certainly are not under appreciated by me but they eventually get exasperated when you explain time and time again why certain suggestions dont work. They want to fix you, fix you now, get you to shut the fuck up about being poor. Its hard for others to deal with the overwhelming depression and hopelessness that accompanies poverty. Its hard for them to hear that you dont want to get up in the morning anymore, that you just want to end it all. So, its sometimes easier to be angry at the poor person, to convince yourself that they just dont want to work for it, and keep your distance from them. Many friendships have been strained by poverty.
However, no one can be as hard on you as you are on yourself. I spend hours per day telling myself how much I suck. If only I had done this or done that. I know our circumstances were beyond our control. I know how hard we try every single say. But, it doesnt stop me from doubting myself, from putting myself down. It doesnt stop the shame. I feel like a leech. Im told by my friendly clergymen, my wonderful politicians, and by people I know and once called friends that I am a burden on society. Im a taker. If only I worked harder. If only I wanted to stop being poor and getting handouts, then everything would turn around and I would be rich. If only I would pray harder, attend the correct church, and read an ancient book that I have read cover to cover many times in the past. Then God would just bestow His blessings upon me. Or, I should really just consider putting some positive energy out into the Universe. If I meditate and tell the Universe that I want money, money will come and everything will be fixed. The constant shouts from societys peanut gallery telling me how the poor or worthless and damned help shape my inner dialogue and I begin to agree with them. I am worthless. I deserve the shame I feel.
cinnabonbon
(860 posts)Skittles
(152,966 posts)2naSalit
(86,061 posts)but I have stopped beating myself up over my poverty. I do what I can to get out of it but the odds are rarely in my favor. When folks invite me to go do something that costs money, I politely decline and tell them the truth about my access to funds and what the funds I do have access to will be used for. If they can't handle it, oh well, perhaps their inability to understand will cause them to think about it more.
And I DON'T tell myself that I suck or that I deserve this.
I can see that it's hard to get into a more positive mind set but it's necessary in order to keep from becoming completely scarred. I make every attempt to channel that energy into something constructive no matter how small or insignificant it may appear to others... they aren't living my reality, I am.
jtuck004
(15,882 posts)Curmudgeoness
(18,219 posts)Tree-Hugger wrote that article.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=4528458