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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsDear Grandparents: Gay People Exist, Deal With It
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This is the letter Katie has written to her grandparents:
Dear Grandma and Grandpa,
This past year has been monumental for gay rights in the United States. The Supreme Court declared the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, 17 states (including our own) have legalized gay marriage, even the pope has shifted traditional views on gays and their families. I am thrilled at the progress our country is making towards equality, but this past year has been marked with sadness for our own gay family. It has been over a year since Ive seen you and I feel the weight of such a tremendous loss in my life.
Ive thought a lot about what I want to say to you. Ive written this letter a hundred different times in my head. When my dad came out to me two years ago I cried happy tears, I could sense the relief he felt at being able to share his true self with me. When you told my mom that you would no longer speak to him because you felt ashamed to have a gay son I cried again. This time there was no relief in my tears. Eventually, the sadness that I felt at hearing your words dissipated and it left behind a void filled with anger. Ive spent the past year stewing in those emotions and it has come to boil. However, when I sat down to write to you every word I put to the page that condemned your actions, your words, your religion, and you felt like poison. I realized that while I do not need to accept them, I cannot blame you for your beliefs, they make you who you are. You are my grandparents, everything good and bad that exists in you also exists in my father, and in me. Those terrible things I wanted to say to you and about you could just as easily be directed at me. Here, I have only one thing to say to you: Thank You.
You raised an incredible man. My father is kind with a sharp wit, intelligent and successful, he is our familys provider and protector, and the bravest man I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Thank you for raising my father. Through his example I have seen true love. I understand the enormous responsibility of parenthood and recognize that does not end when a marriage does. In fact, Im proud of the way my parents handled their situation. Where others may have succumbed to the bitterness of a dissolving marriage my mom and dad continue to show respect for one another and our family has grown stronger together. Having a gay father has shown me that a family is not defined by a marriage license, no family is illegal.
Throughout my life I watched as my father struggled to accept himself. Although I didnt always know what he was struggling with, I understood that he did not feel whole. I saw firsthand how quickly a soul can wither if it is trying to live unauthentically.
Your gay son taught me how to stand up for myself, and more importantly, how to stand up to myself. Watching my dad come out was one of the greatest gifts of my life. I got to see the rewards of walking bravely towards the thing you fear most in the world with your head held high. My dad was given a second chance at life when he came out. His new life is beautiful and I want so badly for you to see it. He loves himself. The peace he has found from self-acceptance permeates his words; his smile is bigger, his eyes are brighter, and he's lost a lot of weight too!
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Read More: http://www.advocate.com/parenting/2014/02/27/dear-grandparents-gay-people-exist-deal-it
RKP5637
(67,104 posts)sheshe2
(83,737 posts)William769
(55,144 posts)mcar
(42,301 posts)Her parents should be proud for having handled what had to be an emotionally wrenching situation with love and maturity.
Kudos to both parents for raising such a great kid .
Wonder if the grandparents will get the stick out of their butts and give their son and grandchild the love and acceptance they deserve.
raven mad
(4,940 posts)I'm also a PFLAG member for over 20 years, a proud grandma of a married niece, a nephew who's "thinking about it" (he bought the rings) and someone who's proud of every progeny out there who has the guts to be what and who they are, despite Arizona, Mississippi, Texas et al. Straight or gay, lesbian or hetero - they're by damn MINE. I love them all.
It flies on my porch, year round, with a great big middle finger to my so-conservative bigoted neighbor!
sheshe2
(83,737 posts)Good for you, raven~
Thanks!
CaliforniaPeggy
(149,583 posts)Thank you for posting it.
I sure wonder how her grandparents reacted to it.
K&R
sheshe2
(83,737 posts)brett_jv
(1,245 posts)Beautiful ...
trickyguy
(769 posts)No kidding.
And thank you for all the tears you shed.
They were obviously not in vain.
And a most hearty, heartfelt thank you to your dad
for raising such a wonderful daughter.
From a gay man who understands.
Cracklin Charlie
(12,904 posts)Gay people are so brave!
TxDemChem
(1,918 posts)My dad recently left homophobia and I love him more each day for the tolerance he never showed when I was younger. While I'm straight, I have found that he not only embraces my gay & lesbian cousins, but he holds them to the same tough standards that he holds all the rest of his nieces and nephews.
Sometimes it takes a person slightly removed to help them see the light.
I could cry after reading this. I hope her grandparents see reason in her letter.
BTW, my dad has always said, "be nice to your kids; they will likely choose your retirement home."
obxhead
(8,434 posts)No, good and bad can be passed down through generations, but it is up to the individual to decide whether to hold onto those beliefs.
I am my parents son, I believe many of the things they do, but I also choose to follow my own path with my own values. I am not bound by their values.
The good and the bad is a personal choice. To hate or not to hate is a personal choice. Evolution does exist and the swaying tide of public opinion on LGBT matters is additional proof of that.
I am my parents son, but in the end I am me. I get to decide how I want to feel, regardless of my upbringing.
History is something to learn from, not an excuse to continue hate and bigotry.