Edward Snowden: "Greenwald! Come Here! I Need You!"

[MineralMan]

http://www.newsyoushouldntbelieve.com

Somewhere outside of Moscow (AP)

Edward Snowden Calls on Greenwald to Visit Moscow

by Ever Trendworthy

Edward Snowden, speaking from his secret hideaway somewhere in the vicinity of Moscow, called on Glenn Greenwald to come to Russia, ASAP. In a surprise teleconference, he pleaded, "Glenn, you really have to come to Moscow right away. I have new information that will guarantee the success of your new media venture. We need to talk, and I'll give you the latest poop on the NSA's top secret fecal analysis program." That cryptic plea raises new questions about how far the NSA plans to go to collect intelligence.

Knowledgeable sources deep within the bowels of the NSA's Ft. Meade headquarters, who must remain anonymous, have informed the newsyoushouldntbelieve.com news team of a secret toilet paper switcheroo that will let the NSA look into the ugly side of American's bathroom habits. A Top Secret tissue analysis collection system is almost ready to launch, our sources say. With a network of TP Collection Systems (TPCS) at waste treatment plants throughout the world (but not in the USA, of course, wink, wink), the NSA plans to identify and analyze our most personal internal habits. The precise goals of this program remain unknown, but a key ex-intelligence operative told this reporter, "Prepare yourselves! This is going to be a messy, smelly bit of news."

Our attempt to contact Greenwald at the newly opened offices of First Look Media was unsuccessful. His assistant told us that he was "indisposed at the moment and couldn't come to the phone." Rumors have it that he's on his way to Russia to meet with Snowden, but had to take a short break before heading the airport.

Updates as facts are available....

More at link...

[MineralMan]

1. Breaking: Initial NSA TPCS Infographic

Note the thinly disguised connection between the NSA TPCS and Google's TiSP system. Anyone who thinks that's a coincidence will soon have the facts, once Greenwald returns from Russia with the actual poop on this.

[MADem]

2. "....fecal analysis program..."

That link doesn't work...did you make it up?

[MineralMan]

3. I can't reveal that at this time.

Sorry. See my leaked infographic, though. It's just in.

[randome]

4. Huh. Tempting to make something of the acronym TCPIP, isn't it?

Nah.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]There is nothing you can't do if you put your mind to it.
Nothing.[/center][/font][hr]

[MineralMan]

5. The secrets often connect. Rumor has it that Google is involved,

as well. See the leaky infographic above. All of your plumbing is now connected to the Internet. It's all tubes, you know.

[MineralMan]

6. Take Another Leak. Second Infographic Emerges

This is a rough sketch version:

[MineralMan]

7. Microsoft Also Involved, Sources Say:

These will be installed at protest locations as part of TPCS protocols, and picked for data collection later.