The Endless Chronicles of Stupid, Childbirth Edition

[WilliamPitt]

New York Mets Daniel Murphy attends the Aces, Inc.
All Star party at Marquee on July 14, 2013 in New York City.
(Image: via Shutterstock)

The Endless Chronicles of Stupid, Childbirth Edition
By William Rivers Pitt
Truthout | Op-Ed

Friday 04 April 2014

(snip)

Daniel Murphy, the second baseman for the New York Mets, took some leave time to be with his wife for the birth of their first child just as this year's MLB season was beginning. Because this is America, where everything that really sucks gets all the air-time it wants, Murphy's decision to be with his family at the beginning of the season elicited an avalanche of scorn and derision.

WFAN radio host Mike Francesa led the way with profundities like, "What are you going to do, sit there and look at your wife in the hospital bed for three days? You're a major-league baseball player. You can hire a nurse."

Sit and look at your wife for three days? Hire a nurse?

The really nifty part of this highly elevated discourse, however, was what former NFL quarterback Boomer Esiason, who never won anything worthy of note but played just well enough to become a sportscasting talking head, said regarding Daniel Murphy's decision to be with his wife for the birth of their first child. Murphy, according to Boomer, should have required his wife "to have a C-section before the season starts." So, yeah, Murphy's wife's abdomen should be sliced open down to the womb for no medical reason so he could be there to field any hot liners batted his way, because that's sane.

As it happens, my daughter turned one year old just this past April 1st, making me, again, the greatest April Fool of all time. She was born on Opening Day last year, after 19 hours of labor and a barrage of indescribably tense moments before the deal went down. Her heart rate and blood pressure were being monitored by the devices attached to my wife's belly, and at one point all of a sudden they plummeted, and the room was immediately filled with doctors and nurses, and they put an oxygen mask on my wife, and the lead doctor told everyone, "Get ready to do a C-section!"

My daughter, prankster that she is, recovered from her deep-dip measurements and was born in blood and screaming pain...and when it was over, when she was out and in the world, howling at the indignity of it all, when I cleaned the blood off of myself and cut the cord, when the doctor handed her to my wife and I saw the single most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life, which was my two favorite people on the skin of this Earth meeting each other for the first time and falling in love immediately, I realized something.

I had sweated through my clothes. All of my clothes, from my shirt to my jeans to my socks to my sneakers. I looked like I'd just jumped into a lake. I was literally dripping on the floor. Not one whit of my experience compares to what my wife endured, but it wrung me out like an old, dirty sponge all the same.

Because birth is dangerous. My wife gave birth to our daughter in maybe the best hospital in the city of Boston, which means she gave birth in maybe the best hospital in the world...with the best-trained staff, and all the best equipment...and, in the end, all of that counts for nothing when the deal goes down. It mitigates the danger, to be sure, but it does not end it. Birth is dangerous, for the baby and the mother, and all the training and technology there is to be had cannot do anything about anything when the baby is stuck in the birth canal, and pushing isn't getting it done.

It was awesomely scary, especially when it seemed like it was going wrong. My wife was frightened when they put the oxygen mask on her face, and I had to hold her hands and ignore the frantic beeping of the machines and tell her everything was going to be fine, even though I was so terrified that I was soaking my clothes. Birth is dangerous, friends and neighbors, and it's something that technology and education can't mitigate. Birth, the moment of birth, is where the rubber meets the road, and it works out or it doesn't. The doctor is Johnny Bench at the moment of truth, just hoping to play catch.

I have a job, just like Daniel Murphy. I am expected to perform, just like Daniel Murphy. My wife gave birth to our daughter in peril, and all I wanted in the world was to be with the both of them when it was happening. Once it was over, I did not "sit and look at my wife for three days." I comforted my wife, and cradled my daughter, on the first day. On the second day, I snatched a wheelchair and took my wife outside for some fresh air, because the hospital windows didn't open on the maternity floor and she was going stir-crazy. Half a dozen times, I ran out to get her food, whatever my wife wanted, because she had just broken herself in half to give us a daughter after spending nine months carrying the girl to term. On the third day, I took them home, and cared for them, and did everything that needed doing, because one was just a baby and the other just had a baby, and it was the greatest privilege of my life to be at their beck and call.

The idea that this experience is scorned and demeaned, even in the glory of this 21st century, is disgraceful. Yeah, sure, Boomer Esiason and his radio friends are throwbacks, but gods be good, maybe it's time to throw them back. Maybe it's time to throw the whole idea of diminishing what a woman endures when bearing a child, the idea that says the man is separated from that experience, out the damned window.

The birth of my daughter, and the first week of her existence, were the most extraordinary and satisfying and terrifying times of my life. It was not "woman's work," as these radio cretins would oh-so-subtly have us believe. It was a man's work, too. It was our work, my wife and I. I am so glad Daniel Murphy chose to experience and enjoy that work, chose to be there for his wife when the dangerous and frightening work of childbirth was done, and it drives me crazy to know, even in this day and age, that there are still people out there who disdain the idea of active, engaged fatherhood in favor of some idealized macho-man baloney that leaves the woman holding the bag.

The rest: http://www.truth-out.org/opinion/item/22890-william-rivers-pitt-the-endless-chronicles-of-stupid-childbirth-edition

[Autumn]

1. Wonderful Will. Our first 2 children were born at a time when Mom was whisked away and Dad

waited in the waiting room. The last child that we had, my Husband will say was the best time he ever had. It was a completely awe inspiring experience for him. Instead of roses on the last one I got big ass honking diamond earrings.

[jmowreader]

2. The guy plays for the Mets

They won't suck any less because of the presence of a guy who SHOULD be at the hospital with his wife, and if he was at the ballpark instead of the hospital they probably would have sucked more.

[LadyHawkAZ]

3. My daughter had a C-section in December

Whoever drooled that bit of "wisdom" onto their shirt needs to be smacked with the clue-by-four.

G-son's daddy took three weeks- not three days, three weeks- off to look after the kids because she had been ordered to relax until the incision healed. C-sections are not easy and they are dangerous.

[Beartracks]

29. "clue-by-four" For The Win!! n/t

[Leith]

4. Good for You, WP

Your priorities are in the right place. They are lucky to have you as a husband and father.

[Enthusiast]

5. Well done! K&R!

[GeorgeGist]

6. Take heart ...

Today their whining about college athletes forming unions.

[GreenPartyVoter]

7. 'Murika, land of family values.

[Benton D Struckcheon]

8. I'm an original Mets fan,

taken to the Polo Grounds by my dad when I was four and my brother was six, to watch the Mets in their first season in 1961. Magical times. They used to let us walk on the field after the game.
I'm rooting for Daniel Murphy too. Boomer Esiason and the rest owe him an apology.

[Trajan]

26. Same here ... Same age ... Same Polo Grounds ...

I remember being a big Ron Swaboda fan ...

Ed Kranepool at first ... I cannot recall any other players ...

I also remember watching then play the Dodgers, with Sandy Koufax on the mound ... a true baseball legend ....

Great memories for this Jersey Boy ...

[The Wizard]

35. First season was 62

I was there opening day 63. The first ball hit went through 3rd baseman Charlie Neal's legs for an error. It was a long season like 62, but I'm still a Mets fan

[Auntie Bush]

9. Damnit Will you made me cry. Thanks for this wonderful enlightening post.

I won't get into details but it wasn't the mind set of men or society 50 years ago.
Thank God times have changed. Too bad something like this wasn't written many, many years ago.

[Dorian Gray]

10. Very good article, Will...

I love Danny Murphy even more. Boo to all the naysayers. They're jerks, and I am happy I'm not married to any of them.

[MicaelS]

11. Let's get one of these idiots to volunteer..

To get themselves sliced open and report back on the experience.

[WillyT]

12. Huge K & R !!!

[naturallyselected]

13. I re-lived my first son's birth

When I read your piece, I was there all over again: decreased fetal heartbeat, emergency C-section. Because it was an emergency, and not planned, I couldn't be in the operating room, and wore a path in the hospital hallway floor, waiting for the pediatrician to emerge from the operating room with our son. Time stood still, but our son was OK, and I got to hold him while the OB nurse cleaned him up and put on his hospital nightgown and knit cap.

Our younger son, and our daughter were natural births, and I was there for both. When our son was born, it was during a hospital baby boom, and I got to sit with him in a rocking chair in the nursery for better than an hour until the nurses could get to him. Our daughter was born in the midst of a violent thunder and lightning storm; her obstetrician, a female ex-Navy doctor, was a few months away from retirement and had presided over more than 5000 births..

I cannot imagine not being there for our children and my wife. To hear this precious privilege belittled makes me sad and angry. The "family values" party shows their true colors once again. To them it's more important to be a good little worker than to do the right thing by your wife and children.

Their thoughts and words are offensive, but I can't help but think about what this mindset deprives these fools from experiencing. I was honored, humbled, and overwhelmed to be part of our children's first few days. I am so grateful no one tried to take that opportunity away from me.

[11 Bravo]

14. Outstanding post, my friend! I can close my eyes and re-live the births of both ...

of my sons, 17 and 21 years ago respectively, but only because I was right there; wiping my sweetheart's brow and frantically squawking "breathe" and "push" in concert with our OB-GYN.
I wouldn't trade those memories for anything.

[passiveporcupine]

15. beautiful post Will

Times have changed. We are no longer subsisting on the labors on the farm and hunting, so it's OK for men to start taking a little time off to attend to their families...right? Because, after all, they are our cherished families. And it takes two parents to make a baby...and two parents to raise one to be healthy and happy. Yes it can be done with one, but why limit the things two parents can bring to the table if not necessary? I grew up without a father and I desperately loved men...as a little girl I was drawn to men like a magnet. I missed what could have been a really beneficial experience of having a proud and supporting father.

If you have a child, it is the responsibility of both parents to be there and give it the best upbringing you can. And yes...be there to support your wife through one of the most difficult and dangerous things she may go through...bringing you that precious child.

I'm not into sports, but Daniel Murphy is my new hero!

[Dustlawyer]

16. I was very sorry to hear that Boomer Esiason had said something so out of touch and repugnant.

I have heard that he has since apologized. I am not defending him on this, but I will say that when I met him in 1990 I found him to be very funny and caring. We were at a celebrity football camp that Jim Kelly was putting on (I had done a little work for Jim in the past and volunteered to work the camp with 750 kids, the Buffalo Bills players, as well as Boomer and Bernie Kosar. Boomer was friendly and had a great sense of humor. Bernie was an ASS HOLE! When camp was over and they were all heading to some charity golf tournament, Bernie Kosar was impatient to be gone. We thought we could sneak them out back and avoid the crowds (they were running late), but when we went out the back there were more kids waiting for autographs. Bernie just walked into the kids knocking them down on purpose. Boomer was in front of me and stopped and helped some of them up and started signing autographs. He asked me to go get the left over camp shirts and signed autographs and spoke with the families for an hour or so until everyone there had more than a moment. He told Bernie to shut up and wait in the car. I had been wanting to say that to Bernie all weekend.
Boomer has a son that has Cystic Fibrosis. When his son was diagnosed he called me because he remembered I too had a son with that terrible disease. Since that time he has been the most generous celebrity CF has and they have a lot. I am deeply saddened to hear something so callus and unfeeling come out of his mouth because it is not the type of guy he normally is. At least not the guy I got to know way back then.

[countryjake]

17. Wonderful writing, Will.

A line drive right over the heads of those sporting big mouths!

Love your line, "The doctor is Johnny Bench at the moment of truth, just hoping to play catch." Exactly.

[madinmaryland]

18. Well said, Mr. Pitt. Mr. Murphy did exactly what anyone would do in that situation. HE WAS THERE

for the birth.

[ReRe]

19. You 'da PaPa, WP

You 'da PaPa. We know what those guys--Mike Fransesa & Boomer Esiason--and like mindeds are: Misogynist extraordinaries. With a microphone. They set out to scorn Daniel Murphy for not being like them, and in the end they reveal who they really are. They are the Rush "Limpballs" of the sports radio/tv world.

Great article in response to their ignorance.

K&R

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

20. April 7, 1977

My first son was born.

I had a photo-journalism project due. The birth was the subject. I was there for all stages of childbirth. Documented the entire procedure.
Between snapping pictures, and helping my wife, I witnessed everything. It was a time I'll never forget and will cherish forever.

After my newborn son and my wife were settled, I went home and processed the film, (b&w), then printed the best pics and brought them into my wife to view. She never witnessed anything except through a mirror they placed for her. Brought tears to her eyes that morning.


Two more kids, of course I was present for both,(snapping pics again) and two grand kids later here we are. My wife got to witness my latest grandsons birth this January. First time on that side of the bed. She was beside herself.

Thanks, Will for bringing these memories to the surface again.

[mountain grammy]

21. Francesa and Eisiason are morons. I feel for their mothers, wives and children

if they have any. They really are just stupid.

[irisblue]

25. ^^^^this^^^^

I read Eisason apologized for his remarks....so Eiaiason you go along to get along with your co-workers? Dude, that reeks of stupid.

[DinahMoeHum]

44. . . .especially since "Boomer"'s own son has cystic fibrosis.

He should have known better. He, Carton and Francesa really dropped their pants on this issue.

[Richardo]

22. Excellent piece, Will.

[onecaliberal]

23. Incredible story.

Thank you for an articulate description of what women endure bearing children.

[rickyhall]

24. My daughter was born on April 1, too

In 1979. I was there & it the most awesome thing I ever witnessed. I don't blame Mr. Murphy a damn bit.

[Trajan]

27. Great post, William ...

Beautiful .... thanks

[Warpy]

28. Thank you for this

This is why women know it has to be voluntary--it's a dirty, agonizing, dangerous business. The fact that it's natural doesn't diminish the danger one bit.

A lot of men avoid the delivery room so they can lie to themselves about this fact.

[daleanime]

30. K&R....

[BlueMTexpat]

31. Civilized societies have paternity leave.

Even some so-called developing nations have it.

I am not sure how up-to-date this graph is, but it does show how the US is certainly not among the most "civilized" societies. http://awesome.good.is/transparency/web/1206/papa-don-t-leave/flash.html

But all those countries "hate" us for our "freedoms."

Yeah, sure.

[OwnedByCats]

32. Could not agree more

To think that they would expect this man to miss out on the birth of his child just because baseball season just started, or even worse yet, expect his wife to schedule the delivery, is just repulsive. Scheduling should be done if it's medically necessary, not because it's convenient. It's not an event that happens every day, it's a huge thing and like you said ... things can go wrong.

I don't get this attitude at all. Woman hating dickheads!

[BumRushDaShow]

33. Jimmy Rollins flew home 4/2/14 for the birth of his daughter

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/sports/phillies/Jimmy-Rollins-leaves-Phillies-for-birth-of-child.html

He was due to be in Chicago for this weekend's game per his twitter feed. The Phillies' home opener is Monday.

MLBPA negotiated a paternity leave list in 2012 per the above linked-article, so slowly, the times are a-changing.

[Mopar151]

38. And, in Chicago, a professional returns to his team

A smile on his face, a song in his heart, passin' out cigars, and ready to play some ball! Ask the managers and coaches if they'd rather have a guy who was plugged into a pay phone, has'nt slept right in a week, or eaten a decent meal........

[malthaussen]

40. I wonder how much that's a function of playing in New York...

... I haven't heard any uproar about Rollins taking off, but everything a NYC player does is immediately made much of in the media.

-- Mal

[The Wizard]

34. Sports commentators

should never comment about anything other than the game(s). Life decisions are above their pay grade.

[LibGranny]

36. Esiason and his ilk are neanderthals (if they would even claim them!)

[loudsue]

37. Will, this might be your best post ever.

Is your writing getting better? I mean, it's always been exceptional, but methinks it's getting even better.

I just had my husband (not a DUer) read your post. He's a sports fan ... all sports. And he was really pumped against anyone bad-mouthing Murphy for what he's doing. He said he was surprised Boomer said something that stupid....he thought Boomer was smarter than that.

In fact, this article should be required reading for everyone. Period.

[malthaussen]

39. WORK is more important than ANYTHING.

That is at the heart and soul of the American Way. Mr Murphy violated our Most sacred cow by not subordinating everything to the expectations of the people who sign his paycheck. The fact that he is an entertainer compounds the offense, since many of his "fans" probably think that he is not entitled to any life outside of amusing them to begin with.

-- Mal

[Demoiselle]

41. Well said, Will. The flap over Daniel Murphy's actions has been extraordinarily stupid.

Your baby girl is beautiful! Cheers.

[Zorra]

42. We have a society that has been conditioned to value wealth over human well being,

making *teh stupid* the norm.

[Oilwellian]

43. Great piece, Will

I gave birth on April Fools Day as well.

[DinahMoeHum]

45. "Boomer", Carton and Francesa really laid an egg. . .

. . .on this issue. Big time.

Francesa normally strikes me as more level-headed and conscionable than most other sports talk show hosts.
"Boomer" Esiason should have truly known better, since his own son was born with cystic fibrosis, and he runs a charity foundation addressing that malady.

[hfojvt]

46. Boomer Esiason never won anything worthy of note?

That's an uncalled for crack.

Like winning a starting job in the NFL isn't "anything of note".

He won four trips to the pro bowl. Is that nothing of note?

He won an NFL MVP award.

It's bullsh*t to belittle somebody's accomplishments like that.

If his accomplishments aren't worthy of note, then what does that say about mine? Or yours?

Not worthy of note

"The Boomer Esiason Foundation was created to fund research to find a cure for cystic fibrosis, a disease of the respiratory and digestive systems. The Foundation also provides scholarships, transplant grants, hospital grants, education and awareness of cystic fibrosis as to provide higher quality of life for people with CF. The foundation has raised in excess of $100 million as of March 2, 2013,"

Not worthy of note

"At his retirement in 1997 he was among the most successful quarterbacks in NFL history, finishing in the top 10 in many statistical categories..."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boomer_Esiason

[theboss]

48. I don't come here for sports analysis

Anyway, sports can be weirdly progressive at times and can play a huge role in promoting positive changes in society. And there will always be a rearguard fight against these changes in the sports world.

Francesca is a boob. I could care less what he says. Boomer is interesting. I think the issue with him is that he's a football player and football players believe that you should amputate a finger at halftime (Ronnie Lott) and play on a broken leg (Jack Youngblood) rather than come out of a game.

Baseball is a long long long season and Murphy rarely misses games. So this is not a big deal.

If he was a football player, I may feel differently to be honest.

[WilliamPitt]

47. Thanks to everyone for the kind words.

This one meant a lot to me.

[WilliamPitt]

49. Up

People seemed to like this one. Kicking in case it got missed by folks over the weekend.