Bullying: Is this the most ridiculous advice to deal with bullies, ever?

[freeplessinseattle]

"Fifth-grade students at Zeman Elemantary in Lincoln, Nebraska were recently sent home with anti-bullying flyers. Imagine the parents' surprise, then, to find most of the supposed advice was actually not very helpful at all.

"The number one reason bullies hate their victims, is because the victims tell on them," advises the flyer. Really? So if you just tell kids to be quiet about it, it will go away? Sounds to me exactly like the line of reasoning generations of bullies and abusers have used as an excuse to keep doing what they're doing. It's the victim's fault, and if they just behaved better, it wouldn't happen.
......

Abusive bullying in childhood is, for too many, a sad fact of life but it should not be a secret one. Adults should have their eyes open to spotting when it's going on, but some bullies are so crafty and careful that their victims can't always depend on the signs being spotted by others. Children surely need to be reassured that if they tell, they will be supported… not blamed for being a 'tattle tale.'
........

On the Childline advice page about bullying, it mentions that 'going along with what they want will give [bullies] the message that bullying is working.' An alternative information sheet the school linked to on Facebook also reinforced the need for communication and seeking advice, advising young people to 'seek help if you or someone else are being bullied,' and 'let adults help.' Maybe next time, the school should consider letting adults help them with their flyers, too."


[img][/img]
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/10772501/Bullying-Is-this-the-most-ridiculous-advice-to-deal-with-school-bullies.html

[Arkana]

1. Wow, that's like the opposite of everything you should do.

Who wrote that, Bill Kristol?

[rrneck]

2. Looks like it was written to keep the administrators from having to deal with it. nt

[LuvNewcastle]

4. I agree. Bullying problems are one of the toughest problems that administrators

have to deal with, and they want out of it. Administrators like that need to be out of a job.

[LuvNewcastle]

3. People need to talk to their kids about bullying at an early age.

They should tell their kids that if they're being bullied, they should never keep it a secret. Telling adults is the best way to make it stop.

[Jefferson23]

5. Awful. IF the idea was to get across that no matter what someone says to you, it does

not make it true ( Refuse to get mad ) because if you get mad and out act..you'll be in trouble too...big fail.

This is a train wreck, there are no clear points about validating the victims situation and most important, NOTIFY
a staff member...WE are here to help you etc.

[JimDandy]

6. Wow. Am just stunned at how awful this advice is.

It blames the victim, doesn't hold the bully accountable for his/her actions, and reads like the rules were tailored to help reduce problems for the school administration-not for the victim.

[NightWatcher]

7. was this handed out at an elementary school or a prison?

Dont Be A Snitch. Snitches get stiches

Worst advice ever

[LittleBlue]

8. Anything but hitting back, right?

Cower and realize it's your own fault. Show you're hurt. Maybe you need sensitivity training.

[Orrex]

9. What year is it in Nebraska?

[DirkGently]

10. "If you think I'm ugly, you should see my sister?" !!!

Don't tell and don't be a "sore loser?" Yikes. Sounds like it was written by the Bullies Union (tm).

[DrDan]

11. they should follow the excellent BLM lead in dealing with the rancher/militia bullies

give in and grant them what they want

[pintobean]

12. A statement on the school's website.

It looks like a screw up. The Telegraph and Fox appear to be the only ones carrying this story, so there may be some agenda going on.

April 17, 2014

Today our educators will meet with all Zeman fifth graders to clarify and provide accurate information about the expectations we have of students at Lincoln Public Schools and at Zeman regarding bullying situations. To be clear, the brochure was not written by people at LPS, and was not vetted properly.

A few examples of the information students will be hearing today: “Bullying is wrong and unsafe, and that adults need to know if bullying is occurring. Remember to “talk it out” not “fight it out.” Take action when you see others being bullied. Contact a school staff member for assistance when faced with a bullying situation.”

http://wp.lps.org/zeman/

[arcane1]

31. Why do I get the feeling the agenda has to do with "religious freedom"?

[MannyGoldstein]

13. That's #$%&ing nuts.

Just nuts.

[Gormy Cuss]

14. It HAS to be a joke. It's too effin' stupid to be anything else.

I stopped bullies the way my older brother taught me: stand up to them, show no fear, and the cowardly bullies move on. If they don't back off, TELL teachers, parents, older siblings about it.

[RedCappedBandit]

15. It's all ridiculous, but.. DON'T TELL AN ADULT?!

WTF

[LisaL]

16. That sounds ludicrous beyond belief.

Who came up with this?

[TwilightGardener]

17. Worst...advice...EVER. Jesus H. Christ.

"Curl up in fetal position and admit you are powerless. In fact, maybe it's YOU that's the problem--learn to laugh at yourself, you pathetic little shit."

[LisaL]

18. Exactly.

Who wrote this thing? Doesn't the school check what kind of advice they are giving out to children?
This pamphlet suggests bullied children shouldn't defend themselves (even verbally), treat bullies as someone who is trying to help, and not tell adults.
It's unbelievably ridiculous.

[SheilaT]

19. I'm surprised that there's not a rule saying:

If you get cut and are bleeding, please do not bleed on school property. Wipe up all the blood yourself and dispose of whatever tissues you use discreetly.

Honestly, if I were a parent who got that little booklet I'd be in the principal's office the very next day.

[nadinbrzezinski]

20. And when a child finally has had it

And either kills himself or herself, or worst, takes on the school...well, it was the kid's fault anyway for being a weakling. See how that works?

[GeorgeGist]

21. Written by cowards.

[Brickbat]

22. Update: LPS sorry for flier advising students to not tell on bullies

Lincoln Public Schools officials apologized Wednesday for a flier about “turning bullies into buddies” that went home with Zeman Elementary fifth-graders, prompting complaints from parents and angry comments on Facebook.

(snip)

Zeman Principal Donna Williams sent an electronic message to families apologizing for the flier, and the district posted the apology on its Facebook page.

Among other things, the flier advises not telling on bullies because “the number one reason bullies hate their victims is because the victims tell on them.” The flier goes on to say, “Telling makes the bully want to retaliate. Tell an adult only when a real injury or crime (theft of something valuable) has occurred. Would we keep our friends if we tattled on them?”

LPS Communications Director Mary Kay Roth said the flier was not approved to be sent home and was inadvertently included in fifth-graders’ Tuesday folders that went home to parents. Such folders typically contain student work and other information for parents.

http://journalstar.com/news/local/education/lps-apologizes-for-flier-advising-students-to-not-tell-on/article_ee105464-f51d-539e-8bf0-4ab4719d874b.html

[polly7]

23. I don't understand how anyone, especially in an educational setting, could even think that way

let alone print it out, no matter if it was intended to be sent home or not. I was sure it had to be some sort of hoax.

[Brickbat]

25. Later on in the story, admins talk about how the anti-bullying message they give the kids is

very different than the wretched flier, and it seems like they really do give the right message in class. Here's hoping they haven't undone all their good work with that garbage.

[polly7]

26. Thank goodness for that. nt.

[LibertyLover]

24. What a piece of garbage this booklet is

I had to doublecheck to make sure it wasn't from The Onion, the "advice" was so over-the-top bad. Whoever authored it should be ashamed of themselves and whoever directed it be handed out at the elementary school should be disciplined. "If you think I look like a nerd, you should see my dad!"? Are they f'ing kidding? Not only are the bullied children being told to laugh at themselves - such a wonderful idea in and of itself - but they are also being instructed to disrespect their parents. And don't get me started on the whole idea of casting bullies as "friends who want to help you". Ugh.

[Brickbat]

27. The guy who wrote this is fucked up and bullshit.

http://bullies2buddies.com/

http://bullies2buddies.com/how-to-stop-being-teased-and-bullied-without-really-trying-intro/

[Brickbat]

28. Here he blames unions for the poor bus-monitor lady who was bullied by kids last year:

http://www.spiked-online.com/newsite/article/12580#.U1AHgFFPPQd

‘But this incident could have been stopped in no time. All that was needed was for the driver to stop the bus and say “This bus is not moving until you kids keep stop tormenting Ms Klein and apologise to her”. Unless the kids are psychopaths, they would have done so immediately and, if they hesitated, the other kids on the bus would have told them to shut up and apologise. And if they still kept harassing her, the driver and/or monitor could have called the police to remove them from the bus. That would really have taught them a lesson, and they would have “gotten it” from their parents as well.

‘Unfortunately, bus drivers are no longer allowed to stop the bus. It is against rules created by their unions so that they don’t work any longer than they have to. Thus, the single most powerful tool they have to control kids on their bus has been taken away from them and their hands are tied from being able to take immediate and effective action.

[Brickbat]

29. The incident with the bus-monitor lady wasn't that big a deal because she wasn't raped or killed.

‘And we have also taken incidents like this out of proportion. Yes, what the kids did was despicable and it was understandably upsetting to Ms Klein. But she is mature and resilient enough to get over it. It wasn’t rape or murder. It wasn’t even assault and battery. Incidents that are far worse than this happen on a daily basis and the victims don’t receive massive outpourings of public donations. It’s because “bullying” has become the number one fascination of society, and we forget that most of the acts being called bullying are rather minor.

[freeplessinseattle]

34. Why did I have a feeling the author was a rethug?

The victim blaming and minimizing that fills the "advice" book sounds like Cheney himself wrote it! Thanks for digging that up, interesting.

[Nine]

33. Yes he is.

One more link (with the "rules&quot :
http://bullies2buddies.com/press-room/press-release/how-to-create-a-bully-free-school-environment-by-israel-izzy-kalman/

I see some right wing comments on various news sites blaming liberal ideology for this. I'm guessing they didn't do much research on the author.

[pnwmom]

30. The writer of the rules is obviously a former (or current) bully. n/t

[Ron Green]

32. I get the idea; kids do need to develop assertiveness and humor

as part of a strong and healthy character. But for school admins to just throw this out there without intensive training of all concerned is not helpful at all.

[LeftishBrit]

35. It sounds like an early 20th century British boarding school...

Don't sneak; don't show (or preferably even feel) your emotions; toughen yourself up and learn to laugh at yourself, and you too may end up ruling the Empire!

[MisterP]

36. oh yeah, fall into a cycle of passivity and silence

GREAT way to handle both the opportunists and the people who need to feel big!

[Ino]

37. This sounds like it was written by a bully. (nt)