An unthinkable tragedy

[William769]

"Gabriel did not die because his moms were lesbian. His death was not the byproduct of homophobia. His fate was not because of a violation of any legal custody issues. His story is bigger than any of that..."

As a gay dad, I have heard the words a thousand times. “A child is better off with both a mother and a father.” The statement always baffles me. Certainly, no two sets of parents of any make up are identically equipped, so is the theory that any opposite sex parents are better than any same sex parents?

The anti-gays claim that to be the case. Right wing spokespeople have gone so far as to declare that even orphanages are superior to same sex parents. The Catholic Church has previously declared that same sex parents were doing “violence” to the children in their care.

I don’t believe my life supports the concept. I have two sons. Each was born to a heterosexual couple and due to personal issues, each of them would have died had they remained with their birth parents. That is not conjecture, that is fact.

Drug addiction plagued all four of my sons’ birth parents. With the life I was able to give them, my sons are happy, healthy well adjusted eleven year old boys.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2014/04/an-unthinkable-tragedy/

Such a heart wrenching story and the tragic loss of a child.

RIP Gabriel

[sheshe2]

1. Gabriel~

Sadly, in the most devastating of ways, a couple of mothers in Iowa will have no such happy ending. Rachel and Heidi McFarland had a baby boy named Gabriel since his birth. Within days of when the adoption was to finalize, the sixteen year old birth mother changed her mind. Rachel and Heidi became what the Des Moines Register called “former adoptive parents “.

snip

Surely this was the case for the moms of little Gabriel. The moms had spent every waking moment with him caring for his every need, from the moment of his birth to the moment where they lost him. Ultimately, that didn’t matter.

“We had been scrutinized, our life style has been scrutinized, the people in our lives have been scrutinized, we had to have letters of reference for this home study, to make sure we were…adequate as parents..” said Rachel, “ And, they never had to have anything when they took him back.”

Little boy Gabriel went back to the “a child is better off with a mother and a father” ideal, to two teenagers. It was under a teen boy’s care, while the birth teen mom was running errands, that Gabriel lost his life. He was alone when he was found.

His moms heard about his death… by listening to the news.

http://www.lgbtqnation.com/2014/04/an-unthinkable-tragedy/

~I weep.

[Mnemosyne]

2. ...

[cyberswede]

3. .

I'm at a loss for words.

[JI7]

4. this is one of those things that just disgusts me so much

fucking ignorant asses in the world. their hate is more important than people being treated well and cared for.

[Cha]

5. ..

Mahalo William~

[StevieM]

6. First of all, the "birth mother" didn't change her mind, because she wasn't the birth mother.

Until the baby is born, and the papers are signed, you are not the birth mother. You are the expectant mother and then you are the mom. Prospective adoptive parents have no complaint if a new mother decides to parent. None.

Second, our compassion should be for the young mother whose child was just tragically taken from her.

Third, having the prospective adoptive parents cut the umbilical cord is the latest method of coercion from the adoption industry. It is done in order to make the mother feel obligated to the prospective adopters. To make her feel like they are already the child's parents and she has no right to take "their" baby away from them. It is done to create a narrative that it is their baby being born, and the women giving birth is nothing more than a surrogate.

Fourth, those same prospective adoptive parents who count on a prospective birth mother's concern for their feelings will often turn around and close the adoption the moment the ink is dry on the papers.

Fifth, it is telling that the writer is belittling the mother by calling her a teenager. He thinks that the couple that had hoped to adopt her baby are more worthy of being parents to another woman's child simply because they are older.

Sixth, the child did not go back to his mother because she was heterosexual. He went back to his mother because she was his mother and she never signed a termination of parental rights document.

[William769]

7. Right over head & comprehension I see.

You forgot the seventh, the child is dead. And why? Well I guess that doesn't seem to matter to you.

Your concern is duly noted.

[StevieM]

8. It wasn't the mother who killed the child. And here is point number seven:

Somehow I doubt he would be lamenting the adoption if the child had died in the custody of the adoptive mothers. Tragedy can come anywhere at any time. Including to adopted children. Adoption doesn't ensure a better life--it ensures a different life.

My concern lies with the grieving young mother, who is heartbroken right now over the loss of HER child.