Homemade Solutions for Hobby Lobby Female Employees -- Hilarious DIY Birth Control

[xchrom]

http://www.alternet.org/personal-health/homemade-solutions-hobby-lobby-female-employees-hilarious-diy-birth-control



1. Decorated Rhythm Method Calendar: The rhythm method is an excellent method of birth control for devout Christians, provided you are in a heterosexual marriage. All you do is avoid having vaginal sex when you are fertile. Do this consistently for a year and you have a 75 percent chance of avoiding pregnancy.

***SNIP

2. Abstinence: Abstinence is the only 100-percent effective form of birth control. Hobby Lobby provides two different options for the lady looking to refrain from sex altogether. The first option is found among Hobby Lobby’s wide selection of super glue. Simply glue your legs together – or for the active lady who cannot do so without impairing her daily activities, simply glue the cervix shut for a less restrictive option. Note: Although sprinkling glitter on the glue would look fabulous, the glitter may chafe your legs, making it an uncomfortable option for some.

***SNIP

3. Fun and Funky Knitted Condoms: Choose from Hobby Lobby’s wide selection of yarn to find the right color and texture for a set of custom condoms. Remember, when buying your knitting needles, smaller sized needles (sizes 3 and 4) will give you a tighter stitch to better prevent the sperm from getting through. Larger needles will create a loopy stitch, particularly with lightweight yarns like baby, sock, fingering, or sport weight yarn. While this might look decorative on your loved one’s member, it will not aid in birth control.

***SNIP

4. Puffy Paint Condoms: Don’t knit? Don’t worry! Make a romantic evening by covering your husband’s equipment in puffy paint and then allowing it to dry before getting frisky. It’s a fun couples activity for date night. Buy paint in your favorite colors and take turns coming up with creative designs. Or, if you’re in a hurry, simply use a balloon to do the job. Try putting this smiley face balloon on Mr. Happy, and you’ll smile too knowing you are safe from unwanted pregnancy. (Note: The effectiveness of homemade condoms is untested, and they may not be as effective as standard latex condoms. In which case you might need to make a….)