The biggest damned flame

In Judaism, the candle's flame is a metaphor for the soul.

Flames, like souls, come in large and small. Some burn steady and boring, some dance about with a special light. They light our world for a time, then go out.

When I heard that Robin Williams had left us today, my immediate thought was that the biggest damned flame I'd ever seen had gone out.

I first knew of Robin from his stand-up comedy, back in the 1970s. His particular flame was an ammo depot caught fire, a cacophony of great explosions and whooshes turning night into day.

Mork and Mindy next, execrable save for Robin's brilliance, although it had been toned down to a roman candle for general public consumption.

Then Garp, a movie loved by exactly one Earthling (me) followed by a string of movies of varying brilliance. Through masterpiece and dreck, Williams' light always shined bright. His eyes twinkled. He was alive, dammit! Alive!

Comedy and depression, I think, come from the same place, both from an acute meta-awareness of the human condition. Life is funny as hell. Life is wrenching. We don't get the Yin without an equal portion of Yang, it all needs to balance. Williams was as tuned in as anyone to the comedy in this world, he must have been equally tuned in to the tragedy. As do most people blessed and cursed with this ability, he groped around to dull the sharpness, turning to drugs and drink. Today he turned to the off switch. @#$%.

I saw a photo of Robin in the past few weeks, on the Web somewhere, someone saw him on the street and snapped a shot. Before then, I'd never seen a photo of Robin where the flame wasn't burning bright in his eyes, but this time the lights looked pretty dim. I hoped it was just an episode of crappy candid Internet photographs, but apparently it wasn't.

I don't know where this all goes, and I've rambled enough through this quasi-cathartic mess of a post. I will miss Robin, I think many will. It's so sad that he's left, so sad that he felt had to leave this way.

Besides exploding ammo depots, here's the other thing I thought of when I heard of Robin's departure, a beautiful song. It's not really appropriate, but it sorta is. In any case, this is the Internet so I can post any thing I want.

Peace.