Depression will kill you, I know

[DiverDave]

because I tried to kill myself on 6-10.
I was found, unresponsive and got a shot of Narcan. I woke up vomiting in the back of an ambulance.
I had taken an overdose of pain medication, I did it on purpose.
I thought I didnt have any other option, my life had become so dark.
I was in locked psyche wards for 2 weeks, and am in a VA facility right now.

I didnt know the signs of depression, and I did all the classic things.
I stopped going to my kids sporting events, I would hardly leave the house. Not even to get the mail in the mailbox.
Slept a lot, gained weight.

If you find yourself doing these things, call someone, anyone.

I found out that if a parent commits suicide, their children are more likely to.

I will not have that as my legacy. I wont.

[Sheldon Cooper]

1. I'm glad you got help.

Please continue with your treatment.

[Mnemosyne]

2. My daughter's father commited suicide and I swore never to leave her that way. Sometimes I

curse that promise. Knowing how it would affect her has kept me alive for 29 years, even when the darkness is almost overwhelming.

Thank you for your honesty and courage.

[lovemydog]

3. I wish you well DiverDave.

[femmocrat]

4. How are you now, DiverDan?

I hope your recovery continues and you will learn to manage the depression. Best DU wishes and vibes to you and thank you for sharing your experience.

[DiverDave]

10. I'm better.

Things are slowly clearing...thanks for the concern.

Dave

[Not Me]

5. I know where you have been...

11/3/96. Found, revived.
My family and friends took it as a call to action to speak to that which was unmentionable.
With their help and love I got the help I needed and was one less young gay suicide.

I wish you the best. If you need help, ask.

[lovemydog]

13. Not Me, I'm so glad you're with us!

[Romulox]

6. Thank you for this post. nt

[daleanime]

7. ........

[ladyVet]

8. DiverDave, hope you are doing better.

I'm so sorry this happened to you. to all who suffer.

I come from a long line of people with depression, many who self-medicated themselves, some even to death. I've been on the verge myself (had a huge bag of saved pills once, none of which would have probably worked, and another time came close with my father's gun, but he'd hidden the firing pin).

Neighbors, schoolmates, writers, favorite actors... this disease just goes on.

[ColesCountyDem]

9. I'm so glad you got help!

Having just lost my precious son to suicide, I wish you and your family the very best possible outcome.

[DiverDave]

11. I'm so sorry for your loss...

and I never wanted this posting to cause any pain.

Thanks to everyone (and you especially ColesCountyDem)
Dave

[ColesCountyDem]

19. Thank you, and it's OK, DiverDave!

Knowing that you're getting help makes it better, actually.

[steve2470]

22. .........

[hamsterjill]

12. Thank you for speaking out.

And especially for noting the signs to watch out for.

[libodem]

14. .

[PatrynXX]

15. Refuse suicide

but have depression for it. on meds for it (Lexapro) kinda makes you numb though. Klonopene helps more... they call it clinical depression. don't know whats what. I just know... I have a dad who often tells me to kill myself. Nice dad right? no wonder I never move out.

[DiverDave]

16. I would NEVER tell my child that.

Get out of that situation, any way you can.
Tell your doctor that and ask him for help.
Don't do it!
Life does get better.

[progressoid]

20. Agree with DiverDave

Get out of there somehow.

[LeftyMom]

24. That's abuse.

I'm not going to tell you how tp handle it, because I don't know your circumstances, but it's abuse and it's undeserved. It defines him and not you.

[DesertDiamond]

17. So glad you made it through that one. Keep fighting no matter what!

[jeff47]

18. And if you know someone who is retreating, get them help.

Even if you have to drag them to a mental health professional. Make it more of a pain in the ass to not go.

Think of what you would do if you saw your friend bleeding profusely. If you see them shutting down and retreating, they are "bleeding profusely".

[F4lconF16]

21. Yes, that's an excellent way to put it.

Please get those who need it help. It can make a huge difference in someone's life.

Strength and love to the others in this thread.

[Warpy]

23. I'm glad you're still with us.

I hope they find a drug or drug cocktail that works for you.

Depression is a lying SOB that tells us everybody hates us and we're not worthy of the space we take up in the world. It needs to be evicted.

[marions ghost]

25. With ya

understanding the problem is half the battle.

You are stronger now.

[MohRokTah]

26. I have been in a constant state of depression for 38 of my 51 years.

I have hidden it from all of my loved ones and colleagues during that entire 38 year period.

I have only sought treatment on one occasion during that time and it was so woefully inadequate that I never attempted it again.

It has its peaks and valleys. During the peaks I find myself power watching television series via my computer, work or otherwise. Constantly running in the background even as I work. I overeat and drink too much during the peaks, too. In my youth, I self medicated in other ways during the peaks.

During the valleys I tend to drop a few pounds and get outside a bit more.

It is what it is for me. I know nothing else in my life, so I bear it for now.

All the while I know, the power to end it lies within me and can be exercised at any time. To date, I have chosen not to exercise the power to end the pain.

[cilla4progress]

27. I hope you can find someone to share these feelings with

And find healing help. I'm sure there are people in your life - and perhaps pets - who need you!

Please seek out help, and don't hurt yourself! We care, here.

[Demsrule86]

33. Seek help

Look it can be tough finding help but it can happen. No one should live with such pain. Good luck and God bless.

[MFM008]

28. I think

we all need to live together in a nice house on a beach. What do you think?

[Blue_Tires]

29. kick...

[DiverDave]

30. Thank you everyone.

I am going back to work next week, getting out of the hospital and getting back into the daily life.
I still have 2 teen boys to provide for so gotta get to work.
Being out of work for 2 plus years fed my depression, I am actually looking forward to getting back to work.

Man that house on the beach sounds great, got about 5-6 more years then I can do that.

What I did WAS selfish, I wasnt thinking of anyone but me, and that is definitely not me.
My kids have come first in my life from the day they were born.

The dark is pretty much gone, but I will need to be aware.

Thanks again everybody, it really does help.

Dave

[Demsrule86]

31. I wish you well

My daughter came to me as a senior in High School and told me she wanted to kill herself...she said the only reason she had not was her horror at her younger sister finding her. I was shocked to say the least. We had a difficult move when she was a junior, but I thought she was doing well. Then began the battle for treatment...it is tough...contact insurance and wait...we could not get anyone to see her without this even when we said we would pay. For ten days, hubs or I watched her night and day. The first choice we made did not work out well, but we kept trying and eventually found a wonderful woman who has helped her and of course medication. This is an illness-some sort of chemical imbalance. You can't 'tough' it out or 'just stop'. People are often ashamed as well. And they should not be. I realized as I struggled to help my daughter, there is no mental health infrastructure anymore...even the rich can't find it because it does not exist...dismantled by the GOP during the time of Reagan. We need to rebuild it. My daughter is doing well. She has gone to college and has been successful...she is happy. The thing about depression- my daughter told me- is the belief that it will never go away...that is what leads to suicide (among other things), but it will go away with treatment. It gets better. God Bless you, and I wish the best for you.

[Demsrule86]

32. I would like to add

The move while difficult did not play a role in this depression ...it turned out she had been fighting it for years...I never knew...I felt like such a failure ....how could my kid struggle with this, and I never knew? A move might cause situational depression but not the sort my daughter experienced.