Police: Worker Hid $1,200 Worth Of Meat In His Pants

[Capt. Obvious]

CROTON-ON-HUDSON, N.Y. (AP) — A New York supermarket employee has been accused of leaving the store with $1,200 worth of meat hidden in his pants.

State police say Gregory Rodriguez, of Ossining, is charged with fourth-degree grand larceny.

Rodriguez works at the A&P in Croton-on-Hudson. Police were called Monday about the theft. Rodriguez was arrested Tuesday.

A state police spokeswoman, Trooper Melissa McMorris, says the theft occurred in one day. She did not know if it involved more than one trip to the store.

Rodriguez was arraigned Tuesday night in Cortlandt and sent to the Westchester County Jail. The court clerk says no lawyer was present and no plea was entered.

TPM

I look forward to the many puns and double entendres to come.

[MineralMan]

1. So many opportunities for humor in this...

I think I'll pass, though, for politeness' sake.

[frazzled]

2. Is that a boneless rib-eye in your pants?

Or are you just glad to see me?

[Beakybird]

3. He better get a lawyer. The steaks are too high!

How was he caught? The manager kicked him where it counts and saw that he had a tender loin.

[sendero]

21. LOL.....

.... now that's funny I don't care who you are

[alcibiades_mystery]

59. The steaks seem rather too low for my money

[pinboy3niner]

72. Now you're really hitting below the belt

:

[KittyWampus]

4. Captain Obvious… the jokes off the headline are too…. obvious.

[pinboy3niner]

5. He thought the job came with porks; sadly, he was misteaken.

[pintobean]

9. You always give a good ribbing.

[pinboy3niner]

34. I loined it in my tenderized youth

[pintobean]

48. You're not being a ham.

Your puns are a bacon of hope for meat humor.

[pinboy3niner]

67. I am always at your serving--just shine the bratsignal

I strive to be a source of marination to others.

[adirondacker]

6. I wonder if he'll be served with a garnish after he's grilled.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

7. This guy?

[Whiskeytide]

13. You win!! n/t

[Sancho]

55. Is that cod piece from the fish department?

[Rozlee]

8. He shoulda dressed up as Lady Gaga.

And worn the meat as a dress while he signed autographs, walking out the door.

[Spirochete]

23. Like a meat-and-greet

sort of thing?

[Rozlee]

24. *

[Barack_America]

10. How much meat did he walk INTO the store with?

Slim Jim or brisket?

[stevenleser]

11. "Is that a porterhouse in your pants or are you happy to see me?" nt

[ProfessorGAC]

12. Huh?

The obvious jokes aside, even if this was all filet mignon or milk fed veal, wouldn't this be over 100 pounds of meat?

How could someone hide that in their pants?

[pinboy3niner]

14. All the theft occurred on one day, but not necessarily on one trip (per OP excerpt). nt

[ProfessorGAC]

16. I Saw That, But. . .

how'd they come up with the dollar figure? I didn't see that, and still, wouldn't this have taken like 12 or 15 trips in an out? Nobody noticed until a 100+ pounds was missing?

Something just doesn't wash with this story.

[pintobean]

15. inflation

[kestrel91316]

28. Prime beef was going for $45/lb the last time I got up

the courage to peek, at Gelsons 3 years ago. Maybe he had Wagyu or Kobe in there. It wouldn't take up much space.

[ProfessorGAC]

33. No Way!

Where do you live? The prime butcher shop around here is around $12 a pound for prime rib and around the same for filet. The grcoery stores are lower than that, but the meat isn't quite as good.

$45 a pound?

[kestrel91316]

70. Oh yeah. High prices for any animal flesh played a big role in my going mostly vegan of late.

Can't touch edible ground beef for under $5/lb.

But yeah, only Gelson's even carries prime. And those steaks were horrifyingly expensive for a single one.

[lancer78]

99. I can buy

a whole butchered cow for $1,200. 600 lbs of vacuum sealed hamburger and steaks.

[pinboy3niner]

102. In that case...

You're gonna need a bigger pair of pants.

[notadmblnd]

61. I don't know, a 3 lb package of ground chuck is running about $15.00 these days

and you might be able to grab a strip steak for 6.99 a pound these days on sale if yer lucky.

[pinboy3niner]

71. If your ground chuck is still running, you may want to shop at a different store

Getting your meat fresh is one thing, but that's just ridiculous!

[pinboy3niner]

17. He'll fry for this

[malaise]

18. That must have been some

meat packer's Jungle.

[Blue Owl]

19. Hauled him off in the patty wagon

n/t

[pinboy3niner]

36. Well done!

[randome]

37. A rare compliment from pinboy3niner.

[hr][font color="blue"][center]"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen, Anthem (1992)[/center][/font][hr]

[pinboy3niner]

38. I don't mind being outflanked...

I'm happy to give braise where braise is due.

[randome]

40. Due, no doubt, to your gristly personality.

[hr][font color="blue"][center]A 90% chance of rain means the same as a 10% chance:
It might rain and it might not.[/center][/font][hr]

[pinboy3niner]

42. That's an offal thing to say

Someone has given you a bum steer.

[randome]

43. A sizzling wit, you are!

You must feel basted after all this hard work.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]Aspire to inspire.[/center][/font][hr]

[pinboy3niner]

47. I herd a good chuckle can braise your spirits, so I appreciate a gaggle now and then...

...but I'm not so high and mighty that I would lard it over someone who disagrees.

[Blue Owl]

65. A good chuckle, yes... But a ground chuckle, no...

[Aerows]

81. Such tripe! n/t

[MohRokTah]

20. I think we have the new name for a Sunday Talk Show, Meat in his Pants.

[randome]

45. Meet the Meat.

[hr][font color="blue"][center]Aspire to inspire.[/center][/font][hr]

[lpbk2713]

22. He had a tender loin.

... or two.

[lonestarnot]

25. Depending upon the store, mutt'n pants or mutton pants.

[pinboy3niner]

82. He exceeded the maximum of one package per pair of pants

[scarletwoman]

83. I assume he was strip searched.

[pinboy3niner]

84. They even checked his skirts

[scarletwoman]

85. Oh no! Did they filet him up as well?

[pinboy3niner]

87. Well, the horny perverts put him into a private room and got pretty fresh...

From outside, only the rustling of clothing could be herd. The beasts!

[scarletwoman]

89. Were they checking to see how well he was marbled?

[pinboy3niner]

90. His USDA stamp would tip them off

[scarletwoman]

91. So, the rest was just gravy.

[pinboy3niner]

92. It's a marrow distinction but that's aboat the size of it

[scarletwoman]

93. Ah. Shanks for that.

[lonestarnot]

104. Sir, yer loins are hang'n.

[840high]

26. Any wieners?

[kestrel91316]

27. He was a pretty high end gigolo, I guess........

[NBachers]

29. Well done, A&P security staff

[Kaleva]

30. A 1%er. Most of us guys only have a couple of bucks worth in our pants.

[Rod Beauvex]

31. 1200 dollars?

That's some expensive spotted dick.

[GReedDiamond]

32. Where's the Beef?!

[randome]

35. And now for the gross one.

He has Ebola. He stole nothing.

Too much, too soon, too stupid? Perhaps.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]"There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen, Anthem (1992)[/center][/font][hr]

[davidpdx]

39. Is that a sausage in your pants or are you happy to see me?

[randome]

41. Maybe both were true.

[hr][font color="blue"][center]A 90% chance of rain means the same as a 10% chance:
It might rain and it might not.[/center][/font][hr]

[Sancho]

44. Trooper Melissa McMorris described the growing investigation...

and she reports a careful inspection will be necessary to determine the size of the crime.

[randome]

46. Further investigation revealed that the suspect was covered in tattoos.

"Grade A"
"Inspected By #3"
"FDA Certified"

The mystery steepens.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]Aspire to inspire.[/center][/font][hr]

[pinboy3niner]

49. That's a veritable stampede of ink

What a coincidence--the stolen goods also started out branded...

[meow2u3]

50. That doesn't sound right

[pinboy3niner]

51. Gives "Fruit of the Loom" a whole new meaning

[PeoViejo]

63. Home of the Whopper

He had to work his way up from Keilbasa.

[pinboy3niner]

64. He never sausage an opportunity before he got a job at A&P. nt

[PeoViejo]

78. ...

[pinboy3niner]

52. K&R to help put this on the Greatest :)

[treestar]

53. Looks like he's roast

meat may be expensive but 1200 worth had to have taken more than one trip!

[pinboy3niner]

56. Not a good sign when your sentence begins, "Marinate overnight and dredge in flour..."

And he definitely had to go back for seconds to rack up that amount.

[treestar]

58. He was too chicken to try to steal that amount in poultry

[pinboy3niner]

96. Well, duh! He was eradicating cowmunism...

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

54. The evidence was lean. But they had a prime suspect so they beefed up security.

[pinboy3niner]

62. They grilled him, but he just clammed up and wouldn't talk turkey to the pigs. nt

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

66. He wasn't in the mooed to be cowed. His tongue would tell no tail.

[woo me with science]

57. The now ubiquitous identity: "worker."

We are all "workers" to our overlords.

[Sancho]

60. He was charged with a strip in New York!

[Blue Owl]

68. Update: thief escapes arrest, is now on the lamb

Last edited Sat Oct 4, 2014, 06:39 PM - Edit history (1)

n/t

[pinboy3niner]

69. Roundup the usual suspects!

[rug]

73. When told he was being charged with a felony rather than a misdemeanor, a small smile emerged.

[NoGOPZone]

74. A cucumber would have been cheaper

[pinboy3niner]

75. But the look he was going for was tri-tip

[Hekate]

100. The moyel slipped?

[pinboy3niner]

101. Funny story about the origin of the word 'brisket'...

[Mister Nightowl]

76. And now he's in the penile system

[pinboy3niner]

77. UPDATE: The prisoner escaped...

...and now he's on the lamb.

[SummerSnow]

79. Sounds like he had a beef with the store.

[pinboy3niner]

80. As the song says, "Don't do the prime if you can't do the time, don't do it..."

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

86. This thread needs more cowbell.

[Bombero1956]

88. this gives new meaning to the term

Rump roast

[countryjake]

94. Last week, Letterman had almost as much fun with this story as Pinboy

[pinboy3niner]

95. Busted, LOL! Did you really expect me to resist a LOLcattle thread? :)

But at least I wasn't the one who broasted the subject. And I can't help it if it just happens to be my brand of humor.

Thanks for the Letterman clip countryjake! Shaffer was no slouch either--and he got the most laughs.

[countryjake]

103. I thought of you the very first night he had the "choplifter" in his monologue...

and even came in here last week with the intention of posting the story, but there was so much serious stuff I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

I herd that the judge at his first arraignment grilled him hard, but the thief was finally able to round-up a lawyer who'd work pro bovine and steered him to make a mooving plea.

[pinboy3niner]

105. He's hoping to get off, or get a light sentence, claiming it was all Bottom Round

With good behoovior he'd be home on the range in no time even if convicted.

[pinboy3niner]

97. Cops had to round him up at his other address because he mooved. nt

[WinkyDink]

98. That's what they all say.