5 Conspiracy Theories That Are So Dumb They're Brilliant

[SidDithers]

http://www.cracked.com/quick-fixes/5-conspiracy-theories-that-are-so-dumb-theyre-brilliant/

It would be nice to live in a world where there's no such thing as random tragedy and where every terrible event could be linked back to a villainous puppet master via a chain of subtle but obvious clues. We don't, though. Luckily, there is a fiercely insane contingent of people who are convinced that everything is a conspiracy, and reading their hilariously daffy theories about the exhausting web of deceit hiding behind recent events can occasionally make our indiscriminately destructive existence more bearable. Here are five of the most ridiculous examples.

#5. "The Ice Bucket Challenge Is a Satanic Baptism Ritual!"
#4. "Obama Is Spreading Ebola ... to Confiscate Your Guns!"
#3. "Robin Williams Was an Illuminati Sacrifice!"
#2. "The Two Crashed Malaysia Airlines Planes Are the Same!"
#1. "Adam Sandler Is a Modern-Day Nostradamus!"

Much hilarity with details on each CT, and links to the actual CT stuff, with the full article.

And for anyone wondering, cracked.com is not owned by, nor funded by, Kuwaiti petrodollars.

Sid

[MannyGoldstein]

1. Your sig is a tautology

Just sayin'

[SidDithers]

2. It's a statement of fact. Disprove it with an example...

Link or slink.

Sid

[MannyGoldstein]

3. Oh brother.

Of course it's a statement of fact. A tautology is statement that must always be true.

[SidDithers]

4. It can be disproved if a mystery is solved and the explanation is magic...

To date, that hasn't happened, despite the opinions of some that think it has.

Sid

[Atman]

6. I always thought a tautology was a precudure middle-aged women undergo to...

Oh, never mind. Probably already treading on thin ice here.

[SidDithers]

7. Heheh...

Probably best not to go there.



Sid

[MannyGoldstein]

9. Oh brother.

What is magic, other than that which cannot (yet) be explained by science?

How could one prove that something is magic?

[Electric Monk]

12. ...

[MannyGoldstein]

13. Sorry, can't help it:

[Atman]

5. I thought everybody already knew this stuff?

After all, it was on the internet!

[treestar]

8. lol

MH17 is a remodeled MH370! Those clever bastards!

[daredtowork]

10. Conspiracy Theories Could Influence History

It always boggles my mind when I go to the grocery store or a coffee shop and hear an otherwise respectable pillar of the community start laying out the evidence for the uber conspiracy. The common theme is a fear that some powerful group has the means to control or get rid of everyone else.

The theories may be laughable when you hear them, but in the end these people vote. And if wide swathes of the population adhere to conspiracy theories, their political decisions will be based on those conspiracy theories - not on major party platforms, not on PAC email spam, not on carefully vetted academic studies. The reason is the conspiracy theory allows people to "put it all together" and explain why they feel under attack and why their lives suck and there seems to be no one to point the finger at and nothing to do about it. All the real political information is fragmented and disempowering because it doesn't offer people any way of addressing of their problems. So when they vote, they will vote with what best jibes with their conspiracy theory.

[Archae]

11. Also, conspiracy theories are more fun.

Face it, what would you rather read about?

Some nutcase shooting Kennedy, or lots of wild stories about the CIA/right wing/Nazis/Communists/Jews/Illuminati/whoever in a big plot to overthrow the government by killing Kennedy in FRONT OF EVERY DAMN news camera and movie camera and still camera?

[daredtowork]

14. The conspiracy theories people believe

are usually a lot more insidious. Stuff like Bill Gates or the Rothschilds or Soros (why isn't ever the Koch Brothers?) funding vaccines to cause mass sterilization or kill off part of the population. Drugs being spread through pesticides, con-trails, or even regular doctor's prescriptions. X-Files stuff. Whatever is in the interest of the 1%, they certainly have the money to do it - so why not?

Though the Illuminati/Nazi/CIA version is a lot more fun to watch in IMAX...

[Rex]

15. Have to agree with the 'so dumb' part.

[shenmue]

16. Adam Sandler?

[Kalidurga]

17. I have one

The Onion is an actual newspaper with real stories. Well some of them.

[NuclearDem]

18. Who had the most to gain from 9/11? Kyle!

Who was nowhere to be found the morning the towers fell? Kyle!

Who dropped the deuce in the urinal? Kyle!

[Jim Lane]

19. A great analysis I read long ago

For all the conspiracy theories out there to be true, they would require so many people involved in them that the participants would collectively be a majority.

So the whole thing is actually just democracy in action.

[HuckleB]

20. Kick!!!!

Awesome sauce!

[alterfurz]

21. "No matter how paranoid or conspiracy-minded you are...

...what the government is actually doing is worse than you imagine." -- William Blum