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If you do not provide financially for your children how can you say you are raising them? (Original Post) RB TexLa Apr 2012 OP
So the millions of housewives in the 20th Century and earlier who didn't work outside the home Johnny Rico Apr 2012 #1
The American natives had little to no concept of money the way we think of it today. OccupyTheIRS Apr 2012 #2
My seven year old abelenkpe Apr 2012 #15
Just say whatever one says to young children when they say nonsensical things. Johnny Rico Apr 2012 #33
To get rid of money is to get rid of the concept of value. OccupyTheIRS Apr 2012 #36
Just agree (nt) Shankapotomus Apr 2012 #44
You have a thoughtful child. If s/he were mine, I'd want to explore what s/he meant by that & why HiPointDem Apr 2012 #47
What is your point here? surrealAmerican Apr 2012 #3
I think the OP is general support for the Romney quote about welfare moms should go to work. salin Apr 2012 #51
My mom sent me a page from the 1940 census yesterday. She was one of four children in her family. slackmaster Apr 2012 #4
Earning an income to provide for them. RB TexLa Apr 2012 #11
So you're saying anyone unemployed is not raising their children? muriel_volestrangler Apr 2012 #25
There is a lot more to raising children into functional adults than caring for their material needs slackmaster Apr 2012 #28
silly. they are being raised regardless. you can use well, or poorly.... seabeyond Apr 2012 #5
Day I turned 18 I was told if I wanted to move out it was YOYO time. hobbit709 Apr 2012 #6
Whoa Think again. I raised 7 both when I worked outside the home and when I stayed home. appleannie1 Apr 2012 #7
Now that is quite the regressive attitude. Even cavemen & women .... hlthe2b Apr 2012 #8
You can't if the only thing you can do is provide money to raise someone lunatica Apr 2012 #9
Are you saying stay at home moms are not raising their children boston bean Apr 2012 #10
There are lots of people raising their children with just the basics. Food, clothing and education. southernyankeebelle Apr 2012 #12
You might want to rethink this post Warpy Apr 2012 #13
I suspect pintobean Apr 2012 #14
Wow! That's an awfully narrow view. MineralMan Apr 2012 #16
Yes, money and material things are the most important jberryhill Apr 2012 #17
What are you talking about? LisaL Apr 2012 #18
If everyone always provided financially for our children.. Fumesucker Apr 2012 #19
The two things are not the same. Let's take a look at the other end of the financial Bluenorthwest Apr 2012 #20
Funny, you said the same thing three times over. Rex Apr 2012 #21
Take your blinders off. Texasgal Apr 2012 #22
If I give to Unicef, am I raising the world's children? bluedigger Apr 2012 #23
That sounds like a Republican talking point. RC Apr 2012 #24
Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends... SidDithers Apr 2012 #26
Oh my gosh ... I started hearing this in my head the moment I read the ... etherealtruth Apr 2012 #32
I'd delete this dems_rightnow Apr 2012 #27
If they are under two does it count? rufus dog Apr 2012 #29
this is rather wrong n/t fishwax Apr 2012 #30
Ah yes, backdoor population control. The poor cannot provide for kids Zalatix Apr 2012 #31
Oh for goodness sakes! Wind Dancer Apr 2012 #34
You'd get more DU recs if you said this in the context of your ex-husband. n/t lumberjack_jeff Apr 2012 #35
Please self delete, that is insane Motown_Johnny Apr 2012 #37
I'm Surprised The OP Hasn't Been Locked HangOnKids Apr 2012 #39
It shouldn't be locked by a Host. IMO, it's not off-topic for GD... SidDithers Apr 2012 #50
ridiculous post. Just ridiculous cali Apr 2012 #38
Took The Words Out Of My Mouth HangOnKids Apr 2012 #41
I am not sure if dems_rightnow Apr 2012 #43
Funding and work are two separate issues. TheKentuckian Apr 2012 #40
I'm saying if you are like the Romney woman who has not provided anything financially for her RB TexLa Apr 2012 #52
Well, she can't, she pushed most of it off on staff. Warpy Apr 2012 #56
Stop Digging Dude HangOnKids Apr 2012 #58
I still don't think that makes sense. Someone could prepare the meals, do the laundry, impart ethics TheKentuckian Apr 2012 #60
She birthed children and did not provide financially for them. RB TexLa Apr 2012 #61
That is absurd, you are claiming that any stay at home mother is by definition a "deadbeat" parent. TheKentuckian Apr 2012 #66
... sakabatou Apr 2012 #42
Easy.. watch.. I AM RAISING MY CHILDREN SomethingFishy Apr 2012 #45
corn is raised, children are reared. KG Apr 2012 #46
If an absentee father customerserviceguy Apr 2012 #48
Excellent Point HangOnKids Apr 2012 #49
If a multi-millionaire and his wife hire nannies to take of their children 24/7, who is actually Ikonoklast Apr 2012 #53
Exactly true customerserviceguy Apr 2012 #54
Nope, sorry, the wifey and kiddies are acting as Mittens surrogates on the campaign trail. Ikonoklast Apr 2012 #55
But it's a loser of an attack dems_rightnow Apr 2012 #57
This message was self-deleted by its author seaglass Apr 2012 #59
Define "provide" adigal Apr 2012 #62
I did not say "provide," I said "provide financially." RB TexLa Apr 2012 #63
Then I disagree with you - I think the position you took is without merit n/t adigal Apr 2012 #64
Bullshit. Iggo Apr 2012 #65
Easily... the hippy commies will make you pay for it! fascisthunter Apr 2012 #67
 

Johnny Rico

(1,438 posts)
1. So the millions of housewives in the 20th Century and earlier who didn't work outside the home
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 11:52 AM
Apr 2012

didn't raise their children?

You might want to re-think this one...

 

OccupyTheIRS

(84 posts)
2. The American natives had little to no concept of money the way we think of it today.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 11:53 AM
Apr 2012

Did they not raise their children?

abelenkpe

(9,933 posts)
15. My seven year old
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:12 PM
Apr 2012

Announced the other day that money is a problem and we should just get rid of it. I didn't really know what to say....

 

OccupyTheIRS

(84 posts)
36. To get rid of money is to get rid of the concept of value.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 01:30 PM
Apr 2012

People will use things to represent money no matter what the government is minting. All things have value, and can be traded like money is.

 

HiPointDem

(20,729 posts)
47. You have a thoughtful child. If s/he were mine, I'd want to explore what s/he meant by that & why
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 01:52 PM
Apr 2012

s/he said it.

surrealAmerican

(11,360 posts)
3. What is your point here?
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 11:54 AM
Apr 2012

That poor people shouldn't be allowed to have children?
If you lose your job, should they be put in a orphanage?

Even though it is desirable for parents to provide financially for their children, it isn't always possible, and might not always be in the children's best interest.

 

slackmaster

(60,567 posts)
4. My mom sent me a page from the 1940 census yesterday. She was one of four children in her family.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 11:54 AM
Apr 2012

Her father, my grandfather, earned a total of $1,200 in 1939 working as a university-educated registered pharmacist.

The family lived in a small town in Iowa. They owned their home, valued at $3,500. They bought it with a small inheritance that my grandmother got when her grandmother died.

My grandparents were never able to give money to their children. They kept them feed and clothed, just barely.

What exactly do you mean by "providing financially,", RB TexLa?

muriel_volestrangler

(101,311 posts)
25. So you're saying anyone unemployed is not raising their children?
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:29 PM
Apr 2012

Even if we give you the benefit of the doubt, and assume you mean "at least one of a couple is earning an income", you are saying that an unemployed single parent or a couple who are both unemployed are not raising their children?

 

slackmaster

(60,567 posts)
28. There is a lot more to raising children into functional adults than caring for their material needs
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:39 PM
Apr 2012
 

seabeyond

(110,159 posts)
5. silly. they are being raised regardless. you can use well, or poorly....
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 11:55 AM
Apr 2012

but being raised is happening, cant be stopped

appleannie1

(5,067 posts)
7. Whoa Think again. I raised 7 both when I worked outside the home and when I stayed home.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 11:57 AM
Apr 2012

I did it in conjunction with my husband, both when he worked and when he was laid off. There is more to raising kids than providing them financially. There are sleepless nights when they are sick, there is cleaning up after them, guiding them, etc. etc. It is all included in raising.

hlthe2b

(102,234 posts)
8. Now that is quite the regressive attitude. Even cavemen & women ....
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 11:58 AM
Apr 2012

(who seem to have inspired a lot of your attitudes), "RAISED" their children--sans money.

Do the countless numbers of women (and now men) with children widowed in war, and who received survivor's benefits, not RAISE their children?

Uggh....

lunatica

(53,410 posts)
9. You can't if the only thing you can do is provide money to raise someone
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 11:58 AM
Apr 2012

There is, of course, manners, character building, teaching socially acceptable ways of behaving, dressing, feeding, and nursing. Plus there's teaching discipline in making your kids do homework, their allotted chores, not lying, being kind to animals and other living things, and helping them communicate and act friendly. There's providing a way for them to join soccer, baseball, high school football, and generally teaching them to be good American citizens.

But if all you need to do is throw money at them, then you've obviously failed because all the above is not important and therefore useless.

 

southernyankeebelle

(11,304 posts)
12. There are lots of people raising their children with just the basics. Food, clothing and education.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:04 PM
Apr 2012

When I was a kid we had 6 kids in my family. We never felt poor. We always had good food on the table and I remember my mother (and dad) making our underwear out of bed sheets. They were better then the ones you buy today. My mother even made our Holy Commuion dresses out of bedsheets and she may our vails. We look like little brides and you would have never known they were sheets. At christmas time we were so lucky to get one or 2 gifts each. We were thrilled with that. We would share what we got. My parents bought 2 german sleds that we all shared. Of course back then we didn't have all these computer games, ipods and so on. But we had each other. We all go outside with the neighborhood kids and we all played. We got a good public school education. We didn't have to worry about wearing the fancy cloths back then. My mom made our cloths. They weren't the fancy ones but they got us through school. I wouldn't trade that life to see some of the lives that kids have today. They have ipods, computers, electronical games, parents that work hard and are so tired that some just want to come home and rest. Many people have to work. I hear some kids are upset because mom and dad didn't get them what they wanted. I see many spoiled kids and I see some great kids. Sometimes kids put pressure on their parents to keep up with their friends. I know some rich people that are so unhappy because they have to keep up with the Jones. Where I see families that aren't rich and the families are pretty happy.

Warpy

(111,254 posts)
13. You might want to rethink this post
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:05 PM
Apr 2012

Stay at home mothers raise their children more than an often workaholic father does and while they might contribute quite a bit when it comes to home made meals, clothing, and even schooling, they don't contribute a dime of outside money.

I'd say simply contributing money doesn't count as raising offspring. It's the hands-on parenting that raises them.

MineralMan

(146,288 posts)
16. Wow! That's an awfully narrow view.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:12 PM
Apr 2012

Maybe you can flesh it out a little more, so we can understand exactly what you meant by that. For example, is a poor woman who is raising children on her own, but cannot find work and is receiving various methods of taxpayer-provided support raising her children? If you believe she is not, what alternative do you suggest?

And what about a woman who does not work outside of the home, but whose family income is adequate?

Now, I would say that a deadbeat dad who refuses to pay child support, and who has little or no contact with them, is not raising his children. He may have fathered them, but is not raising them.

LisaL

(44,973 posts)
18. What are you talking about?
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:16 PM
Apr 2012

If you leave your children and don't provide for them, then you are not raising them.
But if you are staying home and take care of them, then you are raising them.
It's not about the source of money.

Fumesucker

(45,851 posts)
19. If everyone always provided financially for our children..
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:17 PM
Apr 2012

None of us would be here, history would have been completely different.

 

Bluenorthwest

(45,319 posts)
20. The two things are not the same. Let's take a look at the other end of the financial
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:18 PM
Apr 2012

spectrum, shall we? That way you don't need to think of the poor to understand this. When wealthy parents die and minor children are left, it is often the case that the financial support for those children is more than sufficient to care for them. Those children, you see, will still need 'raising' and someone usually takes that role. The person who actually raises the children may or may not pay for their needs. If the children are in fact wealthy, they are now paying their own way, although others make the decisions for them, it is their money. And yet someone must still raise them.
So all the money in the world does not replace actual parenting, and the money is not the parenting. Many children with all the financial security in the world are not raised at all or are raised poorly or raised using proxies.
Same principles apply when there is little money. The parenting is not the paying, nor is the paying the parenting.

 

Rex

(65,616 posts)
21. Funny, you said the same thing three times over.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:19 PM
Apr 2012

Smoking coming out of your ears? Bzzzzzttt...

SidDithers

(44,228 posts)
26. Welcome back my friends to the show that never ends...
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:29 PM
Apr 2012

we're so glad you could attend, come inside, come inside.

Sid

etherealtruth

(22,165 posts)
32. Oh my gosh ... I started hearing this in my head the moment I read the ...
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:51 PM
Apr 2012

... subject line and saw the author

 

Zalatix

(8,994 posts)
31. Ah yes, backdoor population control. The poor cannot provide for kids
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 12:45 PM
Apr 2012

so they should not have kids.

That's what you're implying.

SidDithers

(44,228 posts)
50. It shouldn't be locked by a Host. IMO, it's not off-topic for GD...
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 02:39 PM
Apr 2012

I don't know if a jury has looked at the post, tho.

Sid

 

HangOnKids

(4,291 posts)
41. Took The Words Out Of My Mouth
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 01:38 PM
Apr 2012

Does anyone know if this has been alerted on? I hate using the alert button if a jury has already decided.

TheKentuckian

(25,023 posts)
40. Funding and work are two separate issues.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 01:37 PM
Apr 2012

One can provide for a child and literally have no party in rearing them and one can do all the work and provide all the support of upbringing but not bring a dollar to the table.

I don't know what your actual point is but it seems important to you while being afraid to actually say it beyond a simplistic and less than accurate sentence or maybe you mean something totally else or maybe you don't know what you mean but on the surface it seems poorly thought out and less than sure what rearing children is.

 

RB TexLa

(17,003 posts)
52. I'm saying if you are like the Romney woman who has not provided anything financially for her
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 04:05 PM
Apr 2012

children to provide for them how can you say you raised them? You can't.

Warpy

(111,254 posts)
56. Well, she can't, she pushed most of it off on staff.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 06:01 PM
Apr 2012

However, that's one hell of a slam you're giving to real stay at home mothers who are taking financial and career hits as well as a huge personal risk to stay home with their kids while they're young.

Raising them means hands on parenting, not tossing money to the enterprise and especially not hiring staff.

 

HangOnKids

(4,291 posts)
58. Stop Digging Dude
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 06:19 PM
Apr 2012

Your original premise was ridiculous enough. Now this? So all the SAHM in the past decades did not raise their children? No, you are just CYA and being foolish.

TheKentuckian

(25,023 posts)
60. I still don't think that makes sense. Someone could prepare the meals, do the laundry, impart ethics
Tue Apr 17, 2012, 11:36 AM
Apr 2012

help with the homework, provide guidance, teach reading, writing, math, the arts, provide supervision, be responsible for discipline and do any of the thousands of things a great parent does and not provide financially.

Just as some rich out of touch ex-husband can write a check but otherwise not contribute a moment to the upbringing of children.

Ann Rmoney may have been a parent or she may have passed the buck to help but that is the measure not whether she provided money to the household or not.
You are essentially making the argument that say (if they were real) June Cleaver did not contribute to the upbringing of Wally and the Beaver because Ward was the one bringing home the bacon and you must realize the silliness of the position.

Hell, you're arguing my mother generally didn't raise us and that is more than one step over the line that no one would risk their ass saying to someone face to face.

Your point is wrong, illogical, and seems dismissive of all but cash to me.

 

RB TexLa

(17,003 posts)
61. She birthed children and did not provide financially for them.
Tue Apr 17, 2012, 12:14 PM
Apr 2012

That is a dead beat mom, nothing else she does changes that.

TheKentuckian

(25,023 posts)
66. That is absurd, you are claiming that any stay at home mother is by definition a "deadbeat" parent.
Thu Apr 19, 2012, 09:41 PM
Apr 2012

You are also essentially claiming that monetary contributions are all that has merit and that actual parenting is a nothing and that is way past disgusting.

I also tend to believe you are pushing a false point. At some point you had a stay at home ancestor and they probably worked harder than most alive now ever have.

SomethingFishy

(4,876 posts)
45. Easy.. watch.. I AM RAISING MY CHILDREN
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 01:41 PM
Apr 2012

See how easy that was? And seeing as we are on the internet you have no idea if I'm working, staying home, telling the truth, lying, or just making fun of your post. For all you know I don't even have kids.

customerserviceguy

(25,183 posts)
48. If an absentee father
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 01:55 PM
Apr 2012

is sending a child support check in an amount perfectly adequate for that child's material needs, yet does not have a thing to do with the kid, is he "raising" that child?

Sorry, I had to go to the opposite extreme to show you what I believe is the fallacy of your OP.

Ikonoklast

(23,973 posts)
53. If a multi-millionaire and his wife hire nannies to take of their children 24/7, who is actually
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 04:10 PM
Apr 2012

'raising' them?

The parents, who jet off to the south of France every chance they get, leaving the kids behind?


The nanny, who sees the kids get dressed and off to school, takes them to their activities, sees to their general welfare seven days a week?

The person spending the money, or the person spending the time with the children?

customerserviceguy

(25,183 posts)
54. Exactly true
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 05:37 PM
Apr 2012

But it's best not to go there with the Romneys. Chances are, they have tons of photos to release of family vacations, etc. Besides, Mormons try to stick to something called "Family Home Evening" generally on Monday nights, where everybody in the family participates in some sort of activity, and I'm not just talking about Monday Night Football, either. Unless Steve Young was playing.

We have far more to hit Mitt with in regard to his foreign bank accounts, Bain Capital's preditory capitalism, and his flip-flopping. Bringing his wife and kids into this is just dirty pool, and we cannot demand that our political enemies leave hands off of Michele and the Obama daughters if we engage in it.

Ikonoklast

(23,973 posts)
55. Nope, sorry, the wifey and kiddies are acting as Mittens surrogates on the campaign trail.
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 05:57 PM
Apr 2012

Fair game, as they put themselves out there.

dems_rightnow

(1,956 posts)
57. But it's a loser of an attack
Sun Apr 15, 2012, 06:07 PM
Apr 2012

The best reason not to do it is because it will cost votes. Don't think it won't.

Response to RB TexLa (Original post)

 

adigal

(7,581 posts)
62. Define "provide"
Tue Apr 17, 2012, 12:16 PM
Apr 2012

If "provide" means feeding them, and educating them, and taking them to the library and to their sports and nonsports activities, then I agree. I "provide" means paying for their college, 100%, then I disagree. We can only do what we can do, and my kids had to get scholarships and take out loans.

Iggo

(47,552 posts)
65. Bullshit.
Tue Apr 17, 2012, 01:33 PM
Apr 2012

You saying my mom didn't raise me the first 12 years of my life, just because she didn't bring home a paycheck?

You're wrong, sir.

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