Some Fear Ebola Outbreak Could Make Nation Turn to Science - Andy Borowitz (cowering)

[Mira]

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—There is a deep-seated fear among some Americans that an Ebola outbreak could make the country turn to science.

In interviews conducted across the nation, leading anti-science activists expressed their concern that the American people, wracked with anxiety over the possible spread of the virus, might desperately look to science to save the day.

“It’s a very human reaction,” said Harland Dorrinson, a prominent anti-science activist from Springfield, Missouri. “If you put them under enough stress, perfectly rational people will panic and start believing in science.”

Additionally, he worries about a “slippery slope” situation, “in which a belief in science leads to a belief in math, which in turn fosters a dangerous dependence on facts.”

At the end of the day, though, Dorrinson hopes that such a doomsday scenario will not come to pass. “Time and time again through history, Americans have been exposed to science and refused to accept it,” he said. “I pray that this time will be no different.”



www.borowitzreport.com

[randome]

1. Where are the coal-rollers on this one?

[hr][font color="blue"][center]"If you're bored then you're boring." -Harvey Danger[/center][/font][hr]

[longship]

4. I was driving behind one of those assholes the other day.

And that was in a small town rural west Michigan.

An idiot belching black.

[FSogol]

2. "which in turn fosters a dangerous dependence on facts.”

[Baitball Blogger]

3. Wonderful!

[FourScore]

5. “I pray that this time will be no different.”

HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!

[KittyWampus]

6. It's sadly funny, because it's true.

[SoapBox]

10. Super ditto.

[treestar]

7. This is funny

How long before one of them talks in terms of gods judgement and praying as the way to cure the disease?

[LiberalArkie]

16. It is Gods judgement on Texas for denying birth control and not expanding medicaid

[NCjack]

18. Televangelist John Hagee, who claims the protection of Jehovah, who step forward

and work some shifts for the beleagared Texas nurses caring for the ebola patients.

[treestar]

19. I like it!

[littlemissmartypants]

8. ...

Sometimes it is necessary to go a long distance out of your way, to come back a short distance, correctly.

~ Lmsp 🙌

[world wide wally]

9. It sounds like science is just a gateway topic and not harmless at all

[Spitfire of ATJ]

15. No kidding, it could lead to (gasp) fact based reasoning.

[kestrel91316]

11. Ain't THIS the truth?

“Time and time again through history, Americans have been exposed to science and refused to accept it,” he said.

[Demeter]

12. Borowitz earns a DUZY

That was right on!

[dhill926]

13. a wonderful time to be a satirist….

in America….

[treestar]

20. only too true

[Spitfire of ATJ]

14. Belief in math would destroy the entire Republican economic model.

[valerief]

17. I love you, Andy!!!

[ThoughtCriminal]

21. And if we don't do something soon

People will have to stop pretending that they washed their hands.