Long days, long nights
This is the 4th in a series on the shootings in Bainbridge, NY, that seriously wounded my cousin, and killed his son. The gunman was a retired NYC cop, recently hired as a part-time deputy-guard at the county jail. It was an extreme case of “road rage” -- this chap was enraged because a 26-year old slowed to 51 mph to round a curve -- that has left our communities reeling.
On Friday, there was a hearing in town court, to determine if the District Attorney had enough evidence to hold the “suspect” in jail, until a grand jury meets in late November to decide if he is to be charged with felony counts. The hearing, which lasted about an hour, was attended by a large crowd. Besides police and lawyers, there were family and friends of the victims, as well as concerned community members.
I had arranged a meeting between the DA and our family before the hearing. My aunt and uncle are in their mid-80s; they do not need the added stress of worrying about a potential injustice at this time. I think the meeting with the DA, along with conversations with state police after the hearing, has eased their minds. And the same goes with their three daughters.
After attempting to dispose of his handgun and other material, the thug had gone to the NYS Police and attempted to file charges on his victims. Police reports show that he reeked of alcohol. After the police read him his rights, and placed him under arrest, he asked to be allowed to go on his way. When they made it clear he was not free to go, he became hostile.
The local justice of the peace, of course, ruled that there is sufficient reason to hold him in jail, pending the grand jury hearing.
A BCI investigator told me that the gunman’s family has had a series of harassing and threatening phone calls. Thus, when I spoke with the assembled media, I made it clear that we hold no feelings of ill will towards them. He devastated their lives, too. (His three children are young adults. Should they have children, “grandpa” will be a figure held in a distant prison, playing no meaningful role in their lives.)
I had coffee with my family afterwards. The outpouring of support from people, in the diner and on the street, was impressive. One of the nice things in these small communities is that most people know everyone else. Might not be friends, but people are friendly. Good people.. And there really are a heck of a lot of good people.
Saturday was the funeral and burial. Both my aunt and uncle were pleased to see so many young adults there -- people who had known their grandson from school and the local towns. They were particularly happy to see a group of youth who had their hair dyed in bright colors, dressed like their generation’s gypsies. “I like people who make statements about their beliefs and values,” my aunt told me. My uncle recalled when his son was among the first, in the mid-1960s, to grow long hair and dress “like a hippie.”
Our extended family ended up at my aunt and uncle’s house. Three of my four children were there (the oldest daughter is studying abroad). My sons spent time near the wood stove with my uncle. He mentions how cutting and splitting his firewood tires him out these days; he’s “only” two year’s ahead. I doubt that many 43-year olds could keep up with this 86-year old man.
Neighbors and town’s folks continue to deliver generous amounts of the best foods. You could easily have fed 300 people. And you could tell that the people who had prepared the food had taken the time and effort to make something special. For that is the way Good People are.
I was aware that, somewhere in the next town, another family was grieving. I understand that people try to make sense out of the senseless; hence, some of his family and friends are saying that “there’s more to the story,” that the victims were attempting to rob the gunman, that they had weapons, that they stabbed him several times, and on and on. Next they’ll say that Faye Resnick holds the key to this mystery.
It is human nature to try to make sense of these things, in the context of our experiences and level of understanding. I do not begrudge them for believing falsehoods, for the truth is too painful right now. I will speculate that at least some family members have know the murderer to have a terrible temper, and to have engaged in violent behaviors in the past. I have heard that he was very controlling, with his wife and kids.
As a human being, I am also attempting to make sense of this. And, of course, that is in the context of my life experiences, and my limited level of understanding. In terms of this forum, some of you may remember that I’ve always tried to advocate non-violence. I’ve used quotes from my two mentors -- Onondaga Chief Paul Waterman and Rubin “Hurricane” Carter -- and others -- Gandhi and King -- to express the view that there’s too much fear, anger, and hatred in our culture. That we must counter these negative forces with compassion, understanding, and love. Those are the markers along the pathways to Higher Ground. These are the same guidelines I use when things are tough.
Later this week, I’ll post more on “why” I think this tragic event took place, and on what meaning I believe it has for me, and the community. Until then, you can be sure that old H2O Man will be busy, taking care of some business on this end.
Peace,
H2O Man
= new reply since forum marked as read
Taking a tragedy and turning it into a teachable moment on the values we share...
It is a trait that makes you my favorite, most respected member of DU and someone I think of as a dear friend, even tho we've never met IRL. Your strength and character shines thru your every post.
I am so glad he wasn't released on bond; there is no one more dangerous to your community than this very sick man. It sounds like your family might see justice done this time, and I am hopeful for that. Thanks for the update, and know that we are here, ready to help, ready to listen, and ready to support you however we can.
I have thought often about you, your family, and the horrible ordeal you are going through. It seems there is so much pain and suffering, it's inconceivable that some among us are hell bent on bringing hurt and mayhem to others. I don't know what to say...we search for reason and answers when there are none.
Take care, and know that others are thinking of you and sending healing vibes your way.
MissDeeds
I am sorry for your loss, old friend.
--imm
have inspired so much compassion for all your family is going through. And most (if not all) of us have never even met you! It's because of how you're getting your thoughts down - we can greatly empathize with you. I hope you hang onto all you've written which can be chronicles for the family and friends you're closest to. It could turn into a beautiful remembrance and tribute to your cousin.
Maybe you'd want to take it one step farther and get it all published. Too many families have experienced senseless, tragic losses as yours has, and your poignant, powerful words could undoubtedly bring a lot of comfort and peace to them. Thank you for being the peacemaker that you are.
I continue to come back to DU. A reminder of what DU used to be, a place where compassion and strength of character, real commitment to justice and Civil Liberties, made this a special place and you were and remain one if the shining lights that drew me and so many others to this place. Sadly you are one of only a few left who made DU what it was and the reason some of us still come here.
I can only imagine the sadness your family must be feeling, and am not surprised, knowing you as we do, that even under these terrible circumstances you follow your beliefs at a time when they surely are being tested.
I understand your feelings of compassion for the family of the perpetrator of this awful crime. In many ways, the families of those who commit these terrible acts suffer, perhaps even more sometimes, than the families of their victims, as they do not generally receive the support victims' families receive.
Thank for not letting go of your commitment to peace, love and compassion at this terrible time.
for taking the time to talk to us. I cannot imagine the depth of grief you and your family are suffering. My heart goes out to you.
