White People: What is Your Story?

[Ron Green]

How old are you? Did you grow up in an integrated place? How diverse was your town? Do you have any close friends of color? Do you recognize white privilege, and if so, have you sought to understand how it's enabled your life as you know it?

I was 9 years old in the summer of 1957, on a downtown sidewalk in my little Jim Crow hometown of about 40% black folks, none of whom ever went to school with me or could drink from the same water fountain as I or eat at the same cafe. That day a black man, certainly old enough to be my grandfather, stepped off the curb into the street to let me pass by. My initial flush of importance at deference shown to me by any adult became a feeling of confusion that didn't go away for many years: Years of growing up in that little Southern town through the civil rights struggles of the '60s, trying to become an adult by the norms of that world, never really knowing a black person until I went away to college and then served a hitch in the army.

By then my interest and activity in jazz music brought me into a world created by those who'd never been allowed into mine. Being shut out by other players certainly did happen from time to time, and I learned something about the pride of membership in a culture of the creation of a great art. What I didn't learn, until many years later, was the real meaning and power of white privilege.

African slavery is the defining fact of America. It, and the ensuing political and economic malice that followed, so shaped the social structure of this country that despite its enormous resources the U.S. has created what must be called a toxic society. Two nights ago I spoke before my city council in one of the whitest places in the nation (0.4% black rather than 40%) regarding a resolution to repudiate this town's long history of racism and exclusion. It passed, but with watered-down language that wants us to "move on" and not think publicly, or personally about this. Even today, I've read many Internet posts from white people who don't understand that simply being "post racial" is to ignore the hard work that each of us who's not defined by race must do to see what we have been given by our birth and how it has made us.

So what's your story? Is it one experience, or many? How have you worked through this in your life, in your community? Or can we all just get along, and put this behind us?

[RebelOne]

1. I am a white woman and grew up in Miami, FL

during the times of segregation in the '40s, '50s and '60s. And yes, I remember the separate water fountains and rest rooms for blacks and whites and blacks being banned from white restaurants and movie theaters. And I remember that blacks had to sit in the back of the bus.

I was brought up to be afraid of blacks. I attended segregated schools and was really surprised years after I was out of school when all the schools became integrated.

But years into my adulthood, I had many black friends and forgot about those black times of segregation during my youth.

[upaloopa]

2. I like to say this and it doesn't get much support

I am 68 and a white male. Living my life it was impossible to not undrrstand that being white has benefits that non whites did not have.
I am always put off by the idea that somehow white people don't understand the concept of white privilege. My town had a segregated African American portion we called the west side. I caddied as a kid and rode the bus with the Black women who were maids and nannies to the rich white folks we caddied for. I heard the rich women complain about their maids as they played golf. We shopped at a farmers market on the west side. I saw the underemployed Black young men looking for day work.
I went to 3 James Brown concerts with a Black female co worker and was the only white person there. I took a bunch of high school friends to Columbus Georgia in 1964 to visit Black youth our age to learn about their lives. I marched in civil rights
marches in the 60's.
Yet today I get "do you understand white privilege. I have to think those asking those questions are younger and less involved with life than I have been. And I don't think I am the exception. The questions are always asked from some supposedly enlightened position and are aimed at what it seems to me to be someone you are talking down to. We aren't that dumb, we weren't born yesterday.
This OP really turns me off.

[Ron Green]

4. I'll expand a little bit on the OP:

The city council resolution of which I spoke in support was precipitated by the mass distribution of white-supremacist fliers at the local Veterans' Day parade. This state, Oregon, although founded as "free soil" in 1859, had provisions in its Constitution and early laws that excluded black people from living here. There was KKK activity in this very town as recently as the 1980s.
And two nights ago at the city council meeting, I heard some of the very same comments from people opposed to a resolution as those you've made in your post.
I hope not to turn people off by talking about this, I hope to turn them on to a new way of looking at it.

[upaloopa]

5. I think you make my point for me.

From where do you feel you have the gravitas to teach us something?
Just curious.
And why do you feel we need to learn from you? We don't know what you know?

[Ron Green]

7. I'm not trying to teach you anything; I just made a post to ask for

YOUR story. Look at Post #3; now there's some good info.

[kwassa]

11. Some white people don't understand the concept of white privilege.

You say you do. Great. What is the problem, then?

[gwheezie]

3. I'll try to answer but it takes self awareness

While I think I do know who I am I also think there is more to dig into.
I am white, female and 65. My earliest memory was being on the stoop in Newark NJ where I lived and seeing the father divine people walking up my street and my grandma saying in broken English to stay away from them. I don't think she said that entirely because they were black since she didn't say that about all black people and at the time I thought it had something to do with God and they were all dressed in white. My grade school was mostly white and immigrant but it was s catholic school.
We moved to a white neighborhood and when I went to public school we had a few black kids. My moms best friend was black and her son was in my class. My dad didn't have friends. Both parents were liberal democrats. I remember an awareness of black children not being able to go to school and my parents talking about it. I grew up thinking most of the world was white and there were a few black people that were nice and as good as we were.
My dad liked jazz. When he was young he used to go to jazz clubs in Newark. One of the earliest music I remember was Dinah Washington. My dad loved her.
So in grade school I had social contact with a handful of black folks who were in our home. The shit hit the fan when I got to my early teens and my moms friends son and I started dating. It was a scandal. My parents grounded me. They took me to a psychiatrist. My boyfriend battled with his family. I lost white friends. My mom lost her friend. We were the talk of the town. He was my first boyfriend. We broke up. I then realized what most white people say in public about black folks is not what they really think about black folks. It was a revelation.
Once we broke up the family kinda went back to normal but it was not real anymore. My mom marched after mlk was killed and they are still liberal. Looking back I think they were struggling with their own moral crisis.
I was radicalized at age 13 because of this. I left home at 17 and became a black girl. That also wasn't real but I did have a different experience than if I remained in my social circle. I had a clearer awareness of challenges in the black community but that wasn't real either. Because while I did experience bigotry I was still white and found I could step back into being white. I never got arrested for doing the same thing my friends did. I could get jobs. Move into any neighborhood. Go back to being white when it benefitted me.
My son in law is black, so is my grandson. My family didn't have an issue with this by the time she got married. In fact my elderly dad tried to start a fistfight because he thought someone said something about my son in law. My son in law stopped him.
I've had 2 husbands one black and one white. Most of my friends are black mostly because of where I live and work. I find it very difficult to be around racists and the white folks where I live seem to be racist except for a few of them.

[fizzgig]

6. i'm a 30 something white woman living in a place we call vanilla valley

my county is 94 percent white with hispanic/latino the largest minority population. in the 50s, businesses in my city had signs saying 'no dogs or mexicans.'

i recognize my enormous privilege - white, hetero, cis gender, raised in a middle class family, college educated. yes, i am a woman and diagnosed with a mental illness, but neither of those have worked against me in the life i lead.

i have no friends of racial minority background but i have jewish friends (i identify as a cultural jew). of course, i don't have many friends to begin with. my dad is from ny, so i've been exposed to plenty of diversity and i couldn't give a shit what color your skin is.

i speak against any form of discrimination and try to educate those in my life.

[cali]

8. I recognized my privilege at quite a young age. 10 to be exact

My family had recently moved from CA to CT. I started 5th grade at New Country Country Day. There was one black kid in the entire school, Jackie Robinson's son. My exposure to African Americans was limited to David and our live in housekeeper. I will never forget watching the news of MLK's assassination with her. As I grew older, she told me about her family. Her grandfather was a slave. She grew up in the twenties and thirties in Georgia.

I remember taking the train into the city and passing through Harlem. The contrast was shocking to me- and not solely due to race.

I didn't have any close AA friends until I was in my early twenties and shared a house in Boston with a bunch of diverse friends, including a music student at Berklee and a guy from Mumbai.

[oberliner]

32. There is no school in CT called New Country County Day

Did you make up that name to avoid naming the actual school?

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

39. A simple Google search would show New Canaan Country Day School. It's probably a typo

or autocorrect.

[oberliner]

52. Yeah probably

That would make sense.

If it is New Canaan, that school is 20 percent students of color and about a quarter of the total student population receives financial aid.

[DustyJoe]

9. The West

Grew up in NM, 39% white, 47% latino. Understandably half my school chums, neighbors latino.

Not much interaction with AA's except for the Army in the mid 60's.
They bled the same color when they were shot as I did.
I heard on the rear bases the black/white angst was bad, but out in the field
we didn't have time for that crap. We depended on each other,

[Lars39]

10. My latest self revelation is that I don't know where or even if they had schools

for African Americans in my little podunk county. It was desegregated by the time I moved there, but I never heard of any mentioned.

[treestar]

12. WhenI was a teenager was when busing for desegregation

was being considered. It was a big debate issue. I went to college before it was implemented. My schools there were basically segregated as there were only say one black family and a few Asian families. We did have a unit on prejudice in 7th grade, and it was helpful.

My grandparents lived in a small town and it was segregated with two different AA areas, and the African Americans crossed the white area to get to the other AA area.

[kwassa]

13. I grew up in a segregated white world, but I didn't know that.

In my early years in the Detroit suburbs, I never encountered a black person. I didn't know they existed. We moved with my dad's job to West Hartford, Connecticut. There was one black teacher in my junior high, and no black students. I met a lot of Jewish kids, which was new to me.

Later we moved to rural Ohio, near a college town. The rural high school had nothing but German-American farm families. We then transferred schools into the college town, quite liberal, which has a sizable black population. The black and white populations didn't really mix socially very much, despite the liberalism of the town. Both sides got along fairly well, and the school system was completely integrated.

My parents were very liberal. We had lots of music in our house, including much jazz featuring black artists. I briefly dated a girl in high school that was mixed race black, American Indian, and white.

Zoom forward to many years later: I lived in a progression of environments as an adult, all increasingly diverse. I spent 17 years in Los Angeles, where whites are a minority, and now almost 20 in the DC suburbs.

I am now married to a black woman, and we have a daughter. I've learned most of the racial stuff before I met my wife, though the education never really ends, as I had a previous relationship with a black woman in LA, and studied up on the subject. This was the late '80s, and most of the issues then are the ones that are being re-played now. I was there for the riots around the Rodney King trial verdict. I remember the LAPD beating the crap out of black people back then. I remember the Driving While Black problem back then. The sad part is how little has changed.

Anyways, I could write a lot more detailed piece, but I haven't the time. This is the basics.

[ileus]

14. I graduated from a black college does that count as anything?

[a la izquierda]

15. I grew up in the '80s in suburban NJ

I'm Italian, Spanish, and Irish. I went to college in New Brunswick, NJ, lived in Los Angeles, mexico and now West Virginia. I have a PhD in Latin American history.
American history is rather ugly and little understood by millions of Americans. Before we become "post-racial," whatever that actually means, we have to get that through our collective heads. And then have healing conversations.

Call me a pessimist, but I don't see it happening in my lifetime. I'm a37 year old woman.

[elias49]

17. I don't see it happening in MY lifetime either

and I'm 62. So does that make you more optimistic than me?

I grew up in Boston in a very mixed (up) neighborhood. In some respects I feel as though racism was less intense than today. Spanish, Anglo, Italian, Black.
At 12 years old I'd take the T alone into Jamaica Plain to see my grandmother. Early 60s.
I do not understand how we got so screwed up!?

[hfojvt]

16. I am almost 53

grew up in a small town in SD. Hence it was pretty much all white. Did meet Tom in the neighborhood in about the 2nd grade. He lived a couple blocks away but went to a different grade school. He was clearly native American. I didn't think anything of it. There were some of the neighbor grandkids who I remember being Native American as well, or part. Only lived a couple houses away, but I cannot remember anything about their grandparents. I would play with those kids (a few years younger than me) when they visited in the summer. Don't remember talking much about where they were from, or really what we did together.

Robin, who I remember from junior high, was darker than the rest of us, but that was not a big deal. She was, after all, smoking hot, and her parents were doctors. I have no idea about her race. Sam moved to town when I was about in the 8th grade as well. He was Native American. His father sometimes preached at my Presbyterian church. He was one of the popular kids, near as I could tell.

Then there was B, my neighbor's grandkid. A black kid from the big city of Minneapolis. I remember him from at least when I was in the 6th grade. About four years younger than me, he became one of the best friends of my little brother. Summer friends, they hung out every day for about a month while he was in town. They went to the pool a lot too, and I heard that he heard the n-word a lot. Never stopped them from going though.

Anyway. Close friends of color? Nah, I don't really have ANY close friends. A number of my co-workers have been black since I started working in 1986. For my second year of graduate school in 1989-90 I moved in with a guy from India, in order to help him out. Helped me save some money too. But we have not kept in touch, other than I heard his daughter graduated from Princeton.

Never heard about white privilege until perhaps 12 years ago. Still think it is both wrong and insulting. But I suppose that it has enabled me to work a lot of low status jobs and live in the bottom quintile. What a privilege.

Jazz? Ach, I cannot stand jazz. Probably played some swing in band. Listened to Cosby a lot as a young kid. The Noah skit. I think in my family we all just about have that memorized. That, music man, and the Tijuana brass was how we kids, and mom kept entertained in the 1960s. Of course, there were other black celebrities. Remember reading a biography about OJ SImpson when I was in the sixth grade.

[Marr]

18. I grew up in a community that was mostly first and second generation Mexican immigrants.

With a few exceptions, all of my friends and girlfriends were the children of Mexican immigrants, or had come to the US themselves as a child. The exceptions were Hmong kids. We also had a sizeable Hmong population after a really big Hmong community moved into the town in the mid-80's, when I was in 2nd grade. They were great guys-- I'm still friends with some of them.

My Hmong friend's parents made my own parents friend's parents, who were crazy frugal, seem like Daddy Warbucks. It was common for them to use only one lightbulb at night, to save money-- and that was devoted to the kids for doing their homework. They'd all do it at the same table and when that was done, there might or might not be a lightbulb in the living room.

So it was a very racially mixed town, and a pretty poor town. A couple of my friends had dirt floors and pressed wood boards for front doors. One of the kids had a bed made of repurposed wooden Rosarita refried bean boxes and oh man, you do not want something like in a community of kids who are largely self conscious of their immigrant status. His bedroom was visible from the bus stop and he never stopped taking shit for that bed, though it was well-covered after the infamous day of it's discovery.

lol, poor Tony.

Anyway, after highschool, I moved to Los Angeles to work my way through community college and eventually a State University. Los Angeles is a very diverse city and has a huge Latino influence, but it seemed lily-white to me.

[marlakay]

19. Grew up in Napa ca before the tourists came

I am 58 white and the whole town was white only as I grew up, but my grandparents lived in Vallejo which has a large black population so I was around other races.

I was raised by Kennedy democrats who taught me even though we lived in white town that we are all the same inside.

When I was 18 I had a black roommate for 3 months her name was Pam, she was older than me and had two small babies. I loved her, she was so sweet.

Getting to know her just reinforced my beliefs about people are the same good and bad no matter the color.

I never really thought about white priveledge until I got older but I feel terrible for blacks and other races and how they are treated.

I will never forget after Obama won it felt like when I was over in Seattle, I live in mountains of wa now, I would pass blacks on the street and we both looked so happy and smiled at each other, it seemed more openly than before...

Lately my god if I was a black man I would be afraid to leave the house. My husband watched Crash tonight and the scenes with the cops and what they did to the black couple felt like right out of today's news.

I don't have any close friends of another race but I think that is only because we have lived in a lot of white towns...we are moving back to city life and my new nia dance teacher is black and I hope to get to know her, she dances wonderful.

[jillan]

21. I grew up in an affluent neighborhood. We had a cleaning lady. Everyone had a cleaning lady there.

This was the 60s. She came once a week. This one woman cleaned houses for 4 families on our block.
That's how it was in those days. The "colored ladies" would come clean the "white ladies" houses.

I adored her. We all did. In fact when she passed away, all four families attended her funeral.
You should've seen the stares we received - as a dozen white Jews walked into that Church.

I grew up in a mostly white neighborhood but I honestly never felt any prejudice to people that were "different" than myself.
I guess I always believed that we are all flesh and bone, we all bleed red and we all should be treated equally. I don't know if that came from my upbringing, since I was fortunate. Would I have felt differently if I grew up in a different neighborhood where there was more of a struggle? I don't know. I'd like to think not.

I remember when my cousin from the city came to visit and I had posters of Diana Ross and the Supremes on my door, she couldn't get over that - and I remember feeling shock that she even brought it up.

As I grew up and moved away, of course I met, worked with, and became friends with people of all colors of the rainbow and nationalities. Never been an issue with me, and I think people always sense that about me.

As far as what is going on in this country - it just sickens me. We ARE all the same inside and I still have hope, even tho it is waning at this moment in time, that one day people will realize that there is good and bad in every race, every religion.

Sorry.... I didn't mean to ramble....

[Behind the Aegis]

22. By the time I was 18, I had lived in 10 states, mostly in the South.

I spent most of my early years on or near military bases, so I was always surrounded by a diverse group of people, and often heard a number of different languages, mostly Korean, Spanish, French, Hebrew, and Yiddish, some Arabic, Persian, and sign language. My best friend from 6th grade to 9th grade was black. My father worked as an EEO officer, so I learned about a variety of racial issues and concerns as the related to the Army. I was in Atlanta during the Wayne Williams child murders.

Most of my friends are female, many are AA. While in college, I went to quite a bit of diversity training, and eventually started doing it myself. As someone who is gay and Jewish, I can relate to many of the issues AA and other ethnic minorities face, and draw parallels between the experiences, sometimes to educate white people, some times to educate those in other minority groups.

Learning many languages, I also learned about a number of cultures. I spoke fluent Spanish for years (not so well now), so I learned about the similarities and differences between many Spanish-speaking areas, including their own issues with racism and bigotry.

The first real memory of racial issues burned into my memory is when I went to the movies with my best friend's family. This was in the mid-eighties. Most kids waved at police in cars as the drove by them. As I was in the car with my friend, a police car was approaching, and his father instructed me NOT TO WAVE, but to look forward and if I did look at the officer, just smile and nothing more. I really didn't understand. I spoke to my mom about it and she explained that a car full of black people and a small white child could create suspicions, which I thought was stupid as my friend had travelled with my family on a number of occasions and there was never any concern about being pulled over because we had a "different" person in the car. I told my mother "That's fucked up!" She snickered a little at a 12yo saying what I did, but then said in all seriousness, "sadly, that is the way our world is right now."

[nilesobek]

23. I grew up in a town of 25,000 in Idaho.

We had no minorities in the town to speak of really. There was the Chinese girl I went to school with who's family owned a restaurant in town. There is a large Native American reservation just outside our town, but the segregation from this culture is pretty intense.

My father wanted me to be a pro athlete and he trained me for sports. When I was young I used to go to the Boy's Club here in town and play basketball for up to 8 hours a day. That was my first exposure to black people. They taught me almost everything about basketball. I had a "basketball jones," case and it was serious.

I did not have any exposure to real life, and the way it really is on the streets until I went homeless about ten years ago. I stayed homeless for a decade. I've traveled across this country from the Northeast to the Southwest ten times since I went homeless. I've been down so hard and so hopeless that I have been numbed by the pain. Now I'm burying family members and friends whom I'm outliving.

When I look back on my upbringing, I tend to glamorize and exaggerate: "The sky was bluer, the air was cleaner, the grass was greener and we were freer."

Thanks for the thread Ron Green

[Ron Green]

25. You're very welcome and thanks to you (and others)

for your thoughtful responses.

[mia]

24. I grew up in the segregated DC suburbs in the 50s and 60s.

As a young child I thought that dark skinned people must taste like chocolate because I smelled peanut butter when I sniffed my arm.
As a preteen, I was chastised by my friends for drinking from the wrong water fountain at Glen Echo Park.
Much later, as a teenager, when I started to ride the bus alone into the city, I wondered why the black women wanted to take the seats at the back of the bus when they didn't even smoke cigarettes. By the time the march on Washington occurred, I understood. There has never been a more profoundly powerful leader than Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I still mourn his passing.
He is why I am a Democrat.

[RandySF]

26. I grew up in suburban Detroit.

And there are parts that easily rival the South for it's severeity.

[Marrah_G]

27. Grew up in an all white town in Massachusetts

First black family moved in when I was 12. I have a few friends of different backgrounds, but to be honest, the majority are white. I did date a couple of black young men as a teenager (it was definitely frowned on then) and an Indian gentleman in my late 20's.

I definitely recognize white privilege and realize that my life, as hard as it is, is easier then the life of an African American woman in the same sort of family/financial situation as me.

[CincyDem]

28. 57 year old from the South Side of Chicago

Ron,

Thanks for asking this question. Apologies for the length - I ordered decaf at dinner, surely got regular and there's no sleeping tonight so you're the recipient of my caffeinated condition. If I'm violating some ToS by the length of this thing, I'm sure someone will give me a training block.

I grew up on the far South Side of Chicago in the late 60s through the 70s. For those who know the geography, think "Tommy Moore". For those who don't, the South Side is a quilt of church parishes and the world for most kids up until 8th grade is the square mile or so of "my parish". I grew up in my parish and didn't know a kid outside the parish until I hit high school, and even then, the connections were weak.

While there are parts of Chicago that were integrated at that time (Beverly, Hyde Park, some North Side neighborhoods), the city had a diverse population that lived in very non-diverse pockets. My parish was a white parish. My friends were white and my enemies were white. I played in the band and participated in CYO musical activities so I crossed paths with African-American kids from other schools. I don't recall really thinking about race - he was just the clarinet player from St. Margaret's or she was just the trumpet player from Little Flower with the silver Bach. There wasn't a lot of black/white kid kind of stuff...it was just play your shit well and make sure we all get to the downbeat together.

I'm struggling to recall my first awareness of race as an issue or stress point. I remember there being dinner conversation about how far west "they" were moving, talk of a negro family moving west of Damen. My parents seemed concerned but I have no recollection of knowing why. At some point "they" crossed Wood St. Around that time we moved further west - all of about half a mile. I'm not sure if it was white flight (if so, we didn't really much past the end of the runway for all the distance we moved) or having a recent SIDS experience in the house. In hindsight, my mom and dad probably had different reasons to make the move.

My most powerful awareness of race came working in a music store. We provided band instruments to just about every public and catholic grammer/high school on the South Side and 'burbs. I worked M/Th nights and Saturdays. One of those nights late summer, probably '76, maybe '77...AA family comes in. Dad is a big guy wearing a pair of bib overalls, no shirt, one side unbuttoned. Mom, not really memorable...quiet, holding on to a couple young girls (5-6 years old maybe). And then there was a teen aged son. 6" maybe and "lanky" is the only word I can use to describe him.

I'm the only one working that night, as was often the case in the summer. Dad says "My son wants to try a Mark IV Tenor". For those who recognize it, you know. For those who don't - it's the Rolls Royce of Saxophones (or at least was at the time - now...who knows??). And they were priced accordingly. I don't remember the exact list but it was something just shy of 2 grand. A lot of money in '77. I'm sure now that he sensed my hesitation and he said the magic words..."Hal B*** suggested we come see you". Hal B*** was the band director at a huge public school that is 100% African American on the far South East side. If they make a movie about this story - Samuel L Jackson is Hal B. No auditions necessary and no other casting allowed.

So WTF - it's Thursday, it's summer, and I haven't seen a customer in probably 3 hours. Let the kid try the horn. Holy F this kid was amazing. I put him a practice room and he starts wailing away...sounds like f'ing Coltraine on steroids. I'm not sure I've heard anyone that good live to this day. 20-25 minutes later, Dad comes out and hands me a piece of paper and says "Hal wants you to call him at home". I call and he says "CincyDem (ok - he used my real name but you knew that), you're gonna sell him that horn and send him home with it tonight. You're gonna charge him 5 cents over your cost and if I find out you charged him 10 cents I'm going take my business over to Otto so fast you won't know what hit you." I asked him if he was sure this was the right horn for him because, from my view of things, this was going to be an expensive trip to the music store and he said "absolutely". When I asked why, he said without skipping a beat "because it's his ticket out, now just give him the f'ing horn". And he hung up on me. (I swear to God, Samuel L Jackson).

So I went back out to the front and they're all standing around at the counter. Dad just says to me something like "how much did you and Hal work out?". I don't remember the number but it was something like 1,100 or 1,200 bucks. Whatever - it was a lot of money for anyone and all I could think was that this guy would never get credit approval. He turns to the kid and says "you really sure about this? You're not going to disappoint your mother are you?". Kid quietly says "yes sir, I'm sure". Dad says "ok" and reaches down to a buttoned pocket down on his leg and pulls out a wad of rolled up cash that would choke a horse. And this guy starts counting off 50's. He hands me the cash, tells me to give the kid a box of reeds, and they start leaving. When I told him to wait for a receipt he said "deal that with Hal".

It was f'ing amazing. Complete trust in Hal, complete commitment of family to family. He was kind of gruff, very detached and unemotional but just thinking about it now - it was such an amazing act of love. I didn't realize it at the time but it's obvious now. What I did realize at the time was that I never thought about wanting, needing or having a "ticket out" because I was white.

For me, the idea of not needing a ticket out was a powerful experience of "white privilege". I know I have benefitted from it. Some of the ways I can describe and I'm sure some haven't even made my radar. I'm sure there are positive, beneficial assumptions made about me simply because I'm white just as there negative, adverse assumptions made about other because they are black.

I don't think there's a way I can turn off my "white privilege" because it's about how others treat me because of what I am. I know the world is different for my African American friends. These shootings break my heart but I know there is nothing about my life that allows me to feel the depth of pain that must exist for an African American dad today. When my sons are out, I worry about drunk driving, car accidents, fights, or just doing dumb shit kids do - all the usual stuff for a dad. But I don't worry about then getting shot for walking in the street, or for walking through a store carrying an item from the store's shelves, or for playing fantasy superhero shoot-em-up games alone in a gazebo (or whatever the heck he was playing in his head). That NEVER crosses my mind and I know it is an almost unbearable weight on some of my friends.

Never worrying about your son getting shot in 1.845 seconds for just being a kid in a park - that's white privilege.

Music in Chicago in the 70's really was a great equalizer. Everyone was defined by their talent. If you could play - you could work and black or white didn't matter. I played white weddings (yes - I hear Billy Idol too) and I played black weddings. I played with groups that were 100% white and groups where I was the only white guy on stage. I played high school proms at schools that ran the gamut. Who the f* cared - as long as you could play your a$$ off and people danced. I've never thought about how much that defined me until writing this post but it really was an amazing world. Dennis DeYoung was once asked if he had any regrets about leaving (or being booted out of) Styx. His response - I got to be part of the golden age of music in Chicago (referring to the 70s). How could anyone ever regret that. He was right.

Anyway - the caffeine high is wearing off so story time is over. Again, thanks for asking this question. If you're intention was to make people think about something differently, I promise you have at least one success.

[Ron Green]

53. What a gift - this story.

Thanks for taking the time to get it out. There are other compelling ones on this thread, but of course music works extra good on me.

[kelliekat44]

29. Thanks for the thread, Ron, and to the posters. It is enlightening and cathartic.

I am not purely white and would be classified as "black" because of color and lineage. It's good to hear from the experiences of others...speaking from the heart freely. Makes me feel that simply just talking to one another about our own life experiences instead of being bound by stereotypical upbringing would bring a certain amount of freedom to understand others and to accept them as people struggling with their humanity? Thanks again.

[brush]

33. You're so right.

Last edited Sat Dec 6, 2014, 01:54 PM - Edit history (1)

This is what DU should be about.

[steve2470]

37. +1 nt

[davidpdx]

30. I was not born in Oregon, but grew up in a rural part of the state

I lived in that area from the late 70's through 1990 (I moved to Portland in 1993 and claim that as my "hometown&quot . The city I spend the largest portion of my life was a racist piece of shit place (still is). I remember I had two AA's at my school (they were brothers), other than that it was white. I had some of my most interesting experiences in college where I interacted with people from different backgrounds (one of my favorites was the RA in my dorm from Iran). The last time I was there (the town I'm talking about) was five years ago with my mom and my wife (who is Korean) when we drove by the house we lived in.

[Prophet 451]

31. I'm British so my story is different

How old are you?

38

Did you grow up in an integrated place? How diverse was your town?

I grew up in a small town on the South-West coast of England where the main employers were fishing and drug smuggling. It wasn't very diverse back then and it's only slightly more so now. The class I attended at the local school was a class of maybe 200 and only included one black boy, one Chinese girl and a pair of twins of Indian descent. I knew them enough to say "hi" as I passed but I was too busy dodging the bullies to befriend any of them.

Do you have any close friends of color?

No. I only have one close friend at all. I'm disabled physically and fairly severely mentally ill. The result is that I leave the house as little as I can (I've got it down to three times a month now). Over the years, friends slowly drifted away. I was too depressing to be around, too difficult, too much effort. There's only one left now.

Do you recognize white privilege

I didn't understand it for a long time. Then a poster here put it in terms I could easily grasp, the video game, and described it as playing life on the lowest difficulty setting. And since I pass for white (I'm partly Roma), that means that, to some degree, I get through life more easily than a person of colour.

if so, have you sought to understand how it's enabled your life as you know it?

Sought, yes. Understood, no. It's a work in progress.

[steve2470]

36. very honest post, thank you nt

[GummyBearz]

34. Mine

I'm a white male coming up on 33 years old. The first 14 years of my life I lived in a farm worker town (population about 30,000) which was roughly 80% latino/philipino. I've seen what its like to be the minority... random kids picking a fight with me for being a white boy. It sucked.

We moved to a middle class neighborhood in a bigger town (pop. 300,000) before I went to high school, mainly just for my safety. It was about 80% white. All my high school friends were white. It was a little odd at first but I got used to it quickly.

Then I went to a university of california which was about 50% asian, 25% white, 25% other races. I went all the way to get a phd, so I was there a long time. I also did engineering, so the other grad students in my lab were either from Iran or east asia. There was one Indian guy and me, we became good friends.

I do recognize being white has advantages. I don't really put a huge effort into thinking about it. I just treat everyone with the same common decency and go about my life. Its too bad all these cops can't treat a black guy with any common decency... killing them and getting away with it seems to be an easier thing for them to do.

[steve2470]

35. I grew up in the "old south" (1958-1964) in a 100% white neighborhood....

We had a maid, like many others in our neighborhood, and she was one of the best human beings I have ever known. When Easter died in 1991, I went to her funeral along with my family, and I cried over her. She was like my second mother. Damn, I wish she was still alive. I really do. I get emotional even now thinking about her.

Besides Easter and the other maids, we only had ONE black girl in my elementary school. Back then, I was too young and naive to really understand how odd that was. When I went to junior high school (now called middle school), we had roughly 33% black students in the population. When I went to high school, again, we had roughly 33% black students. When I went to college, it was maybe 20% ? Law school was really bad, maybe 10% ? Grad school was embarassingly bad, maybe 1% ?

The south was 100% racist back then. The n-word was something I heard every week, and sometimes every day. That's why I have such a strong reaction to the word being spelled out, ESPECIALLY IN FREAKING SUBJECT LINES. If you don't get that the n-word is horribly offensive to black people, I don't know what to say to you. I really don't. I am from the south, I KNOW fucking racism when I see it.

At least 50% of the hostility to PBO is based on race, and probably more than that. I know it is. We are definitely still a racist country.

[Kablooie]

38. I grew up in Orange County California.

Nuf said.

[BootinUp]

41. Me too, but that is actually a pretty conservative area.

I credit my parents and the catholic schooling I received for my views.

[ScreamingMeemie]

40. I am 44.

I was born in Milwaukee, WI, have lived in the Carolinas, Syracuse, and I spent most of my adult life in Michigan. At the age of 38, I moved to Texas.

My experiences. In Kindergarten (1975), we had one black student in our school. Her father worked with my father at Schlitz, and we were all transfers from Milwaukee. I remember our teachers not calling us by name but choosing to call us "Yankee Child" instead.

In 1977, I was in New York. My school was 100% white, and I don't remember (from the ages of 7-10) ever even seeing a black person. We moved back to the Milwaukee area (Greendale), and the school I attended was a bit more "diverse." If you call bringing in as many kids as fit on a standard school bus (one school bus) diverse. One of those student became a close friend, and I was ostracized for it (we are still in contact—which is why I can't be "down on facebook" for everything).

In 1980, we moved to Detroit. The suburbs of Detroit; the third ring of the Great White Flight to be exact. Middle class to affluent families. Farm kids. A heavy Italian population and people building and buying the first of the McMansions. 4 black kids in our school from two families. And everyone jokingly said,"Don't go south of 8 Mile." My father would often take us downtown because Detroit has incredible architecture and amazing culture. We would spend weekends on Belle Isle... at a time when our neighbors told us,"Don't go there. It's not 'safe.'" We went. It was safe. The worst act of violence I ever saw while on the urban island was a group of idiotic white teenagers plowing through a family of ducks.

I grew up, got married and settled with my husband in Saint Clair Shores, MI. Demographically speaking, SCS at the time was pretty dang white bread. Sure, black people could live there. On Robeson. And farther north off the city's border in Harrison Twp. But no one actually moved into the "heart" of the city.

It was only after moving south to Houston in 2008 that I came to realize how clinically racist the North can be. Sure, it's not noticeable because it's unspoken or only spoken about among friends. It's "you stay on your side of the road; we'll stay on ours." We will proclaim that we are not racist. It's "easy" to be "not racist" when the sum total of your interaction with black people is seeing one or two every once in awhile and smiling at them in a "see? I'm not racist" way.

Yes, I have seen and heard racism here in Houston. I have also seen people of many races living in the same middle class neighborhoods, building bonds, and forming communities. No, I'm not stupid. I know there are absolute horrors for humans here as well. My friends are my friends, regardless. I am not going to do the "some of my best friends are black people" query part of your post. That always turns me off. Hope you don't mind. Suffice to say, I live in a diverse neighborhood that runs the gamut from normal people to outright RW jerkwads... but they are leaving. They are moving to the Woodlands and farther north. We like that around here.

Interesting off topic: Having not grown up in the South during Jim Crow laws, I had never seen the "remnants" of that time. The year I moved here, we visited Washington on the Brazos (Google it). As we were leaving, we stopped at what looked like a drugstore ca. 1955, only the owner turned it into a diner, leaving the signs etc. in tact. At the back of the store/diner was a little vestibule with a Dutch door. The proprietor told us that was the "Blacks Only" counter for placing orders... That they were not allowed to cross the threshold. To read about it is one thing; to see it is another. He told a story (I'm not sure if it's true) that a man had come in about 10 years before saying,"This is the first time I've ever walked into this store... and I came here every week as a kid for my mom."

On edit: We recently had a break-in in our neighborhood. The resident was shot and killed over a marijuana deal. Most of my neighbors were horrified over the loss of life. Some of my neighbors decided the resident must have been a "renter," and "I wish we could find a way to not let people "rent to those types." The deceased was a 23 year old black man who I used to see walking all the time. I find the "rent to those types" racism a broad-ranging racist issue across the states. In contrast, a few years back a white engineer for the oil companies shot and killed his 8-month pregnant wife in the driveway of their home, in broad daylight, in front of the neighbors (this was the next neighborhood down). That was just a "sad story." They were renters too (oil engineering jobs being somewhat transient). No one mentioned "renting to those types."

In case you are a link-or-it-didn't-happen type:

http://www.chron.com/neighborhood/spring/crime-courts/article/Deadly-home-invasion-in-N-Harris-Co-5839378.php
http://www.chron.com/neighborhood/spring-news/article/Spring-man-charged-in-pregnant-wife-s-death-1607445.php

Sorry for boring y'all if you got this far.

[KingCharlemagne]

42. "African slavery is the defining fact of America." - Um, Native Americans

might beg to disagree, since land theft arguably pre-dated chattel slavery (and was certainly co-terminous with it). But yeah, when Bill Clinton called slavery America's 'original sin,' he came pretty darned close to the mark, imo. The funny thing about 'original sin' (from a Lutheran and Calvinist perspective at least) is that you never get rid of the indelible stain. EVER. Not even reparations, as important and vitally necessary as they might be, can totally remove the stain.

[Shrike47]

43. I grew up in a Los Angeles suburb in the 50's. There were no AA people. There was 1 Chinese kid.

There was a family of Puerto Ricans, I think, whose kids were a little older than me. That was it. The only black person I met before I went to college was our cleaning lady, who cleaned for my mother, aunts and grandmother on different days of the week.

I was able to see how racist we were, however. Probably because I spent a couple of months every year in Mazatlan visiting (Anglo) relatives and got to hear some of the appalling things the touristas said. I remember the mother of a schoolmate of mine saying about the Mexican waiters, 'they're almost as nice as if they were white'. I responded, 'they speak English, you know' . The interchange has haunted me for more than 50 years.

[Mbrow]

44. I'm a 56 year old white guy

I guess I was fortunate enough to grow up as a military brat. I spent my early year all over the place including overseas. (two years in the P.I.). I was also lucky my father had Black friends , which is kind of strange because he grew up in an all white community. I currently work with a lot of people of color, so I guess I'm "acclimatized" to the color thing. We could spend hours on the psychological aspect of racial fears.

[loyalsister]

45. forty something

I grew up in a suburb of KCMO.
I learned recently that the building which housed my kindergarten had been the school for black students before desegregation. Since it was barely 20 years after Brown vs. Board of Education and less than 10 after the civil rights act was passed, it is outrageous that I did not know that until I was in my 40s.

The town was very segregated. There was an area known as n--- town. I rode the school bus that also covered that part of town. It was not at all diverse. I had never met anyone who I knew was Jewish until I was in college.

I became acutely aware of the hate when I was 6. My name is Rene and the only other person in our school who was named Renee was black. A boy who was black stood up for me and finally yelled "why don't you leave people alone!!"

I do have friends of color. I am very close to a family, and spent election night in 2008 with them. I had taped the 2004 DNC speech and gave it to mom. I told her I thought he would be our first black president. The feeling in that room was amazing. Mom is almost 70 and hasn't felt well enough to go to the local events to rally, etc. I have been reporting my experiences back to her. I also have a lot of neighbors who are black who I consider more casual friends.

I most definitely recognize my privilege. My dad learned a trade growing up and was able to build a construction business on the back of his father's. We weren't wealthy but we were comfortable, and I never ever have been afraid of police. I grew up believing I would have plenty of opportunities. It changed a bit when I got older and acquired a disability. But, many things have been and continue to be easier for me than for some of my friends. My disability situation and need for social services, etc is not frowned upon. People don't accuse me of being a freeloader. Most people. that is. I face discrimination and there are some people who have accused me of being a lazy freeloader.

I think my experiences have shaped my relationships with people of color in positive ways. One thing about disability is some of us wind up being the only minority in our families. It is very natural and valuable for me to be able to connect with people who share some of my experiences.
I never took a black history class in college, but I have spent a lot of time reading about it over the past few yrs. I have a friend who keeps recommending relevant books, and I have enjoyed learning more and more.

[MissB]

46. I am in my early 40s.

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest. The town I grew up in was north of Seattle and quite rural. And quite white. Right before we moved into what would be my childhood home, we lived for a year on a reservation. I'd grown up in various parts of rural Washington, but they were all very white rural areas.

I was suddenly the odd white girl, and I think that was a good introduction of race to me. Although we were all going to the same elementary school, the school was very much seeped in Native American traditions. Any parent event at the school included elders and drumming and traditional clothing, etc. It was a good thing to experience as a 2nd grader. It was only for a year, because we built a house not too far away (next town over.)

Right before I was ready for high school, our district finally built the high school. It was finished as I was entering 8th grade, and they moved us up to the new facility because the grade ahead of us - the freshmen- were going to be the first graduating class and the school would be otherwise empty. Our school had an exchange student from an African country (don't remember which one) that year. He was quite literally the first black person I had seen up close and personal. That is how white my world was. There was literally no other person of color in our school.

I moved to Alaska for high school. The school I attended was huge and diverse, having both a large Native population and folks from many other countries.

I still laugh at myself and my upbringing and how very sheltered it was, culturally. As an adult (like 19, so really barely an adult), I moved out of Alaska and back to the PNW. I can remember being shocked that black people had pets. How weird is that reaction? I still laugh at myself for that one.

The big town I live in is still pretty white, but with much more diversity than I grew up with. My kids' school has some diversity. Here are some pretty good conversations happening at the high school now, over Brown and Garner.

To answer your other questions, yes, I have close friends of color (mostly Native American). I work as an engineer and we don't really have a very diverse office. I think it's more due to the town being mostly white. I serve on various interview panels and have yet to see a candidate of color for any of our technical positions. Since the first filter is electronic, I don't know how much is bias, really. It may be more demographics than anything. My fellow engineers and I are talking even more about white privilege. Some really good break time discussions.

[LWolf]

47. Okay.

I was born in 1960. I did not grow up in an integrated place, although my grandparents made sure my life was integrated. They spent time taking care of their friends' kids, and worrying about them being lynched because of their activism. They never worried about that for themselves. Anyway, I spent time with them, and with their black friends' kids, in my very early years.

When my mom moved us to CA in '67, my world became immediately more integrated. Not in the neighborhood, or at school, so much, but in our home, where her friends were found, and her love of jazz became part of my life. She did not include me in HER activist activities; she left me at home where I was "safe," until she deemed me old enough to handle whatever might come my way.

When I was 12, she took me to a women's center to hear Angela Davis speak. When I was 15, she began a relationship with a jazz musician, and his presence in our home and family was solid until his death.

When I was 27, a black friend stood up and defended me from a physical attack by my ex-husband. She was 6' 2", and easily intimidated him. I held her while she sobbed when her son was killed in Germany a few years later.

When I was 30, my best friend from 1967 through today married a black man and bore him 2 children; my god children in spirit, although neither of us follow a faith that formalizes that kind of relationship. Those children are in college today.

Throughout my life, I've lived in integrated and not-so-integrated places. I've had many loved and respected friends, colleagues, professors, students, and other "non-white" people in my life.

I recognize white privilege; it's been obvious. Just as obvious to me as male privilege. I've seen privilege from both sides.

I'm not sure about enabling my life. I know I've spent my life fighting for a more equal playing field for my friends, family, and neighbors of all colors.

[LeftInTX]

48. Female, 58 - military brat

My parents had lots of talks with us. One day, I repeated the N word (that I heard in school) and got my mouth washed out with soap. It was very important to them that we treat others with respect. We were taught the golden rule.

We lived in Japan and didn't have American TV. My mom taught us about MLK along with JFK and showed us pictures of him in Life Magazine.

I'm Armenian, but I'm pale and don't really look Armenian. My last name which sounds a lot like Kardashian was about the most exotic thing about me - LOL

However, I was very small, have a big nose and for while I had the world's worst buck teeth. I was teased for how I looked. It was cruel.

I noticed something odd about the integrated military. Us whites, Asians and Hispanics all hung around together, while the black kids tended to stay in their own groups. Casual dating amongst the groups was OK, unfortunately, it did not extend to AAs.

After my dad retired from the military, we moved to a small town in Wisconsin. There were no minorities. I knew people who had never met a black person. In order to provide diversity our high school brought in a black exchange student from Harlem.

I now live in San Antonio which is a military town.

My husband is Mexican-American. We live in a mixed neighborhood.

My kids went to fairly diverse schools. My daughter was good friends with a wonderful guy name Greg. Greg took her to homecoming, but we didn't know Greg was black until he showed up at the door. This is a testament that my kids have a more diverse experience than myself. Yeah!!!

I am very aware of white privilege. I noticed it when my dad was in the military. He was an officer and almost all of the officers were white.

However, I often go back to the golden rule. It seems simple and I know it won't solve much, but I sure see/hear a lot of whites on the internet/Fox News etc who don't seem to believe in it all.

I think our society is much more integrated than it was in the 60s, however racism still persists.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

49. In 1958 we moved from California to Florida.

I was aware of racism in California, but it home in Florida.

I was on a school bus with only white students, segregation was still the law in Florida. We stopped at a stop and there was an old black man walking by with a cane. The white students leaned out of the window and hurled insults at him. Nigger, Coon, etc and spit at him.

In class one day, the kindly looking, gray haired, bespectacled, lady teacher said something like, "We'll NEVER allow niggers in this school!". That was when desegregation was starting in other states.

It isn't that I hadn't heard the words before, hadn't seen bullying and contempt, in California. It was the sheer hatred and vehemence of it in Florida that awakened me to the fact of the ugliness and ignorance of racism.

[kydo]

50. 48, female, air force brat, navy wife

We moved every four years. Up until Elementary School, I never thought about race, was too young and even when we were in very white places we often went to my mom's family either in between moves or if my dad was on TDY (temp duty) or overseas. My mom is Mexican and she was from San Antonio. My dad is white. So I am a mutt.

In the 2nd grade we moved to Denver and we lived in base housing off base and our next door neighbors were African American, The Robinson's. I became best friends with them. They were also the only black family on that street. When we moved to Montgomery Ala things changed. While we lived on base it was a small base Gunter AF Station and kids were bussed. We were bussed to a Jr High School in the city, Houston Hill JR High right across the street from the stadium the Blue/Grey Collage Football game was played. All black neighbor hood. Us white kids from the base and the white kids bussed in from the trailer park were the minority at this school. Which I didn't realize until we moved to FL.

I never thought of my classmates as black people. They were my friends. I had tons of friends too. When we moved to FL and I started high school that was when I realized my JR high friends were black. I didn't have many black friends in high school, there weren't very many black people in Orange Park FL at the time. Lots of red necks though. And they had Middle School not JR High which I always thought was dumb.

Later I remember my mom talking about when we lived in Ala and how my dad didn't like it that I had to go to a black school.

Personally I am glad I went to Houston Hill JR High School.

That's my story and I am sticking to it.

[Chemisse]

51. I grew up a white girl in rural white areas in the northeast

Which always seemed to have just one black family in town.

My attitude toward racism was shaped by one event. I was perhaps 6 or so and my Sunday School teacher challenged me (and the others) to imagine what it would be like if I woke up the next morning and discovered I was 'colored' (the term used way back then). She said we would be the same people inside, but look different on the outside.

Well I was a very deep-thinking child, and I took this task very seriously. I realized that color was only skin deep. This is an obvious concept (to most of us) as adults, but to grow up with this awareness firmly embedded and to see the world through that lens made me different than many young people.

That said, I was hardly immune from racism that I didn't notice or acknowledge. I remember the prominent "Black is Beautiful" cultural movement in the late 1960s. And I was changed by it. Prior to that, I thought black people were unattractive (I blush to say this, but remember, I was a kid and this was the unspoken message I received in my white communities). But suddenly, looking at the pictures displayed with the motto, men and women with huge afros and amazing cheekbones, I realized it was true!

There is more to my story of course. Historically, it has been adaptive for humans to be suspicious of those who are different from themselves. It's hard-wired into our brains, and it takes work and self-awareness to not let that tendency rule us. I am always trying to blow out the racist little webs from the back corners of my mind.

As we see so vividly, many people don't bother; they are ruled by their primitive brains.

[lumberjack_jeff]

54. 52. From a working-class almost-entirely-white rural community

When I was 16, (1978 or so) the school sent a busload of kids to Seattle to hear a speech by Rev. Jesse Jackson ("I am!.... somebody!&quot We were the only 50 white kids in the Seattle center coliseum among about 10,000 black kids. The speech was great, but the experience was frankly frightening.
I can remember the two-hour bus ride home, thinking about the speech, my reaction, and thinking about how scary and intimidating it must be like for a black kid in a predominantly white setting.
I'm a data-driven kind of guy. I can't look at the differentials in outcomes for black people and white ones and conclude anything other than a systemic bias is at work. Sure, class plays an important role too, but white privilege is real. I also think the problem is fixable.
That said, solutions often look like blame, and the effect of institutional racism does not negate the harm of individually mediated racism (of which both white and black people are susceptible).

[AverageJoe90]

55. Don't really have much of a recollection myself.

I'm a Gen Y kid, grew up in D/FW(east Dallas Co.), and didn't have too many close friends. But I got along with pretty much everybody, and we had a couple of Vietnamese neighbors who were pretty nice. And now I live in a neighborhood that has a fair number of African-American families in it.

Of course, I'll admit that my own life story probably isn't nearly as interesting as some of those posted here, though.