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Sun Dec 7, 2014, 03:07 AM

Was in line at a cash. Two people in

front of me were black. First one bought something little with $10 bill. Cashier asked if they had anything smaller. The woman said no, she needed change. He got a little angry. The next person then asked for change and the owner/cashier said no. He seemed really annoyed the whole time. Dont know if he was being racist. Hes always been exceedingly polite to me. And it got me thinking what it is like to go through life with wounds made of a thousand cuts. And often not being sure if you are facing bias. But knowing such hatred is out there. How woukd you react? I kept my mouth shut this time.

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Reply Was in line at a cash. Two people in (Original post)
applegrove Dec 2014 OP
99th_Monkey Dec 2014 #1
applegrove Dec 2014 #5
99th_Monkey Dec 2014 #15
pacalo Dec 2014 #2
applegrove Dec 2014 #10
helpmetohelpyou Dec 2014 #3
Odin2005 Dec 2014 #4
Quantess Dec 2014 #6
applegrove Dec 2014 #8
WhiteAndNerdy Dec 2014 #7
applegrove Dec 2014 #9
safeinOhio Dec 2014 #11
Nye Bevan Dec 2014 #12
safeinOhio Dec 2014 #14
JI7 Dec 2014 #13
CBGLuthier Dec 2014 #16

Response to applegrove (Original post)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 03:31 AM

1. I don't trust people who are "exceedingly polite"

 

Because I know it's a facade, and wonder what's lurking behind it.

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Response to 99th_Monkey (Reply #1)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 04:36 AM

5. I had a grandmother who was exceedingly

polite. As she aged she had a few ministrokes. She would be quite confused at times. And always polite and gracious. There was no facade. Her sister told me they were brought up to put others first. Nothing hiding there. Even when my grandfather got sick with altzheimers she didnt complain, to a fault. Granted she had a father who was incredibly kind and married a very sweet man. And had two devoted kids. Life was not easy for her as her sweet husband went off to WWll in the infantry when he was 40. He came back wounded. But he did not have ptsd thank god. Maybe she never had a trauma to make her not trust. Thinking of others first was how she went through life. And I think she found it very rewarding. As anyone does. She did have the age of innocense thing going where she knew exactly what was up with everyone but kept it to herself. So it is not as if she was without defence. She was a lover of history too and read voraciously. So it was not as though she was naive. She was a good presbyterian in that she liked to make fun of herself. Which we all inherited. So she had depth. And self knowledge. I guess Im trying to say you cant generalize. Sometimes there is nothing lurking underneath. Except for perhaps a flapper doing the charleston, when nobody is looking.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #5)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 03:30 PM

15. Thank you

 

I love hearing about your grandmother and that my generalization
has exceptions, her being a case in point.

Thanks too for reminding me of the dangers of over-generalizing.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 03:47 AM

2. It could have been that he was short on change at the time

but that's no excuse for his disrespectful attitude. My way of showing disgust at what I'd just witnessed would probably have been to check in my purse to see if I might have the change -- which would most likely annoy the cashier even further.

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Response to pacalo (Reply #2)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 05:09 AM

10. I should have done that.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 03:57 AM

3. Cashiers have a tough job

 

A lot of times they deal with idiots and it could be he just dealt with one a few minutes
before you came in.

He's in a bad mood and the person wants to pay for a small item with a $10

He's maybe running low on change or what ever . So in his mind he thought " great"

another fucking idiot I have to deal with today.

Don't look for racism in everything because sometimes you may see just what you want to see..

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Response to helpmetohelpyou (Reply #3)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 04:15 AM

4. You would enjoy /r/TalesFromRetail over on Reddit.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 04:44 AM

6. Does everything have to be racist now?

This is getting ridiculous.

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Response to Quantess (Reply #6)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 04:57 AM

8. My point exactly. I am primed for racism

because so much talk on the news. Something, I would automatically assume was just a store owner having a bad day if it happened to me, happened. Except Im primed. And even I wonder if it was malicious bias. And what must it be like to be primed all the time. Your whole life. It would be pretty dam hard.

(I am interested in this too because I was stalked and gossiped about maliciously. Store clerks would say I dont find anything wrong with you which would upset and sooth me at the same time. Now have ptsd so the parallels to my own life make me question this ....because I can be very afraid Im not being left alone in my life. And often I am wrong. But often I am right. So it is hard to heal).

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Response to applegrove (Original post)


Response to WhiteAndNerdy (Reply #7)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 05:06 AM

9. I wouldnt have said anything about racism.

I would have said having a bad day? or something like that. I dont accuse people of being something unless Im dam sure they are.

I too have been a cashier. In very, very busy situations and I would never put any stress I am feeling on my customers. Customers are always right. You can say Im sorry but I cant make change for your two dollars. Saying a big fat NO with negative body language is just ignorant. Ive done that job at various places and Ive never been rude.

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Response to applegrove (Reply #9)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 08:20 AM

11. I was a cashier at a gas station

on the third shift a few years ago. I was always nice to everyone. It's tuff making change late at night. You could be fired for having more than a hundred bucks in the till late at night. A few people breaking large bills and one could run out of small bills. I use to tell folks at that point that the only way I can break that is to give you 5 or 10 bucks back in dimes and nickels. That would change their minds.

I was accused of being a racist one time at the store, I'm and old pale male, I reached in my wallet and pulled out my membership card for NAACP and asked to see his. Even if you are not black you can and should support the NAACP and join.

My minor in college was Cultural Anthropology, so here is my out look on "racism". It is not an either, or label. If there is a scale, no one is at the extreme ends of that scale. The best anyone can do is to be aware of that so you can always be self-correcting when you catch yourself moving the wrong direction on that scale.

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Response to safeinOhio (Reply #11)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 10:18 AM

12. How often do you "catch yourself moving in the wrong direction"? (nt)

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Response to Nye Bevan (Reply #12)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 02:52 PM

14. I've been aware of this for more than 40 years,

so, not as often. But I still do. I know I have to work on sexiest thinking more and find myself learning all of the time. Sometimes it is pointed out to us and other times we learn on our own. How often do we prejudge a person based on another person that looks like or has a mannerism that we can tie to another person. The new person is not the other person, so sometimes we have to realize that and sometimes that is not so easy, but we can move in that direction. It is always much easier to form a judgement about another person and not so easy to do that about ourselves.

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 10:21 AM

13. you should have asked for change also

And see if reaction would be different

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Response to applegrove (Original post)

Sun Dec 7, 2014, 03:49 PM

16. One time I was at a Homeland grocery store and the hispanic cashier, he was speaking spanish

to the woman in front of me. I actually had time to reflect that it was great that they employed a bilingual cashier. Right before it was my turn an elderly Vietnamese man with very limited english skills came up and tried to ask the cashier about something. The cashier kind of brushed him off and sent him to a manager and after the man left he made those ching chony type of sounds that racists do when making fun of Asians. In mere minutes I went from liking the cashier to an intense distaste for the man and his very obvious racism.

No, I did not call him out for it but I never got in his line again and I felt I learned something about people. They can really suck and first impressions can be very wrong.

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