Need advice concerning a young adult who is harming himself...

[Earth_First]

Once a month or so, I monitor Facebook account just to keep tabs on the current trends in the emotional roller coaster of our daughter's life. Call it intrusive, call it invasion of privacy, I call it parenting.

At any rate, tonight there was a post one hour ago from an young man who posted an image of his wrist covered in razor blade scars and dripping fresh blood from new cuts.

My daughter spoke with him in the past after seeing the scars in the library one day, and discretely informed a faculty member; I asked her about it and she seems to sound like it went nowhere fast.

Unfortunately this young man lives in a broken home with an addict mother and a missing father, this is the root cause of his problems he tells our daughter.

Long story short, this young man has listed his cell phone number on his Facebook account. Do I call someone, an ambulance, the police? Who?

This breaks my heart seeing this and I need to help, but how?

Thanks!

[Texasgal]

1. Call 911.

This young man needs help. Do not even think about it. Call now!

[EFerrari]

18. No one should ever call 911 without thinking it out first

and especially because you could be calling for an armed response that is as life threatening as the situation you are already dealing with.

[RebelOne]

2. My only suggestion is to contact the school counselor.

Maybe when your daughter informed a faculty member, it was not taken seriously.

[Ian David]

9. What if the faculty of the school is part of the problem?

For example, what if the administrators are bullying him for being gay or being an atheist or something?

I would call the police first, and then also notify the school. I wouldn't wait for the school to do (or not do) anything.

If the kid is a danger to himself or others, he needs to be involuntarily committed for (what is in most states) three days of observation.

[Horse with no Name]

3. Unfortunately he is a threat to himself

and sometimes law enforcement is the ONLY entity that can get him admitted into a place that can help him. I would call 911. Post haste.

Good luck.

[Brickbat]

4. Get him this number. ETA: I strongly discourage you from calling 911.

If you’re not sure where to turn, call the S.A.F.E. Alternatives information line in the U.S. at [phone] for referrals and support for cutting and self-harm.

ETA: People who cut or self-harm in such a way as you've described generally are NOT a threat to themselves, nor are they trying to commit suicide. GENERALLY, they are dealing with strong emotions they don't know how to express, share or process, and self-harming is a way to make themselves "feel" the emotion and feel like they've expressed it.

It's a devastating situation and can be traumatic to see. But GENERALLY, someone who is cutting is self-regulating and self-managing in the only way they know how.

ETA, again: It can be difficult to spot the difference between cutting/self-mutilation, a "fake" suicide attempt that is "a call for help," and a real but failed suicide attempt. From what you have said, and because this has happened more than once, it sounds like cutting to me.

[MineralMan]

14. Good suggestion, Brickbat.

Given what was written in the OP, this sounds like an ongoing thing, rather than a suicide attempt. Help is definitely needed, but 911 probably isn't the best idea at this point.

[Brickbat]

17. I hope it's helpful, and I hope this man gets the help he needs. Cutting is very hard to treat, and

it's also easy to misunderstand.

[nadinbrzezinski]

5. 911 harm himself is the name of this

and he needs help. On the bright side the city SHOULD put him on a 72 hour hold. On the down side, referrals to mental health are spotty at best. I know I am being nice.

[MineralMan]

6. A real dilemma.

Your daughter did the right thing to mention it to someone at the school. What you should do is more unclear, and I'm not sure of the answer.

Someone has suggested 911, but this may not be something they can handle, since it's an ongoing situation. How well does your daughter know this young man? She may be the best contact for him if she knows him well.

I'm not sure where you are, but if you have 211 service in your area, that might be a good place to start. They usually have access to all the resources that may be appropriate. Since this person has been doing this for some time, it's probably a chronic thing, so you can explore the possibilties.

Good luck with this. There's no single right answer, I'm afraid.

[Earth_First]

11. Thank you for understanding this isn't easy for this young man, or us...

or our daughter for that matter.

Calling 911 was my immediate thought, the image I still have in my head is so unbelievably tragic that I couldn't help but almost panic.

After considering this with my wife, and not wanting to make the relationship between this young man and our daughter complicated, after all, she may very well be able to help him, which could be compromised if our alert comes back to her; I think we are leaning towards help from the school guidance/psychologist.

This is so unbelievably difficult...

Thanks, MineralMan

[MineralMan]

13. I understand. Your daughter is apparently aware of his self harm

stuff, since you mentioned that she notified someone at the school some time ago. That would seem to indicate a non-emergency situation. That could be incorrect, but probably is not. If so, there are many options other than calling 911. Some police departments are good at handling stuff like this, and some are terrible at it. They're in the business of dealing with emergencies. Having the police or paramedics show up may not be the right solution and could make matters worse in his household.

I hope you find a way to help this young man. It can be a very difficult process, and he'll have to want it.

I'm an old crisis hotline phone counselor, and this is not an uncommon situation. It may take several tries before the person actually seeks help. It's a very difficult thing.

Edit to add: Give your daughter a big warm hug, too. Her heart really seems to be in the right place.

[aikoaiko]

7. 911, if they don't do anything, then Child Protective Services

CPS may get the root causes quickly.

[MineralMan]

10. The OP said that this is a young adult, so

CPS may not have jurisdiction. 211 will be able to refer this to the appropriate agency. We don't know enough details to really help directly, and it's most likely not an actual suicide attempt, based on what was in the OP. If it's not, 911 won't get involved. In fact, they'll probably suggest calling 211, themselves.

[a la izquierda]

8. He may not be suicidal...

Scars on the wrist do not necessarily indicate suicidal tendencies. I was a case in point (though I didn't cut my wrists, I did slash my forearms and legs). I have friends who did the same things, but were also not suicidal.
Cutting a way to release pain. It is problematic, and an indication that this young man needs some serious help (I sure as hell did).

[riderinthestorm]

12. No advice, just a hug for you and a kick for more exposure....

Awful! Hopefully your big heart and your daughter's compassion can help him.


Edited to add that I hope nobody slams you for checking your daughter's facebook page. I do it too (but my daughter's troubled so there's that) and agree that it's simply good parenting in this day and age.

[LASlibinSC]

15. Good on ya!

Good vibes to you and the young man.

[slackmaster]

16. 911. That behavior could be a symptom of a major psychiatric disorder.

Give the police an opportunity to get him into a mental health care facility, even if it's a facility of last resort.

He's in a toxic environment.

[GoldenOldie]

19. I agree with Brickbat....call S.A.F.E.

They will be best for referrals and advice. Schools do not always have someone able to deal or understanding of mental problems. By calling police, etc., you maybe throwing this young man into a bigger mess than he already is coping with. Calling S.A.F.E. should get you into the right system.

Good for you Mom....I am an elder, who truly believes "it takes a village."

[renate]

20. remind your daughter that it's not her responsibility to fix this

This is a little OT, but your daughter obviously has a compassionate and caring heart and I don't want her to feel as though it's up to her to make this young man's situation better.

I would recommend against calling 911 simply because if this got into his medical records, a diagnosis of depression can really cause problems with his ability to get insurance later; at least, that's what I was taught about 10 years ago (things might be different now but I'd sure be surprised if they changed for the better, at least for adults with pre-existing conditions). I think informing the school counselor is by far the best place to start--that's what he or she is there for, and it's what he or she is trained for.

You and your daughter are sweetie pies.