Romney 'The Green Vegetable The Repubs Have To Eat Before It Gets Its Ice Cream' (Charles P Pierce)
How Romney Should Close the Big Fking Deal
By Charles P. Pierce
Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/mitt-romney-deal-closer-8583199#ixzz1tvhReGZa
.........I don't think Romney spent this kind of money to be treated like the green vegetables the Republican party has to eat before it gets its ice cream. So, one more time, I put on my speechwriting hat — it's a neat little derby, with a green feather — and suggest a possible national address that Willard can give to get himself — and all the goofy runners-up — out of this curious dilemma in which they find themselves. To wit....
I'm Mitt Romney, bitches, and I'm all you've got left.
.........................
I told you this day was coming. I told you that I had enough money to buy every one of the people in the whole damn clown show and still have more than enough left over to buy the wife a few more $990 T-shirts that look like body tattoos. By the way, she looked good in that, didn't she? Let the lefties and the smart eggs in the press corps have their fun. They can laugh all the way to the consignment shop. I've got the cash to keep the wife in clothes that cost more than what most of those scrawny little creeps with their portable internets make in a lifetime because...
I'm Mitt Romney, bitches, and I can buy your world.
...........................
And of course those other bozos are coming around. Newt's on his way to debtor's prison if he's not careful. (Hey, Newt, how's that for a historical remedy? Just kidding. Here's a sawbuck. Go buy the wife something nice at the Gas 'n Sip.) And Bachmann? All I had to do was set my jaw and talk about "liberty" and those eyes of hers went counter-clockwise. (How the hell does she do that, anyway? I wonder if she does kid's parties? One of the grandkids has a birthday coming up.) Did you think they wouldn't come around? Did you think they got to the end of their campaigns, and looked at the bank statements and the letters from the phone companies and the internet providers and the people who made their stupid lawn signs, and didn't think to themselves, "Holy hell, I'm going to be paying this thing off until 20 years after I'm dead."? Sure, they could hock the house and sell a kidney to make the nut, but you don't think it took about eight seconds to dawn on them that I was over here with enough money to retire all their campaign debts? Hell, I've got the dough to settle everyone's campaign debt back to Julius Fking Caesar, and still have enough left over to keep these lightweights out of hock, because,
I'm Mitt Romney, bitches, and I have more money than all your gods.
--
Sources close to the Romney camp have told the blog that the candidate is unlikely to adopt this strategy.
Read more: http://www.esquire.com/blogs/politics/mitt-romney-deal-closer-8583199#ixzz1tvgKUlXo
= new reply since forum marked as read
more like the end result of having eaten a green vegetable ... not usually on a plate (as a friend used to say, "He thinks he's hot shi* on a silver platter, but he's cold diarrhea on a paper plate"
