fellow teacher My mentee (new to teaching-2nd career) found out wife has about a month left to li

[demtenjeep]

Back in October she had lost her voice, they thought common fall allergy/cold but it kept lagging on so doc ran tests.


She has cancer in her lymph nodes and later has spread to her spine and brain. He was told Monday that probably will be a month or less. The man is heartbroken. He told me that his son has removed his guns due to his depression over all of this mess. I can not imagine watching my spouse die. I feel so badly for him that my prayers seem empty. I sponsored a food/card drive back in Jan. He has been teaching off and on =Took most of Jan off then it seemed his wife was responding to treatment so he came back to work and until this week it was easy to forget it all. He said Monday night she fell, couldn't move and couldn't communicate. Hospice came in, set them up with anti-anxiety and morphine and told him they would be lucky to have a month.

As I said, in Jan. I started a food/gift card card shower and that seemed to lift his spirits I pray for them daily and text to let him know we are thinking of him and his family. I just wish there were more I could do. He is falling apart as he watches his world die. What can I do to help?

[shenmue]

1. Mercy

I am so sorry.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear demtenjeep...

Nobody could have done more for this poor man. Stay close, let him know you're there for him and his dying wife, and then follow up.

What an awful situation for all of you. I hope she passes easily and without pain.

[Morely Dotes]

3. Best advice anyone can give...

Just be there for them - so they know they are NOT alone!

-md

[NYC_SKP]

7. That is what I would advise, as well, Morely Dotes.

Just be there for them, and let them grieve as they need to.

[NYC_SKP]

11. It sounds like you're doing all the right things, helping, be there for him.

But also be kind to yourself, be strong but be careful not to feel badly that you can't help.

The passing is a natural thing and you're doing more than 99% of people would do.

Thank you for helping him, and just keep being awesome.

[840high]

14. ...^ that

[craigmatic]

4. Just be there for when he needs you. That's about all you can do.

[demtenjeep]

5. I've been making sure his classroom isn't a wreck every day

and doing his grades and things.


I just wish I could take it all away but I can't. I am a fixer but I can't fix this

[csziggy]

6. Recommend that he talk to the hospice people

The hospice group that helped my family while my father was dying also offered grief counseling for family members for up to a year later. Mom never used it but it was a comfort knowing it was available.

Otherwise, just being there as a friend is the best thing you can do. to you for caring and another to him and his wife.

[demtenjeep]

10. I did tell him he needed to find someone to talk with that had been through this situation

I know also the district sent him to talk to someone.

He is devastated. His wife is/was his life. He told me last week that sometimes he came to work because it helped him forget he was about to be a widow.

Their son says they have really good friends that live on Table Rock Lake and he is going to take his dad to them when the end comes and he is helping his dad plan for the end.

I just feel helpless to do anything.

[AngryAmish]

12. Sometimes all you can do is all you can do.

Last edited Fri Apr 24, 2015, 06:52 AM - Edit history (1)

You sound like a good friend. i have been on the other side. Help, but give them space.

[csziggy]

13. Frankly there is little you can do

His son seems to have a plan and hopefully will help him through it. And good friends like you can be there when he needs you. But he has to deal with the grief on his own terms. If and when he is ready for help from you or from a professional he will do it.

My family has been through three deaths and every one was devastating. Each family member dealt with each death in their own way and we are still having to work through them in different ways. It's hard but people do manage.

[wendylaroux]

8. Yes,just be there,

so important in these circumstances to know you can rely on another human being.
So sad.

[NCarolinawoman]

9. Sounds like he has hardly had time to process it all.

Just do what you are doing. Tell him you will always be there for him--I'm sure he already knows that.

[demtenjeep]

15. yea several times this spring he just comes into my room to cry

and I never feel I do enough. but as you have all said, there really isn't anything I can do

[BlancheSplanchnik]

22. you'd be surprised how much letting him cry will help.

Believe me, that is what he needs from you: a friend who allows him to cry, who doesn't run away from it. You're giving him a precious gift.

[babylonsister]

16. I want you as my friend, sincerely. Thank you

for caring so deeply. You just have to be there, cry and hug and be human. And that's what you do. You are someone to emulate. Thanks for being you.

[sakabatou]

17. :(

[Half-Century Man]

18. One of life's horrible truths

Sometimes it ends badly and all we can do is watch and wait.
All you can do is be there to extend a hand into his darkness , so he knows a lifeline is there.

[Demonaut]

19. just be there

[onecaliberal]

20. I'm sorry. You are an amazing friend.

Hug him and cry with him when he needs it. He will really need you when her time comes to an end. I will pray for you all.

[BobTheSubgenius]

21. I don't know if this will help, but this is what I did.

One of my very closest friends ever had to drop that bombshell on me - although her prognosis was 6 months - and I told her, in so many words, that she needed to tell me what she wanted, and how she wanted me to "be." And that, no matter what, I would be there.

When there is nothing tangible that one can do, what else is there?

I wish I had more to offer.....then and now.

[Liberal_in_LA]

23. rip

[demtenjeep]

24. yea. Thank you

he spent his day starting to clean out dressers and closets. Said he wept like a baby for over an hour