Damnit! The Right Is On To Us. Satan, Mayans, Woman…They’re putting it Together.
Well, maybe not the Mayans yet, but it’s just a matter of time if we don't do something now.
All you feminists, hippies, sluts, liberals and assorted moon-bats have it so easy because guys like me are on the front lines quietly destroying the country. When Mr. Obama came to my group - Satan’s Illuminati - and asked what he could do to destroy marriage, we were there with an answer. “Come out in favor of marriage equality,” we said with no hesitation. A few years ago he and Joe Biden approached us with what they said was, ‘a big fuckin’ deal.’ “We want nothing less than to destroy our entire economic system, and frustrate the Job Creators so much, they just give up on creating jobs… but it can’t be too obvious.” As the head of SI, it’s my prerogative to speak for the group. “Oh, that is a tall order,” I said smiling. “But here’s what you do. Raise the tax rate three percent on the richest one or two percent of the country. Back to 1990’s levels. It will all come tumbling down. The rich will quit working faster than you can say, ‘socialist.’ Trust me on this.” “That’ll work of course, but they’ll see it coming a mile away. Fox News has some pretty sharp people watching our every move,” said the president. “Maybe in the second term.”
What tipped me off to their enlightenment was one Rev. Jesse Lee Paterson announcing that giving women the vote was what is destroying America. “Nothin’ good going to come out of this,” he said. Genius in its simplicity. You see, giving the women the vote was our idea one hundred years ago. Being devotees of both Satan and the Mayans has its advantages. We get to combine the evil power of Satan with the apocalyptic visions of early Mesoamericans. In the early 20th century our group knew we had to bring about our demise by the end of 2012. “What to do?” They thought. Then someone came up with the idea of giving the women the vote. “Perfect!” Everyone exclaimed. “They’ll vote for everything bad, damage the families and if our calculations are correct, it should take about ninety-two years to bring everything down.” If they catch on now, all this work will be for naught.
So, it’s now up to me and my brethren to find out just how much the ‘Real American’s’ know. It was off to a teabagger rally where my worst fears were confirmed almost immediately. I brought with me a cameraman, Dan Savage, Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon, as they are instrumental in getting our message out to the public. We approached a few people who knew a little of what was happening, such as the woman who knew Hitler was a liberal and a man who knew that ‘unemployment benefits is communism!’ But what sent a chill down my spine was a lone man with a sign that read, “Obama is the anti-Christ.’ I approached with trepidation. “How do you know Obama is the anti-Christ?” I asked. “Well,” he answered. “They went into the Bible and they, um, they found the numbers and they… and they proved he’s the anti-Christ…It’s all there.”Damn, Azazel,” I whispered to my cameraman. “He’s on to us!”
So, it’s now the perfect storm. Some are catching on to Obama’s real identity, we have a brilliant preacher exposing our plans to an otherwise ignorant public; and as always, we have Sean Hannity revealing how great torture really is and how much we’ll lose as a country if we give it up. We need your help with keeping a lid on our plans. It may sound cliché, but destroying a country isn’t a spectator’s sport. If you see someone counting in their Bible, run up to them and talk about the weather. If someone asks you, “Hey, how come you don’t love torture?” Deflect by answering, “It’s not that I don’t love torture, it’s just that…Wow did you see American Idol last night?” And if someone points out how damaging it is to allow woman to vote, answer them saying, “But Ann Coulter is a woman.” That should stump them long enough to bring up American Idol once again.
Thanks for your support.
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Love it! 
You've nailed their scripted, dull-witted garbage!
Too bad irony flies over their heads or I'd send this to some I know.
Ya rock, my friend!!
I'll use it. Thanks.
More! More!
Kickety Kick
Project . . . well, you know.
