Have you ever been bullied?

[cynatnite]

My cousin and I were when we were in grade school. I was again in Jr. High school. It was a horrible time for me. The girl taunted and teased me. She hit me more than once. One time in the hallway I snapped and went after her. Luckily, no teacher saw us. I say that because she never bothered me again after I fought back.

So, what is your story? If you'd rather not tell you can vote in the poll.

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[rox63]

1. Starting from about 4th grade

and continuing all the way through high school. It sucked.

[northoftheborder]

2. Nothing that could remotely be considered bullying, but....

....I was very tiny as a child, smaller than anyone else, and my friends were always commenting on how small I was, how small my arms were, wanting to pick me up, and I just hated this. They weren't being mean, but, any kind of commenting to children about their appearance is an unsensitive thing to do. We should educate our children to be empathetic. They are not empathetic just naturally.

[SoutherDem]

3. As a fat gay kid

Daily! Some classes worst than others. P.E. was the worst. I actually passed with a low "D" one year because to participle meant continuously being bullied. I showed up, which gave me enough points to not fail.

[WingDinger]

4. So many bullies called me gay, that it was assumed. Schoolwide.

I hope they didnt think me homophobic, for beating the shit outta them.

[lapislzi]

5. I took it until they started on my friends.

A ghastly slattern of a girl started in on a friend who was gay and stuttered. Girl never knew what hit her, and my friend was safe after that.

The slattern's mother called my mother. My mother listened carefully to the slattern's mother, then put her hand over the phone and asked me what happened. I told her. My mom told the slattern's mother that she was lucky my mom wasn't there and hung up.

[Odin2005]

6. I was the nerdy autistic kid who was constantly emotionally bullied and humiliated.

Nobody did anything about it because most of the bullies were on the football team. The worst was being accused of being gay because I'm not a macho idiot.

I have paranoia issues and likely PTSD because of it.

[invictus]

7. YES

bigtime

[KansDem]

8. Teased, yes. Bullied?...

I had a couple of guys want to "fight me" on separate occasions. I tried to avoid them as long as possible, but when I found myself cornered, I coldcocked them and they left me alone. I don't think they were "bullies" as much as they were just "assholes." But like bullies, assholes will leave you alone if you stand up to them. Coldcocking them seemed to do the trick.

I was teased somewhat from 7th to 11th grade, but I just ignored them. They eventually disappeared...

[MineralMan]

9. Only a few times. I fought back, and it stopped.

[Rittermeister]

33. You must have gone to a kinder, gentler school system than I

Fighting back just meant they had an excuse to beat the crap out of you.

[DiverDave]

102. Same here

big ol galoot started in on me, I took it for awhile then fought back.
Didnt happen again.

[livetohike]

10. Teased until I cried....not sure if that would be called bullying

I'm a redhead, who wore glasses all through school. I was constantly teased about one or the other.

[coalition_unwilling]

43. Um, that was 'bullying' in my book and I'm sorry you had to put with it - n/t

[livetohike]

59. Thanks

When I would tell my parents, they would always say, "You're too sensitive." When I became an elementary teacher, I always put a stop to the teasing among my students, so there was that upside to having experienced it myself.

[coalition_unwilling]

67. I could write a book about parents (father) who dismissed my

feelings.

On behalf of all bullying victims past and present (myself included), I would like to say "thank you" for your efforts to stop the practice.

[livetohike]

74. Thank you

[nadinbrzezinski]

51. Yup that is

[Myrina]

72. Uber-Smart, shy, chubby redhead here ...

I feel ya.

[XanaDUer]

88. I'm sorry

[Flashmann]

11. Yes,I was bullied

Until,in the 8th grade,I snapped,and beat the shit out of the kid bullying me....Like you,I was never bothered again...

[southernyankeebelle]

12. I was a fat kid and always was teased. I tried to blend in and not speak up. I had 1 or 2 friends

and we stuck together. Never got into a fight but teasing was downright just as bad.

My husband told me once this kids always picked on him. He never knew why and one day he wanted to fight my husband and he told him if he had this need to feel superior for wanting to fight him he would stand there and let him beat him up. There was a crowd around them. Well the crowd stood there and the teaser didn't know what to say. So when my husband looked at him again and said well what do you want to do. He stood there and finally my husband walked away. He nevered bothered him again. My husband was very smart.

[coalition_unwilling]

13. Was bullied from 6th grade through my freshman year in high school. Then I, too, snapped and

fought back. Don't remember it happening after that. But it has stayed with me all these years.

[meeksgeek]

14. Oh yes

From about the third grade on. Mostly because I wasn't athletic (mainly due to serious vision problems) but also because I'm reasonably intelligent and not afraid to show it. What else? Oh, being a transplanted "Yankee" in a rural southern school didn't help. I'm not going to go into details, there were so many events to choose from and some of them are not very nice. School was a nightmare for ten solid years, all the way to graduation, even though I did stand up for myself on a number of occasions.

[Zorra]

15. Yes. Many times.

The bullies eventually recovered, physically speaking.

Some of the psychological damage was undoubtedly permanent.

[get the red out]

16. Yes

And assulted by a boy (I'm female) who threatened to break my arm; virtually every day in eighth grade right before English class right in the classroom. Threatened by older girls, taunted by older boys, rocks thrown at me by high school boys, threatened by boys. Called names, filthy pictures drawn of me on the chalk board before class.

I had it good compared to my best friend, who was a boy who was small for his age....I don't know how he lived.

[Worried senior]

17. Yes, I was a fat kid

from divorced parents in the 50's attending a wealthier Catholic school probably on charity.

I didn't so much get bullied except by the nuns but was made fun of and pretty much excluded.

This continued thru high school and even after I lost a good deal of weight I still wasn't accepted.

I know the school years were some of the worst of my life.

I tried very hard to teach my kids that they did not make fun of other people. My oldest son was more like me, didn't have a lot of friends and was the brunt of jokes, that thank goodness has changed but none of my kids were very happy during high school.

It is so sad how so few people can make so many peoples lives miserable.

All you have to do is look around and see how many young people are committing suicide because of bullying. I think the laws have to change so these people pay the price for their hideous actions.

[jobycom]

18. There was one year a group tried to bully me.

I went to a rich private school a couple of years, and there were two main bullies who turned on me and a couple of others. They had a small gang around them, but these were rich kids, so they weren't very physical. I was a poor redneck, so when they tried to get physical, I just stood up to them, and they backed down without a fight. They mostly tried to bully me verbally, and I'm pretty good with words, so that didn't work out for them, either. And I would just admit whatever they claimed. They called me redneck, and I said "Obviously, but I'm smarter than you." They called me gay, and I said "Yep. Wanna kiss?" (It helped that they knew I wasn't gay). They eventually just left me alone, and a couple of their gang actually became my friends instead of theirs. The next year one of the ringleaders left, and the other didn't have much steam on his own. We even became nicer to each other, though we never liked each other.

I used to think that was the secret to handling bullies, and that people who were bullied were just bad at handling it. Arrogant, I know. Then my daughter started getting bullied. They broke her stuff, called her names, sabotaged her meals... they didn't get physical, again because she wouldn't back down, but they made her life hell. Teachers made it better, but couldn't fix everything. The worst was when some kid she didn't know from another class walked up to her at lunch, asked her if she was (her name), and when she said yes, said in a calm voice "I hate you." She cried the rest of the day.

My job let me take afternoons off with her, and I helped her through a lot of it. If she had to go to an afterschool program with these same kids, it would have been unrelenting. I don't know what would have happened. But she saw it as an interruption to her day, more than as a lifestyle. And her mother and I both have a friendship type relationship with her, rather than just the dead parenting I mostly see these days, so she told us about things when we asked. Things got better last year when she went to middle school.

Anyway, yeah she got bullied, and it wasn't just a matter of standing up to them or not letting them hurt you. It was overwhelming to her.

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

19. Many times, but I always fought back even if the bully was older and a lot taller

I didn't take shit from anyone even if it meant getting my ass kicked.

[leveymg]

20. Same here. Nobody bothered me again after I came back a couple years later and decked two of them.

50 more pounds of muscle and contact sports later.

[Speck Tater]

21. Shortest kid in class = easy target for bullies.

Even Randy Newman mocks me publicly and gives ammunition to the bullies in the form of a catchy tune.

[cynatnite]

22. It took me a long time to like him after that song. n/t

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

92. Is it too late to tell you

that song is satire? Or parody? It's certainly not meant to be taken seriously
http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=6188

[cynatnite]

101. I know, but i'm a short person and I was 12 at the time....

So, yeah, I hated it at that age.

[LiberalEsto]

23. I was the skinny girl with eyeglasses and weird hand-me-down clothes

Because I had skipped a grade, I was the youngest and smallest kid in my classes. I was intelligent and non-athletic.
My parents, immigrants from Europe, were strict and authoritarian. This made me easy prey for classmates because I never had the nerve to talk back or fight back. School was hell for me from third grade through 11th, but things let up a bit in senior year.

Being bullied left me extremely timid and meek, afraid to speak up for myself at work, ask for raises and so on. But it also left me with a passionate empathy for underdogs. As a newspaper reporter I frequently wrote about people who were getting screwed by politicians and companies.

At one point I worked for a year for CAP (Center for Assault Prevention) in Maryland, going to elementary schools and preschools to teach kids techniques to protect themselves against bullying and assault. I often wish they had had a program like that when I was a kid.

For more info on CAP: http://www.internationalcap.org/programs_programs.html

[rox63]

24. I was the fat girl with the glasses and the thrift store clothes

I also socially awkward, but kind of a brain on the school work. So they would tease me unmercifully, but they'd also copy off my tests and steal my homework.

Their bullying was mostly non-physical. But it hurt just as much as if they'd broken bones.

[zappaman]

25. Yes and I fought back.

Caught one of the bullies after school, jumped him and beat the shit out of him.
I wasn't bullied again.
Isn't that what you're supposed to do?

[Behind the Aegis]

26. From 4th grade up...

It started with anti-Semitism (I was a "Christ-killer.&quot , and until I graduated high school, I was bullied for allegedly being gay (I was, but I wasn't out, even to myself), my Southern accent (had a teacher who used to ride me about that one), and being part of a military family.

[madokie]

27. As a kid suffering with anxiety I was bullied

somewhere around the 3rd or 4th grade I decided I didn't like this so the first chance I got my bully to myself I whipped his sorry ass. At the time our bathrooms at school were outhouses and I had to go for number 1 and as I was buttoning my pants in walks the bully. He never knew what hit him as I was on him like stink on shit. Needless to say I wasn't bothered by him any more. I left him laying on the ground crying and when he came back to the class room his ol head looked like someone had kicked the living shit out of him. My hands were all red and I noticed the teacher take note of all that but she never said a thing to either of us. I actually surprised myself that I had that in me. Since then when I see someone being bullied I go after the bully with the same intensity I went after my own bully.

[truebrit71]

28. Yes. My parents were well educated and so they spoke "proper" English, not the local dialect..

...so I always got teased for being "posh"....then, just to make matters worse my mom became a much-feared teacher in our village school, boy that was GREAT news for me...didn't get much better when I transferred to another school in another town, there were still a few kids from my village/my mom's school that transferred as well, so a whole new group of bullies began their reign of terror...Then I discovered Rugby and over the course of one summer my fat turned into muscle, and upon returning to school the following year, one of the bullies continued as before...so i kicked his ass...then it all stopped and they left me alone...

The ONLY thing a bully needs as a damned good ass-kicking, preferably in public, so that THEY can be ridiculed and mocked as they pick themselves up off the floor...

[Tracer]

29. Unfortunately, yes.

As a girl in a Catholic high school, I was relentlessly called ugly names by a certain group of boys. These boys even drove one of the nuns to break down in tears in the classroom (she was replaced by a martinet who took no guff).

I took the abuse silently, thinking to respond would only make it worse.

However, I didn't pass that kind of thinking on to my daughter! I remember when she was in 1st or 2nd grade, an older boy started to tease and bully her on her walk home.

She swung at him with her metal lunch box and clocked him smack in the head. That was the end of that kid's bullying!

[davsand]

30. I don't take crap from anybody.

I was born with a cleft lip that left me scarred for life in spite of repeated plastic surgeries. I got called Harelip an awful lot during my early life. When I was younger, I'd just want to curl up and die whenever it happened. Finally, however, I hit a certain point where I finally snapped on a guy who called me harelip one time too many. After that, the abuse tailed off because I'd learned to make it painful for anybody to mess with me.

Maybe my attitude is not the most productive or even the most PC, but I came to it by living through some pretty dark times. We all tell our kids that it gets easier when you get older--that kids are mean to each other--but I'll tell you directly that the crap does continue even into adulthood. The big difference is that as an adult there IS nobody else to stand up for you. There are no teachers, bus drivers, or even parents to step in and defend you. You have GOT to learn how to deal with it on your own. You can curl up and die inside or you can stand up and refuse to play the victims role.

YMMV, but I will not willingly be a victim for anybody.



Laura

[RedCappedBandit]

38. Me too!

I was born with a cleft lip and palate. I didn't really learn to stand up for myself until the end of my senior year in high school. I was picked on relentlessly. I wish I learned to defend myself at a younger age.

I no longer tolerate any such nonsense however. And you're right, 'bullying' doesn't end when you become an adult.

[davsand]

45. A couple of years ago I had a guy in my office who called me a harelip.

This idiot actually looked me dead in the eye and said it. It was a near thing, and I'm pretty sure he never realized just how close he came to the edge with me. I do know that my secretaries were ready to kick the shit out of him in the parking lot once they heard what he'd said, and my male officemate refused to let the guy anyplace near me the next time he came in. It was THAT bad. I'm 50 years old and I work in a government office. I have been sworn at, threatened, sued, and had a knife broken off in my car tire, but that asshole made it to the top of my "greatest hits" list with that one comment.

Yes, the scars are that deep.

People flutter around and proclaim how awful bullies are, but I really think most of the world has NO freaking clue just how deep that pain goes once you've endured it. My 15 year old has had three different friends in the last year that have either been cutting themselves or have threatened suicide. I have to wonder, had I come up in these times would I have felt that same futility? Would I have given up and sought death? I want to hope not, but I still wonder if maybe my toughness is because of when and how I grew up. My attitude is a refusal to just "take" shit anymore--I refuse to give up and let the assholes of this world win. It took a lot to get me here.


Laura

[tabbycat31]

31. Yes

Story of my childhood. I was afraid to go to school from 4th grade to high school graduation. Every time I attempted to fight back (which was hard considering I did not grow until high school) it was me who was the one that got in trouble.

My parents solution was to tell me to suck it up and brush it off only to scream at me when report cards came. The school's solution was to put me in a counseling group with girls with drug problems where I learned if I stayed away from the weed everything would be ok. (I never smoked weed before).

And things at home were not any better. My mom is the type that always likes to entertain, and she always invited friends of hers over, who have kids the same ages as my sister and I. Well those kids would bully me so it's not like I escaped it at home. My mom also just brushed everything off.

[cynatnite]

32. None of us will ever forget. n/t

[unkachuck]

34. I have a theory....

....everyone's bullied, everyone's been bullied....if you're honest, you'll agree....

[radicalliberal]

76. So, bullying is just fine. Well, you're wrong.

Pure baloney.

Heh, you make me want to upchuck, unkachuck.

[unkachuck]

96. "Pure baloney."

"So, bullying is just fine. Well, you're wrong."

"Heh, you make me want to upchuck, unkachuck."

....I wish you'd quit bullying me....

[MrSlayer]

35. Yep, for being too smart, too pretty, too different.

For some reason these things really offended some people. A group of older kids used to chase me home everyday. I would have to strategically plot out my course every day, never going the same way twice. Sometimes they'd catch me, most times they wouldn't but I got tired of it. So what I did was let the lead guy catch up to me and I turned and blasted him, knocked him out cold. Then I started chasing the other six dudes with him, screaming challenges and threatening to kill them all and they all ran away. They never bothered me again after that and gave me respect.

I helped the kid I knocked out get up and get home. My dad gave me twenty bucks.

[jorno67]

36. Yes I have

I mostly was bullied because I was white growing up in a very black neighborhood. It didn't help that we were dirt poor and I had zero athletic ability.
Later in life when I was excelling at my craft I found myself bullying those around who were not as talented. I finally grew up and realized what I was doing and put an end to that.

I am more embarrassed about my time as a bully than my time as a victim, even though I got much worse than what I ever gave out.

[mmonk]

37. No but there were attempts.

I fought back and they eventually would fold.

[treestar]

39. Yes. Very geeky.

Nothing serious. One girl kicked me from behind, sitting in chairs, repeatedly and giggled. Was nice to me about 4 years later. (I went to school with the same kids).

I was naturally a person to be bullied but I will say got very little of it considering.

[Scout]

40. yes, i was verbally bullied a lot.

especially by one boy that rode the bus in high school.

the day he cut in line in front of me and shoved me out of the way, almost knocking me down, and i snapped and punched him was the last time he messed with me.

i nearly got in a fist fight with a boy in jr high, defending a girl he had bullied and she had collapsed into tears. after yelling at each other and almost ready to come to blows an adult man happened along and stopped it.

mostly it was verbal abuse, mocking my clothes, my shoes, the books i read. it came from both boys and girls, and my fucking asshole softball coach. (HA HA you jerk, once i had a real coach, i made the all star team more than once!)

[Edweird]

41. Yep. Started fighting back.

[AsahinaKimi]

47. I broke a bully's nose once...in high school.

I had been taking Kendo for years, and always carried my Shinai, (bamboo sword with string and leather) to Kendo class after school. It was near by my high school. For a few months this guy kept bugging me to see my shinai. I would show it to him, but never let him touch it, as it needed to be in good shape for my matches... and I did not need someone messing with the wrappings. One day, he more than insisted that he wanted to see it, He was going to take it from me. Of course, I told him no, but he tried to grab it from me, till eventually he did grab on.


shinai

I managed to not only release it from his grasp, but to get a single blow to his face, breaking his nose. Fortunately, there were witnesses including a teacher... The teacher called for an ambulance and I was escorted to the principals office. I had received a weeks suspension, and he received one month. Thankfully the teacher knew of my problems with this guy.. and stood up for me.

Later I was instructed to leave my shinai at practice, rather than carrying it to school. My parents were not happy with the suspension but seemed satisfied that the bully got the worst of it. When my Kendo instructor found out about it, he wasn't too happy. He did ask me how I held my hands during the strike and I showed him.. His only reply, once I showed him was... good work.

I know today, I could have found myself with a lawsuit, or even assault charges, but luckily it never came to that...

[rufus dog]

42. when I was six or seven

A kid stopped me and stole my money on the way to the mini mart. Moved away but when I was a senior in HS I had a friend who lived on the street where I was bullied. I described the kid to him and he took me to a kids house was a few years older. I was all set to go nuts and this kid with bruises on his arm comes out, I realized that his dad was probably beating the crap our of him so I just left.

Also I moved to a new school midway though 7th grade. A big kid befriended me on the first day, let me hang out with him at lunch and warned me about the two bad ass brothers who beat everyone up. Now the big kid, Charles, was probably five foot ten, 150 to 160 pounds as a Seventh grader, he had friggen muscle definition so I went home in fear of who the hell these two brother were that could intimidate Charles. The next day I see the two tough kids who were three inches shorter than me, about the same weight, (I was a skinny kid) but had a wiff of facial hair. They came over with a bit of an attitude but nothing major.

As a kid who often had to attend new schools, it is amazing what a minor change, like a new kid, does to the fragile equilibrium of an elementary or Junior High. Anyway this Charles kid and his family were great people, turns out Charles was this amazing physical specimen but his family not so much. His older brother was a book worm, his parents just average Joes and Janes. Charles invited me over for dinner on my first week. Before dinner they made comments about my name and then went over and put on a Steely Dan album and were shocked that I knew the song and the album. (It was Phoenix, AZ 1975, which would make it 1955 in most of the rest of the U.S.) Anyway Charles brought up the brother bullies at dinner and I made some comment that they had been fine the first week He commented that it was not a common week and maybe they were a bit off because of a new kid. I told him that they were smaller than me and I could take out one if he could take out another if they picked on anyone. At this point his father commented that although he told him never to fight, if someone was picking on a family member, a friend or girl then he needed to stand up to the bullies.

Nothing goes down the next week but on a Monday or a Tuesday of the following week we were all out playing kick ball and one of the bully brothers throws a ball point blank at a girl running to first base. He stands over her as she is crying on the ground and I run up and push him. Now I am trying to figure out how to not get my ass kicked, Charles is behind me, the brother is behind the other brother, and I know Charles is going to kick one brothers ass, but I might get my ass kicked. I am trying to talk my way out, in a tough way, telling the kid to apologize to the girl, he is having nothing to do with it and slightly pulls back to punch me which causes me to duck and drive into him with my shoulder.

I am shocked that my quick push from my shoulder has layed the kid out for a microsecond, then I realize he is bleeding from the mouth and his brother is sprinting off the playground to the street. Charles is standing next to me with a red fist and it hits me, being a half a foot taller than all of us he just decked the brother and his other brother ain't going to take an ass whoopin. Now later that year in Little League we learn that the brother's father is an out of control asshole. Charles' dad sits us down after a game and explains to us why sometimes people act like they do and we should always try to understand why someone acts a certain way, and we actually got it.

So, after a long story, I must confess, that either Mitt's father, or mother, was a major fucking asshole.

[magical thyme]

44. I was called ugly, nose, fairy and queer

by my classmates from about age 8 or 9 on. I didn't know what the words fairy or queer meant at the time, but I'm straight. I didn't have many friends.

I also was bullied by my family. I was the youngest and smallest. I was screamed at and shaken by my sisters. They would take my toys away from me and break them. I was screamed at and hit by my mother. When I was 6 or 7, my father pinned me down and started tickling me. I was screaming, sobbing and begging him to stop and he wouldn't. I thought my heart would explode. My mother was screaming at him to stop and he wouldn't. He finally did, and then said he was "just kidding around." He deliberately walked in on me in the bathroom twice, once on the toilet and once in the tub, when I was 10 and 13. He watched me get kicked in the gut by the family horse at point blank range, double-barrel. I dropped like a rock and he stood there laughing. He said it looked funny; he never bothered to check to see if I was all right. When I was 16 he apologized to me. He said it was his fault my face was so ugly, that nobody was ever going to marry me because I was so ugly. When I was 14, I won our church's bazaar lottery -- an all expenses trip to Greece. A member of the church offered $800 for it, but my parents took it away from me and gave it to my sister. She never used it, so they basically threw it away, rather than let me have the money.

Mittens has creeped me out since day one. All that has happened with this latest story is my gut feelings about him are fully validated.

I don't need a president I can "have a beer" with. I do want a president I can respect. I cannot respect Mittens. The more I learn, the more I despise him.

[Marrah_G]

46. Daily

I didn't stop being bullied until I left school.

[ibegurpard]

48. yes. it lives with you forever.

the fact that the bully goes on to dismiss it as "youthful indiscretion" makes me puke.

[Ikonoklast]

49. No. One guy tried to an asshole to me the first week at a new high school, but I fucked his shit up

right there on the spot.

He was supposed to be the toughest defensive varsity football player the school had.

He wasn't so tough.


At the other high school I attended in the city, it wasn't uncommon getting knife pulled on you walking to the bus stop. Had it happen to me.

These suburban kids were laughable.

[LadyHawkAZ]

50. The too-smart shy kid with the coke bottle glasses

Oh, yes.

[nadinbrzezinski]

52. Yup...all the way to High school when I changed schools

When I fought back it didn't stop...and thank the lords, FSM or what have you...that there were witnesses.

[DevonRex]

53. Yes.

I don't talk about it.

[LibDemAlways]

54. By a teacher in high school who, without my knowledge, shared a story I wrote with

one of the kids in the popular crowd. The two of them made fun of and had a good laugh over it. The teacher called it "harmless fun." But it wasn't fun and it wasn't harmless. To this day - over 40 years later - it upsets me to think a teacher would betray my trust and join with one of my peers in mocking me.

There were other assorted mean comments directed toward me over the years, but that incident grated.

[JonLP24]

56. Nothing too major

Some random bullies in Elementary school and early part of Junior High. It pretty much stopped in the 8th grade for me.

[cherish44]

57. My daughter was being bullied by a girl a school

One day they were sitting in the bleachers and the girl who was sitting in the row in front of her started harassing her and tried to grab her. My daughter gave her a boot to the head. Both my daughter and the girl got in trouble for the incident. a few kids told the teachers that the other girl was harassing her and basically started it by grabbing her. But yeah this school has a zero tolerance policy for fighting. I told my daughter try to take the high road when someone tries to start shit but remember where zen ends, ass kicking begins. (Stolen from That 70s Show). PS That girl never bothered her again. Most bullies only like to pick on kids who won't fight back.

[Raine]

58. Yes, I went to a private school with kids whose parents had lots of money

the kids had trendy clothes, all the latest gadgets etc. My parents were middle class and worked hard to send us to that school, they didn't have money for extras. I remember one girl in particular bullied me, called me names, insulted me, spread ugly rumors and turned my friends against me. I never told my parents because I knew what they had sacrificed for me and my brother so we could go there. I was just so glad when I graduated but the feelings of not being good enough still linger. I also feel anger when I think of it.

[nadine_mn]

60. Yes - I was the fat kid, but I also bullied

I teased and was mean to others, I guess it made me feel better to pick on someone else after being picked on and laughed at.

I am not proud of my behavior in the least nor am I making excuses for it. I could be cruel and mean with words.

[annonymous]

61. I was small for my age and wore 2nd hand clothes

The song Short People came out when I was in 9th grade and because I was only 4'9", I was constantly getting taunted with the lyrics to that song. They also did other things like shove me into a locker and make me retrieve dropped items from behind the bleachers because I was the only one small enough to do that. I got sent to the principals office when I called one of my tormenters a cunt but got away with a warning when I told them about the bullying. I went to great lengths to avoid my tormentors like talking to the school custodian to let me in the back entrance so I could avoid the taunting. I never got beaten up because I could outrun most of the bullies. When I started 10th grade, I was 4 inches taller due to a growth spurt so most of the bullying stopped.

[Chorophyll]

62. Yes. And the interesting thing is,

everyone I know who was bullied (including me) was called fag or lesbian even if we were straight (which I am.) There's definitely a connection between bigotry and bullying.

[slackmaster]

63. Even though the things I did are beyond statutes of limitations, I cannot post them

Let's just say that a forceful, unconventional response is sometimes the most effective way of dealing with bad behavior.

[Cave_Johnson]

64. Yup but it helped make me who I am today...

It was a critical point in my development and as much as it sucked, I'm glad it happened because of how I resolved it and grew up.

[cynatnite]

66. So you think you would not be who you are because someone bullied you?

I can't imagine being appreciative of being bullied. It's not character building whatsoever.

[Cave_Johnson]

71. I know I wouldn't be...

I think of that smarmy little bastard from high school when posts like this come up and I realize that I started becoming the aggressive, confident person I am today because I stopped putting up with his BS.

It also gave me the skills to deal with similar people as an adult.

Posture, attitude and a willingness to act go a long way...

[deutsey]

65. When I fought back against a kid who was bullying me

I never had any more problems from him. His cousin was this really big guy named Troy who scared just about everyone. When he confronted me about why I got in a fight with his cousin, I nervously explained to Troy that the kid had been taunting me all week and when he kicked me in the gym locker room, I had enough and went off on him.

Troy just nodded his head, said "Ok," and walked away.

[riderinthestorm]

68. How many DUers know that "fighting back" these days means you are expelled from school?

Seems like post after post on this thread indicates that DUers were bullied and "fought back" and that ended it. Today that means a kid is hauled into the principal's office and suspended or expelled.

If you aren't physically capable of "beating the shit" out of the bully, and bring a weapon like pepper spray or a stun gun, you are expelled.

Let's say you DO "fight off" the bully and they never bother you again, you do know that means the bully started in on someone else right? I'm not judging anyone who did what they had to do to protect themselves but just because you managed to get them off your back, means they moved on to another victim. The problem was never solved, it was simply removed from your orbit.

We need to find solutions that address the root causes of bullying. The toxic culture of violence must be addressed. The meme that surviving bullying (by force or simply by the passage of time) "builds character" must be eradicated from school administrations. Teaching empathy and kindness as part of a daily plan in the earliest days of school.

[Posteritatis]

80. Yeah, more and more schools are explicitly forbidding self-defense

I'm not sure how well those policies would hold up in a courtroom setting - my guess is not at all - but it's upsetting that they feel comfortable trying to implement them in the first place.

I've seen some take the policy far enough to suspend or expel someone for being assaulted, regardless of whether they defend themselves. "It takes two to fight," after all.

That said, there were a few times back in high school - I was there recently enough that the extra-stupid policies were present - that I wish I had taken a swing back at some of the bullies. Sure, I would have gotten punished twice over, but I'd also at least have been able to tell myself I did something.

[riderinthestorm]

91. My niece carries pepper spray to school. She's been mercilessly bullied her entire school career

My heart breaks hearing these stories because I see the ravages of it on the homefront.

She feels more empowered since she started carrying a weapon 2 years ago and understands she'd probably be expelled if she were caught with it (she's graduating in a week so it's a moot point now). I understand the perils associated all around: fight back - get expelled, carry a weapon to defend yourself - get expelled, don't fight back - physical harm, don't fight back - suicide?

The teachers on DU all say "talk to the schools/administrators/other parents etc etc but in my experience that doesn't solve the problem at all (in my niece's case the bullying is really insidious and sneaky and hard to pin on specific people).

Glad you survived. Sometimes that's all you can say....

[HughBeaumont]

93. +1000.

Assault is a fucking crime, adults do absolutely nothing about it and use the cheap term "bullying" to lessen the crime AND the proper punishment for it.

You can't just pick up a pipe, beat a victimizer's ass and expect there to be no repercussions. You'll get sent to jail for that shit and it's likely that the bullying isn't going to stop. That just means another alpha is going to target you, because if there's one thing an alpha hates, it's knowing he ISN'T THE Alpha.

[Lars39]

69. Riding the school bus was horrible.

One day I got off and some idjit threw a rock out the window and broke my glasses. Berserk just about covers my behavior. I vaguely remember pounding and screaming on the school bus door to be let in so I could beat the crap out of whoever did it. Bus driver got to the bottom of it. Bully's parents had to pay for my glasses. Riding the bus was a little less tense after that. I think I scared the shyte out of them because up to that point I had been pretty calm and meek.

[mfcorey1]

70. YES, as a teenager and I still remember the name of the bully. nt

[varelse]

73. Yes, starting in the 1st grade (nt)

[tilsammans]

75. 7th and 8th grade were pure Hell . . .

. . . because of one girl bully and her posse, which included boys. I was scared to death to go to school because they'd gang up on me whenever they had the opportunity. In school, outside of school -- didn't matter.

I was the quiet, brainy, bookish, chubby girl whose parents were much older than the other kids' parents. A big target. My grades dropped, and I started wetting the bed. Horrid. The bullying stopped when the ringleader moved away. But it took me years to recover.

I've encountered bullies as an adult, too. My brother's wife is a royal b*tch and enjoys looking for opportunities to hurl insults and spew vitriol.

The one good thing that came out of these experiences for me was compassion. I'm way more tolerant of others' differences than I might be otherwise.

In other words, being liberal.

[Control-Z]

77. But not by children, to speak of.

It has been mostly by grown men.

[Initech]

78. Yes - through quite a few phases of my life.

I still remember the name of the asshole who bullied me in high school through the worst of it - and I'll never let that one go. I later found out his parents were hardcore republicans who were shilling for Dole in '96 - that pretty much solidified all I needed to know about the republicans at the time.

[LeftyMom]

79. I was a nerdy late bloomer two years younger than her classmates.

Eventually I made enough friends that I wasn't much of a target.

[cliffordu]

81. Yes. At 14, four older boys beat me senseless.

Then at 16 I grew to 180lbs......

And then the ass kicking moved in the other direction.

Before I turned 18, every one of them knew what it was like to be trapped and beaten into begging.

I fucking hate bullies.

[Jamaal510]

82. Yes. All throughout my school years, up until college.

I have Aspergers Syndrome, and I used to get teased in school because of how deep my voice is and how monotoned I sounded when I talk.
I also kept getting told that I have a big head, which I never understood why since I thought everyone's head is around the same size visually. In addition to this, I remember back in the 6th grade when I was teased for wearing tighty-whities, and ever since then, I have worn boxers.
As a result of all the bullying I faced those years, I did not go a single school year without having to "snitch" on someone. And every time I did tell on a bully, I would feel bad about it afterwards because I feared them either wanting to pick a fight afterwards or telling everybody at school that I "snitched", and I would come off as a dork and a wimp.

[Skip Intro]

83. Yes. Wasn't fun. Wasn't scarred. Saw it as a passage.

At least afterwards I saw it that way.

Can't believe I let those idiots put such fear into me.

It shouldn't have been, I shouldn't have had to deal with that, but I did. It happened.

I accepted it as a part of life.

It didn't cripple me.

Doesn't define my life now.

I let go of it.

I'd suggest that to anyone still carrying around some issue in that area let it go and get on with your life.

We're not so fragile we can't move on.

Life is too short not to. How much time do you want to waste on this?

[Posteritatis]

87. Because it's just that easy, right? (nt)

[HughBeaumont]

84. Oh, in HS, constantly.

But don't tell the victim-blaming block here and other places that. "Why didn't you just punch your bullies in the nose like I did? The bullying stopped right away and I lived a happy, confident life afterwards!!!"

Well, amazing for you and all that. Heres how the rules, not the exceptions, work . . . .

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x9323279

On another thread on this sort of line, I actually had an educational employee defending why administrators within the system are pretty much powerless to do anything relating to hard-line prosecution/suspension of bullies . . . something involving lots of red-tape and analysis of behavioral issues. Problem with that is, most kids who are bullies are assaulters and assholes BY CHOICE. This has nothing to do with mental health issues and frankly is insulting to kids who actually DO have them.

[Jennicut]

85. In 10th grade, the worst year of school for me.

By an older girl who was actually 20. She still hadn't gotten through school and was in 10th grade math. Made my life a living hell but then she mercifully passed and I never saw her again. Bullying sucks.

[blueamy66]

86. I was the tallest kid all through elementary school

and I was the girl!

I wore a size 10 shoe by 6th grade. My hair was almost white back then.

BUT, I went to a Catholic school and nobody ever teased me. We were a tight group until HS graduation and even now.

I guess I was lucky.....

on edit: My bro did harass the living hell outta me though.....

[Ilsa]

89. Sure. I was a skinny, new kid in school. I was picked on nearly every day. nt

[Dash87]

90. Yeah - not very much, but I have been.

Entirely behind my back - I've been called every name in the book. I think people are mean to others because they're jealous.

I think I've had a pretty normal experience, though. I look back on it and laugh, and just ignore people that are mean to me behind my back now. Some people were horribly bullied, and are scarred for their entire life.

[Liberal_in_LA]

94. a tiny bit. about age 10, a larger girl focused on me for some reason, would push & hit me. one day

I got fed up and tried to hit her back. Not being much of a fighter, I missed. She stepped back and I swung at air. At that moment the teacher saw us and told me 'Don't do that". The larger girl just looked at me silently and left me alone after that.

So I looked like the bad student in the teacher's eyes but I guess the bully realized I would try to fight back.

[WillyT]

95. Yep... K & R !!!

[bigwillq]

97. No (nt)

[BrownianNotion]

98. Everyone has at some point

Even the bullies.

[jwirr]

99. Yes, but at least once in my life I was the bully. I was also an idiot at the time.

[sakabatou]

100. Yeah, I was bullied. Oddly enough, I actually became friends with him.

[Iggo]

103. Yes.

And I have also been a bully.

[Xyzse]

104. Can't really say

How about, there was an attempt at bullying but I garnered enough of a reputation on beating a senior football player as a freshman that I was left alone during high school(among many other things).

[ieoeja]

105. In freaking college of all places.

My general reaction was, "you've got to be kidding me?!?" But they kept it up for months til I lost my sanity one evening.

Last day of my freshman year I learned that my general reaction was most everybody else's reaction too. They could not conceive of college freshmen behaving in this fashion. Graduating senior told me that day the only reason nobody stepped in to do anything was that everybody thought I was a grad student and decided to defer to me as their elder.

Actually, I don't think the bullying was that mysterious. The lead bully was named "Gay". I'm assuming he decided to pick a target for bullying to preempt any bullying of himself. Which I can understand. Still rather childish.


When I was younger there was a neighborhood guy who certainly beleives he bullied me. He'd tell me to do this or that, I would refuse, he'd knock me down, I'd get up and start questioning him about the whole bullying thing. I have never understood the rationale behind it and was curious. This was repeated quite frequently over the years, sometimes I would even initiate the encounters because I really was trying to understand his thinking. The incidents would always end with him running away from me because I was so weird.

Many years later he ran into me in a bar. Started bragging about how he "terrorized" me when we were kids. I finally shrugged and said, "yeah, you were a real bad ass when you were 15 and I was 10; don't suppose you'd like to give it a go now, would you?" He was laughed out of the bar.

Bragging about being a teenage bully? There are some people I just will never understand.

[Jack Rabbit]

106. Yes

As a full grown man, I'm 5'3" and didn't weigh 100 lbs until after I turned 18.

I'd say it started on the first day of kindergarten when I learned a bunch of new words: shrimp, small fry, midget, runt . . . they were all directed at me with disdain. Needless to say, I didn't like any of these new words.

Physical bullying was less frequent, but it happened. A kid who sat next to me in second grade thought it was good fun to sharpen his pencil and stick it in my back or just pound my on the head. The teacher would solve the problem by getting me to move over one seat, since the bully was seated in the aisle. That got me far enough away from him not to be bothered, but it left me feeling that, since I was the one asked to move, I was the one who did something wrong.

[ProfessorGAC]

107. Nope. And, I Wasn't A Bully Either

I learned fairly early to not take too much and let things escalate, and it never did. Everyone probably takes a little crap from somebody, but i wouldn't call it bullying. Just some teasing to determine hot buttons (i was a pretty small kid in grade school), but never amounted to anything.
GAC

[Tommy_Carcetti]

108. My freshman year at the private high school that I went to for two years

It was technically a Catholic high school, although not overtly religious (no nuns or priests teaching) and a lot of the students there were not actually Catholic but instead simply fuck-ups whose parents sent them there in the hopes it would straighten them out. But my sister had gone there and apparently had a decent experience. And the Catholic labeling for me mislead me--I had a good experience in my CCD classes (Catholic religious education) with my classmates at my home parish, most of whom were all very friendly, sociable and outgoing. So I thought it might offer more to me than the local public high school, tuition was not too outrageous for my parents, so I convinced them to enroll me there.

Bottom line, the place was a hellhole for bullying and cliquish behavior. Most everyone was in various small cliques, all of whom talked horribly about each other behind their backs but smiled to their faces. I decided I didn't want to play along so I disassociated myself from those cliques. The only people I found tolerable were those who seemed to feel likewise; sadly, those were far and few between.

Unfortunately, this was the mid 1990s, right after "Dazed and Confused" had come out. And that movie must have put something into the screwed up heads of the student population, because the non-freshman made it a point to make all the freshmen feel as miserable as possible. (Ironically, from speaking with my friends at the public high school, this was never an issue there. Never). There were stories that the upper classmen would stuff freshmen into trash cans or do other humilating things. I don't know if they were just stories--thankfully that never personally happened to me, but the intimidation factor was there.

And then there was this one student, a sophomore ("young fool", ironic, huh?) named Randy.

To this day, I still cannot figure Randy out. He appeared to be popular and well liked, was a member of the school's basketball team, and always had a cadre of about a half dozen friends walking around him on campus. As God is my witness, I never did anything to upset or anger Randy. I don't think I even spoke to him before. Yet Randy felt the need to single me out, a guy who never did anything wrong to him.

It wasn't anything physical. He never stuffed me in the trash can, tripped me, hit me, none of that. But he did go out of his way to cruelly isolate me. It was a large, spread out campus with various buildings that you had to walk in between. And whenever I would be walking in between classes, he and his gang would be walking the other way and Randy would start calling out my name, making cat-calls and other oddly provocative gestures just to get a rise out of his friends. I'm not exactly sure why. I wasn't gay, nor did I appear gay to others or do anything that might suggest that I was gay. I was, however, shy, quiet and reserved, placid, and because I didn't want to play the clique game I didn't have any close friends at the school. I think Randy just thought of me as an easy punching bag--a victim he could cruelly get a laugh at my expense in front of his friends. I honestly think he was a psychopath, but a charming one at that.

Another possible explanation was that sometimes I would have conversations with some of the cute upper class girls at the school, and maybe he saw me as some sort of threat--the quiet, shy kid gets the girl's attention, and needs to be knocked down a few notches. But that's just speculation on my part.

The worst thing was that even among people at the school who were friendly to me saw this but really didn't see it as a big deal. Some even admitted to me that they thought it was funny, and said, "Oh that's just Randy--he has a huge ego!"

So what did I do? The answer is nothing. I've always considered myself a pacifist, and I had no major desire to get into any fights. Occassionally, I had a few fantasies about fighting back but it didn't go beyond that. It did affect my outward happiness, and I once had a guidance counselor approach me and tell me she heard a rumor I was suicidal. (For the record, nothing of that sort remotely was the case.) However, I didn't want to report Randy's behavior to the school's administrators either, as much as I wanted to. I feared that doing so would make me appear weak, and that if I did that, the bullying would become physical.

Instead, I just kept on thinking, "He'll get his. One day, he'll get his." I believed in karma-type retribution, and that some day Randy would get some sort of payback for his bullying of me (and potentially others).

After my freshman year, Randy's family moved to Arkansas. At that point, I wanted to go back to public school, but part of me felt that such a hasty retreat would mean that Randy won. So I stuck it out through sophomore year--which wasn't as bad thanks to the lack of Randy, but still the whole private school experience was ruined on me. I felt isolated and lonely, and after sophomore year I decided to go back to public school. And it was the greatest decision of my life--the environment there was a total 180, I excelled in academics, connected with old friends, made new friends, went to prom, had the most influential teacher I've ever had, the whole nine yards.

But for years afterwards, I have to admit I was still angry at Randy for his cruel behavior. And I had no interest in forgiving him for his transgressions against me.

Then one day, I was engaging in my occasional passion of looking up on Facebook various people from long ago (yes, Facebook stalking if you want to call it that), and I started to wonder "What did happen to Randy?" So, after a few searches, I finally came across Randy's facebook profile.

Randy had gotten married, had three sons, was still living in Alabama....nothing too out of the ordinary, until I saw continued references to one of his sons on his and his wife's page. Curious, I looked further as to why he was so fixated on talking about that one son. And then I found out: his three year old son (the same age as my daughter) had tragically died in a drowning accident. Randy's Facebook profile picture was him and his now deceased son, as happy father and son.

Now, the cynical part of me would want to say that this was the ultimate payback--that karma or divine retribution had taken place and taken the one most cherished thing out of Randy's life as payback for how he acted towards me and possibly many others years ago.

But I quickly rejected that proposition. Bad karma or divine retribution would be me reading something like Randy had been caught embezlling from his job and being sent to prison, or something along those lines. But this was a man's son who was taken from him, at such a young age. The loss of a child is quite possibly the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone in their lifetime. If God forbid that were to happen with me, I don't even know how I could get out of bed in the morning. It must be a truly hellish situation for anyone who has been through it. I then felt a very deep and very real sense of empathy and sadness for the person who bullied me endlessly my first year of high school.

Needless to say, after reading that, I didn't have much of a desire to see any more wrong come to Randy. As much as I felt how he had made one year of my life felt like a living hell, I realize that my feelings about that situation still couldn't compare to the true living hell of his life knowing he has lost a child.

So Randy, wherever you may be, I have to wish you peace, solace, all the love and enjoyment in the world with your other children, and all the best to you in the remaining years of your life.

[Mad-in-Mo]

109. Started in the 7th grade

when one day I was suddenly, inexplicably, ostracized and ignored by all classmates for months. It was instigated by my then best friend of all people, and didn't quit until she decided I'd had enough several months later. Then in 9th grade a different girl decided I'd wronged her somehow, a mystery to me. She'd get behind me on the stairs and kick me all the way down; poured confetti in my hair at football games, etc. I eventually sent a message via friends to her that I was enjoying the attention and she quit. This was the worst of my treatment, and it is nothing compared to what some kids get. But it was bad enough and I truly suffered, and it was a very long time before I felt like I was a normal human worthy of being a part of things. Bullying definitely sucks.