My grandmother was gay.

[lapislzi]

It took me a long time to figure that out. Although she married a man, her life partner (for whom I'm named) never did. They were close--really close--their entire lives. They took vacations together, spoke on the phone daily, and lived near enough to one another for frequent get-togethers. Aunt Virginia, as I called her, was a real treat. My grandmother used to speak at length of her great beauty (only partly true, but love sees with the heart). There was no question that they loved greatly.

Their relationship was never discussed as anything but a close friendship. What could you do in the 30s and 40s if you were gay? I don't know who knew the truth or how much. As I said, I only figured it out many years later. Did people "get it" and just not say anything? All the people I could ask are dead now.

When my grandpa died, grandma and Virginia moved in together. When Virginia died, she died in my grandmother's arms. Per grandma's request, they are buried together.

Memory believes before knowing remembers. (Faulkner)

Wish I had understood better when I had the chance. But I'm glad I understand now, and that their love contributed to my understanding.

RIP, Louise and Virginia

[hedgehog]

1. I've been wondering about certain relatives,

and wondering if there was some connection between heavy drinking and lives of quiet desperation!

[monmouth]

3. Me too, and one very close to me. How sad...n/t

[cynatnite]

2. What beautiful love they had for each other...

This is such a touching story. It brings tears to my eyes.

Thank you for this.

[lapislzi]

5. It saddens me today to know their love would not have been accepted

And still will not be in many places.

How painful it must have been to see your beloved every day, knowing that you cannot live your love out loud.

My grandmother I'm sure loved my grandfather. He was a good man. But he was not the love of her life.

It was a happy day for grandma when she and Virginia moved into their (one bedroom) apartment together.

[justiceischeap]

4. I think when you hear about the "spinsters" living together

there's a good chance that the reason they were spinsters was because they were lesbians. I can't speak for confirmed bachelors but it would seem the same.

[orleans]

6. bittersweet

i had a great aunt who was a nun--born in the early 1900s or late 1800s (i forget). when she died they sent her prayer book to my grandmother. there was a poem on a small piece of paper inside the book. because i was always writing poetry my grandma gave me the poem and asked me what it meant.

it was a love poem--and not about god or jesus.

there were several veiled "clues" in the poem--and i even got out a map to try and figure out one of the lines.

as it turned out--
my great aunt (the nun) had fallen in love with another nun, and they kept their relationship secret/private. the other nun was finally transfered somewhere else and they were separated. my great aunt was pinning for the love of her life.

it was a beautiful poem--heartbreaking actually--

but how wonderful she had, at least, found someone for a little while to give her heart to.

[SoCalDem]

7. In "those days", every community had the "confirmed bachelors" or "old-maids" who shared a house

These people were probably gay.. they also were often pillars of society, school teachers, nurses, factory workers, ...you name it.. They were invited to Thanksgiving dinners, they babysat the neighborhood kids, they were loved/accepted by their communities.

Humans are social beings, who need affection/companionship etc, and they will always seek it out, find it and preserve it.

As long as they kept the charade going, everyone concerned was accepting.

I have a feeling that many, if not most of those relationships/shared housing situations were not platonic.

It's the coming out that made "the others" uncomfortable, and even though they may have suspected it, they had the luxury of not-knowing for sure, and could pretend that those unmarried among them had just not met the "right person" (of the opposite sex) yet.

As long as the couples lived a lie, and pretended, the others did not have to think about how narrow minded they might really be.

[SidDithers]

8. Thanks for sharing that...

Your post reminded me of a bit from Little Britain, a comedy show from Matt Lucas and David Walliams. Please take this in the good spirit it is intended. Some might choose to be offended by it, but I think it's lampooning stereotypes, not reinforcing them. I'll delete it if DUers think it's in bad taste

Sid

[felix_numinous]

9. Beautiful, it reminds me of quite a few relatives

in past generations--we all have family that are gay--we are all family I wish people would remember that.

[joeybee12]

10. I'm glad she and Virginia are at rest together...knr

[lapislzi]

11. We had a tense moment...

Before Grandma's funeral I couldn't find Virginia's ashes. There was a mad urn-scramble as we turned the house upside down. But...all's well that ends well, and they are doubtless playing pinochle somewhere in the great beyond.