The DUzy Awards for Friday, May 11th, 2012

[The DUzy Awards]

[center][big][big][big]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/big][/big][/big][/center]

Your weekly expo of what tickles the funnybones of DU denizens!

How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in [font color=#800080]purple text[/font], then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in [font color=#FF0000]red italicized text[/font] that’s a comment from me.

All past DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment.


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by kpete
[big] AZ review shows private prisons cost more - So legislature ends the study.[/big]
FRI MAY 04, 2012 AT 03:27 AM PDT
AZ review shows private prisons cost more. So legislature ends the study.
by Mother Mags

If you're a state hellbent on turning corrections over to the for-profit prison industry, what do you do when an annual survey shows that private jails are often more expensive than the old fashioned public variety? Especially if, by law, the state may contract for private prisons only if they prove to be less expensive? Simple, just eliminate that pesky study.

Buried in the $8.6 billion budget proposal passed at the state Capitol this week is a plan to "eliminate the requirement for a quality and cost review of private prison contracts."

It means there would no longer be an annual review of how private prisons operate.
CBS5.com http://www.kpho.com/story/18143695/state-lawmakers-look-to-ease-oversight-on-private-prisons



http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/05/04/1088662/-AZ-review-shows-private-prisons-cost-more-So-legislature-ends-the-study-

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Zorra [/font]
[big] 18. I live in AZ. The state legislators here should be locked up in one of their prisons [/big]
just for being too stupid, ignorant, and evil to have any right to exist.

They are an offense against nature, heinous evolutionary throwbacks who threaten the survival of the human race if their genes get any farther in the gene pool.

It's soooo unbelievable how stupid, corrupt, and inefficient they are. This state is way gone beyond broke, and it was this way even before the banksters collapsed the economy.

A day at the state capitol:

This meeting of the Arizona legislature now called to order:

Grunt. Pffffft. hehheh. Eat! Me eat! bfffft. snort. EAAAT!

Voices in unison: Eat gooood! (Scratching) (Banging on chairs!) Where Pearce? Pearce go home? Eaaaat!

Senator I.B Ready: (Grunt)I propose we rename the State Courthouse after my recently departed brother, JT Ready, who sacrificed his life in the service of our great state by murdering unarmed women and babies who were suspected of being librul Mexican foreigners.

Banging on table, Voices in unison: Yea! JT gooood! Kill!!! Eat!!! Eat gooood!

Motion passed.

Now we go home? Voices in unison: Hooome! Pearce go home? Eaaaat! Beeeeer! TeeeeeVeeee! Teeeeveeee! ooo ooo ooo!

Another highly productive day for conservative members of the AZ legislature.

GD, 4 May, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002643837


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by trumad
[big] Enough with the "doesn't make DU a better place" shit.[/big]
Fuck---is that the new motto for this joint?

Hey---trumad said Douchebag--- and that doesn't make DU a better place.

Hey---Will Pitt told someone in the sports forum that the Yankees suck---hey---that doesn't make DU a better place.

Every post I read lately has that stupid ass saying.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] Ikonoklast
[big] 15. Thou Art Making The DU Sucketh. [/big]
I like a more formal version, myself.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] gkhouston
[big] 28. LOL, we need a graphic of this. [/big]

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Ikonoklast [/font]
[big] 37. How about a poster? [/big]


H&M-D, 5 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124087159


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by goclark
[big] Why don't they show the crowds for Rethugs?[/big]
They always show the enormous crowds for Obama.

I can't recall seeing a crowd making much - if any cheers for Romney and Company.

Sometimes I hear a few Boo's when the name OBAMA is mentioned but that is it.

How many times have you seen the camera focus an interview with someone that attends a Rethug rally?

Just wondering if I'm missing something

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] jberryhill [/font]
[big] 6. Because it would frighten children [/big]


GD, 5 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002648450


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by pepperbear
[big] Bloody Brilliant![/big]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] rocktivity [/font]
[big] 3. Not in a box. Not in a train. Not with my heart. Not with my brain. [/big]
Not in a coat. Not in a slip.
I will not, WILL not, vote for Mitt.

GD, 6 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002650187


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by raccoon
[big] Anyone ever tried mephisto shoes? I saw an ad about them in a women's magazine and[/big]
just now googled them. They are very expensive.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] kenny blankenship [/font]
[big] 1. The money is nothing. In the end they take your sole. [/big]

GD, 7 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002655621


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by charlie and algernon
[big] What's the craziest thing you ever saw at a zoo? I saw an alpha male lion teabag one of the females.[/big]
I went to the National Zoo on Saturday and witnessed the big Alpha Male lion teabag one of the female lions. The female lion was on her back, showing her belly just as any housecat would do. The big alpha male walks up to her and steps right over her face and squats down. That ellicited lots of nervous, uneasy laughter from all the parents, I'm sure all praying that their kids wouldn't ask what the hell was going on. The female lion of course gets pissed at having these two hairy peaches in her face and gets the hell out of there. The male then sat down in her spot with, I gotta say, a look of satisfaction in his face.


That, I gotta say, was the craziest thing I've ever seen at a zoo.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] LynneSin [/font]
[big] 4. I saw a bat masturbate [/big]
it was pretty funny
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] rug
[big] 11. How do bats masturbate? [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] LynneSin [/font]
[big] 14. his lil pee-pee was sticking out and he was using his wing to rub it [/big]
just saying

The Lounge, 7 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018110637


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] LynneSin [/font]
[big] *** gets out her staple gun and posts today's meal in the DU Cafeteria *** [/big]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] CaliforniaPeggy [/font]
[big] 8. Sorry, my diet prohibits my eating small cocks... [/big]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] LynneSin [/font]
[big] 10. Peggy can you IM me your address... [/big]
so my lawyers can send the bill for the new monitor you owe me


The Lounge, 8 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018111285


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] rug [/font]
[big] "Sorry, my diet prohibits my eating small __________..." [/big]
Dinner at the Olive Garden with CaliforniaPeggy for the best answer.

[font color=#FF0000]You judge the answers!!! [/font]

The Lounge, 8 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018111465


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by doh_phooey
[big] Cartoon: Willard Wonka[/big]




[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] aint_no_life_nowhere [/font]
[big] 1. Romney: "Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination" [/big]
Like the alternate universe where he's created jobs, saved the auto industry, and would have captured bin Laden. And where trickle down economics works.

GD, 8 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002661050


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by kpete
[big] Parents arrested for strapping kids to hood of car[/big]
Source: WBRC

Parents arrested for strapping kids to hood of car

Posted: May 08, 2012 10:21 AM PDT
Updated: May 08, 2012 10:22 AM PDT

FORT WAYNE, IN (WPTA/FOX) – Police arrested parents for strapping their four kids to the hood of a car during a liquor run.

Police took the couple into custody Monday after witnesses reported seeing them tie the children to the top of the car in a liquor store parking lot.

The man reportedly drove his kids - ages 4, 5, 6 and 7 - and the woman three blocks to the store.

.............................

All of the children were reportedly unharmed.

Copyright 2012 FOX via WPTA. All rights reserved.

Read more: http://www.myfoxal.com/story/18189904/parents-arrested-for-strapping-kids-to-hood-of-car
____________________________________

http://www.journalgazette.net/article/20120508/LOCAL07/305089969/1002/LOCAL
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/children-strapped-on-car-hood-934127

His ex-girlfriend, and mother of the children, says she's furious and she'll never let the kids see their father again.


http://www.wgntv.com/news/wgntv-fort-wayne-man-charged-driving-drunk-kids-strapped-hood-may8,0,1161380.story

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] CreekDog
[big] 1. Well I know what everyone at DU is thinking [/big]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Enrique [/font]
[big] 2. that this man Romneyed his own kids? [/big]


LBN, 8 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1014116113


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Tx4obama
[big] What the F**K !!! Primary: Federal prisoner (D-WV) running against Obama has 37% of vote so far[/big]

Federal Prisoner Gives Obama A Run For His Money In West Virginia, May Earn Delegates At Convention

Meet Keith Judd — or as some call him, “Inmate No. 11593-051.” He is serving a 210-month sentence at the Beaumont Federal Correctional Institution in Texas for making threats at the University of New Mexico in 1999. Despite that bothersome obstacle, he qualified for the West Virginia Democratic primary ballot and is currently giving President Obama a run for his money, currently racking up 37% of the vote.

-snip-

http://www.mediaite.com/online/federal-prisoner-gives-obama-a-run-for-his-money-in-west-virginia-may-earn-delegates-at-convention/

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] DJ13 [/font]
[big] 7. Look at the bright side [/big]
No one has to worry about him campaigning in other states.



Politics 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/125135828


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by ProSense
[big] Shep Smith: GOP Is On ‘The Wrong Side Of History’ On Gay Marriage (plus RNC statement)[/big]

Shep Smith: GOP Is On ‘The Wrong Side Of History’ On Gay Marriage

Speaking shortly after President Obama announced his endorsement of same-sex marriage, Fox News anchor Shepard Smith suggested that Republicans were on “the wrong side of history” when it comes to the issue.

“I am curious whether you believe in this time of rising debt and medical issues and all the rest, if Republicans would go out on a limb and try to make this a campaign issue while sitting very firmly without much question on the wrong side of history,” he asked reporter Ed Henry.

- more -

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entries/shep-smith-gop-is-on-wrong-side-of

RNC = proud knuckledraggers.

RNC Chair: Obama ‘Played Politics’ On Gay Marriage

Republican National Committee (RNC) Chairman Reince Priebus released the following statement follwing news of Obama’s gay marriage decision:

“While President Obama has played politics on this issue, the Republican Party and our presumptive nominee Mitt Romney have been clear. We support maintaining marriage between one man and one woman and would oppose any attempts to change that,” said RNC Chairman

Reince Priebus.

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entries/rnc-chair-obama-played-politics-on-gay-marriage

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Ian David [/font]
[big] 1. FREE SHEP!!! n/t [/big]

GD, 9 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002665511


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by xchrom
[big] Smallest mammoths found on Crete[/big]
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-18003093

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/60108000/jpg/_60108444_mammuthus_creticu_type_specimen_2_-_copyright_natural_history_museum,_london-1.jpg
The researchers analysed teeth collected on the island

The smallest mammoth ever known to have existed roamed the island of Crete millions of years ago, researchers say.

Adults were roughly the size of a modern baby elephant, standing over a metre tall at the shoulders.

Remains were discovered more than a century ago, but scientists had debated whether the animal was a mammoth or an ancient elephant.

A new analysis of the animal's teeth suggests it falls closer to the mammoth lineage.

Palaeontologists Victoria Herridge and Adrian Lister, from London's Natural History Museum, report their findings in the Royal Society journal Proceedings B.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] tclambert [/font]
3. Small mammoths? They're in the same aisle as jumbo shrimp.

[font color=#FF0000]The Ronco Pocket Mammoth?[/font]

Science, 9 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/12286285


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by iscooterliberally
[big] Orangutans at Miami's Jungle Island use iPads to communicate[/big]
Source: The Miami Herald

By DAVID FISCHER
Associated Press

MIAMI -- The 8-year-old twins love their iPad. They draw, play games and expand their vocabulary. Their family's teenagers also like the hand-held computer tablets, too, but the clan's elders show no interest.

The orangutans at Miami's Jungle Island apparently are just like people when it comes to technology. The park is one of several zoos experimenting with computers and apes, letting its six orangutans use an iPad to communicate and as part of a mental stimulus program. Linda Jacobs, who oversees the program, hopes the devices will eventually help bridge the gap between humans and the endangered apes.

____________________________________

Read more: http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/05/09/2790545/orangutans-at-miami-zoo-use-ipads.html


This is very cool.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] magic59 [/font]
[big] 3. What is next, Planet of the Apes? [/big]
Oh, we already went through that under republican rule during the 80's and 2000's.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] JHB [/font]
[big] 7. Planet of the Apps [/big]
Gotta find out how well the Simianid operating system works. Probably much better for swingers.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] iscooterliberally [/font]
[big]9. I can't wait to 'friend' them on Facebook. [/big]


[font color=#FF0000]One of the twins Tweeted disapproval about the primitive Free Republic layout.[/font]

LBN, 9 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1014117052


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] NNN0LHI [/font]
[big] Romney says its about time Obama took his advice on Marriage Equality [/big]
You just know its coming.

Don

GD, 9 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002666951


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by bluestateguy
[big] Exactly what is the "Homosexual Lobby"?[/big]
I heard that label get thrown around a lot.

????

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] undeterred [/font]
[big] 1. I think you hang out in the Lobby before you are allowed into the Agenda. [/big]


GD, 9 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002667338


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] 20score [/font]
[big] Damnit! The Right Is On To Us. Satan, Mayans, Woman…They’re putting it Together.[/big]
Well, maybe not the Mayans yet, but it’s just a matter of time if we don't do something now.

All you feminists, hippies, sluts, liberals and assorted moon-bats have it so easy because guys like me are on the front lines quietly destroying the country. When Mr. Obama came to my group - Satan’s Illuminati - and asked what he could do to destroy marriage, we were there with an answer. “Come out in favor of marriage equality,” we said with no hesitation. A few years ago he and Joe Biden approached us with what they said was, ‘a big fuckin’ deal.’ “We want nothing less than to destroy our entire economic system, and frustrate the Job Creators so much, they just give up on creating jobs… but it can’t be too obvious.” As the head of SI, it’s my prerogative to speak for the group. “Oh, that is a tall order,” I said smiling. “But here’s what you do. Raise the tax rate three percent on the richest one or two percent of the country. Back to 1990’s levels. It will all come tumbling down. The rich will quit working faster than you can say, ‘socialist.’ Trust me on this.” “That’ll work of course, but they’ll see it coming a mile away. Fox News has some pretty sharp people watching our every move,” said the president. “Maybe in the second term.”

What tipped me off to their enlightenment was one Rev. Jesse Lee Paterson announcing that giving women the vote was what is destroying America. “Nothin’ good going to come out of this,” he said. Genius in its simplicity. You see, giving the women the vote was our idea one hundred years ago. Being devotees of both Satan and the Mayans has its advantages. We get to combine the evil power of Satan with the apocalyptic visions of early Mesoamericans. In the early 20th century our group knew we had to bring about our demise by the end of 2012. “What to do?” They thought. Then someone came up with the idea of giving the women the vote. “Perfect!” Everyone exclaimed. “They’ll vote for everything bad, damage the families and if our calculations are correct, it should take about ninety-two years to bring everything down.” If they catch on now, all this work will be for naught.

So, it’s now up to me and my brethren to find out just how much the ‘Real American’s’ know. It was off to a teabagger rally where my worst fears were confirmed almost immediately. I brought with me a cameraman, Dan Savage, Michael Moore and Susan Sarandon, as they are instrumental in getting our message out to the public. We approached a few people who knew a little of what was happening, such as the woman who knew Hitler was a liberal and a man who knew that ‘unemployment benefits is communism!’ But what sent a chill down my spine was a lone man with a sign that read, “Obama is the anti-Christ.’ I approached with trepidation. “How do you know Obama is the anti-Christ?” I asked. “Well,” he answered. “They went into the Bible and they, um, they found the numbers and they… and they proved he’s the anti-Christ…It’s all there.”Damn, Azazel,” I whispered to my cameraman. “He’s on to us!”

So, it’s now the perfect storm. Some are catching on to Obama’s real identity, we have a brilliant preacher exposing our plans to an otherwise ignorant public; and as always, we have Sean Hannity revealing how great torture really is and how much we’ll lose as a country if we give it up. We need your help with keeping a lid on our plans. It may sound cliché, but destroying a country isn’t a spectator’s sport. If you see someone counting in their Bible, run up to them and talk about the weather. If someone asks you, “Hey, how come you don’t love torture?” Deflect by answering, “It’s not that I don’t love torture, it’s just that…Wow did you see American Idol last night?” And if someone points out how damaging it is to allow woman to vote, answer them saying, “But Ann Coulter is a woman.” That should stump them long enough to bring up American Idol once again.

Thanks for your support.

GD, 10 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002668209


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Doctor_J
[big] I've been banned from LBGT[/big]
I guess this can be done unilaterally. A thread was opened up to rererererererehash MM's gay-bashing from freeperville. I pointed out that this subject has been the topic of a large number of threads already, and was another one really necessary. One of the members called my post disruptive, I said maybe, and I will stop posting in that thread. then I was locked out.

Come on, people. You give Dems a bad name.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] uppityperson [/font]
[big] 49. You know, you don't have to publicly thank Hosts. eom [/big]

H&M-D, 9 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124089022


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] bleever [/font]
[big] "Mitt Romney to announce TWO vice-presidential nominees: Crabbe and Goyle."[/big]
Via Twitter, from Tom the Dancing Bug cartoonist Ruben Bolling.

@RubenBolling Mitt Romney to announce TWO vice-presidential nominees: Crabbe and Goyle.

No question: Mitt is definitely Slytherin.

Politics 2012, 10 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/125136488


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Cali_Democrat
[big] ABC News: Romney camp is reaching out to Romney's old HS friends asking them to offer support[/big]

ABC News has learned that the Romney camp is reaching out to several of Romney's old HS friends to ask them to offer "supporting remarks"

http://twitter.com/#!/EmilyABC/status/200638263126523905

Here's Jon Bershad's take on this:

What? How is that going to be good at all?

Can you imagine the best case scenario here? Romney’s going to pull out some other classmate, presumably some ultra rich guy, who’s going to suddenly go on TV and talk about how his old chum Mittens was just the best. It’ll look awful.

Unless the Romney campaign knows that this story is going to get worse, I just can’t understand why they’re responding to it at all.

http://www.mediaite.com/online/abc-news-hs-friend-accuses-romney-of-lying-over-bullying-incident/

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Rex [/font]
[big] 32. "This one time at yacht camp..." [/big]

[font color=#FF0000]Somehow, when it’s not Alyson Hannigan I don’t what to know what went where![/font]

GD, 10 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002671132


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Scuba [/font]
[big] Crystal Ball: I see grater things coming Scott Walker's way [/big]


Wisconsin Group, 9 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10842471


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by spanone
[big] today's media meme: 'it's a virtual tie'[/big]
bwahahahahahahahaaa



[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] LongTomH [/font]
[big] 2. Duhhh! Somehow my aging brain translated this into "It's a virtual lie" [/big]
Which would also be appropriate!

GD, 7 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002654948


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Amerigo Vespucci
[big] Beach Boys' Bruce Johnston says you're "fucked" if "asshole" Obama gets a second term. Fun Fun Fun![/big]

By Rolling Stone
May 11, 2012 11:55 AM ET
Bruce Johnston
Larry Busacca/Getty Images For The Recording Academy



http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/beach-boys-bruce-johnston-blasts-obama-20120511

The Beach Boys' Bruce Johnston had some heated words for President Obama while signing autographs for fans in New York on May 10th, according to TMZ.

"Obama? Unless you're interested in never having any money," said Johnston in a video clip when asked about the President. Johnston reportedly called Obama "an asshole" and suggested the president was a Socialist, but the exact quotes are hard to decipher from the clip.

Johnston was also unhappy with Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, asking fans, "And who's the Republican asshole? Our guy isn't any good."

He finished with a barb towards a fan expressing support for Obama. "Wait until Obama doesn't have to try anymore," said Johnston. "You're fucked."

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] bigwillq
[big] 1. It's a free country. [/big]
Johnston is free to say what he wants.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] Amerigo Vespucci
[big] 2. Didn't say he wasn't. [/big]
If you think I did, point it out to me. The exact quote.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] Cali_Democrat
[big] 7. Yes you did [/big]
In your post. Somewhere. You did. Have you no shame? Why do you hate freedom?
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Amerigo Vespucci [/font]
[big] 13. OK, you're right, I admit it. Here is the hidden subliminal text I planted in my original post. [/big]
I've beern busted by you and bigwillq...two proud and perceptive Americans.

Beach Boys' Bruce Johnston says you're "fucked" if "asshole" Obama gets a second term. Fun Fun Fun!

By Rolling Stone
May 11, 2012 11:55 AM ET
Bruce Johnston
Larry Busacca/Getty Images For The Recording Academy

[font color=#FF0000] *****BEGIN SUPER-SECRET SUBLIMINAL TEXT HERE*****

Hi, this is Amerigo Vespucci, and this is the portion of the post you CANNOT read UNLESS you are wearing your special DU Super Secret Subliminal Goggles©, or you are simpy SO BRILLIANT and PERCEPTIVE that you can READ and COMPREHEND words that, for the other 99.9% of the population, DO NOT EVEN APPEAR ON THIS PAGE.

YES, I DO have an agenda in this post, and it is to DENY Bruce Johnston his right to FREE SPEECH! It's not the idea that I DISAGREE with him...I just feel like messing with Bruce Johnston. After all, he wrote Barry Manilow's "I Write The Songs," and for that reason alone, he should be denied ALL of his rights.

So please respond to my post CONDEMNING Bruce Johnston as a human being, as a musician, and I PRAY TO GOD bigwillq isn't reading this post, because if there is ANYONE on DU smart and perceptive enough to discover my SUPER SECRET HIDDEN AGENDA, it is bigwillq. If bigwillq sees this thread, I will most vertainly be exposed for the fraud that I am. He truly is SMARTER and more PERCEPTIVE than ALL of us put together.

That is all. Remember to vote for Mitt Romney in November.

*****END SUPER-SECRET SUBLIMINAL TEXT***** [/font]



http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/beach-boys-bruce-johnston-blasts-obama-20120511

The Beach Boys' Bruce Johnston had some heated words for President Obama while signing autographs for fans in New York on May 10th, according to TMZ.

"Obama? Unless you're interested in never having any money," said Johnston in a video clip when asked about the President. Johnston reportedly called Obama "an asshole" and suggested the president was a Socialist, but the exact quotes are hard to decipher from the clip.

Johnston was also unhappy with Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, asking fans, "And who's the Republican asshole? Our guy isn't any good."

He finished with a barb towards a fan expressing support for Obama. "Wait until Obama doesn't have to try anymore," said Johnston. "You're fucked."

GD, May 11, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002675644


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Hissyspit
[big] The Top 8 Ways To Be 'Traditionally Married' According To The Bible[/big]
May 11 2012

The Top 8 Ways To Be 'Traditionally Married' According To The Bible

I don't think "traditional marriage" means what you think it means.

Adam Mordecai



[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] JoePhilly [/font]
[big] 3. Hallmark could make a FORTUNE on Wedding cards!!!!! [/big]
For example ...

We know that losing your husband was hard. But praise be to God, for giving you your husband's brother, a man who's genetic material is actually quite similar to that of your husband.

And so Congratulations to you, your brother-in-law / new husband, with our hope that the children you conceive look at least a little like your husband ... the dead one.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Proud Public Servant [/font]
[big] 7. Hallmark cards generally rhyme [/big]
I'm sure that it was quite a blow
When hubby passed away,
Without a child or two, you know,
To help you grieve that day.

How lucky, then, that our Good Book
Has just the thing for you:
Another man for whom you'll cook
And clean and sew and screw.

I know that you still miss your beau;
That's why you need another.
And lucky you -- what do you know! --
This next one is his brother!

Congrats on you forced engagement!

GD, 11 May 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002676021


Thanks to: coalition_unwilling, gkhouston, Scuba, hootinholler, Ikonoklast, Curmudgeoness, CaliforniaPeggy, kag, meow2u3, Tx4obama, grantcart, scarletwoman, gateley, pinboy3niner, eridani, Vanje, rocktivity, Arugula Latte, countryjake, and myrna minx!


Wow, May 9th was a hell of a day on DU, wasn’t it?

Done in time for Saturday morning bagels and coffee after a night of introducing my new girlfriend to my parents!
-Krispos42

[krispos42]

1. Whew! Another one under the belt! n/t

[TBF]

2. Wow, you fit a lot in last night -

hope the dinner went well

[HappyMe]

3. k&r

[pinto]

4. Hi krispos, hope the meet 'n greet went well.

Thanks for the DUzies...

[krispos42]

15. My mom's a social worker...

...talking is her profession! The men (Dad and I) just enjoyed our food.

[pacalo]

5. Amerigo's post is AWESOME!

[countryjake]

16. Agreed!

I had only skimmed his original post, cause I already knew what an ass Bruce Johnston was, but I about crapped my britches laughing after I saw that Super-Secret Subliminal Text!

[gateley]

17. I swear it had me in tears! nt

[surrealAmerican]

6. k & r

[hootinholler]

7. So the kids are calling it "my parents" these days?

Nice Job Krispos, now where the hell are the bagels?

[krispos42]

8. "bagels"

That's also what kids are calling it these days...

[hootinholler]

10. Good to know

It totally explains the funny look I got when I asked for a bagel with Cream Cheese...

[krispos42]

14. Just don't ask for a bagel with a pearl necklace...

[ellisonz]

9. K & R

[CaliforniaPeggy]

11. Yay!

I *finally* got a DUzy!

Even if I did have to nominate myself, lol!




Great job, as always!

[coalition_unwilling]

12. Must have new monitor for the couple who

Romneyed (Romnied?) their kids.

[dixiegrrrrl]

13. It took you all night to introduce your girlfriend to your parents?

I demand pics.!

[Tx4obama]

18. Rec and KICK! Someone forgot to put the DUzy OP on the front page :( n/t

[eridani]

19. We DEMAND our DUzy OP in the front page! n/t

[Union Scribe]

20. Is it only me, when scrolling the DUzies,

who thinks for a second they're being summoned for jury duty?

Awesome funny, as usual Krispos

[scarletwoman]

21. I don't understand how it would take a whole night to introduce your girlfriend to your parents.

Does she have a really long name?

[krispos42]

22. We go for the heraldic format

I have a long scroll with a complete timeline on it of her life, as well as at least 12 generations of her ancestors. It reads like one of those books in the Bible full of "begats"

[scarletwoman]

23. Very good! Was there a trumpet fanfare to start it all off?

[krispos42]

24. Of course!

[scarletwoman]

25. That's... um... quite... er... impressive...

Terry Gilliam - always in good taste...

[rocktivity]

30. DUzy candidate!

rocktivity

[uppityperson]

26. I'd like to nominate this post for a DUZY. A Duzy in the duzys?

Duzy!

[scarletwoman]

27. That would probably be too meta,

Last edited Mon May 14, 2012, 07:24 AM - Edit history (1)

and might disturb the space-time continuum by creating a mobius vortex, or something...

*I* wouldn't want to responsible for that - would you?

[grantcart]

28. Thou did not sucketh.

[countryjake]

29. kickety