Nicole Arbour argues fat people deserve to be shamed in YouTube rant; offends everyone

[Blue_Adept]

Remember that youtube is where the next generation of "reality stars" are coming from. There are some good ones out there to be sure, but also realize that a lot of kids/teens soak up a whole lot of this material from various personalities.

Last week, she posted a video called ‘Dear Fat People’. On her Facebook page, she captioned it: ‘This is what we’ve all wanted to say to fat people’. The controversial clip led to her YouTube account being temporarily suspended, following a backlash led by other social media stars.

Nicole begins the six minute rant by saying ‘Fat shaming is not a thing. Fat people made that up. ‘That’s the race card with no race.’ She mimics: “Yeah, but I couldn’t fit into a store. That’s discrimination”. Uh no. That means you are too fat, and you should stop eating.’


She qualifies that she’s not talking about people who have a ‘little cushion for the pushing’ or people with specific health conditions, but rather the ’35 per cent of North Americans who are obese’.

‘If we offend you so much that that you lose weight, I’m okay with that,’ she argues. ‘You are killing yourself.’ She also goes on to mock body positive hashtags on social media, saying:’If you really think enough of you hashtag something bad for you, it makes it okay?’

linkage

Some interesting discussions do come out of things like this, especially the whole body image issue across the board, whether humor can work in all situations (or in particular ways) and about the validity of "x"-shaming, which has been rising alongside trigger warnings and other social media tags in the last few years.

All I can say, as a terribly obese person myself, is that what she says doesn't work for me. In fact, it can actually make me feel pretty fucking lousy. At my worst, I was at 434 lbs and my doc telling me I had to make changes or I'd be dead in a year. I ended up losing 170lbs without surgery and a hell of a lot of hard work. But hey, I'd still be shamed by someone like Arbour because even down to 270, I got an immense amount of grief and shaming by other people and that sent me into a spiral - while I was feeling good about myself.

Hence ending up back at 375 again earlier this summer. Took it under control again and lost another 30lbs since June through all sorts of changes.

Words have power and our lack of ability to know what other people are going through should caution us about what we see - in person and online.

Fucking empathy, people. fucking empathy.

[pinebox]

1. She's an idjit

And she more than likely just blacklisted herself from a lot of gigs. When you go deep and don't have enough air, you tend to drown. Open mouth, insert food and kiss your career wedersehen!

You & I are in the same boat, I've lost 240 pounds thus far and still have more to go and that's without surgery.

[Blue_Adept]

2. I'm doing my best to avoid surgery

Sometimes you fall off the wagon and I ended up doing that pretty hard after some really terrible stuff happened, which was piled on by the negativity of others. It can all build, to be sure, and that shame spiral can last a long time.

Good luck on the loss though! Just losing the 30 I did over the summer has been a solid change mentally and physically. I want to get back down to where I was before and then get further. People like this idiot doesn't help though. Impacts me little now but I know just how bad it can impact others because of what I went through.

[pinebox]

4. You need...

a very good support system. I'm quite fortunate and although my doctors have recommended gastric, I said "no", at least for now unless I'm unable to do it. So far though I am. Atkins helps a great deal. It's a commitment and one that takes time but the rewards are rather amazing.

[Blue_Adept]

10. It definitely helps

Everyone needs different things. I don't get a lot of outward support or comments from family and being a work-from-home kind of guy means I'm largely in a bubble, so it all comes down to willpower.

I'm doing my damndest to avoid surgery.

[roguevalley]

44. Get a book called 'The Plan'. It teaches about inflammation and how to rework your brain

around weight. It saved me and I got 35 pounds off with it. I also came to understand that my weight was just a number which allowed me to see what and where I was on the path. Exercise is key, my darlings. Even if you start slow, start. Walking did it for me.

[roguevalley]

43. I have walked off 120 pounds over five years. It went on slow, it came off slow. She's a stupid

tool. I give NO PASSES to 'comedians' who believe they have the right to attack people for any reason. I loathed Joan Rivers at the end for her rants on race and women and her ugly insults to people, fat, looks, you name it. Somehow, if you say you're a comedian you can carve up people. I'm sure this drek nozzle will use the same label to excuse her horrible bullshit. A pox on her.

[Drahthaardogs]

50. She is not even funny.

I do not know how she was labeled a comedian, but it is really pushing the definition. She sucks.

[DawgHouse]

3. Damn, she is a horrible person. nt

[Oneironaut]

5. Her comments are stupid, but I really don't care.

What are we supposed to do now? Send a torch and pitchfork mob after her for making a stupid video? Whatever happened to ignoring dumb comments? Does everything need to inspire outrage now?

[kcr]

41. Perhaps you don't care because you aren't the target

The problem with ignoring behavior like that is it it is a form of approval. If no one shows their disapproval, it goes on and the victims keep suffering such treatment. And even if you are, why should others who aren't okay with it have to keep putting up with it just because you're okay with it? It isn't okay and people should speak up about it. It's how some people learn not to be assholes, and there's nothing wrong with confronting it.

[Oneironaut]

45. What you say is true, but I also object to the current internet trend of,

"Someone did something stupid. That's our target! Go! Go!" People should be able to voice their disapproval without forming an Internet mob. More often than not, people who are angry end up acting just as stupid.

[kcr]

47. Oh, well

That seems to be trendy now to complain about mob justice on the internet. It gets a bit old shrug of the shoulders from me.

[1939]

6. Back around 1949

an entertainer named Arthur Godfrey recorded a popular song called the "Too Fat Polka" and it shot up the charts. The poor little girls in my fifth grade class who were on the chubby side would be surrounded by a ring of boys singing the chorus "I don't want her, you can have her, she's too fat for me".

Please don't look for it on You Tube as you might be disturbed by what you find..

[treestar]

7. I've heard that

the one I heard had a verse where another man says "she's just right for me" so that softened it up a bit.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

26. Arthur Godfrey was a grade A bastard.

Read about him. He was a real POS.
And he was somewhat before my time.

[MoonRiver]

13. Do you remember "Fatty, fatty, two by four..."

I won't post the rest of the insult because it is too offensive. However, some hideous little boys loved to sing it to an extremely fat girl in my elementary school. I felt very sorry for her. She was treated like a pariah by almost everybody because of her weight. I am thin, have been for most of my life, aside from a lot of weight gained during pregnancy, but it's possible to have empathy for others, even if we haven't experienced their pain.

[1939]

22. It goes across cultures

My wife grew up in Cholon (Saigon's Chinatown). She said was she was little and they saw an overweight young couple, they would run along behind then chanting words that meant "a couple of pork buns".

[MoonRiver]

24. When my daughter was 3, I almost died from embarrassment.

We were waiting for a university bus to get to her daycare and me to my classes, when a very overweight woman started walking toward us. As she got close to us, she smiled at my beautiful little girl. Then my child said "Mommy look at that fat lady!" OMG, I felt beyond horrible. The smile immediately faded from the poor woman's face as she sadly walked by. Of course, afterward, I told my child that one shouldn't say bad things about other people, but the deed was done. It is one of those terrible life events I'll never forget.

[1939]

46. When I was a kid

I had just seen Snow White. My mother took me to the downtown department store. When the elevator door opened, there were a pair of Catholic sisters in the full old fashioned habits which covered them in black except for their face and a ribbon of white just above the forehead. I screamed, "I don't want to go in there with those old witches!" My mother must have really been embarrassed.

[MoonRiver]

49. I'm sure she was!

[treestar]

8. when people are thin and have never been fat

it seems so simple to them. You ate too much, period. They don't understand how it can happen.

[whatthehey]

9. I'm obese too. Such crap doesn't mean shit to me either way

The whole fat shaming concept only works if you think being fat is something shameful. It's no more shameful to me than being white or bearded or brown haired. It's just a descriptor, no more. Why would anybody care about a stranger's opinion, especially an opinion that definitively pegs that stranger as a vapid, shallow image-obssessed moron? Not I for sure.

[Blue_Adept]

11. Because everyone is different?

Some people are just wired different than you are, and have had different experiences, that things like this - and the wave of comments that follows - can be devastating.

[whatthehey]

12. Sure, but can't I be different too?

[kcr]

42. Just because someone feels ashamed doesn't mean the asshole doing the shaming has a valid point.

I don't think being fat is anything to be ashamed of. But fat shamers should not be given a pass.

[DirkGently]

14. Obesity is a condition; being an asshole is a choice.

I've tried to imagine what's going on in the minds of people who feel the need to complain about or mock others for being overweight, or who obsess over their conviction that "It's simple -- just eat less."

My guess is that these are people trying hard to feel superior and don't have a lot of grounds to do it other than the rather un-amazing accomplishment of being thinner than someone else.

Everyone's got something they are working on about themselves, or struggling with. If it were easy to have 100% of our personal acts together, everyone would be perfect, and that pretty obviously is not the case. The fact that physical fitness or body mass or whatever is visible doesn't somehow make it fair game to attack.

What is fair game is people being vicious and willfully stupid. Like this person you mention.

Please don't let this person represent the human race in your mind. Most people are not like this.

[Blue_Adept]

15. I used to believe this.

Please don't let this person represent the human race in your mind. Most people are not like this.

But as we see more and more when the shackles of society are cast off and people go online and rant - especially through videos or facebook pages with their real names, we see that more people are like this than we thought.

[CrispyQ]

17. Sadly, I agree with you, Blue.

Anonymity does not bring out the best in many folks.

Add to that a culture that glorifies bad behavior. We do it all the time. Jerry Springer - go on TV & throw a temper tantrum & get your 15 minutes of fame. Sports stars are some of the worst behaved, highly rewarded individuals in our culture - but as long as you can throw a ball, who cares? My husband works with men who don't care if sports stars rape women as long as they're good on the field/court.

Part of having a decent society is having decent standards & our standards have been dropping for a long time, now & I think the 'everything for profit' mentality that has gripped us, is a big part of the problem.

Greed - imo, the worst of the 7 deadly sins.

[CrispyQ]

16. I was the fittest fat girl you ever saw.

50 pounds over weight & I worked out like a fiend. I'd walk 2 miles 5 times a week, lifted weights & did stretching. After 4 years & 0 weight loss I finally said fuck it & only gained 8 pounds. Two years later I went off birth control pills & damn, I lost 45 pounds in 2 months! At one point my husband wanted me to go to a doctor cuz it was so fast, but I felt fine.

I think back & am amazed at how many comments I tolerated about my weight, the most common being, "You'd be a pretty girl if you'd lose some weight." I always wanted to respond with, "And you'd be a nice person if you weren't such an asshole."

[mnhtnbb]

20. "And you'd be a nice person if you weren't such an asshole."

Oh, I love that line.

[WinkyDink]

18. They just don't get the sympathy that anorexics do.

[Marrah_G]

19. Who care what some little twit says?

[Orrex]

21. She throws a weird curveball near the end

She asserts that she's doing this video for selfish reasons, because she wants people to be around for a long time, rather than succumbing to obesity-related health issues.

Taken at face value, I guess it's a sort of "tough love" ploy, but it really comes across as "I'm beating you to prove how much I love you."


A week ago, no one had ever heard of her.

[meow2u3]

25. Assholes always use "tough love" to justify their abuse

I have news for you, fat bashers. I see right through your fake concern as the abusive bigotry it is.

[Orrex]

36. ^^That. All of that.

I had a serious "eureka" moment about 25 years ago. I was sitting on a bus across from an enormously overweight man who was about my height, and it suddenly occurred to me that his skeleton is more or less the same size as mine.

In that moment I felt a "sameness" that I hadn't experienced previously, in part because I'd never known anyone of that size before. But that simple (and in retrospect obvious) realization eliminated the "fat person" caricature as fair game for ridicule.

Baby steps...

[Bettie]

30. Her "tough love" is a crock

of concern trolling.

You cannot tell anyone's health status by looking at them. Fat does not equal unhealthy, just like thin doesn't equal healthy.

She is simply attention-seeking, because her mother didn't teach her proper manners.

[Orrex]

38. I concur (nt)

[Waiting For Everyman]

23. I care less than zip what somebody says.

Why should I care what they think, I care what I think. I define who I am, nobody else does. It doesn't matter what they say, and it doesn't matter what they accept or like.

Being a redhead, I discovered that truth as a little kid and throughout my life it has saved me from wasting a lot of time in the pointless neurotic head trips created by others, that I watched so many people get sucked into. Being offended is exactly that, it's playing along with a negative-attention-seeking game -- why give it the payoff they want? Indifference is what hurts them the most.

I say, be what you decide is cool to be and more often than not, people are drawn to you, you don't have to follow them and cater to their imposed "standards". It's true. It's human nature. Some people are going to like you and some won't no matter what you do. Don't worry about the ones who don't like you, think of them as background like wallpaper. Focus on the ones who "get" you, they're your people. The rest don't matter. Nobody is liked by everybody.

Btw, nitwits like this one in the OP feel even freer to ridicule thin people ("you're anorexic!&quot . It's open season on them because it's played off as a backhanded compliment. It isn't, it's just as nasty as slamming anybody else. I am intensely repulsed by people who enjoy tearing others down as a "tactic". In real life, I can usually make it backfire on them in a way that they don't soon forget. Sometimes online too.

Yes, empathy is a good thing. But don't depend on it. Don't let others' lack of it cost you.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents for today (for any who may need to hear it right now, or just want to).

[cwydro]

29. One of my favorite songs!

Thank you for reminding me of it!

[Waiting For Everyman]

40. So glad

you liked it, cwydro!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

27. They're convinced you're lazy and just don't get enough exercise and eat too much.

It's not that simple.

A lot of people have metabolic problems like dead thyroids, messed up adrenals and polycystic ovary syndrome, just to name 3 off the top of my head.

[SwissTony]

33. I used to have a colleague who was massively overweight.

Turned out I knew her a little as a kid. I'd forgotten that until we talked about where we'd lived etc.

I was also good friends with her husband. We were snorkelling buddies, chess buddies, fellow goofballs. I spent many holidays with them. She ate almost nothing. She was reasonably active. Enjoyed some lengthy walks. Couldn't lose an ounce. her husband and I ate like kings and drank beer and cola like it was going out of fashion. Didn't affect us.

My sister in law was the exact opposite. She was a perfectly beautiful woman who just wanted to gain a few pounds to obtain a "fuller" figure. She'd manage to put on a pound or two, then she'd get a sniffle and it would disappear.

Yeah, metabolism is tricky. In both directions.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

34. There are millions of people who are mistreated or undiagnosed with thyroid problems. Mostly women.

They are fat, tired, exhausted, grumpy and mad because their doctors don't listen. Doc just says "You're depressed" and writes them a scrip for an SSRI (antidepressant) when what they really need is thyroid hormone.

Further reading: http://thyroid.about.com

www.stopthethyroidmadness.com

Google: Mary Shomon, Thyroid Advocate

That should get people started.

When I was a kid I got shamed and yelled at at the dinner table for not eating their crappy food. All the time I heard "You are gonna starve to death! You don't eat enough to keep a bird alive!" I refused to eat the big helpings they tried to make me eat. I listened to my body. They were determined to make sure I had an eating disorder and ignored my body signals. I still have a healthy relationship with food. I eat till I am full and then I stop. It's pretty simple. Still one of my hot buttons. I am a super taster and have several food allergies.

Was I fat then? No. I'm fat now. And I still eat very little. I went to a weight loss doctor and was put on a very low calorie diet. I did not lose much weight because your body goes into starvation mode when you restrict calories. And I realized I was starving. So I stopped that diet.

[cwydro]

28. This is what annoyed me when people decided to jump on that idiot, Kim Davis,

for her weight.

Sure, shame her for her refusing to do the job she is paid to do, but leave off the fat shaming.

Really bothers me that so many on DU piled on the fat shaming of that bigoted fool.

[closeupready]

31. Suburban airhead who watches too much TV.

Never heard of her before, and I doubt she'll ever accomplish anything.

[Eleanors38]

32. Two observations concerning this Nicole Whatever's remarks...

This is part of the upsurge in murder-mouthing which is taking place everywhere, esp. when celebrities are involved. tRump is the master at it, but any number of others are in on the punking as it is the latest way to garner vast quantities of attention, coverage, show-deals, etc. Expect a lot more of it.

The other more salient observation: "Shaming" as a tactic of social persuasion does not work; in fact, it feeds into the whole phenomenon above. Shaming is a kind of corollary to using hypocrisy as a social tactic. That doesn't work with a vengeance.

[hatrack]

35. Who the hell is Nicole Arbour?

[ScreamingMeemie]

37. Who?

And that's all I have to say about that.

[Shandris]

39. What I don't get are the people who think mockery is fine when it suits their...

...purposes, but understand just how evil it is when it's applied in a manner that doesn't affect them directly or politically.

Either you (generic 'you') think this kind of thing is perfectly fine and morally equivalent to, as one poster in another thread noted, 'defending against swiftboating', or you think it's vile and are (likely) a decent human being.

Pick one.

[KamaAina]

48. And just who in the Sam Hill is Nicole Arbour?