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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsThe Rude Pundit - Dick Cheney: "We're All Gonna Die (Except Me)"
So it was that today, the sewage blob that can take the shape of a man known as "Dick Cheney," who was once the Vice President of the United States, undulated to the lectern at the American Enterprise Insititute (motto: "Allowing fecal goo a platform for years" and spewed its diseased combination of apocalyptic madness and paranoia, promising Armageddon should the Iran nuclear pact go into effect.
Despite the fact that Cheney is the one who swatted at phantoms with the full force of the U.S. military, even when told that phantoms don't exist, he insisted, with no evidence at all, that Iran wants to blow up the United States: "With the removal of restrictions on Irans ballistic missile program, this agreement will give Iran the means to launch a nuclear attack on the U.S. homeland. I know of no nation in history that has agreed to guarantee that the means of its own destruction will be in the hands of another nation, particularly one that is hostile. What President Obama is asking the United States Congress to do is unique historically and dangerously unique. The results may be catastrophic."
Other than saying the exact opposite of what the deal actually does, one would have to ask, "What the fuck are you talking about, Dick?" Put aside that if Iran were to "launch a nuclear attack," it would immediately be turned into a large glass parking lot by the full force of our terrifying arsenal and that Iran seems more inclined to want to rejoin the world than fulfill some mass suicide pact. Cheney goes farther than anyone has gone in describing the threat of a nuclear Iran. Usually, it's just "Israel, man, Israel," and that's enough of a whistle to make all the hawk dogs come runnning.
But now Cheney ups the motherfucking ante: You will be nuked by Iran if this agreement goes forward. Your shit will be made radioactive. Your children will burn. (Secretly, Cheney has always masturbated to images of scarred and screaming children. The more chemical the burns, the better. He clicks through the photos by degrees, intensely smacking his Dick dick until he reaches to-the-bone fourth degree and, "Sweet Jesus, thank you for the gift of phosphorus," he cries as he climaxes and blows out his own white powder. When the Code Pink protesters today interrupted by calling him a "war criminal," not only did it not shake Cheney even a little - it made him get hard. Hell, he almost told them to keep chanting so he could go home and commit a few atrocities on Lynne.)
The reactions are as expected from the left and from the rational: Cheney is delusional. Cheney is a liar. Yes, yes, of course, to all of it. But he doesn't care. All that matters is that Cheney justify his madness in the tones of an Old Testament prophet, carrying on about gods that are destroyers of worlds, in order to counter any of the pussies from the old team, like that traitorous black prick, Colin Powell, from incriminating him any further than he already has been.
Cheney is our American cockroach. He will continue to exist unless we actively crush him.
http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/2015/09/dick-cheney-were-all-gonna-die-except-me.html
Blus4u
(608 posts)... That only the Rude One can adequately express it!
And it pleases me to be able to do it first!
Peace, to all EXCEPT, Dick Cheney
liberal N proud
(60,332 posts)Because he doesn't seem to be phased when called out on his lies in this one.
Even FOX News would let him perpetuate a lie last week but it didn't stop him from continuing to go after new ones.
He may have a mental condition that puts him in another dimension.
deutsey
(20,166 posts)Erich Bloodaxe BSN
(14,733 posts)he had obviously never met Dick Cheney. When that day comes, humanity will be elevated.
IDemo
(16,926 posts)He never met Will Rogers."
-James McMurtry - "For All I Know"
geek tragedy
(68,868 posts)lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)mnhtnbb
(31,374 posts)He does just keep reappearing, doesn't he? And he does make you want to
call an exterminator!
PS: Agent Mike, it's just a joke.
LuvNewcastle
(16,834 posts)gives us extra imagery. Best to read his column while high.