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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsCharles Pierce: The clown car parks itself at the Reagan Library tonight
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You have to take this seriously because, as I said, through law and custom, we've arranged things so that we only have two political parties from which to choose. (As I said last time around, I know Jill Stein. I like Jill Stein. Jill Stein does not lead an actual political party.) So one of these people will have a 50-50 shot at becoming the next leader of the free world. The smart money is saying that this is a big night for Jeb (!), who has to show that he can "stand up" to Donald Trump, who is a thoroughly ridiculous man who gave a thoroughly ridiculous speech from the deck of a battleship on Tuesday night. The problem is that Jeb (!) is a guy who waltzes through his political life as though he's on the first of three free introductory lessons at an Arthur Murray School of Dance. Every time he takes to a stage, I look down to see if there are little footprints painted on the floor. The other contestant said to need a strong performance on Wednesday night is Scott Walker, the goggle-eyed homunculus hired by Koch Industries to manage their Midwest subsidiary formerly known as the state of Wisconsin. In the last debate, Walker appeared to be heavily medicated. He has spent the weeks since then watching his poll numbers dissolve, so he's recently returned to his go-to move openly promising to bring back the days of non-unionized employment and the Pinkertons, sailing us all happily up the river again to lay siege to the Homestead works together.
The problem for all of them is that running against a charlatan like the Libidinous Visitor requires a high talent for improvisation, because you truly cannot predict to what you might have to respond from one minute to the next. (One recalls the (perhaps) apocryphal memo from the 1972 Muskie campaign, cited by the late Hunter Thompson, "Under no circumstances should The Candidate be required to think on his feet." Running against someone who is likely to say anything requires the ability to say almost anything in return without seeming to be as nutty as your opponent is. None of these people have that natural talent, nor have they shown in any way that their staffs are able to coach them up to the task. It will be interesting to see if anyone tries. My money's on Carly Fiorina, if that matters a damn, although if Chris Christie decides to out-bellow Trump, that would be entertaining, too.
As to the issues, well, you know where we're going there. Affordable Care Act, bad. Seal the borders! Climate change? What the hell is that, anyway? Jeb! will shill for his newfound faith in the supply-side hoodoo. (Does every member of the Bush family have to swear fealty to this nonsense? Is this a charge that Poppy laid upon all of his descendants back when he accepted the VP slot back in '80?) Walker will pine for the days of the breaker boys. Rubio and Aqua Buddha will grope for relevance and fall inches short of it. Cruz will conduct a tri-lingual exorcism to see if he can rid the hall of the spirits of Spitz Channell and Manucher Ghorbanifar. And all of them will condemn the Iran deal. Appeasement! Munich! Neville Chamberlain. And they will do so in a shrine dedicated to the one president who went out of his way to sell sophisticated weaponry to the Islamic Republic of Iran. This will occur to practically nobody in the hall, but we've got ourselves a show now, kids. We certainly have that.
http://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/news/a37982/all-republican-candidates-horrible/
daleanime
(17,796 posts)Faux pas
(14,643 posts)he tells it like it is, warts and all.
hifiguy
(33,688 posts)What could possibly be more appropriate?
And, as per usual, Charlie smacks it over the Green Monster and into the streets around Fenway.
A sensible country would arrange for a platoon of white trucks with padded interiors and enough guys with butterfly nets to round up and haul away the lot of the loonies - off to the place where the nuts hunt the squirrels.
bullwinkle428
(20,628 posts)octoberlib
(14,971 posts)Marie Marie
(9,999 posts)DrBulldog
(841 posts). . . why do they always leave so much shit in the ring when they're done?
Boomerproud
(7,938 posts)I would like someone to start a drinking game tonite (someone who can stand to watch CNN) and take a shot every time one of the Klowns says the name "Ronald Reagan" and acts like they are 1) going to genuflect or 2) having an orgasm.
4lbs
(6,824 posts)spanone
(135,776 posts)nichomachus
(12,754 posts)He says one of these asshats will have a 50-50 shot at being president. I don't think so. I'm betting that the GOP will trot out a surprise candidate at some point to present as the "sane" alternative. It could be Mitt 2.0 or someone else. But I don't think they want to go into the general election with one of these jagoffs.
meow2u3
(24,757 posts)A Tex-Mex Joe McCarthy! ROFLMAO!!!