Teachable moment gone viral

[kpete]

WED SEP 23, 2015 AT 04:01 PM PDT
Teachable moment gone viral
by rserven


Liv Hnilicka is a Minneapolis waitress. She shared a story on Facebook on Sunday that has gone viral.

This afternoon I was at my waitressing job on a beautiful early fall afternoon. Two parents and their young daughter came in; the tall burly dad adorably scratching his back on the door as they walked in. As I was filling the water station, he came up to me and said, "My daughter just asked if you were a boy or a girl. I didn't want to speak for you so would you like to talk to her?" I nervously said yes and walked to their table. "Hi, I like your hair ribbon," I said. "I heard you asked if I was a boy or girl. I think the important thing to remember is that everyone can be anything they want to be in this world. And it's also important to try to be the best selves we can be for our family and friends. And even to strangers. So to answer your question, I was told that I was a boy when I was little and now I live my adult life as a girl. It sounds complicated but it's actually pretty simple. Do you have any questions for me?" She looked at me smiling and simply said, "Nope!"

I walked away from the table feeling really good about parents intentionally engaging their children about possibly difficult topics. And showing that giving people the power to voice their truths in this complicated world is beautiful and healing.

Way to go, mom and dads out there making space for transfolks/gnc people like me. ❤

(Also I made this post public in case you want to share it with parents you may know.)

--Liv Hnilicka

https://www.facebook.com/stevehnilicka?fref=nf

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2015/09/23/1424048/-Teachable-moment-gone-viral
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trans-waitress-child_560180d6e4b08820d91a3ecf?utm_hp_ref=transgender

[Brickbat]

1. That's great that she was willing to be a teachable moment.

A better answer might have been, "Does it matter?"

[elehhhhna]

2. I don't like this. Asking a stranger what sex they are is fucked up.

Way to give tall women another fucking complex.

Do they also ask obese women if they're pregnant? You know, "... because my entitled toddler was wondering? "

What the ever loving fuck? No!

[Brickbat]

3. Exactly.

Some people are willing to talk about it. Some aren't. It's the same with people with obvious physical handicaps. They have no obligation to be a "teaching moment." As I say, a better response to the toddler would be, "Does it matter?" or "Why does it matter?" or "Is that our business?"

[elehhhhna]

4. You said it better than I can. Thank you.

[Brickbat]

5. You said it with more passion than I did.

Thank YOU.

[csziggy]

6. The father did not ask - the child did

And children get to live under different rules since they are learning about the world.

Frankly I think the father handled it correctly. He did not ask, he did not make assumptions. He simply asked the waitress if she were willing to answer his child's question. If she had not been willing, all she had to do was to say no.

Instead she contributed a little more understanding to the world. I can't see that as a bad thing.

[elehhhhna]

8. Seriously? Reread the story. Think a minute.

What if she was a bio woman? Wth? Teach your own kid, dad. Liv was gracious but if liv wasn't trans this could have gone sideways really fast.

My kid wants to know if you're pregnant or just fat. My kid wants to know what's up with your missing leg, melted face, your confusing skin color


I need to get off du now for awhile. Geez.

[csziggy]

9. "I didn't want to speak for you so would you like to talk to her?"

All the father asked was if she would talk to the child. He did not ask anything else. The writer of the story could have said no.

The way the story is written the child never asked the writer either. The father had set it up, but the only question ever asked was if she would talk to the child, according to what is told in the story.

[elehhhhna]

11. "My daughter just asked if you're a boy or a girl..."

Missed that part, huh?

Totally out of line.

Totally.

[csziggy]

12. No - as I said the father set it up

But how would you prefer that a parent deal with this? Should he have told his daughter whatever he thought about the waitress's physical and sexual orientation? Maybe he has a bias but doesn't want to inflict it on his child.

I have no investment in this other than appreciating the level of openess of the writer of the piece in the Op. I'm glad she was willing to educate the child. It seems you think she should have told the father, "Fuck you." and let him tell the child whatever he felt like after that rebuff. I'm sure he would have been very informative on the subject.

I'm done with this.

[Omaha Steve]

7. Liv didn't mind

Then I sure as hell don't.

K&R!

OS

[lobodons]

10. shame on the dad

Dad should not have approached the server that way. Should have just told his kid looks like we should have gone to hooters. My bad.